Thirty-One
Kaiden
Aspen’s eyes widen and fly to mine, and I wonder what’s just run through her mind.
“What is it?” I ask, taking her hand. I’m done tiptoeing. Tonight I’m taking my life back; my wife back.
Sure, I’ll talk first, but no more pussy footing around. It hasn’t done me any good anyway. Aspen is clearly conflicted - time to give her a push in the right direction.
She shakes her head, but her expression is troubled.
God, I wish she’d talk to me. Used to be a time when we’d share everything.
Our hopes and dreams, fears and fantasies.
All the little things that made us who we were then.
We might not be the same people now, but we’re not so different either.
The intense attraction is still there. The knowledge that only comes with intimacy in both body, soul, and shared experiences.
But the devil-may-care attitude is gone.
I’m not sure I ever had it, but Aspen did.
Now, that’s been replaced by caution, a learned response I’m sad she had to experience.
Now there are walls between us, built from years of silence and secrets. But I’m making a start on pulling those walls down tonight, whether she’s ready or not.
“Aspen.” I squeeze her hand gently, feeling the delicate bones beneath her skin. “Talk to me.”
She opens her mouth, closes it again. I watch the internal battle play out across her features - the familiar urge to confide warring with whatever fear is keeping her locked up tight.
“Did you...” She swallows hard, her voice barely above a whisper. “Did you have anything to do with the Viper’s death?”
The question hangs between us, heavy and loaded. I should have expected it, but somehow I didn’t. My wife is sharp. She always has been. Of course, she’d put the pieces together.
I don’t lie to her. I’ve done enough damage with omissions and half-truths. “No. But I would have, given the chance, and if I hadn’t always thought it would come back on me.”
She nods slowly, like she’s processing this information, filing it away in whatever mental compartment she keeps her fears about my life. “Who did?”
“Does it matter?” I don’t want to tell her I don’t know; that nobody knows outside of whoever pulled the trigger that fateful night.
Because I don’t want the fear she already harbors to spiral any further when it’s clearly already holding her back.
And neither do I want to admit there’s a dark presence pulling strings in the background, causing a ripple of unease throughout many of the crime syndicates.
A mystery player causing issues with shipments and arrangements, not just for us, but for both the Irish mob and the Ukrainian Bratva, according to the intel from our allies.
I suspect it also spreads into other organizations we have less information about, which is troubling.
There’s a crimson tide encroaching like a slow expanse of poison, either assimilating or destroying whatever is in its path.
And without knowledge of this deadly puppeteer, the person pulling the strings, we are helpless to staunch the oncoming surge.
Aspen pulls her hand from mine, and I feel the loss of contact like a physical ache.
“It matters to me,” she says, her voice stronger now, edged with frustration.
“Because I need to know if we’re safe. If Kai is safe.
You keep telling me the threat is gone, but I need to believe that unequivocally. ”
“Aspen.” I cut her off before she can free-fall further. “The Viper is dead, and the truth is, he had a lot of enemies. He was a sadistic bastard who got off on hurting people. His death could have been ordered by any number of people. It might even have been an inside job.”
“Seriously?”
“I don’t know for certain. But it wouldn’t surprise me.
” I lean forward, needing her to understand.
“Vito was becoming a liability. He was reckless, cruel for cruelty’s sake.
He made decisions based on personal grudges rather than business savvy.
He made impetuous choices that were both audacious and irresponsible.
The kind that gets federal investigators sniffing around. ”
She’s quiet for a long moment, her gaze distant. I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head, calculating risks and probabilities the way she always does when she’s anxious.
“What you need to focus on is the fact that he’s gone.
Finished. However it happened, someone did us a favor.
And on top of that, Mika has done a thorough cleanse of Vito’s minions.
Hell, most of them weren’t even official members of the LCN, they were mercenaries working outside the parameters of the syndicate. ”
I can see from her face she understands the ramifications of that. All those who were loyal to him specifically, anyone who was following Vito’s personal vendettas instead of the company line, has been… neutralized.
