Chapter 18 Lena
LENA
Icollapse onto Rem’s face. I can’t stop shaking, my orgasm pulsing in the tips of my fingers and toes. My ears keep ringing.
Rem gathers me in his arms before I drop to the floor. He murmurs in Italian, brushes my hair from my face as he carries me into his ensuite bathroom. “Get yourself cleaned up, beautiful. Then we need to have a little chat.” He brushes a kiss across my forehead and leaves me to do as I’m told.
A pit opens in my stomach as I watch Rem walk away, broad shoulders tight with tension.
He’s pissed. I get it. Bianca and I were supposed to spend the day here; instead, we were almost shot in a parking garage. I’m not stupid enough to think that the toe-curling orgasm he just gave me is Rem’s way of saying I’m forgiven.
No, that was him exerting his power. And, God help me, I wanted him to rule over me.
To use his will to shut my brain off after everything that’s happened today.
I didn’t expect him to drop to his knees, like a supplicant before his God, but damn am I addicted to how he worships me.
How he seems to know what my body wants before I do.
How he can touch me in ways that sends my temperature soaring, how he can make me wet with just the intensity in his eyes.
I turn on the shower, setting the water cooler than usual. It stings when I get under the spray. I need to cool off. To clear my head.
Getting addicted to Rem is dangerous.
He is an apex predator, through and through. That part’s been clear since the night we first crossed paths. The king of this jungle, his law the only one to live by. A fact I’m sensing is about to be hammered home.
I’ve barely gotten the conditioner through my hair when, through the glass shower door, I see Rem stalk back into the bathroom. He’s changed into dark sweatpants and a white t-shirt that strains around his heavy biceps, revealing the ink that curls down the length of both arms.
He stands outside the shower and watches me, eyes hooded, as I rinse out the conditioner. I notice his hair is damp. He must’ve showered in another bathroom.
His erection is gone too…and for a second my mind, which has become so unruly recently, conjures up an image of Rem stroking himself in the shower.
Eyes closed, head back, forearm flexing as he fucks his own fist. Water streaming down his muscled chest as his abs clench.
Legs parted, thick thighs straining, his ass utterly bitable as he works himself almost viciously.
His cock jerking. His mouth opening. His lips forming my name as he—
“Time to get out.” Rem shuts off the water, abruptly bursting my little fantasy. “Here.” He shoves a towel inside the steamy shower and I take it, burying my face in the thick cotton.
“I have clothes for you on the bed. Get dressed, then we’re going to talk.”
Five minutes later I’m wearing a new pair of sweats (this time in my size), a sweatshirt that might actually be made of cashmere, and the fuzziest, happiest socks I’ve ever had.
I try to ignore the fact that the sweatshirt is yellow, the same yellow as my favorite sweater that was mutilated and left abandoned in my apartment.
There’s no way Rem could’ve noticed I how much I like the color. No way.
“Sit.” Rem waves me toward an overstuffed chair in the corner of his room. Once I’m seated, a wool blanket tucked around my legs, Rem starts to pace. “We’re going to have some fucking ground rules.”
I want to protest, if on principle alone, but the man looks frustrated enough to tear someone’s head off, so I keep quiet for the moment.
“That’s three times in three days, Lena. You’ve been attacked or threatened three times in three days. Is the seriousness of this situation finally starting to sink in?”
I pull the blanket tighter but still can’t repress a shiver. “Yes.”
My one word of agreement trips Rem up. He stops pacing, looks at me. I look back. “I’m not an idiot, Rem. I know I’m in some serious trouble, even if I have no idea why.”
“We’re going to figure it out, Lena. I promise you that.”
I nod, wanting to believe him.
“And then I’m going to annihilate whoever is trying to hurt you.”
I must show some sign of shock because Rem strides closer, hands on his narrow hips as he looks down at me. “That’s a given, Lena. You’re mine now, and I’ll kill anyone who tries to take you from me.”
His eyes flick to the engagement ring on my finger.
Other than my passing thought to pawn it, I haven’t considered taking it off.
Haven’t even tried. Maybe because the stress of the past few days has broken the rational part of my brain.
