Seventeen
Aspen
I’m not quick enough to dodge the truth that’s written all over my face, and Kaiden’s hand on my chin keeps me from turning away like I want to. His words, so like his son’s, have me shaken as much as his presence here.
“Aspen.” His voice drops an octave, taking on that dangerous edge I remember from when he used to interrogate information out of reluctant sources. “What aren’t you telling me?”
My heart hammers against my ribs so hard I’m certain he can hear it. This is it. The moment I’ve been dreading since I saw his name on my phone screen a week ago.
“I need to get back,” I say, trying to pull away, but his grip, gentle but firm, holds me in place.
“No.” His dark eyes bore into mine, reading me the way he always could. “You’re hiding something. I can see it.”
“Kaiden, please…”
“Is there someone else?” The question comes out rough, like it’s been dragged over broken glass. “Is that what this is? You’ve moved on and you don’t know how to tell me?”
“No!” The word bursts out before I can stop it, and I watch relief flood his features. Damn it all, if I had just been able to think a little quicker. I could have used that as a cover.
Too late now, though. “There’s no one else,” I admit. “But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with you just waltzing back into my life and turning everything upside down now that it suits you. Because you know what, Kaiden? Maybe it doesn’t suit me.”
I’m being defensive, I know. I can’t help it. I’ve been on the edge of panic since he showed up on my doorstep unexpectedly, and I’m in no way ready to have a conversation about our son. Not when I’m still trying to come to terms with this new reality.
And yes, I know Kaiden’s just given me the perfect transition, but I’m not jumping into this without being certain I’m doing the right thing.
Call me selfish, if you want, but the incidents in my past that culminated in my hospitalization and Kaiden’s defection, no matter how warranted, still haunt me.
Whether it’s fair to father and son or not, I need to know Kai will be safe.
I haven’t kept this secret for the last decade simply to throw my son into a gladiatorial arena because my estranged husband turns up out of the blue, full of pretty words and promises.
I’ve heard all the promises before, back when we made our failed attempt to forge a life together outside the shadow of the mafia and look how that turned out. So no, irrespective of how callous it might make me seem, I refuse to be swayed into a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Kaiden’s jaw tightens, and I watch something shift behind his eyes. Not anger exactly, but frustration mixed with understanding. “You’re right,” he says, and the admission surprises me enough that I stop trying to pull away. “I’m pushing too hard, too fast. That’s not fair to you.”
The apology deflates some of my defensive posture, which is probably dangerous. I can’t afford to let my guard down, not when I have so much at stake.
“I just need time,” I tell him, and it’s not entirely a lie. I do need time - to figure out how to tell him about Kai, to assess whether the threat is truly gone, to determine if I can trust him not just with my heart but with our son’s safety.
“How much time?” He finally releases my chin but doesn’t step back.
We’re still standing too close, close enough that I can see the faint scar above his left eyebrow that wasn’t there ten years ago.
Close enough to breathe in the familiar scent of him; soap and something distinctly Kaiden.
It makes my head spin, and that in itself tells me more than I want to know about my feelings for my ex.
Because, yes, dammit. He is my ex. No matter what a stupid piece of paper says.
“Jesus, Kaiden. I don’t know!” Irritation is ripe in my tone, and I force myself to take that step back, to create the distance I need to think clearly. “It’s not exactly something you can put a timeframe on.”
I huff out a breath and make a concerted attempt to soften my tone. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the best I can offer.”
I don’t say ‘take it or leave it,’ but believe me, it’s implied.
He studies me for a long moment, and I can practically see the calculations running behind those dark eyes. The watcher, the strategist, trying to figure out his next move.
He can’t know there’s nothing he can do to sway me. Not when my son’s well-being is at stake.
But then something in his expression softens, and he nods.
“Okay,” he says simply. “I’ll give you time. But Aspen...” He pauses, and I brace myself. “I’m not giving up. I’m not walking away again. So take whatever time you need but know that I’ll be here. Waiting.”
The intensity in his voice makes my throat tight. Part of me wants to tell him not to wait, that it’s pointless, that too much has changed. But the other part - the part that still remembers what it felt like to be loved by Kaiden Brooks - stays silent.
“I should get back,” I say again, and this time he doesn’t stop me when I turn toward the park entrance.
We walk back to my house in silence, but it’s different from the charged quiet on the way here.
This feels heavier, weighted with all the things neither of us is saying.
When we reach my front steps, I expect him to leave, but he lingers, and that makes me all kinds of jumpy.
The last thing I need is Kai making an appearance while he’s here.
“I have to go,” I tell him, making my excuses. “I have an important commission with a deadline.”
It might not be my real motivation, but it’s still true. He nods, but his eyes search my face like he’s trying to memorize every detail. “When can I see you again?”
“Kaiden.” The word’s a warning, and I clutch the porch railing, needing something solid to hold onto.
“Look, I’m doing my best, okay?” I watch the conflict play across his face – the desire to push harder warring with what looks like genuine understanding.
It’s a new expression on him, this careful restraint.
The Kaiden I remember would have already figured out twelve different ways to get what he wanted and executed half of them.
“I know,” he says quietly, cutting off whatever else I was going to say.
“I know you are. And I appreciate it more than you probably realize.” He takes a step back, creating more distance between us, and I hate that I feel the loss of it.
“I’ll wait for you to reach out. But I’m going to text you.
Not constantly,” he adds quickly when he sees my expression.
“Just... so you know I’m thinking about you. That I’m here.”
I want to tell him not to. Want to say that every text will be another complication, another crack in the armor I’m trying to construct around my heart; my life. But I know it’s pointless.
Right now, I’ll settle for just getting him out of here before matters escalate beyond my control. That’s one explosion I really don’t want to set off, so despite my better judgment, I nod. “Okay.”
That’s when Kaiden sets off another bomb, leaning forward, catching me unawares, and laying his lips over mine.
The world narrows to the pressure of his mouth, the familiar taste of him sending a jolt of recognition through my entire body.
My traitorous hands find his chest, and for one breathless second, I’m not pushing him away, I’m clutching his shirt, pulling him closer, drowning in the sensation of coming home after being lost for so long.
Then reality crashes back in. I tear myself away, stumbling backwards until my spine hits the door, and I know the thud means I only have seconds before someone comes to investigate.
My fingers fly to my lips, which still tingle from the contact.
My head is spinning from more than just the kiss.
It’s the memories it dragged up, the feelings I’ve spent a decade trying to bury, and the sheer panic of knowing that door behind me could open any second and reveal my biggest secret before I’m ready.
Like I’ve willed it into existence, the door behind me opens, and I almost fall backwards.
The bottom nearly falls out of my world as I wonder if my secret is out before I have time to straighten it out in a way that’s not like letting off a grenade.