Chapter 9
NINE
Karsyn
I thought this was what I wanted, but it ain’t. I think it’s best if you don’t come around anymore. Steer clear of Junior. Just keep your distance and I’ll keep mine.
His words echoed in my head along with the blank expression in his eyes. Had I really been that blind as to only see what I wanted to see? He seemed happy, we were happy, and he was even getting through his uncle’s death with… but we were happy.
What happened that he was over us so fast?
Thinking about that day gave me whiplash and had me ready to start crying all over again, but I promised my mother I wouldn’t.
She had a tea weekend planned with a few of her friends, but before she left, she came in to check on me.
Even though I hadn’t told her what was wrong, she knew enough.
Hell, to be honest, I hadn’t told anyone.
I had been holed up here for days, forcing myself to feel this, engraining remembrance into my mind and body, so I’d never forget how low I let a nigga take me.
Because I swore I was never coming back here, not this physical place, but the mental and emotional one.
I blinked a few times, my eyes resting on yet another episode of Grey’s, right before the black streaming screen came on asking if I was still there.
Of course I was held up watching reruns.
I reached for the remote, about to resume, when my bedroom door was forced open and the light cut on immediately.
“Absolutely the fuck not.” Kolton’s voice filled the room right before he snatched the covers off my bed. He tossed them over onto the chair, then walked over to the windows.
“Leave me alone, Kolton.” I sat up, irritated. Not only did my eyes have no warning before he turned that bright ass light on, but he had also opened the blackout curtains, allowing the sun in.
“No. I have been here for an hour, hoping to probably catch you going to the washroom, but instead I keep hearing the theme song of that sad ass TV show and you in here sniffling. I don’t know what’s going on, but this damn sure ain’t the way to go about it.”
I stared at him, no response in my mind feasible.
“Nothing to say, right? That’s cool. You don’t have to talk right now, but you are about to get up and take a shower so we can eat. Chop-chop, lil one. I have Leslie making scrambles and that shit on top of your head looks like it’s about to lock up on its own.” He pointed toward my hair.
That statement broke my resolve. Laughter slipped from my lips and immediately I began to touch my hair as if I was just realizing it was on top of my head.
“Nah, don’t look embarrassed now. I’m lowkey standing here tryna see if that’s a Cheeto puff in your head.”
“Shut up.” I hopped out of the bed, running into my bathroom to see if it was for myself.
If so, then I was damn sure down bad. I cut the water in the shower room on, then came back to the mirror.
Yep, it was definitely a white cheddar cheese puff entangled in what was beginning to become a thick lock in front of my head.
I shook my head, taking in my appearance as I began attempting to remove the now overcrowded hair tie from my head. I was down this bad behind a man who had the ability to switch up on me at the drop of a dime. Shit was ridiculous.
It took me a minute, as I got my hair detangled and braided into two plaits, before I climbed into the shower.
The water felt so good, so rejuvenating after everything.
It was as if the water falling on my chest beat life into it.
I closed my eyes for a minute, thinking about all I needed to do.
Being in the water made it all so clear.
I had to push everything to do with Posydiann behind me and find myself again.
After my shower, I moisturized and put on the stretch pants and T-shirt my brother had laid out on the bed for me.
Apparently he too was tired of me and this funk even though I had turned my phone off and the only person remotely dealing with me was my mother.
I said remotely because when I went through something, shit anything, I didn’t spread my misery.
I went where I felt safe and shut down. It was my coping mechanism, and most of all, my way to process.
We had breakfast in the main dining room, some of everything was on the table even though Kolton said scrambles. I guess my long shower and the fact that my mother’s staff knew how long I had been cooped up made them make more. Shit, I guess I worried them too.
“Remember when we were younger? You used to do this same shit? Get pissed off and fall clean the fuck off the reservation. It didn’t bother me much because I know you and I’m your twin.
This time was different though. This time you turned your phone off last Thursday and the only reason that motherfucker is on right now is because I’m holding it in my hand.
