Chapter Ten
Thanh
I decided to take a long bath and try to soak away the aches in my lower back and hips. There was a surprisingly good selection of bath salts and oils along the wall opposite the vanity. The bathroom was larger than I’d expected considering the ship didn’t seem that big. But Jax was a rather tall man…
With what looked like a freaking huge cock…no, no! Stop thinking about that outline…and the way his pants seemed a little damp …
“I think that yellow bottle of oil is good for muscles and won’t irritate your rash. And yeah, he did seem to have some impressive tools to work with down there.”
Ugh, stop! I don’t even know why I’m thinking of him like that. Do Zorestrans have pheromones or something? Maybe that’s it, I was smelling his breath.
“No, Zorestrans don’t have pheromones like that.”
I poured the oil into the hot bath and resolved to think of literally anything other than Jax and his huge…ego.
Careful of my sore muscles and the cracked skin on my lower back, I eased into the steaming hot bath, which could’ve fit six of me in it. Even though I was prepared for the sting of the water against my skin, I still whimpered when the pain hit me. Tohm-Tohm soothed me with a soft thrum that relaxed the tensed muscles and took the edge off the discomfort. By the time I had sunk all the way into the tub, I realized that a seat had formed under me, as had a head rest.
“Um…thank you?”
The ceiling above me chimed and gave a glow before disappearing. I should’ve been a little freaked at the thought of being inside a sentient ship that had just anticipated my needs but it was oddly comforting instead. I closed my eyes and let my body unwind, the oils seeping into my skin further helping the aches to become distant, though not fully gone. With deep, cleansing breaths, I tried to center myself, think of the mission and what we needed to do, what cover stories I might need to come up with at the dinner tonight. When I opened my eyes, I studied all the jars of oils and salts lined up so neat and tidy on the shelf.
I wonder what Jax is doing with all of these oils and bath salts.
“Maybe he needed them when he lived here. I’d imagine this line of work isn’t exactly easy on the body.”
And then I was imagining the ‘body’ that Tohm-Tohm was referring to. The rock hard chest under my hands had to look magnificent. He was so much broader, so much more mature looking since the Academy. Back then, his body was leanly muscled, his face more angular, young. He’d been handsome, a walking fantasy for sure.
But now, all the hollows had been filled in, his abs had abs for crying out loud! And his biceps were a work of art that I wanted to trace with my tongue. Not to mention those damn forearms, rippling just perfectly under his skin. He wasn’t just a fantasy, he was a naughty dream wrapped in sin.
I shook the thoughts away while trying to reign in my body. It was far too easy to picture him in the tub with me, touching me, teasing me, looking at me with that cocky grin. I had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing between us beyond the mission at hand. But it didn’t work.
My mind spun out more the harder I tried to control it. I replayed that almost kiss, the way his huge hands had been so firm and strong. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get his face out of my mind, how close his lips had been and how I’d always wondered how they’d feel.
Crushing over him at the Academy had been something I’d kept close, not wanting to be one of his conquests and not wanting the distraction of a broken heart. But that one night we’d spent in the garage, the one I’d recalled for his parents, I had wondered if maybe I’d misjudged him. I would’ve let him kiss me then, or do more, but Jax had never made a move.
And now, when I’ve hated him all this time, when he was the one person I couldn’t trust, he was interested in me?
I think I preferred it when he just hated me.
I lingered as long as I dared in the bath, unsure when dinner was supposed to be. The last thing I wanted was to be rude to Jax’s family, who were not at all what I expected.
Jax’s angry words reverberated back to me and I cringed, remembering how judgmental I’d been at the Academy. In all this time, I hadn’t really let myself consider that Jax had a pretty good reason to not like me, just like I did him. It was easier to rely on stereotypes and misinformation than to just get to know Jax at the time.
But now, having met his family, seen how much they loved him, I had to admit that not only did I genuinely like them, I was kinda jealous. I couldn’t remember the last time my father or mother had embraced me when it wasn’t for a photo op or some other kind of PR for the company. And since joining Gex-Corps, they’d contacted me just a handful of times, mostly to tell me about how well my brother was doing.
Jax’s parents had kept track of him, were proud of him even though he took a different path than they would’ve liked. I had no idea what that was like and I wanted to, desperately. If I was really Jax’s mate, I would have that, but it was laughable to tie myself to anyone for such flimsy reasons. Much less the guy I’ve made a hobby out of despising.
