57. Cassian
Cassian
Ihammer my fists into the heavy bag as sweat runs down my temples.
The canvas shudders under the attack, but I don’t let up until my hands ache and I’m panting.
Grabbing a towel from the bench, I mop my face, then guzzle every last drop of water in my bottle.
I’ve been at this for an hour, and if I wasn’t so worn out, I’d keep going.
Shirt sticking to my torso, I wave to the guy at the gym’s front desk and head for the exit. Home is fifteen blocks away, and I plan to jog back to burn whatever energy I have left. The image of Viv in her wedding dress flashes at the edges of my thoughts, and I set off down the sidewalk.
It takes two blocks for the memory to disappear.
I don’t slow down, though, because I know if I do, it’ll only come back, followed by a dozen others just like it.
Viv laughing over a cup of tea, feet tucked beneath her on the arm chair.
Viv chewing her lip, lost in a book. Viv astride Rhya, tearing across the moor as if her life depends on it.
Viv looking up at me with parted lips, those green eyes begging me to kiss her.
“Damn it,” I mutter, skidding to a halt as the “do not walk” light blinks on at the crosswalk.
An older lady waiting with a shopping cart gives me a disdainful look, and I shoot her an apologetic one in return. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I see three missed calls from Bash, along with a text that came in a few minutes ago.
Bash: Call me.
It’s half past four, which means the ceremony’s underway.
Why does he want me to call him right now?
The light changes, but I don’t move, frozen in place as it hits me that Viv is probably walking down the aisle right now, her hand tucked in the crook of Landon’s elbow just like we practiced so many times.
My heart feels like a punching bag, and I rest my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath. Instead of slowing down, my pulse begins to race, until I’m panting harder than I was right after leaving the gym. How am I going to get through the rest of the day, let alone the next two weeks?
They’re going to Ibiza for their honeymoon, and the thought of her being with him like that makes me sick. Images of them will keep me awake all night. I thought it was bad before, but now it’s going to take a freaking lobotomy just to continue existing in the same universe as them.
Fuck this. I straighten and press Bash’s name on my phone. It’s time to face my fears head-on. I can’t go the rest of my life puking my guts out every time I hear her name or see them at a party together. It’s time to get my shit together.
Bash answers as I’m taking off across the street. “Hey man, where’ve you been?” It sounds as if he’s mid-chew.
“I was at the gym,” I say. “Why are you calling me?”
“You’re back in the city? What the fuck? I thought we were going to hang out tonight.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I stop and lean against a light pole. “I couldn’t stick around.”
“Mind telling me why?” A loud crunch comes through the line.
“You already know why.”
“Maybe I’d like it confirmed.”
“You’re a bastard,” I say, and begin running again. I consider hanging up, since he obviously doesn’t need anything, but doing so feels like severing my last tie to her, and I’m just not ready to do that yet. A lump the size of Greenland lodges itself in my throat. “How was the wedding?”
“That’s why I’m calling,” he says. There’s a long pause. “There wasn’t a wedding.”
My sneakers skid on the pavement, and I grab a nearby street sign to keep from stumbling to the ground. “What do you mean there wasn’t a wedding?”
“It got canceled.”
“By whom?”
Bash shoves another bite of whatever he’s eating into his mouth, and his words come out distorted.
“Can you stop eating for like two seconds, you idiot?” I say. My head is spinning. Did Viv call it off? Is it over for good or just postponed?
“Sorry,” he says. “I’m starving.”
“Just tell me what happened.” Propping a hand on my hip, I move out of the way as a group of girls pass. Several of them turn to look at me over their shoulders, but I ignore them, pressing the phone even harder to my ear, as if that will somehow get the truth from Bash faster.
“You know, if you’d stuck around, you could’ve witnessed it all firsthand.”
“If you don’t tell me what happened in the next thirty seconds, I’ll get to witness tearing you to pieces firsthand.”
“Chill, mate.” He laughs, and I hear the crinkle of a bag. The bastard’s going to start eating again, and I will rip him a new one if he doesn’t tell me something first. “Viv called it off, okay? She said she doesn’t love Landon and doesn’t want to marry him.”
I wait for him to say more, but all that comes through the line is more crunching.
“What else?” I ask, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. This conversation is taking too much concentration for me to even consider going home right now.
“There is nothing else.”
“Bullshit. You don’t call off a wedding and sum the whole thing up in two sentences.”
A white Skoda Fabia drives by, the windows rolled down and Jay-Z blaring from the stereo.
“I don’t know what else you want me to say.” I can practically hear Bash’s shrug.
