Preston
The unexpected windfall from Vadim couldn't have come at a better time. It paid for the three additional weeks Dad was in the hospice for, it covered the money Mom needed to pay her lawyer to keep working on Dad's case, and it allowed me to give my father the dignified funeral he deserves.
He passed away in his sleep last week, peacefully and in no pain, during the day with me and Mom in the room with him. Even though I knew it was coming and had been preparing for it for months, it still feels sudden. Surreal.
Mom says she's going through the same, so maybe grief is one of those things that doesn't make much sense?
The house is filled with people I half recognize from my parents' life: neighbors, Mom's close group of girlfriends she's known since forever, Dad's work pals, some of whom have aged in ways that make me do a massive double take.
Mom is being so strong today, moving through it all with a sad but quiet grace that makes my chest ache. Someone has set out food on the dining table, I don't even know who, and people are eating and talking in low voices.
Ellie finds me in the kitchen. I've just taken double my usual dose of painkillers because I refuse to let this fucked-up headache get the best of me today, of all days.
He wraps both arms around me from behind without a word and holds on.
He arrived yesterday and is crashing in the spare room that used to be Shannon's room.
"How are you holding up?" he asks into the back of my shoulder.
"I can't believe Dad's not here. That I'll never see him again. This whole thing feels so not real. Like it's a dream I'll just wake up from any second now. Is that weird?"
"Not at all. It's perfectly normal. Emotionally, you'll bounce around all over the place for the next little while. Or the next long while." He tightens his arms around me once then lets go and comes around to face me, hands on my shoulders.
I can barely make out his face, but I can hear the sadness in his voice as he speaks. "There's no playbook for how you should feel or act. Just go with it, wherever it takes you. And know that I'm here with you every step of the way, no matter how long it takes."
"Thanks, El. You're the best."
He smiles then moves, like he's peering out behind me. "Your mom. Man, like, how is she so put together right now?"
"No idea." I turn around and try to locate her in the silhouette of bodies in the crowded room. "She's been like that all day. Operating on autopilot, I think. It's either very healthy or very not."
"Let's go with healthy," he says. "She's a tough cookie."
"She is."
A beat passes, then he drops his voice. "And Vadim? How's that going?"
I have to squint super hard as I look across the room to find Vadim leaning against the far wall, holding a glass, decked out in his customary black, which, admittedly, is fitting for today.
"He's here. That means everything."
And he's not just here now. We've continued talking every night since my first, and what will most likely be my last, cam session.
I still can't believe he did that. And I'm not just referring to the one hundred thousand he dropped, plus the fifty K tip, but something major that he said that somehow got lost in the mix.
I'm falling in love with you.
I've kept him hanging these past three weeks.
Neither one of us has raised the topic again. My eyesight worsening and Dad dying have basically consumed my entire life. Vadim hasn't pushed or expected anything from me in return, but I want to tell him I feel the same way. I just want to find the right moment.
Ellie follows my gaze across the room, silent for a moment.
"Yeah," he says finally. "Okay."
"Look, I know you don't like him—"
"I wouldn't say that."
"I would. Do you want me to show you all the messages where you called him an asshole, a prick, arrogant, a dickhe—?"
"Okay, okay. I'm not denying I had a problem with him. But, you know, there is a very slim possibility I might have…jumped the gun a bit."
"How many of those have you had?" I gesture to his wine glass.
"Two," he replies flatly. "All I'm saying is, after having had a few dinners with Marek, maybe I misjudged the Piotrowski family."
"Whoa. A few dinners? You only told me about one."
"Oh, well, yeah, it's no big deal." He shuffles on his feet. "Marek works at the casino, I'm based there, so it's perfectly normal to run into him from time to time."
That's actually something I need to bring up with Ellie. Is he ever going to start looking for a new place for us to live? I'd like to find something while I still have some vision and can acquaint myself with the new space.
But that's a topic for another time, not today.
"Don't tell me you and Marek have become friends."
"Don't be ridiculous. But I am racking up an eye-watering room service bill, so I figure the least I can do is be friendly to the guy."
"By having multiple dinners with him?"
"Would it be wrong if I told you to shut up at your dad's funeral?"
"I think Dad would approve." I crack a grin. "I'm not done teasing you about this yet, but if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go over to your maybe-not-enemy now."
"Do that. I'll go check on your mom."
"Thanks."
We split up, and I slowly make my way through the crowded living room to Vadim.
When he spots me, he plants his drink on the windowsill and stands to full height.
"Hey, how are you holding up?" he asks, bracing me by my upper arms.
"Good, but at the risk of sounding like an asshole, I'm getting sick of hearing that question."
He nods decisively. "Noted."
I settle against the wall beside him. The meds haven't kicked in yet, and my head is throbbing so hard I'm surprised he can't see my temples pulsing.
"Can I get you anything?" he asks.
"No, thanks. I've just got a headache, that's all." I drop my head against the wall and turn to him. "Can I ask you something about Marek?"
A brow lifts. "My brother, Marek?"
"Yeah. Has he said anything to you about Ellie?"
Vadim shakes his head. "Not really. Only that they've had dinner once, and that he seems like a nice guy."
"Just once?" When Vadim looks lost, I clarify, "He's told you they've only had dinner once?"
He thinks about it for a second. "That's right. Why?"
I try to find Ellie and Mom, but the room is too crowded and blurry. "Your brother is straight, right?"
"A million percent, yes. What on earth is going on inside that head of yours?"
"Nothing. I'm probably just jumping to the wrong conclusion."
Silence falls over us.
My head feels like it's about to explode, but I try to keep the pain from my face as much as I can. Not that it's really working. Vadim already clocked that something is up.
"Want to get some fresh air?" I suggest.
"Sure." Vadim takes my hand in his like it's the most natural thing in the world. "Lead the way."