Chapter Twenty
Thanh
I looked him in the eyes just before I settled myself over his mouth and held onto the sturdy headboard.
Jax’s hand was so large that he was able to hold onto my hip easily, while his other hand was splayed across my soft stomach, his thumb hovering over my clit. When he dragged his tongue through me, I let loose an obscene groan and threw my head back.
I had imagined this for years. Having him under me in this way, his body at my mercy while he wrung orgasm after orgasm out of me. Except in those fantasies, I didn’t feel this way about him. I didn’t feel the warm, quiet affection that was blooming somewhere deep inside my battered soul.
I hadn’t done this in a while, more than the six-month dry spell. Not since my last partner had complained about my scent. So I wanted to grind down and ride him like a fucking rodeo horse, but I held back, self-conscious in a way I hated.
Jax took hold of my hips and lifted me off his mouth enough to talk to me.
“Princess, are you going to fuck my mouth or what?”
He gave me that smirk that had haunted my filthiest dreams and infuriated my waking hours. It had the dual affect in that moment and I took one hand off the headboard to grip one smooth, thick horn.
“Careful what you wish for…snookums.”
He waggled his eyebrows and I settled on his mouth once again. Jax went after my pussy like a man possessed. He sucked and bit, kissed and tongue fucked me until I wasn’t aware of myself any longer. I ground down, riding his face with the abandon I’d once had before my accident.
Soon, his thumb started pressing tight, hard circles on my clit, torturing me by bringing me up so high only to back off just as I was about to crest that glorious hill.
“Stop playing with your food,” I rasped.
I think he said ‘yes mistress’ but he had a mouthful of my cunt so it was a bit muffled.
He finally brought me to that peak again, and I fell over in a tumult of blinding sensation. My body convulsed and I screamed, a rush of warmth came out of me and I didn’t even care. The noises he was making weren’t of disgust, if anything he was just as gone as I was.
When the blissful fog lifted, I sat back onto his upper chest and pressed a sloppy, wonderful kiss to his wet lips. I tasted myself, mixed with the flavor of him and it was so unexpectedly perfect that I felt my heart shudder.
I didn’t become attached, ever. That wasn’t my way. I fucked and I left. But with Jax, I wanted to mix myself with him, I wanted to know what lazy mornings waking up with his mouth on me would be like. What really being a part of his family might be like.
Don’t think about that, just be here…there’s no tomorrow, nothing but now.
His huge hands tangled in my hair as he held me to him. Then I was on my back, thighs splayed to cradle him between. He bit a path of fire down my throat to my breasts, where he tortured me with attention.
“Jax,” I gasped, his name no longer bitter, but sweet.
He looked up at me, a hungry, feral look in his eyes.
“Say it again.”
I threaded my fingers through the hair that had fallen on his forehead and whispered, “Jax.”
He ravaged my mouth with his while his hands held me tight against him. I found myself wanting to make him happy, to please him like this over and over. No drug had ever been as intoxicating as making Jax lose his mind just because I said his name without loathing.
“I want you,” I panted while he devoured my flesh with his mouth, “inside me…Please. Fuck me, Jax.”
He stilled and I worried that I’d said something wrong. When Jax pulled back, eyes sharp and bright like jewels, there was a keen longing that made the breath catch inside my chest.
“I want that,” he swallowed, “but…I don’t know if I could have you just once. If I have you, I want a promise that we’ll be together for the rest of the mission.”
A pinch of panic tried to take away my bliss and I refused to let it. After all, Jax wasn’t asking for forever, that would be silly. He was only asking for the duration of the mission. Which meant I had an out, an end point. I could handle that.
“Okay,” I nodded. “Until the end of the mission, we’re fuck buddies.”
His eyes closed on a murmur that I couldn’t really understand. I had expected that enticing grin of his in response, or a hungry growl. Not a look of torment and grief. I would’ve asked, checked in at the very least, but he’d flipped me once again and I was straddling his thigh.
“I’ve been tested, I’ve got the birth control implant,” he rasped, holding himself at the base of his dick. “I want to fuck you bare.”
I’d only done that once and regretted it. But that was only because the asshole thought he’d had ownership of me afterwards.
We have an end point…this isn’t a relationship. It’s friends with benefits .
I stared down at his engorged cock. Jax was a big guy, and he had an equally huge package to go with it. Zorestran dicks had ridges all along the length, and their sheaths bunched into a knot. I’d never taken a knot before, but I’d been curious.
Holding his gaze with mine, I ran one finger along his length. Jax’s mouth fell open with a pant, white precum rising in his tip. Unable to help myself, I licked it off him and my eyes rolled back. He tasted sweet, like vanilla frosting.