You got your friends pulling up on me. Shit, that nigga Hondo called me because his wife is worried about you. We’re not kids anymore—”
“Posydiann broke up with me. Sounds superficial but just imagine thinking everything is going well and seeing a future with someone only for them to look you square in your eyes days after damn nearly promising you the world and tell you this isn’t working for them.
I felt so fucking broken and lost because you know I don’t take men seriously, ever.
But him, I took him seriously. Then for him to tell me to keep my distance from him and his son.
That shit hurt Kol, like bad. It broke me. ”
He was silent for a moment, looking out at the two other houses that the kitchen patio faced.
The closest was my father’s and the furthest was my uncle’s.
He was never here, seeing as how he didn’t care too much for his kid brother and hated how he conducted business.
That was no secret. Uncle Charlie spent most of his time in San Diego, as far away from Briar as possible.
Smart man. Shit, maybe that’s what I needed, a change of scenery.
“Kars, did you hear me?” Kolton’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“No, I didn’t. What did you say?” I glanced from the house to him.
“You know the streets are saying Pops had his uncle killed.”
“But wait, they said he had a heart atta—” The look on my brother’s face halted my statement. Just because it was said he died of a heart attack didn’t mean he had.
My eyes dropped. “Damn.” Everything began to replay in my head because that morning we were fine. He had literally told me to pick a place for us to go on vacation. My hands went to my mouth. “Do you think he is…?” I started to ask, but my brother nodding stopped my question.
Kolton handed me my phone. “Lemme go in here and get a book or something to roll up.” He was on his feet in seconds, moving into the house.
I glanced down at my phone, blinking a couple times before I lifted it and searched my contacts. I was hesitant, but I needed to tell him how sorry I was, how I guess I understood. But did I?
When I found his contact I clicked it and mashed the phone to my ear. It rang one time then went straight to voicemail.
I hung up quickly, feeling fresh tears and anger rising. Immediately I was on my feet, rushing toward my father’s home. I knew he was there because both of his cars were parked out front and two guards stood at the door.
I didn’t care that I was barefoot walking across a lawn and gravel, I was pissed. How dare he interfere in my life like this? How dare he do this to me?”
I reached the door, bypassing both guards and their pleasantries. Fuck them and their pleasantries.
I stormed into the house like a madwoman. It didn’t take me long to find my father sitting in his office with his phone to his ear and a loud boisterous laugh escaping his lips.
“How dare you?” My voice carried, bouncing from wall to wall.
“My apologies, Winston, I need to handle something. I’ll be in touch about phase two.” He hung up, placing his phone on the desk face down.
“Good to see you as well, daughter. You’ve had better days.” He looked me up and down in a way I didn’t appreciate.
“Fuck you! The one time I find happiness in someone, this is what you do. Are you the only person who can be remotely happy in this family?”
He tilted his head to the side, looking at me. “What have I done now?”
“You had his uncle killed. Why, because I love him and want to be with him? My choices and life have absolutely nothing to do with you. It never has, so why would you do this?”
My father laughed coldly. “You’re thinking way too highly of yourself, sweetheart.
Even though you shouldn’t be associating with the likes of those people, let alone allowing scum between your legs.
That’s not it. Contrary to your belief, it had nothing to do with you.
I wasn’t even aware that you were scumming it.
I had his uncle killed for reasons bigger than you could ever imagine, oh na?ve child of mine. ”
I glared at him, about to turn and leave, but his voice stopped me.
“Don’t leave so fast. Since you’re here I have a proposition for you.”
“What?” I turned around confused.
“Take a seat and hear your old man out. I’m sure you’ll want to hear what I have to say.” He wore a sarcastic smirk.
“I’m sure I won’t.”
“I’m sure you will, especially since it has everything to do with your brother’s future or lack thereof. Now sit and hear me out.”
I glared at him, irritated and regretting that I’d come over here, but I was here now. There was no turning around. “Fine, you have five minutes.”
I took a seat in one of the white chairs with gold accents strategically placed right in front of his desk.
“I guess it’ll take me that long.” Then he paused dramatically, looking around as if it wasn’t just him and me in the room.