Chapter 31
REM
“What is that?” Lena asks the question before I’ve even returned to the kitchen. She’s staring at me down the length of the long entrance hallway. The envelope Ari shoved at me lays forgotten on the ground.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry. Ari—”
“No.” Her hair billows out as she shakes her head.
I want to drag my fingers through the sex-tousled strands, to wrap it around my fist and hold tight as I kiss us into needy silence. God, I want one more minute before the fallout from Ari’s visit hits. One minute I don’t have.
“Not your brother,” she says. “We’ll get to him in a second. What is that? The tattoo on your back.”
“It’s the Cerreti mark.”
“I want to see it.” Her voice shakes, but her expression is fierce. “Come closer.”
“Piccolina. Not now. You can inspect it as much as you want later. We can’t—”
“Shut up, Rem. Just come here and fucking show me.”
Confused, and not wanting to piss her off anymore, I do as Lena asks and present my back so she can inspect the intricate ink. Goosebumps jump across my skin when she traces the serpent that uncoils from my tailbone to my shoulder blades.
One nail digs deep when she reaches the snake’s head. “Is it eating someone?”
“No. Not eating. Giving birth to. It’s called the biscione—the divine serpent giving birth to a child.”
“Nope. Definitely eating.” Lena sucks in a sharp breath. “How have I never seen that tattoo on you before? I keep thinking—all the times we’ve been together and naked, I’ve never seen your exposed back. You’ve always been in front of me, above me, behind me…” Her voice thickens, trails off.
Goosebumps explode to full-body shivers when Lena cuts the path back down the serpent, the trail of her finger twisting and turning as she descends to the hollow at the base of my spine. “It’s really fucking creepy.”
“Creepy and really old. It’s the historic symbol of Milan, and part of the crest that Aldo’s family has used for centuries.”
I can tell by her touch that Lena’s attention has shifted to the small lines that arch up on both sides of the tattoo. Black tick marks climb out and up to partially frame the biscione. Each one has a meaning. Each year I add more.
“What are these little black lines that start at the snake’s tail?” She touches either side of my lower spine.
My answer will only make this fucked up day worse, not better. “Let’s talk about this later.”
“No, Rem. Let’s talk about this now.” Lena scrapes her nails across my skin. An electric shock to my system. An elemental connection that’s abruptly severed when she breaks contact and steps away.
I turn. Lena’s fists are at her sides, her entire frame trembling. “Enough fucking secrets, Rem. Tell me what they are.”
“They’re kill marks.”
Lena flinches. “Meaning?”
“Meaning exactly what you think.” I’m frustrated, and more afraid than I want to admit.
I slap a palm against my chest, right over my heart.
“You’ve always known what I am, piccola.
I’ve never hidden that from you. I’m a brutal man.
A killer, exactly as my brother said. I kill to protect my family.
That is how we survive. That is how we will continue to survive, against our enemies, against everyone who wants us dead.
And that is how I will keep you alive, no matter what.
I am a brutal man, Lena, but I’m not a monster. ”
“I guess that depends on your definition,” she says quietly.
The air leaves my lungs in a pained rush. I’ve never questioned the life I live. I’ve always been proud of the man I’ve been brave enough to be. A man who never shies away from a fight, no matter how deadly. A man who protects what’s his with blood, ruthlessness, and unwavering loyalty.
The world doesn’t see me as a good guy. That’s fine. I reign in the shadows, rule over a kingdom that would give ninety-nine percent of the population nightmares.
I sure as fuck am not a superhero, but I’ve never considered myself the villain. Not until now.
The look on my wife’s face threatens to knock the ground out from under me. “There are so many tick marks, Rem. More than I can count.”
“It denotes power. Rank. My irrefutable leadership of my soldiers. I’m not going to apologize for the person I am, Lena.
I’ll apologize for Ari crashing in here and causing a major fucking debacle.
I’ll apologize for not being completely honest with you.
But I’m not going to apologize for being me.
For being the man who has survived in the world I was born into. ”
“I’m not asking you to. In one way or another, I’ve been surrounded by death since birth.
I understand more than most that it’s an unavoidable part of being alive.
Our time together has taught me that sometimes it really is that black and white.
Either them or you. But that tattoo, your tattoo—I’ve seen it before. ”
“But you said—”
“Not on you. But…holy shit.” The color drains from Lena’s face. “Your family really is trying to kill me.”
“What do you mean? Where have you seen the tattoo before?”
“The man who attacked me and Bianca in the parking garage. He had a tattoo on his hand. I saw it for a split second, haven’t thought about it since. But it’s the same one. I’m sure of it.”
Lena’s knees wobble. I’m at her side in an instant, catching her just as she starts to fall.
For a second, she lets me hold her, her forehead dropping to my chest as she catches her breath.
But the moment she’s regained her composure, she pushes me away.
I had no idea letting go could be so hard.
“You’re sure you’re remembering correctly?
I saw his body yesterday; he didn’t have any tattoos. ”
“He did. On the back of the hand holding the gun.”
I tear through my memories, picturing the man I killed yesterday. The hand covered in blood. The one he’d ripped apart while trying to break through the glass…
“I’m positive I saw it,” Lena is saying. “It’s a distinctive design. Not a lot of baby-eating snakes around.” She moves, putting the kitchen island between us. “It’s true, isn’t it? What Ari said—your uncle ordered you to kill me?”
“Lena—”
“Yes or no. Just answer me.” Her voice breaks. “Please.”
Looking at the anguish on Lena’s face is worse than facing a firing squad. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because he thinks you’re working with our enemies, the Paganos, to take us down.”