Maybe because I don’t hate that, when I catch it glinting out of the corner of my eye, I feel like Rem is close by.
Maybe because I’m terrified of what will happen if I do take it off, if I reject the only concrete tie I have to the one person who makes me feel safe.
Even when he’s stalking the room like a lion about to attack.
All the same, I can’t ignore the fact that, deep down, I’m unsettled by Rem staking his claim in such explicit terms. I can’t forget that he appeared in my life out of nowhere on the same night someone shot up my apartment.
On the same day my aunt was killed and her house exploded.
He and I are linked in ways I don’t understand, a connection that feels both dangerous and determined by fate.
Rem is so serious, his gorgeous face set with determination and a brutal honesty.
He will kill to protect me.
He’s already put his life in danger to keep me safe.
It’s obvious that Johnny trusts Rem. Bianca does, too. And he’s done nothing but come to my aid, again and again.
Still, I can’t stop the flare of anxiety when he says, “But you need to follow my rules, Lena. That’s the only way this works.”
“Rules. Such as?”
“No leaving. You are to stay in this apartment at all times.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious.” Rem braces his hands on the arms of the chair, caging me in. “I have highly trained guards at every point of entry and all the windows are bulletproof. This is the most luxurious safe house you’ll ever find, bella. There are far worse places to be locked up.”
“But I’ll still be locked up.” I’ve never been claustrophobic, but the walls feel like they are pushing against me. Gilded or not, a cage is a cage. “I can’t. I can’t stay here all the time. I have a job, Rem. I have to go to work.”
Our faces are only a foot apart. Rem’s eyes narrow just a fraction, but I catch it. And the emotion buried in them. Suspicion.
“No,” he says.
“Yes. It’s my job. I can’t just never go back.”
“What about your job is so important you need to risk your life for it?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Irritated, I push at his shoulders. He doesn’t budge. “How about the main reason why people do their jobs? Because they need money. I need to make money, Rem. That’s why I work.”
“I’ll give you money.”
“What—?” I push against his shoulders harder and Rem steps back. His expression is troubled, like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle with a piece missing. “You can’t just give me money.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s, that’s—” I flounder, not knowing which answer to pick. That it’s weird? Inappropriate? Not something I want between us? “Just, no. I’m not taking your money.”
Rem’s frown deepens. “Many women would just say yes, take the cash, and go online shopping.”
I get up from the chair, tired of being loomed over. “I don’t know what other women would or wouldn’t do. And it doesn’t matter, because I am not taking your money. I’m working.”
Even though I’m standing, Rem still towers over me.
He uses his body as a weapon in conversation, a physical force to drive home his point.
And he’s not backing off this one. “Why that job, Lena?” His voice has taken on a rougher edge, snagging on this specific part of our conversation.
“What about that job is so special you won’t give it up? ”
Because it was my way into a new life. Working at the symphony put me in the path of the people I needed to know, the ones that only the wealthy and privileged music students from my college were invited to meet, never us lowly scholarship kids.
That job was how I got my name on the audition list, how I finally managed to get a chance to show them I’m good enough to join the orchestra. It was how I was going to finally, finally have a real shot at starting a career as a professional violinist.
Except, I missed the audition because I was watching my aunt’s house burn to the ground.
And I can’t even think about playing, not since my violin was destroyed by whoever turned over my apartment.
That dream, like everything else in my life, has gone up in smoke and gunfire.
I don’t say any of that to Rem. Instead, I confess something that feels even more secret.
“Because right now that job is the last part of my normal life still standing. It’s the one way I have to earn money.
And money is freedom. And because this”—I wave my arm in the tight space between us— “isn’t forever.
You might want to keep me safe and in your life for now, but I have to be able to look out for myself when I’m back to being all alone.
Money in my bank account is the best way I can think of to do that.
So, I’m keeping my job, Rem. It’s that simple. ”
Rem captures my hand, the one wearing his ring, and uses it to pull me closer.
He doesn’t touch me anywhere else, but it feels like he’s anchoring me to the earth when my nerves are strung so tight I might spin away.
“I won’t abandon you, Lena. I’m not going to abandon you.
I won’t leave you alone with nothing. But… ”