I dried off with a ridiculously huge towel, trying to unknot the tangle of emotions that were currently confusing the hell out of me.
I hated him.
I wanted to kiss him.
I was furious with him over this whole mission.
I wanted to be a part of his family for real.
When I stomped into Jax’s bedroom I had to stop and take it in. There was nothing quite so intimate as what a room could reveal about a person.
There were sconces on the wall above the bed that were made of a bronze metal and the shade was a cream color. Above was another light, giving off a warm illumination. The bed was drenched in soft, silky-looking black and gold sheets and blankets, and the bed itself was enormous with slates at the headboard; for some reason I imagined Jax’s hands tied to them.
It looks sturdy enough for that…
“Oh really?”
I jumped, realizing what I’d been imagining and continued to take in the space. There were the things I expected: posters of what looked like exotic dancers and half naked women, a not-so-hidden basket of sex toys that I was tempted to look through, but quickly turned away from.
But then, there were things I wasn’t expecting.
I had spied actual paper books and two tablet readers out in the sitting room, but there were even more in here. There was even an older reader that took data cards, which were alphabetized in three full boxes. The paper books were in several different languages, from all kinds of alien societies, some I didn’t even recognize. But when I spied a battered copy of Pride and Prejudice in Zorestran of all things, a strange kind of warmth wormed its way through me and I thumbed through it.
I love this book.
I set it down and went to the closet he’d indicated, finding a set of clothes laid out on a small chair in the walk-in with a note.
“I hope you like these, they are in Titusian royal colors since you are now part of the family. There are a few more items in the closet if these aren’t to your liking. I took the liberty of clearing out the left side of Jax’s closet for you. Welcome to the family — Teneras.”
I wondered how the hell she’d found clothing in my size on such short notice and then noticed the Grand Artisan’s tag on the pants and long sleeve shirt. They usually only operated for a few select clients that would need clothing at a moment’s notice and for specific circumstances like a fancy party or a photo op. My parents had two on retainer, and they weren’t cheap.
So Teneras is loaded.
“So is Jax. I guess he was never a poor pirate.”
Don’t you start with me.
“I’m just saying, maybe he’s not what we thought.”
I ignored Tohm-Tohm as I lifted up a pair of simple black panties and a bra. It felt like cotton, and fit like a dream, not pinching my breasts or the skin under my arms like some of my Gex-Corps bras did.
Once that was done, I slipped on the soft, form fitting dark blue top. It was high in the back and plunged lower down the front to a square neckline that showed off just enough of my cleavage to be interesting. There were cutouts along the upper arms attached to the rest of the sleeve by gold mesh fabric that looked incredibly delicate but was actually quite strong. The sleeves ended at my knuckles and there was a hole for my thumb to slip through. On the underside of the sleeve, where it covered the heel of my palm, was a texture that would help me with gripping things if my hands happened to be sweaty, a useful addition if one were a pirate that perhaps entered blaster fights often. I had worried the long sleeves would be too heavy but while the fabric molded to my skin, it was breathable and left me feeling cool.
Next were the pants, also a dark blue with small flecks of gold throughout the fabric. They were a bit looser on the legs but not by much They hugged my ass and the waist band sat just below my navel. The fabric had the look of leather but wasn’t nearly as restricting or stifling; in fact, it was just as cool as the top. On the front right hip, stitched in gold, was the same insignia as on Jax’s forearm and I was guessing it was the Titusian sigil. The pants hit the top of my foot and I realized that there were black socks and a pair of black boots with thick soles sitting at the foot of the bed.
When I sat down to slip them on, my eyes snagged on the photos sitting at the top of the dark blue and black dresser in front of me.
The first one I picked up was of a child sized version of Jax, gangly and with short nubs where his horns were now. He was grinning ear to ear with a man that was more cyber attachments than flesh kneeling next to him.
Then there was the compilation of pictures where Teneras or Bowie were measuring his height. These started with a wide eyed, far too thin little boy with a haunted gaze, and ended with Jax as a tall, broad shouldered male in the middle of a laugh as his father tried to stand up tall enough to record his growth.
There were so many more, all of them of Jax with his parents or two other crew members that were much older males, including the one with the cyber implants. These were candid, happy pictures of a real family, even if they weren’t connected by blood.
