Chapter 43 Rem
REM
Without another word, Aldo leaves. I strip the wires and needles from my body, trying to ignore how much my hands are shaking. Those hands freeze when I hear someone enter the room.
“You’re awake.”
I clench the bedsheets so hard they rip, Lena’s necklace pressing painfully into my palm. My vision is blurry as I watch my wife walk toward me. “You’re alive.”
Lena’s smile wobbles. “So are you. It was touch and go there for a while.”
I barely register her comment. I’m struggling to process everything as I reach out and trace one finger down her arm, bare skin exposed by her sleeveless dress. She is warm, soft. Solid. Not a figment of my desperate imagination.
Oddio. “You’re real.” I grab her hand, tug her to me. Lena releases a surprised squeak as she lands against my bare chest. “Holy fuck,” I murmur, voice breaking. “You’re actually here.”
“Rem, be careful. Your injuries.” She tries to put space between us. I just hold her tighter.
“I’m fine.” I’m not. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. I’ve lost all feeling in my limbs. My heart is racing, my nervous system shot to shit. I’m so lightheaded I must be oxygen deprived. And I’ve never been happier in my entire fucking life.
“You’re going to tear your stitches,” she protests.
“Only if you keep squirming. Stay still, piccolina. I can’t not touch you. Don’t ask me to stop touching you.”
With a sigh Lena relaxes, gently wrapping her arms around me and hugging me back.
One beat, two. My lightheadedness is getting worse. I realize I’m not breathing. I’m waiting to wake up from this dream. For her to disappear like all the times before.
Her lips skim my ear. “Breathe, Rem. You’ve got to breathe.” She kisses my cheek and I break.
Lena holds me as I totally lose it, broken sobs shaking my torso and tears snaking through her hair. I bury my face in her neck, inhale her scent, let her soft whispers drift over me. Let her slowly, gently stitch me back together.
Eventually I manage to say, “How, how are you alive? I saw you on the ground. Injured, bleeding.” I lean back enough to look at her face. “How did you get out of there alive?”
“Aldo saved me. Saved all of us. He and his men dragged you, me, and your brother out of the building before the whole place went up. I don’t think any of us would’ve survived if he and his guards hadn’t been there.”
“But your head—you were bleeding so fucking much.”
“Head wounds bleed a lot, according to the nurse who patched me up, so it probably looked worse than it was. Though I do have a lump.” She gingerly touches my fingers to the knot on her scalp. “Plus a few stitches and some pain killers for the major headache that’s slowly going away.”
“That’s it?” I bracket her face in my hands, hold her inches from me. “Nothing else, no other injuries you’re not telling me about?”
She covers the back of my hands with hers. “I’m fine, Rem. I swear. I’m not the one who almost died. You are.”
A full-body tremor ripples through her, a bleakness filling her eyes that makes my pulse erratic.
“You were shot. Twice. And stabbed. And blown up. You lost so much blood, Rem. And then there was the infection. You were so sick, delirious, and I wanted to be here, to help any way I could, but the doctors wouldn’t let me.
Even in a drug-induced sleep you got so agitated anytime I came in they forced me to stay away.
It was taking days, Rem, and the doctors were doing everything they could, but they weren’t sure…
” Lena cuts herself off. Hauls in a ragged breath.
“I was so scared. So scared I was going to lose you.”
Every fear I’ve had for days is stamped clearly in Lena’s expression.
I have to close my eyes against the emotions overwhelming us both.
Foreheads pressed together, I murmur, “I’m right here, mia amata.
It’ll take more than a few bullets to keep me from you.
I’m here and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. ”
Our lips meet and we fall into a kiss. It’s deep and sweet and feels like a benediction. I have no idea how long we stay locked together, but my pulse is pounding and my sweatpants are uncomfortably tight when we finally pull apart.
“I have something for you.” I unwind the gold chain from where it’s tangled in my fingers. Lena blinks rapidly, her face brightening when she sees what I’m holding.
“I thought I’d lost it.”
“Aldo must’ve salvaged it. He asked me to return it to you.”
“Of course he did. I’m slowly learning that man is a hopeless romantic.” Lena holds her hair up so I can clasp the chain around her neck.