I cup her face. “But most of them were mindless lackeys. They were chosen precisely because they did what they were told and followed Vito’s mandate instead of thinking for themselves or questioning whether their actions or their orders were against company policy.”
She gives a humorless laugh. “You make it sound like a corporate business when you say things like that.”
“Aspen, that’s exactly what it is! That’s how I can guarantee yours and Kai’s safety.
You were only in danger because the Viper wanted to control me.
And he only wanted to do that because he couldn’t stand not winning.
Now he’s gone, I’ve found my own place. I’m respected, and nobody is interested in manipulating my life or my family. ”
I pull her close, squashing the sliver of guilt reminding me about Mika’s interest in her artwork.
This is not about that. Pursuing Aspen has nothing to do with Mika’s orders.
I would have come for her regardless. Mika just gave me the push I needed to combat my own fear that she may have moved on. Forgotten me. Found somebody else.
But in the easing of her tension and the way in which she relaxes into me, I can feel her resistance crumbling.
Her body softens against mine, her head coming to rest against my shoulder in a gesture of surrender that makes my chest tighten.
I’ve made a career out of reading people, and this is what I’ve been waiting for.
This moment when she stops fighting and just lets herself feel, and I’m damn sure going to use it for my own benefit.
Feathering butterfly light kisses behind her ear, where I know she’s particularly sensitive, I gauge her response, feeling the goosebumps that rise along her skin. She shivers, and I know it’s not from the cold.
“Kaiden...” My name comes out breathless, and I can feel her pulse hammering where my lips brush against her throat.
I press my advantage, pulling her closer, my hands sliding down to her waist as her fingers curl into my shirt, gripping the fabric like she’s afraid I might disappear if she lets go. The irony isn’t lost on me – after all these weeks of her pushing me away, now she’s the one holding on.
I pull back just enough to look at her face. Her eyes have darkened like a stormy sea, pupils blown, lips parted. There’s still fear there, still uncertainty, but there’s something else too. Want. Need. The same desperate hunger I feel gnawing at my insides.
Moving in to taste her lips, I don’t allow Aspen to change her mind. The time for talk is over.
Her lips are soft, hesitant for just a heartbeat before she opens to me with a small gasp that shoots straight through my veins like liquid fire.
Ten years. Ten goddamn years since I’ve had her like this, and it’s like coming home after being lost in the wilderness.
Like nourishing water soaking into desiccated soil.
Like life being poured back into the empty husk of my being.
She makes a sound in the back of her throat - half surrender, half protest - and I swallow it down, deepening the kiss.
My hand slides up to tangle in her hair, angling her head to give me better access.
She responds by pressing closer, her body molding against mine in a way that feels both familiar and entirely new.
When we finally break apart, we’re both breathing hard. Her eyes are glazed, her lips swollen, and the sight of her like this, undone by my touch, makes something primal surge through me.
“We shouldn’t,” she whispers, but her hands are still fisted in my shirt, still holding me close.
“Why not?” I brush my thumb across her bottom lip, watching it tremble. “We’re married, Aspen. We have a son together. What’s stopping us?”
“Kai…” she murmurs. “We shouldn’t confuse him.”
I shake my head, continuing the onslaught of my lips cruising over her throat between my words. “What’s confusing about us being together? We’re his parents. It’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s what he wants.”
“It’s what you want,” she corrects, but there’s no heat in it. Her breathing is ragged, her chest rising and falling against mine in a way that’s driving me insane.
“And you don’t?” I challenge, sliding my hand down her spine, feeling her arch into my touch. “Your body’s telling me a different story, Aspen.”
She bites her lip, and I watch the internal war play out across her face. I can feel her wavering, feel the last of her defenses crumbling. Part of me knows I should stop, give her more time, let her come to this decision without pressure.
But I’m done waiting. Done being patient while she builds walls between us. I’ve lost ten years already; I’m not losing another night.
Except… fucking goddamn conscience! You’d think it would have been obliterated by now. So I give her a choice, even though I refuse to let up on my onslaught against her senses.
“Tell me to stop,” I murmur in her ear, my hand slipping under the hem of her shirt to find warm skin. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll walk away right now.”