My mother and father never had pictures on display, not of me and my brother at least. They had famous paintings, but the only family photo was one that had been staged and touched up until it barely resembled us. I’d hated that photo and the way it sat in the front room of their house, as if we were ever a family like that.
But here was evidence of a beautiful childhood, of a family that loved one another and was there for all of Jax’s milestones. They took him back without hesitation, whereas I was a prop, nothing more. The first ‘successful’ integration of a Seahdohn with a human, and it was all thanks to N-Tech.
“The wave of the fucking future…”
“You’re more than that to me.”
I smiled and finished buckling the boots.
You are to me too. I’m glad we walked out on his stupid press conference.
“Even if it did cost us a fortune.”
Yep. We didn’t do so bad. Best pilots in the Gex-Corps. Or we were…
“We’ll get it back, don’t worry.”
I wasn’t as worried about my career, though, as much as I was my reaction to Jax. I hated to have to admit it to myself, but since the mission we did with Althea, it had been getting harder and harder to hold onto that piece of hate that had kept Jax at arms’ length. I’d once had such a clear picture of my feelings for him, such a certain knowing that I’d hate him forever. He deserved it, having done something to me that was unforgiveable.
And then I started serving with him, seeing how hard he worked, how loyal he was. Little holes of doubt started to worm their way into my carefully constructed narrative, and it just made me dig my heels in more, made me meaner as I clutched the hate harder.
It had worked for a while, until he had raced across the sands on Nopar to save me from an ambush. Time had stopped as I saw him stand there in the middle of a firefight and take out the K’Tavi with such fury that he scared me. After, he found me straight away and helped me get out of the ditch we’d dove into for cover. The look on his face, relief, fear and something else that I had refused to acknowledge at the time had haunted me ever since.
And now, tonight, I saw it again when he was about to kiss me.
Lust, longing, so pure and naked that I couldn’t think straight when I remembered it.
No one had ever looked at me like that, or made me feel so instantaneously wet and wanting without touching me. I had almost thrown everything away tonight and let Jax take me. It had been a near thing until I had remembered that he’d acted like his betrayal had never even happened just a few hours before. The jolt of anger snapped me out of the fugue and I was able retreat.
But for how long? Would this happen again?
“For the last time, Zorestrans don’t have pheromones.”
Tohm-Tohm had read my mind, which was no surprise considering he had access to my thoughts. Still, it was annoying sometimes.
Are you sure? There has to be an explanation for why I almost…I mean, seriously, I made us a promise to never, ever forgive that asshole and I almost begged him to fuck me senseless.
“I have a theory but you’re not going to like it.”
If you say that I’m just horny—
“Oh, so you’re aware of the six-month dry spell. Good, I was worried.”
Just because you have the libido of a horny teen doesn’t mean I do.
“That’s exactly what it means. But ever since Jax came racing across the sands to save our butts you’ve been…weird.”
It couldn’t be the stress of that mission and then all this impending war stuff, could it? Let me see…yes, it is! Now will you lay off the dry spell shit?
“Just trying to help.”
I felt Tohm-Tohm roll his eyes in the emotions that came through our bond and ground my teeth together. I was surprised that I had never needed extensive dental work between Jax and Tohm-Tohm.
After hunting through Jax’s bathroom cabinets, I found a spare brush that looked unused and ran it through my thick hair before braiding it into two braids, close to the scalp that met at the nape of my neck, which I then wove into a massive mermaid tail. There was a selection of hair ties that I knew were Jax’s from the long hair in the pictures, but these too looked new or very well taken care of. I used a particularly nice gold and black tie to end the braid and examined my appearance. I hadn’t seen myself out of uniform much in the last few years and this was…nice. The fabric and colors suited me, as much as I didn’t want to admit it. And the bath oils had worked like magic on not only my hips and back, but my rash as well. There wasn’t any dry skin catching on the fabric, and I was desperate to see if maybe the skin rash was actually healing.
I pulled my shirt up and tried to see it in the reflection of the mirror but the angle was wrong. I caught a glimpse of some skin near the bottom section of the metal casing on Tohm-Tohm and it stung as I twisted.
Should I dab a little bit of that stuff on there you think?
“Give it a try.”