“Unless you want me…to come in a few seconds…you need to stop,” he choked when I closed my lips over his tip.
I released him with a sucking sound that made his back bow off the bed. Did he realize how damn incredible it was to know that I had him in the palm of my hand? That I could make him whimper and beg?
“Next time,” I said, still running my fingers up and down him, “I’m going to make you beg while you watch me pleasure myself. Would you like that?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“But right now I’m too damn impatient to play,” I moved up and positioned myself over the head of his cock. “I want to feel you, every ridge, right before you fill me up.”
“You’re not real,” he notched himself at my entrance, “I have to be dreaming.”
I braced my hands on his pecs; they looked impossibly small against his chest and I wondered how much I would be able to take. As if reading my mind, Jax gripped the back of my neck and made me look at him.
“I’ll fit.”
“How do you know?”
There was something on the tip of his tongue, I saw him hold it back and he gave me that grin instead.
“Because, baby, everyone is small compared to me.”
I breathed out an amused chuckled that was cut off with a squeal as he eased into me. I felt one ridge before he angled his hips so that he slid out. Our rhythm was a bit off, halting, and I tried to disconnect, close my eyes and go to that place I often went when I just wanted to get off.
“Look at me,” he pleaded, “I need your eyes on me…please.”
His voice pierced a place inside of me that was old, beyond words, the part that knew that being with Jax was different. And it yanked on that thread, forcing my eyes open. Our eyes connected like pieces of a puzzle snapping together. The uneven timing we struggled with smoothed out immediately and we were no longer two separate people fucking. I could feel him about to move and I responded in kind until we were in perfect sync, his cock driving deeper as I relaxed and let him in more and more.
My mind wasn’t fighting me anymore, instead it was peaceful, relaxed. I let myself go and trusted Jax, just as I had when I was on his face. But looking in his eyes, seeing the prism of his pleasure and knowing that he could see mine too, it stripped me down to my bruised, bitter core.
Fear tried to rip me away from him and Jax shook his head, his grip on the back of my neck tightening. He sat up, pulling my legs around him and slipped deeper still inside of me.
“What do you need?” he whispered, peppering my face with kisses.
The word stuck in my throat at first.
“I want to please you. Just tell me.”
It clicked then, what I would need to feel safe letting myself get swept away with him.
“Control.” The word came out choked, rough.
Jax’s sexy as fuck mouth spread in a grin.
“Then take it, cheja .”
I gripped his face hard and took his mouth as I started to ride him again.
“Stay in this position and fuck me from below while I ride you. Don’t be gentle.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
I held onto his broad shoulders as he followed my orders, even as the unexpected intimacy of the moment scared the shit out of me as much as it also aroused me. I was so wet that I heard him moving in and out of me, his hands were everywhere on my body except my back and I was glad. I wasn’t ready for anyone to touch me there yet, and Jax somehow knew that. The hard bulge of his knot pressed against my clit just right as he started to mercilessly thrust up into me with his perfect dick.
I chanted his name, as we chased our release with fevered desperation. It quickly became too much, and I needed something, anything to anchor me.
“Look at me,” I demanded.
Jax’s gaze snapped to mine and I realized my mistake too late. Everything was heightened and more real with our eyes soldered to one another. My cries of pleasure became edged with something sharp, something new. I started to cry as it dragged me under right before the orgasm crashed into me. Agony and ecstasy blinded me to everything except Jax and where our bodies met. I was distantly aware of the hot lash of his cum as he released inside of me, the way his muscles tightened and his fingers dug into my flesh, holding me down onto him while he spent himself.
“You’re beautiful,” he panted. “C heja…shei bashna cheja …”
I sobbed and shook as he murmured more words in Zorestran and kissed away the tears I didn’t understand. I was used to my body being sensitive, the nerve endings firing at inopportune moments. I wasn’t used to it happening so acutely during sex, nor was I familiar with it being more sensual than painful.
Every place he touched me with his hands, his mouth, his body was alive as it had never been before. I felt the soft slide of him, the tiny wiry hairs on his chest, the shifting cords of muscle. His heart was strong under my hand, and his leather and caramel scent soothed the beginnings of panic in me.
I had no idea what this could be, why I was feeling this way.
Maybe it was Tohm-Tohm and his repaired tendrils?
Maybe it was a byproduct of the healing pod?
“Thanh…maybe…”
No. I don’t want to know right now. Don’t answer this for me please? Just…I just want to be here.
“Did I hurt you?” Jax asked, holding me so carefully.