Once the pendant settles against her chest I cover it with my hand. “I—I can’t believe you’re alive. That you’re still here, with me. When I thought you’d died….”
Lena cups my cheeks, kisses away something wet. I groan, gripping her tight.
“I’m so fucking mad at you, Rem Cosenza,” she says against my neck. “I can’t believe you let Aldo shoot you.”
“Believe me, mia amata, given the choice between Aldo shooting me and Ari shooting you, I pick the first one every fucking time.”
“That’s insane.”
“That’s love.” I haul Lena up onto the bed, ignoring her protests as I settle her in my lap, avoiding the injured part of my leg. “I love you, Lena Cosenza. I’ll do anything to keep you safe, including getting shot.”
My wife half-gasps, half-sobs.
I find the delicate skin behind her ear and kiss her. Let my lips linger. “Besides, Aldo is an excellent marksman. He knew exactly what he was doing.”
“For fucks’s sake.” Lena slaps my back. Gently. Wary of hurting me even when she’s pissed. “Don’t ever do that again. Promise me.”
I kiss a line down her neck, savoring the way she tips her head back, granting me access. “No chance.”
“That’s not fair.” She’s getting breathless, her eyes drifting shut as I dip my tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat. “I can’t keep worrying you’re going to do something stupid just to protect me.”
I nip her skin, drawing Lena up short, and wait until her eyes are focused on mine. She needs to hear this. To understand. “Nothing about protecting you will ever be stupid. It’s my job, my purpose, my reason for living, from now until the day I die.”
“And what if that comes too soon, because of me?” Trepidation tightens her features. “What am I supposed to do if you get seriously hurt—or worse—because of me? Do you honestly think I could survive that? I can’t live that way. Won’t live that way. You can’t ask me to.”
My tension boomerangs back, my muscles locking beneath Lena’s sweet weight, my fingers digging into her curves. “You’re not leaving.”
“And you’re not telling me what to do.”
My wife and I glare at each other, emotions electrifying the room. Lena, my defiant one, the strong one, is the first to break our standoff. “I love you. It’s my right to fight for you, protect you, just as you would do for me. You can’t stop me from doing that any more than I can stop you.”
Fuck, I love this infuriating woman. “Then what are we going to do? Being part of this family means accepting a certain level of risk. Our war with the Paganos is coming to an end; Aldo’s confirmed that we’re close to eradicating them from the city once and for all.
But there will always be another villain, another enemy who wants to hurt us.
Who will want to hurt you to get to me. You can’t possibly expect me to stand by and do nothing. ”
“Of course not.” Lena tunnels her fingers through my hair.
“But I expect you to be honest with me when things are getting dangerous. To not hide your plans from me, especially when you think I won’t agree with them.
To not coddle me or keep me locked away just because you think it’s the safer option. ”
“You’re asking an awful lot, little one.”
Lena massages her fingers against my scalp, and I have to force myself not to melt under her touch.
“All I’m asking is for you to trust me. To acknowledge that I’m living this life with you, am a major part of this family with you, and I deserve to know what’s going on.
Deserve to make my own decisions about my safety.
” I start to protest but she ignores me, carrying on calmly.
“I’m asking you to trust that, when it comes to the dark side of life in the Cerreti family, I’ll defer to your expertise.
I won’t take unnecessary risks. And if you tell me to do something for my safety and the safety of any children we might have in the future, I need you to trust that I’ll do as you say. ”
The mention of children does something wild to my organs. Sets my heart beating in an entirely new way.
Lena’s rendered me mute, and she presses her advantage. “One other thing—you need to teach me some real self-defense moves. You know, just in case. Just handing me a knife isn’t going to cut it.”
She’s right. I hate it, but of course she is. And if it means I get to keep her, I’ll agree to anything. “Vaffanculo, I’m getting gray hair just talking about this. You’re going to be the death of me, piccolina.”
I can’t stop myself from smiling when Lena understands my answer for what it is: a concession to her terms.
She gives my hair a tug. “I’ve always thought men with salt-and-pepper hair are very sexy.”
“Men?” I nip her neck again, loving the way her pulse kicks beneath my lips. The way goosebumps bloom across her skin when I slide my hands underneath her dress.
“Just one.” Lena lifts my face, undoing me with her look of love and devotion and desire. “Only ever one. Only ever you.”