53. Lucia
fifty-three
Lucia
Lucia
Hey Lo
Are you free right now?
Harlow
Yeah
I’m just hanging out at home with Knox until he heads to the stadium before the game
Is everything okay?
Is this about running into Matt and Anna last night?
Lucia
It’s not about Matt and Anna
But I kinda feel like I’m crumbling
And I think you’re going to understand my situation better than anyone else right now
Harlow
Let’s grab some coffee, then
I’ll meet you at Urban Grind in an hour
Lucia
Thanks, babe
I’ll see you soon
“Okay,” Harlow says, sliding into the seat across from me. “They managed to find some peppermint syrup in the back, so even though it’s almost June, we’ve got a peppermint mocha here for Lucia Torres.”
“You’re the best, Lo,” I smile, taking the cup from her and inhaling my favorite minty scent.
“So,” she drawls gently. “Want to tell me what this is about, Luc?”
I fidget with the paper sleeve on my cup, spinning it around mindlessly while refusing to make eye contact. “Um…”
“It’s about Ari, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I sigh. “I know it’s been a few years, but…” I throw my head back and take a deep breath. “What did you do when you realized you wanted more, but Knox refused to admit it?”
Harlow gazes at me sympathetically. “Oh, Lucia…”
I cover my face with my hands. “I never expected this to happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“That’s not how love works.”
I look at her, and I know my face is raw with all the emotions swirling through me. “I’m in love with him, Lo. How the hell did I fall in love with him?”
“I imagine you got to know him,” she smiles.
“Yeah,” I reply softly before grinning. “He’s fucking incredible. I’ve never felt like this around anyone else.”
“So, tell me more about him,” Harlow states. “What changed over the past six months since you moved in?”
“It had originally started with us agreeing to just be amicable. That led to us spending a little bit more time together, but not much. Then I dragged him into a supply closet on New Year’s, and everything started changing.”
“I still can’t believe you fucked him at the club,” she laughs.
If only she knew that I’d fucked him in a club, too.
“I hadn’t had sex in nine months. Ari came to check on me after I ran into Matt, and I basically just said, ‘Fuck it.’”
“And then?”
“Then nothing,” I say. “Until I caught him using my thong to jack himself off.”
“Oh shit.” Harlow leans closer and lowers her voice. “Was that as hot as it sounds?”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Even more. But I only watched him that night. Nothing else happened until I blew him at your wedding.”
She eyes me curiously. “At my wedding?”
“Don’t get hung up on that,” I say, waving my hand dismissively, even though I do feel my cheeks heating.
“That was after Ari apparently defended me to Matt and Anna, though I didn’t know about that tidbit until last night.
From there, I proposed roommates with benefits, and we’ve practically been unable to keep our hands off each other. ”
“So it sounds like you two have an active sex life,” she says.
“It’s so good, Lo. He’s fantastic in bed. Our bedroom chemistry is unreal.”
“True as that may be, I know you didn’t fall in love with him because you like the way he fucks you.”
“No,” I sigh. “It’s everything in between.
We started using sex as a way to get to know each other better, and that led to us genuinely enjoying being together.
Things became less physical as we started an actual friendship.
” I lower my voice. “Lo, he came to support me that day at Brooklyn College.”
“He did?” Harlow seems genuinely surprised. I told the girls how well that day went for me, but I never told them Ari was there.
“Yes,” I nod. “He said he wanted to support me, wanted me to see someone who was proud of what I was doing. He brought a bouquet of sunflowers, too. Because they’re yellow.”
“Oh my God,” she squeals. “This is so cute!”
I pick up the pendant around my neck. “Ari got me this when we spent an entire day together in Koreatown. Jade is significant in Korean culture. And green is apparently his favorite color.”
“Swoon,” she sighs, looking on lovingly.
“And he trusts me, Lo. He’s told me things that virtually nobody knows.”
The day Ari opened up to me about his bisexuality is actually one of my favorite moments.
Sure, I had already been suspecting it based on his actions and words, but I would never have said that to him.
But he trusted me enough to be completely open.
He trusted that when I told him I was a safe space, I meant it.
I’ve felt so much closer to him since then.
“I think one of the biggest changes between us,” I continue, “started the night Ella and Josh told us about their pregnancy.”
“What does that mean?” she questions.
“Well… we kind of discovered we both have a breeding kink.”
Harlow practically spits out her coffee. “What?! Both of you?”
“Mhmm. I thought it would just be me. We had made lists of things we wanted to try, and that was on mine. But the night they told us, he was the one begging to try it.”
Her eyes widen when understanding dawns on her. “Oh my God. When we all went out after the season opener, Ari said maybe to wanting kids one day…”
“Oh, it’s not a maybe,” I chuckle. “He’s dying to get me pregnant, Lo. I’m on birth control, and he fantasizes about me stopping that so he can.”
“Holy shit.” Harlow looks absolutely dumbfounded right now. “Are we sure this is the same Ari Morgan?”
“Well, he has the same dick as that Ari Morgan, so I’m pretty sure.”
She cackles at my candor. “God, I love you, Luc.”
“So, what did you do then?” I ask again, bringing the conversation back around to the question I asked when we got here. “What did you do when you knew about the feelings you had for Knox when he refused to admit them?”
“I kept them to myself until they exploded out of me,” she chuckles. “Probably not the best example of what to do.”
I sigh. “I can tell he feels something for me, Lo. But when I told him last night that he’s the only one I care about, he looked terrified. Like he didn’t know what to do with that information.”
Harlow reaches out and rubs her thumb over the back of my hand. “Well, this is all new to him. Knox eventually came around and admitted my love wasn’t unrequited. Ari could do the same.”
“I don’t know if he will,” I admit softly. “He talks about babies and being tied to me for life without ever mentioning the possibility of something more. I’m so nervous that he’ll never be able to admit it to himself.”
“Then talk to him, Luc. Lay it all out in the open.”
“Maybe,” I reply. “The last thing I want to do is scare him away.”
“Lucia,” Harlow says gently. “You’re in love with him. You can’t keep that in. You’ll only be hurting yourself if you do.”
I let out a deep breath. “I think I might end up hurt either way, Lo. I wish things were different. We’d be so good together.” My eyes flutter closed as I attempt to keep my composure. “We’d be perfect together.”
“Then don’t give up hope. And please think about talking to him.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll think about it.”
I’m not sure I really have any other choice.