I was still straddling him, his cock still inside of me and this was usually when I climbed off, showered and left. I was torn between doing just that and staying here in the warmth and safety of his arms, his fingers drawing tiny patterns on my skin.
“No,” I whispered, laying my face in the crook of his neck. “I’m…good.”
He hesitated and I could feel the other questions pushing a small wedge between us the longer he held them in.
“I’m good too,” he finally said.
But there was more in his voice, so much more, and that’s what made this suddenly too much.
“I should use the toilet,” I said, pulling back and starting to move my leg from around him.
Jax held my hips fast.
“Don’t run from me. Tell me if I crossed a line, if I made you uncomfortable.”
I swallowed, and wouldn’t look him in the eye, regardless of how many times he ducked his head to try and get me to.
“It was…intense, that’s all. I don’t do intense usually,” I finally answered.
“I’m sorry if I scared you. I don’t usually do intense either. Did you like it otherwise?”
I tried to stop the grin that started to bloom on my face but couldn’t. I looked up at him through my lashes and nodded.
“I liked it a lot otherwise.”
“Me too.” His mouth grazed mine, coaxing a soft kiss from me.
When I broke it, my hands were pressed to his chest, creating a semblance of space between us. This time I did look him in the eyes because I needed him to understand what I was about to say.
“We’re friends with benefits,” I said firmly. “Nothing more.”
“Friends, huh?” he smirked.
“Unfortunately you’ve worn me down.”
We both chuckled and Jax brushed the backs of his fingers across my cheeks.
“I like being your friend,” he whispered. “Especially with benefits.”
I do too. A little too much actually.
I eased myself off of him and gasped when he slipped free. Even softening, he was still impressive and his chest puffed out when he saw me checking him out.
“Yes, yes, you’re huge. The biggest I’ve ever seen,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“Oh, I know,” Jax said, getting off the bed and towering above me. “I’m just glad you’ve finally admitted it.”
He turned around, completely, gloriously naked. And for the first time since the Academy, I saw his bare, firm ass. I’d swatted it at the club, but that was through his tight pants. This was skin to skin and I couldn’t resist. So I gave him a playful smack to butt and he turned around with a quirked eyebrow.
“Oh really? You want to play like that?”
He wasn’t asking me to tie him up and spank him. No, the look in his eye as he advanced on me was something entirely different.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I said, backing away.
“Why because you’re royalty?”
“Damn right!” I jumped up on his bed.
“Afraid you’ll like it?”
He dove for me and I rolled off the bed with a breathless laugh.
“No, I know I do. But I don’t want you thinking that anything’s going to be easy now that we’re friends.”
I ran toward the sitting room.
“Don’t forget with benefits,” he crowed, chasing after me.
I knew he’d catch me eventually, it wasn’t that big of a space and I certainly wasn’t running naked through the ship. But it had been so long since I could move like this without needing some serious help from pain meds and Xenocor. My muscles were sore but not pinched and cramping. I could run without my knees feeling like they were on fire.
I dodged to the side when Jax tried to grab me and we were both roaring with laughter as I attempted to get back to the bedroom. He came up behind me and circled my waist with his arms before unceremoniously tossing me over his shoulder like a sack of meal.
“Gotcha!” he delivered a swat to my bare ass and I squealed. “That’s for running from me.”
“You loved it,” I giggled as he took me back to the bedroom.
“Maybe a little.”
He tossed me onto the bed and I let loose a scream of pure delight as I bounced on the mattress. My body was brand new, not perfect or without flaws, and who knew what would happen in a few days when I was far more active. But right now it was like I was filled with fizzy bubbles, light and effervescent.
Jax tackled me to the bed when I tried to scramble away, I took the opportunity to try and tickle him, only to find myself pinned to the bed by his massive body.
We were both flushed, breathing heavily from the chase and the laughter. And I was mesmerized by the sight of this male hovering above me, touching me so delicately and with such wonder.
“Have you always been this beautiful?” he breathed.
“Yes.”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating in my own chest and drawing another giggle. He drew a line down my nose with his before slowly taking my mouth. Jax kissed me like he was tasting the most delicious, delicate of foods. Usually, being treated soft would be a turn off for me, but not this time. I liked that he took his time, that I was so rare a thing he wanted to savor me.
“If we don’t stop,” he whispered, “we won’t get out of this bed.”
“I don’t really see a problem with that.”
“Didn’t you say you needed the toilet?”
“Did I?” I hooked one of my legs around his hip. “Must not have been all that urgent.”
He growled against my mouth.
“You’re going to be very bad for my productivity on this mission.”
We absolutely did not get out of bed for a long, long time.