Chapter 22 - Trina
My breath burns in my throat, and the muscles in my legs slowly harden into lead weights as I bolt through the forest. I’ve never run so hard or so far in my life, and if I wasn’t completely panicking, I’d never be able to keep up this pace.
Running has never been my thing. Now I understand why. This sucks.
My backpack shuffles up and down with every step, banging me in the kidneys as it shakes. I try to ignore the pain, but soon my whole body is screaming. I finally wind down to a staggering halt.
Keep going.
I can’t!
My body seizes up, simply refusing to do this much physical exercise after a lifetime of nothing but gentle walks. I try to take a step forward, but my knee buckles and I go down, almost falling straight onto my face.
Wow. I can’t even run away properly. Yay me.
Tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, and my eyes feel warm and tender. I try to draw a deep breath, but my chest is still locked up tight from running, and I can’t get enough air into my lungs for a good sob.
Slowly, I get my breath back, easing the backpack off my shoulders and waiting for the world to stop spinning. I look around, realizing I haven’t actually gotten that far from the house.
Failure upon failure.
I’m beginning to slide right into full-on despair when I hear a footstep nearby. I’m immediately on alert. Even though it could be someone just innocently on a hike, it could be one of the pack, too.
And I wouldn’t blame them for ripping my throat out. I’ve done such a terrible thing.
“Trina?”
Sadie’s voice flows to me from the nearby trees, and I look up to see her hurrying towards me with her arms out. I’m so relieved to see her; tears spill down my cheeks, and sobs rattle through my chest. Sadie hurries to me, kneeling on the ground next to me to wrap me in her arms.
“Shh, honey,” she says, hugging me tight. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not!” I wail. “Have you heard what happened?”
“Yes, I did, and it’s not your fault the curse suddenly got stronger. We’ll figure it out.”
I pull back a little so I can look into her eyes. “You really don’t know, do you?”
Owen must be keeping it a secret?
“Know what?” Sadie asks, a little suspiciously.
“I did a spell on Owen and me. I found it in one of the old books in the library. It was supposed to bind us and fix my powers.”
“Whoa,” Sadie mutters. “Do you have it on you?”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “It would still be in my room at Owen’s house—if he didn’t burn it.”
Sadie chews her lip a little, thinking. “I might need to see it, but if I work with you, then I can probably figure it out without the original spell.”
“Owen forbade me from using magic. He said I’d done enough.”
“Well, no one forbade me,” Sadie says. “And I have to look into this. It’s incredibly serious, and I can’t just leave it. Is that why you’re out here in the woods… having an unusually long hike?”
She gestures to the backpack, and I look away guiltily.
“Yeah.”
“You’re running away, aren’t you?”
I just nod in response.
“Trina, no matter what Owen said, he needs you. I’m sure he didn’t intend to drive you away. Please, don’t go.”
I want to protest, or maybe even get up and just keep running, but I’m too miserable.
And tired.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, looking at the ground. “I’m so lost.”
“Come home with me,” Sadie says. “You can stay with us for a little while, and we’ll figure everything out.”
Again, I want to protest, but my body is clearly telling me that resistance is futile. I have to rest soon, or I’ll just collapse. I let Sadie help me up, and we walk through the woods to the other side, where Sadie’s car is waiting.
“How did you find me?” I ask.
“I heard about what was going on in the pack,” she says. “When I went to the house to see you, the residuals were so chaotic, I knew something terrible had happened, so I tracked you.”
“It was that easy?”
“Well, it was for me,” she laughs. “I can recognize people by their aura now, and yours is in a state of stress, too. Almost like an alarm beacon.”
I look over at Sadie as we get into the car, admiring how calm she is. A sense of power surrounds her, assurance that she knows exactly how to use it. It’s comforting, but it also makes me feel incredibly small.
She’s so awesome. How could I ever become like her?
The drive back to her place doesn’t take long, and Sadie immediately takes me into the kitchen and sets a plate of cookies in front of me. She also makes strong, sweet tea and hands me the steaming cup.
“I’m not that hungry,” I murmur.
“I don’t care,” Sadie says with finality. “You need some sustenance. I’m not moving until you have something to eat.”
Grudgingly, I take a couple of cookies. They’re so good that I end up eating at least a dozen. The tea is sweet and fragrant, laced with honey, and it goes well with the cookies.
“This is wonderful, thank you,” I say.
She can cook, too. Is there anything she can’t do?
“It’s my pleasure,” Sadie says, smiling. “Now that you’ve rested a little, I want you to go back to this spell and explain it. Tell me the ritual and words, if you can.”