“How’d your parents take it?” I ask.
“As well as you might imagine. I thought Dad was going to bite Viv’s head off.”
Fear grips my heart. If he laid a hand on her, I’ll put him in a body bag. “Is she okay?”
“She stuck it to him. I haven’t seen her like that in years,” Bash says. “It was pretty amazing.”
Pride replaces anxiety in my chest. That’s my girl. I only wish I could’ve been there to see it. “So she’s really okay?”
“Maybe you should ask her that yourself,” Bash says.
A chill washes over me, and I lower my voice. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose. My heart has started racing again, and a fresh layer of sweat covers my body. I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to hear it, and I sure as hell don’t want to say it out loud to the guy who beat me up for it just a few weeks ago.
“Because I love her.” The words come out hoarse and broken, battered soldiers returning from war.
Bash doesn’t say anything for a long time, long enough that I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure we’re still connected. Finally, a heavy sigh comes through the line. “Fuck.”
“I’m sorry, man. It’s not like I wanted it to happen. It just . . . did.”
“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,” he mutters.
“You never had the chance.”
He laughs. “I had you, and you know it.”
“Because I didn’t fight back, idiot.” I suddenly wish I were there with the rest of them.
We’d be raiding the wedding food, giving each other shit, and talking smack about the guests.
Maybe we can still hang out tonight when they all get back to the city.
I’m guessing no one is staying the night at Belgrave now.
“That’s bullshit.” He lets out another long sigh, followed by the sound of chair legs squeaking. “Briar’s here, by the way.”
“Shit, that sucks. I’m sorry.” I set off for home again, my shirt nearly dry by now. I’d rather talk about Vivienne, but I’m not going to pester Bash for more details. I’m walking a thin enough rope as it is. I’ll just text Sutton once I get back.
“It’s fine,” he says. “Not as bad as I expected.”
“Maybe the two of you can be friends.”
He lets out a loud snort. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“That’s all you want Viv and me to be, isn’t it?” I dodge a construction cone and jog back onto the sidewalk.
“It’s not the same thing,” he growls.
“Right, you sanctimonious little shit, because you have double standards.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, and I picture him kicking something as he realizes I’m right. “Look, I was going to tell you this anyway, but I really wanted to hear you beg first,” he finally says.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I pick up my pace, skirting around the women who passed me earlier.
“If you want to be with Viv, I’ll do my best not to vomit,” he mumbles. The words come out so quickly and quietly, it takes me a few seconds to understand what he’s saying.
“You mean that?”
“It’s a one-time thing. You fuck it up, I will end you. And don’t give me that garbage about not fighting back, because we both know I could take you if I really wanted to.”
“Sure, man, whatever.” I’ll agree to anything while my head is still reeling. Is Bash actually giving me his blessing? “You’re not messing with me, are you?”
“If you keep asking me that, I’m going to take it back.”
Grinning at a baby in a stroller, I give the parents a small wave as I dash up the steps of the townhouse. Suddenly, I can’t get inside fast enough. “I’ll never ask you anything ever again,” I tell him.
“And if the two of you even think about so much as holding hands around me, I will take a chainsaw to your beloved Ninja.”
“You stay the hell away from my bike,” I say, shutting the door behind me.
“Seriously, mate, I’m happy for you. Just don’t hurt her, or I’ll be forced to kill my best friend.”
I laugh and strip off my shirt. “Trust me. Anyone who tries to hurt Viv is going to have to get through me first.” Turning on the shower, I add, “Is she sticking around tonight?”
“I have no fucking clue, and don’t you dare ask me to set something up between you guys. I did my duty. The rest is on you.”
The call ends, and I grin down at the dark screen. Holy shit, how things can change.
I still don’t know exactly why Viv called off the wedding, but I know she’s not married to that fucker right now, which means I have time. Sweet, precious time I wasted before, and which I’m not wasting again, even if it kills me.
Before I hop in the shower, I send Sutton a text.
Me: Bash told me about the wedding. Is Viv staying at Belgrave tonight?
When her reply comes in several minutes later, I stick my head around the glass wall and reach for my phone, ignoring the water dripping all over the floor.
Sutton: She said she’s going to help clean up a few things before going home. I think she wants to be alone.
Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t head down there.
My phone pings again while I’m still staring at it.
Sutton: Pretty sure she wouldn’t mind certain company, though, if you catch my drift.
Fighting the urge to let out a whoop, I toss the phone onto the towel on the floor. I catch her drift all right, and this time I am not going to fuck it up.