“The Paganos… You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She shakes her head, bracing herself on the island counter. Her engagement ring flashes in the winter light that floods through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I watch the diamond glint, giving her a moment to absorb the information.
“Obviously I’m not doing that,” she says. “Like I said the first time you asked me, I have no idea who the Paganos are.”
“I know.”
“And you lied to me. That day Bianca and I were attacked, I asked you if you were in my apartment to hurt me, and you said no.”
“I didn’t lie to you.” I start to edge around the island, slowly, so she can see me coming.
“I didn’t lie, piccola. I was not in your apartment to hurt you.
Or to kill you. That was Aldo’s original order, yes, but nothing about the situation felt right.
So, I refused the order until I had concrete proof that you were the threat he believed you to be.
That’s why I was in your apartment that night.
Looking for evidence that you were on the Pagano payroll. ”
“And if you’d found it?”
“But I didn’t.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Yes, it is. It’s the only one that matters, because we both know I’m right. You’re not what my uncle or brother think you are. You’re not conspiring against us. You’re not a threat to us. A fact I’ll make painstakingly clear to Aldo when he returns tomorrow.”
I’m mere feet from Lena now. Close enough to see the vein in her neck pulsing with an agitation she won’t let show in her eyes. “And if he doesn’t believe you?”
“He’ll believe me.”
“How do you know? You’re staking my life on your ability to convince your uncle that he’s been wrong about me for, what?
Weeks? Months? That’s how long you’ve been stalking me, right?
” Comprehension flashes over her face. “Oh my, God. That’s how you knew where I worked.
And that I love peonies. And the exact shade of my favorite yellow sweater. ”
Lena’s hand shakes as she points in the direction of Ari’s envelope that’s still on the floor.
“And now, after all that, and contrary to evidence that somehow keeps showing up, you’re telling me you’re going to convince your uncle I’m harmless?
And you expect him to believe you? You expect a brutal and violent mafia boss to just wave the whole thing off?
To say, ‘Oops, my bad! I was wrong. No need to kill her after all!’? ”
I shake my head, not willing to consider the alternative. Refusing to even think about Lena’s connection to Aldo’s missing woman.
I curse under my breath. One fucking problem at a time.
“Aldo trusts me. For good reason. I’ve been a good nephew, a loyal member of this family since before I even knew what it meant to be a Cerreti.
He’s trusted my instincts for years. When it comes to this, you and me, I’ll share everything I’ve learned, and he’ll understand that we were wrong from the beginning.
I’ll make sure Aldo understands that you were never a threat. ”
I reach for her left hand, saying a silent prayer when she lets me trace the rings there.
“Aldo will know you as my wife. As an important member of the Cerreti family.” I lift her fingers to my lips, kiss the place where the platinum bands mark her as mine.
“He’ll know you as the most important member of my family. Nothing less.”
Lena considers me. Her hair soft and wild. Breasts so tempting in the white t-shirt she stole from my closet. Eyes hard, chin set. My beautiful, defiant wife. “You make it sound so simple. But you’re forgetting something.”
“What?”
“Someone in your family doesn’t give a shit what you think about me, Rem.
If you think I’m a threat or not. If I’m your wife or not.
Someone still wants me dead.” Lena pulls her hand free.
“Let’s say I believe you, that you weren’t in my apartment to kill me.
That doesn’t change the fact that someone else wants me dead.
That’s why they shot at me. That’s why they set fire to my aunt’s house.
Why Mable ended up dead. Why that Russian guy showed up at my work. ”
Lena’s voice is pitching higher and higher.
The hardness in her expression is twisting into true fear and I watch, speechless, as she reaches across the island for the knife block.
I have to swallow a surge of ill-timed pride when I see that, despite the emotions coursing through my wife, her grip on the knife is steady.
“That’s why,” she says, gesturing with her weapon, “my apartment was destroyed, my violin smashed to pieces. Why Bianca and I were attacked. Maybe even why someone tried to blow you up.”
Lena’s voice cracks. I swear my heart does too. “That man in the parking garage had your family’s mark on his hand. Maybe you weren’t in my apartment to kill me, Rem, but someone in your family is trying like hell to end my life. And they don’t care who they hurt in the process.”
The emotions on Lena’s face tap into the fear that’s been chasing me since the moment I realized I was falling for her.
The fear that, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to keep her safe.
Fear rapidly chased by rage that anyone would dare hurt this woman, no matter who she is or what her last name might be.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I say, barely able to keep my voice under control.
“I’ve been doing everything I can to keep you safe.
Every fucking thing I can think of. Because I know the Pagano connection is complete bullshit, but I’ve finally found the real reason there’s a target on your back.
” I haul in a breath, my throat constricting around the truth I don’t want to admit. “Vaffanculo!”
“What?” Lena’s knuckles are white as she grips the knife. “What did you find?”
I close the gap between us, capturing her wrist in my hand, guiding the knife tip down to the floor. “Fuck, piccola. I’m so sorry. I confirmed the evidence yesterday, only after someone tried to turn me, Ari, and our men into fucking fireworks. I was going to tell you, but not like this.”
Lena’s skin is ice cold beneath my grip. “Enough with the fucking suspense, Rem. Spit it out.”
With my free hand I trace Lena’s necklace where lies against her throat. Draw a line down to the pendant that has been haunting my nightmares since the night of our wedding.
“It’s not about you, Lena. It’s about your birth mother. She betrayed my uncle decades ago, and in our world, that’s enough motive for the Cerretis to want you dead.”