59. Vivienne
Vivienne
Iswallow the lump in my throat and rub my arms. Goosebumps broke out when Cass first pulled up, and they have yet to disappear. Why am I so nervous?
“I decided I’m only going to get married because I’m in love, not because it makes someone happy or to escape my dad,” I say, with more strength than I feel.
Cass narrows his eyes as he studies me. “Bash told me how you stood up to that asshole. I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you.” When he doesn’t respond, I drop my gaze, kicking a pebble into the grass. “What are you doing here, Cass?”
It’s the same thing I asked him several months ago, when I showed up to plan the wedding and he appeared around the corner and made my mouth go dry with how good he looked. That time, our reunion was awkward and tense. I’m praying this time it ends differently.
He lifts his hand to rub the back of his neck, and I catch sight of a sliver of bare skin beneath his shirt. “I thought I could help with the cleanup,” he says. “I’m sure there’s a lot to do.”
My mind spins as I try to figure out what to say. If I tell him the cleaners have it handled, will he turn around and go back to the city? “The flowers in the foyer are giving me a headache. Want to help me take them down?”
He joins me by the door. “Of course.”
We go inside, and I shudder when the gagging aroma of hundreds of blooms hits me once again.
“Yikes,” Cass says. “It’s so much worse when there aren’t people here.”
“Now you know why I was about to go out for a ride.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, Viv. You can still go. I’ll tackle this mess while you’re gone.”
I brush away an imaginary speck of lint from his sweatshirt just to have an excuse to touch him. “No, it’s fine. I’d rather be with you.”
His gaze meets mine, strong and steady. Slowly, he licks his lips and glances around the spacious room. “Then we’d better get started.”
I grab a roll of trash bags and a scissors from the kitchen, and Cass holds a bag open while I work on dismantling the huge floral arrangement framing the front door.
“Seems like a waste to throw them away,” he says when I toss in the first hunk.
“I certainly don’t want them. Do you?” I glance at him over my shoulder and am just in time to catch his look of disgust.
“Absolutely not.”
Smiling, I snip at the twine holding the flowers in place. “We’re donating the bouquets to a few of the local nursing homes.”
“Good idea. What about all your gowns?”
“I’m planning to keep them for my next wedding.” I bite my lip to keep my grin in check.
He swallows loudly. “Really? I figured they’d be tainted with bad memories.”
Gripping the swag, I give it a swift tug. It comes down in a shower of petals. I turn and drop it into the bag, risking a tiny peek at his face. He’s gone ashen, and I feel a tiny prick of guilt. “I’m kidding, Cass. I’m donating them to charity.”
His eyes flutter shut, and his shoulders drop several inches.
“You okay?” I ask.
Blinking, he shifts the bag so the flowers settle at the bottom. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I turn back to work on the next section, but it’s too high to reach. “I’m going to need a ladder for the rest.”
“I’ll grab one,” he says, dropping the bag and bolting out the door before I even have a chance to set down the scissors.
By the time he returns several minutes later, I’ve swept up all the stray petals on the floor. Setting up the ladder, he starts to climb. “I’ll do these.” He reaches for the scissors, and I hand them over, our fingers brushing against each other and sending sparks up my arm.
“How did your mum handle the news?” Cass asks as he cuts away the arrangement over the door.
“As well as you can imagine.”
He glances down at me. “So, not well.”
“Pretty much. Her Botox nearly broke.”
Cass’s brows flick upward in amusement. “I’m proud of you for not backing down. I always knew you had it in you.”
My heart warms under his gaze, and I tighten my grip on the bag. “Thanks,” I whisper. “To be honest, I’m not sure I could’ve done it without your dad.”
The scissors halt their snipping. “My dad?”
“After I got your note, I went for a ride. I ended up at the cottage, and he came out to see me.”
Cass doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t resume his cutting, either.
“He asked me who would fight for my happiness if I’m not willing to do it myself.”
“Wow,” Cass mutters, resuming his task. “Sounds like him.”
I hold the bag open as he drops a chunk of the swag into it. “He was right, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.”
“I said pretty much the same thing to you before.” There’s a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“And I wasn’t ready to hear it back then,” I tell him. “Besides, you’re the one who pushed me away for years.”
He whirls around, making the ladder sway. “And I told you why I did that.”
“All I’m saying is that we both had our reasons for making the decisions we did.”