I tell her about twisting our hair together and how I had to piece the spell together from two books. I don’t remember all the words, but I tell her as much as I can remember.
“Okay, that’s good,” she says. “That gives me enough to work with. In the meantime, I want you to know that you made a mistake—but you can’t keep blaming yourself. I understand how guilty you feel, but that won’t help you move forward.”
“People died,” I gasp, looking at her with shock. “A lot of people. All because I did a stupid, selfish thing. You’re telling me not to feel bad about it?”
“No, not at all. You might feel bad about it for the rest of your life—but I’m telling you, don’t let it drag you down into despair. If we’re going to fix this, I need you strong and fighting.”
I shake my head, feeling tears brimming in my eyes again. “The things Owen said… even if I forgive myself, I don’t think he could ever forgive me.”
“Trina,” Sadie says gently. “I felt the same way with Rhys. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, getting through my feelings of resentment, then slowly accepting my role in the pack. But it has all been worth it.”
“Sadie,” I reply, shaking my head. “The difference is you have a history with Rhys. You fell in love with each other years ago, and your trials were a confirmation of that. Owen just picked me because of the spell. He didn’t choose me out of love.”
I know that Sadie wants to offer some words of comfort, but there are none. Owen’s motivation for choosing me had nothing to do with me personally or any bond between us. He can let me go just as easily as he picked me up.
“I’ll look into the spell,” Sadie says. “We’ll fix this.”
I nod, trying to have hope, but I truly don’t believe the situation can be fixed. And no matter what Sadie says, the guilt is choking me. From my perspective, there is no way through it.
***
In the days that follow, I slip into a routine in Sadie’s household, and the family atmosphere goes a long way towards healing me.
I avoid work, which isn’t such a big deal now that the gala is over and done with.
Instead, I help out around the house and play with Cassie. Slowly, I begin to feel better.
There is a knot of hurt deep in my chest that continues to twist, and by the third day, I have to finally admit to myself what is causing it.
I miss Owen.
Standing in Sadie’s kitchen, peeling potatoes while Cassie makes a fine mess of buttering bread, I try to reason it out, telling myself I can’t possibly miss a man who kidnapped me—and then rejected me.
But the feeling just grows, and it’s so intense that it feels like a keen blade slicing into my heart.
He does not miss me, that’s very clear. He must know by now that I’ve left. He hasn’t come looking for me, or even called or texted me.
The sharp pain in my chest rises to my throat, but I refuse to let the tears come.
I’m so done with crying. I can’t take this anymore.
Now that the image is in my head, though, I can’t get rid of it. Owen may have duties at the moment that prevent him from looking for me, but at the same time, if he cared, he’d make some attempt to find out where I was.
I can picture him getting on with his life, tending to the pack and cleaning up the mess I made—and doing it all without worrying about me anymore.
He must be so relieved to be rid of me. I’ve been nothing but trouble to him.
I think back to my early days with him, when I thought he was just an arrogant jerk who took what he wanted and didn’t even notice other people. I realize now how far that is from the truth.
Everything Owen has done, he did for his people. I see now how he sacrifices himself for their well-being, how desperate he is to make this right. That’s the only reason he came after me the way he did.
“Auntie Trina?” Cassie asks, tugging on my blouse.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“You look sad. Don’t be sad.”
“Oh, sweetie,” I say, bending down to look into her eyes. “I’m just thinking about things, that’s all. Sometimes adults do that. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know,” she says, very seriously. “But you don’t have to feel bad, I promise.”
A strange feeling of unease trickles through me as I look into Cassie’s eyes. Her words are something any toddler might say, but there is a certain confidence in her manner that suggests more than that.
“You will be okay, Auntie Trina,” she says with a smile. “I promise.”
“Thank you,” I say, hugging her. “You know just how to make me feel better.”
Cassie pulls back and looks into my eyes. Her face is very solemn. “It’s important, Auntie Trina, that you don’t give up.”
“Okay,” I whisper, feeling spooked. “I won’t.”
“Your magic is strong.” Cassie leans in to whisper in my ear. “I can see it. Everything is going to be alright.”
Cassie’s words ring through me, and I can’t help but feel like it’s true. Or that she has somehow made it true by speaking the words out loud.
“Mommy will find the spell,” Cassie grins. “And you’ll help Owen. Just be ready, okay?”
“Okay,” I answer, hugging Cassie again before she hurries off to play. Even though the encounter has left me a bit rattled, I have to admit I don’t doubt Cassie at all.