I carefully took down the same bottle I’d used for the bath and dipped my finger into the oil that smelled faintly of citrus. It shone a bit, and there were tiny green flakes in there that I hadn’t noticed before. I tried to simultaneously hold up my shirt and dab the oil but only succeeded in getting it on the shirt.
“Damn it, why can’t I have another set of hands back there?”
“I dated a person who had four hands once,” said a deep, playful voice in the door way.
I spun around to find Jax with his arms crossed, leaning on the door jam and grinning at me. It wasn’t a new expression, or posture, but the roguish way he stood there, as if he knew exactly how much space he’d been occupying in my head, made me irritable.
“I’ll bet you did,” I shot back.
“You need some help?”
“No.”
He arched his eyebrows and I growled in aggravation.
“Let him help, this might be the only thing that will heal your skin.”
“Fine,” I ground out.
“Usually when someone offers help you say…”
He waited, hand in the air as if I were supposed to give him something. And I guess I was, but that didn’t mean I liked it.
I put on a sickly sweet grin and made my voice soft, overly feminine.
“Thank you, Jax, my hero!” I fluttered my eye lashes.
“Ugh, what’s that supposed to be?”
“Your ideal woman?”
“Ancestors, shoot me if I end up with a simpering female,” he said, snagging the bottle off the counter. “You must’ve been in a hell of a lot of pain to use this.”
“Why, what is it?”
“Aentrox oil, it’s from a giant worm that lives on Farinish. Rare, and hard to harvest. I’ve only used it once.”
I swallowed in guilt for using such a precious substance in my bath.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t —”
“No, don’t apologize,” he said, stepping closer. “I’m glad you used it. The oil is usually applied on its own, but to get it over a large area can be a challenge, a bath delivery was a good idea. Did it help?”
“It did,” I said, keeping my voice steady in spite of how my traitorous pulse was racing. “I think it healed some of my rash, nothing has ever done that so fast. There were just a few spots that were still tender so I thought…I mean, I don’t want to be cringing all night long without my regular meds and I just thought —”
“You don’t need to justify using this. The crew would definitely not want you in pain all night, neither would I. If it helps, then use it. Do you want some help applying extra to problem spots?”
I did, but only so I knew how well the oil worked. It was strictly for self-care knowledge, that was it. After all, I might be able to buy some while we’re in the outer rim and take it back to the Intrepid with me. It would be a game changer.
“Yeah, that would be…helpful.”
He nodded and I turned around, facing the mirror with him behind me. He was so huge, I only came to his pectorals and he was twice as wide as me. Yet his hands were infinitely gentle as they lifted the hem of the shirt and raised it slowly. When his eyes widened, I realized too late that I hadn’t really prepared him for what it would look like.
The skin was mottled from chemical burns I sustained in the shuttle crash. Then there was the irritation from the metal they’d used to cover Tohm-Tohm’s body on my back, which caused sores to erupt and create more scars. I’d only looked at it in its entirety a few times, when I absolutely had to, and I hated the sight of it. Some of the scaring on my hip and my right thigh had been repaired with skin grafts, but no one dared do anything on my back for fear of damaging my symbiote.
I wanted to run and hide. Why had I allowed myself to be exposed like this in front of him?
I went to grab the shirt so I could pull it down, tears burning my eyes. My back was disgusting, and I knew that most couldn’t handle it, which was why I never took my shirt off during sex.
But Jax stopped my hand and met my gaze in the mirror. There was no curl of disgust on his mouth, no odd curiosity or distaste in his eyes, only compassion and admiration.
I braced for the words of sympathy and pity; I’d heard it all so many times. I’d had people cry for me, as if that’s what I needed from someone. But Jax didn’t do that. Instead, he lifted the shirt up all the way to my shoulders, carefully unhooked my bra and reached for the oil again. I would’ve thought that if Jax ever had the chance to expose any part of my body, it would be all jokes, or innuendo. But there was none of that. In fact, the discomfort I’d initially felt was fading the more Jax gently massaged the problem areas with the oil. It warmed where it met my skin, seeping in and tingling in a way I hadn’t noticed in the bath. I watched him carefully to see if his expression changed as he touched the scars and rashy sores, but he just focused more, his hands deft and careful, without making me feel breakable.
“Let me know if I need to be more gentle,” he said, brow furrowed as he worked.