“And where does that leave us?” he asks hoarsely, still looking down at me.
I take a deep, steadying breath. “I’m not sure. Where do you want it to leave us?”
He climbs down, and my heart races with each rung. When he finally reaches the bottom, he stops in front of me, the trash bag between us. “This isn’t about what I want.”
“Of course it is. You not being willing to take a chance on a relationship with me was the whole reason I got engaged to Landon in the first place.”
“No, you got engaged to Landon because your parents presented him on a silver platter, and you didn’t have the backbone to say no.”
I swallow back the tears that burn at the corners of my eyes.
“So we’re back to that.” I nod, hoping it will help keep my emotions at bay.
“How many times do I have to tell you that I wanted to be with you, Cass? You were literally the only thing I wanted, but every time I got close, you pushed me away.”
“And yet, when it really mattered, you didn’t fight for what you wanted. You let everyone else decide for you.”
“That’s not fair. I fought for you until the very end.”
“No, you didn’t, Vivvy. As soon as I was ready, you gave up.”
I toss the bag of flowers aside and glare at him. Anger pumps through my veins, and I can feel it heating my face, but I don’t care. “I waited for you for years. Forgive me for packing a safety net.”
“He wasn’t a safety net. He was a fucking trap.”
“Maybe.” I shrug, then cross my arms, needing the support. “But at least I cut myself loose before it was too late.”
Cass nods, his jaw hard and unrelenting as he stares at something in the distance. “And I told you I’m proud of you for that.”
“But?”
“But I guess I’m pissed that you wouldn’t break things off to be with me, yet one word from my dad, and you broke them off for yourself.”
I blink at him. “That’s a good thing, Cass. I finally let go of other people’s expectations and chose something for myself. If I had done it for you, I would’ve been doing it to make you happy. How is that any different?”
He shoves a hand through his hair. “You’re right. It’s not.”
Kicking the garbage bag further out of the way, I take a step toward him and place a hand on his arm. “What’s really going on, Cass? Why are you actually here? And don’t give me some rubbish about cleaning.”
He drops his arm and meets my gaze. “I guess I just got scared that your feelings had changed,” he whispers.
“When Bash called me and told me the wedding was off, I couldn’t get here fast enough.
I was so sure you’d canceled it because of me.
I kept waiting for you to call me yourself, but you never did, and then I got here and . . .”
“And I told you I canceled it because I didn’t want to be married to Landon.”
He gives a single nod, avoiding my eyes.
“When I made the decision to stand up to my dad,” I say, “I knew that if I could do it over something as big as the wedding, I could do it for other things, too. I don’t need to get married just to escape his control anymore. I can wait and get married for love someday.”
“That’s terrific, Viv,” Cass says, but it doesn’t sound like he believes it. “I hope you get everything you deserve.”
When I don’t respond, he grabs my hand and forces my eyes to meet his. He plucks a petal from my hair and lets it fall to the floor. “I mean it. Truly.” His voice doesn’t waver this time. “You deserve to be happy.”
“Why does it feel like you’re letting me go all over again?” I choke the words out.
Shaking his head, he drops my hand. A chill washes over me. “Because I am. Now that you’re finally ready to fight for your own happiness, you should have the freedom to do that. I love you too much to saddle you with a relationship you feel you owe me.”
“I’ve never heard anything more ridiculous in my life.”
He jerks his head up. “Vivvy—”
“I’ve spent my entire life wanting you. Why would that change now?”
“There’s so much more out there that you haven’t even discovered yet. I want you to have the chance to find the best possible life for yourself.”
“I already have,” I whisper, moving closer and resting my palms on his chest. “You.”
Tears glisten in his eyes as he shifts his weight backward, away from me. “You haven’t tried anything else.”
“Technically, I tried Land—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” His expression grows dark and stormy.
I bite back a smile. “I don’t need to try anything else. I know what I want.” I may be on guard with the rest of the world, but Cass is my safe place.
“Vivvy . . .”
“Cass, please,” I plead. “I need you to put your hands on me.” I might actually explode if he doesn’t touch me soon. The fire surging through my veins is burning hotter and hotter. I take another step closer, forcing our bodies to brush against each other.
His voice drops an octave, and his eyes deepen to onyx. “Vivvy, if I put my hands on you, I won’t be taking them off again.”