“Okay,” I breathed.
To be touched, not as someone sick or frail, in the places that so clearly showed the trauma my body had endured, it struck me speechless. I had never been anything but a patient or a fetish to anyone who had seen my back, and both created a distance with the other person that left me starved for touch that had nothing to do with either.
This wasn’t sexual, this was friendly, helpful without pity. I would never have thought that Jax, of all people, would offer me something so simple and precious. Tears burned my eyes and when Jax glanced up, his hands jumped off my back.
“Am I hurting you?” he asked.
“No,” I said, voice thick with emotion. “It…it feels really nice.”
“You sure? My Da is the one with the magic hands, he’s a really good healer, I could go get him.”
Confident, mouthy and all around fucking infuriating Jax Vabaris was near panicked at the thought of hurting me. It made me giggle and I shook my head, biting my lip. When I looked up at his reflection this time, his worry had burned away, replaced with a heated stare at where my teeth captured my bottom lip.
My mind flashed back to before when I was certain he was about to kiss me. What is this for him? Is he just hard up, or is he trying to throw me off? Am I just the last square on his bingo card, what is it?
It couldn’t be just plain attraction, not after all these years of sniping at one another…could it?
“Jax?” I whispered.
He snapped out of it and looked at my back.
“Yeah, sorry, spaced out. I think I just need some food.”
“Well, hurry up so we can go eat.”
One side of his mouth quirked up and it was horribly sexy. I hated it…sort of.
“Yes, princess.”
After a few minutes, he set the bottle down and rolled my shirt up more but it just fell back down.
“Would you mind just…um…bending over?”
I gave him a playful grin in the mirror.
“Why, Lieutenant, are you getting frisky with me?”
A barking laugh burst out of him and he shook his head.
“You are full of surprises aren’t you, Thanh Nguyen?”
Our eyes held in the mirror and that same heat from before passed between us, disarming me and making we want things that would only hurt us both in the end.
So I broke the contact and bent over a bit, but quickly realized my mistake. The strong column of his throat worked as he swallowed, eyes trailing down my spine to my ass, which I knew looked really good in these pants. An insane flirtatious streak took hold of me and I wiggled it a little. His eyes went wide and his hands clenched, showing off the corded muscles of his forearms.
I blame you for this.
“If it gets us laid, I’ll take it with pride.”
“Jax?”
“Right, yeah…I uh, your back side – Back! Your back .”
I snorted a laugh as he continued his ministrations. It might’ve been my imagination, or second-hand horniness from Tohm-Tohm, but I swear his hands lingered on my skin.
“How’s that?” he asked, the hoarse tone of his voice going straight to my clit.
“Better,” I said. “I’m just worried I’m going to get it on the shirt now.”
“No, the fabric won’t absorb the oil.”
He rehooked my bra and rolled the shirt back down with careful movements as I watched him in the mirror. When he was done, Jax’s eyes lingered on my ass and then drifted back up to meet mine in the mirror. The last thing he did was bring my braid from over my shoulder. He held it for a second, heat in his gaze as he held it up, like he was imagining it wrapped around his fist.
I was never trusting enough to be at anyone’s mercy as a submissive, but to see that look on his face, to feel that cock driving into me from behind while we had filthy, angry sex? I might be convinced to try it just once.
Or maybe I should make him lie down so I can edge him while riding him…still doesn’t mean I like him though.
My cheeks flushed with the vivid, lurid scene and I pressed my thighs together before thinking better of it. Jax took a sharp inhale and his hand curled around the end of the braid in his hand. I had never believed my friends when they said that hate sex was hot, but now I understood. The thought of riding him hard, of digging my nails in to elicit pain as I took pleasure from him? It was an intoxicating idea that disarmed my inhibitions and tempted to do things I knew I would regret.
A strange shiver went through me, and Tohm-Tohm, a few seconds before the ship shuddered under us.
“Narrou, what was that?” Jax asked, strained, still holding my eyes in the mirror.
“Jax, get to the command deck,” Teneras’ voice said over coms. “We’ve got a situation.”
“On my way.” He let my braid go and stepped back. “You don’t have to —”
“You’ve never treated me like I was broken before, don’t you dare start now.”
Those damn, kissable lips quirked and sent a rush of molten heat through me.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, princess.”