Chapter 24 – Kostya
It had already been eight months into the marriage, and so far, I'd tried my best to keep my promise to Brown. I'd promised to take good care of his daughter—my wife—and that was what I'd been working so hard to do.
This wasn't to please Brown—no. It was because all I wanted to do was see her happy, and for a while, things had been smooth until a few weeks ago. My wife had gradually been slipping back into her shell; she talked less and brooded more.
Maybe it was the pregnancy—it'd been making her do a lot of bizarre stuff anyway, like waking up in the middle of the night craving pizza or a fucking sandwich. But this time, it was different.
I hadn't been able to place exactly what was missing in her lately, but the spark in her eyes had dimmed drastically, and she was now gloomier. Madelyn didn't seem like she was happy, and I spent a lot of time trying to understand what I was doing wrong.
My fingers danced across the tie around my neck, weaving a flawless knot as I stood in front of the full-length mirror, eyes darting from my reflection to that of my wife's. She was seated on the edge of the bed, struggling with the lace of her shoes. Her forehead had deep creases, and her face, a picture of concentration, was scrunched up into a frown.
During this period, she was already heavily pregnant, and the big baby bump wouldn't let her reach for her shoes without obstruction.
Her brows furrowed, and her lips pursed. “Stupid shoes,” she muttered under her breath. She struggled to navigate the ties, but her fingers couldn't quite reach the errant laces, thanks to her swollen belly that got in the way.
At first, her frustration and the inaudible words she cussed were amusing as I continued to deftly knot my tie. A soft scoff escaped my lips, and a smile etched on my face. Then, I realized that she needed help. That fact that she didn't ask for it was concerning, especially because she usually never hesitated to call out to me.
Her chest was rising and falling with each labored breath as her body contorted and her frown deepened. She let out a growl of frustration, her fingers abandoning the laces and flying over to her face. “Why the hell did they design shoes for pregnant women without considering the baby bump obstacle?” Her tone was filled with exasperation as beads of sweat formed on her forehead.
I adjusted my tie, securing the perfect knot as I walked over to her. “Here, let me help with that.” I went down on one knee, tying her shoelaces.
I never thought that this day would come—a day when I would sink to my knees, helping a woman. Just last year, if someone had told me that I'd become this soft, I'd have shot them in the fucking head for belittling my standards, questioning my toughness.
Yet, here I was, down on a knee like a fucking lovesick teenage boy. A modern-day Romeo. But none of it actually mattered because for Madelyn, I'd do anything. Anything at all just to see her smile. I'd even wear a clown's red nose and oversized clothes if it ever came down to that. It was how much she meant to me, how much I adored this woman.
Madelyn was different, and she had so effortlessly managed to bring out a side in me that I didn't even know existed. It was concerning that I was starting to care way too much for this woman. But she brought me so much joy and fulfillment. How could I not cherish her?
“Done.” I jerked my eyes and locked my gaze on her face.
She was calmer now, wearing a softer expression, with a faint smile playing on her lips. “Thank you.”
We were getting ready for her doctor's appointment, and by now, we were both fully dressed, ready to leave.
I rose to my feet, watching her reach for her purse on the bed. There was something off about her these days, and I hadn't figured it out yet. It was tempting to ask her what was on her mind, but I couldn't find the perfect way to approach this situation.
Maybe I'd ask her once we got back from the hospital; at least I'd have some time to get my words together. It was interesting how talking to my wife was surprisingly more challenging than shooting someone. It was absurd, yes, but the thoughts of breaking through the high walls she'd recently built intimidated me more than any enemy ever had.
“You ready?” she asked, wearing a smile as she clutched her purse.
“Absolutely,” I replied, slipping into my jacket, mirroring the grin on her face.
We headed out, and I helped her get in the car before walking over to the driver's door. I opened it, got inside, shut the door, and started the engine. She tightened her seatbelt, and so did I. The engine roared to life, and soon, I drove out of the compound.
The drive was silent, and although I wanted to start a conversation, I had absolutely no idea what to say, and I hated that. She sat in the front passenger seat, eyes fixed out the window with her head resting on the glass.
I slightly tightened my grip around the steering wheel with gritted teeth as I cursed myself for lacking the right words to say to her. I wasn't one to easily open up or start a conversation; I was too deep in the darkness for that. I'd gotten so used to the company of my own demons that I forgot what it was like to have an angel around.
“Can we make a quick stop by the beach?” Madelyn turned to face me, her expression unreadable.
Wearing a blank expression was my thing, and she didn't get to use it on me. I was already having a hard time figuring her out, and now she just had to make things more complicated. Why the beach? What could possibly be her reason for requesting this?
So, that's how it feels , I thought to myself, finally having a taste of my own medicine.
I couldn't read her no matter how hard I tried, and in that moment, I understood how frustrating it was for people whenever they couldn't figure me out.
“Sure,” I replied, smoothly shifting gears as I drifted the car toward the beach side, curious as to why she wanted to go there.
I pulled over on the sand, and she opened the door, stepping out into the breathtaking sunset that enveloped her, casting a golden glow on her face. I got out of the car, and with gentle steps, I approached her as she stood by the shore, breathing in the sweet scent of salt water that the cool ocean breeze carried.
Waves overlapped at the shore, and the air was filled with the cries of seagulls wheeling overhead. I stopped behind her, hands buried in the pockets of my pants, as I watched her shut her eyes, letting the serene atmosphere wash over her, her blonde hair dancing in the gentle breeze.
She exhaled sharply. “Beautiful, isn't it?” Before I could respond, she turned around to face me. “I've always wanted my life to be just as beautiful as this sunset—colorful, vibrant, and full of bliss.” Her tone was low, hinting at the fact that she was about to drop a bombshell that might throw me off my feet.
I fixed my eyes on her with no intention of missing out on the slightest shift in her expression. She'd managed to wear a smile when talking about how she wanted her life to be, but now, I watched that faint smile gradually disappear, and sadness settled on her face.
This was it, the moment of truth. I could feel it in my bones. My pulse quickened, and my breath hitched in my throat. I was unfamiliar with this feeling, considering I was usually the one making people feel this way.
“I've always envisioned a life with a man who loved me, who adored me,” she began, her eyes blinking rapidly as if to hold back the tears that filled their depths. “Don't get me wrong, you do adore me.” She stepped closer. “But even now, I still don't know where you stand in my life.” Her voice, trembling with frustration, started to rise as she fixed her gaze on me. “I don't know what I am to you. We're supposed to be husband and wife, but it doesn't feel that way because I'm unsure of how you feel about me. It's frustrating, Kostya, and I have tried to understand—God knows I have. I have tried to make this work.” Her words tumbled out of her mouth in a frantic rush.
My brows furrowed, and I felt a pang of anguish as I watched her tears trickle down her cheeks, her face contorting in sadness.
She continued, “But it hurts to know that what I feel for you is one-sided, and I hate that I feel what I feel, Kostya. I hate the fact that I can't hate you.” Her words were spoken in a paused, fragmented manner, her voice breaking with each syllable. “You have hurt me more than anyone else has, yet I cannot find it in me to despise you, and trust me, I have tried.” She paused, throwing her hands into her hair. “What do you feel about me, Kostya? What am I to do?” She pinned her gaze on me.
In that moment, I stood frozen, eyes locked on Madelyn's unyielding gaze. The anguish plastered on her face filled me with resentment toward myself. I was the reason for her pain, and even when my lips parted, no sound was produced. I was speechless, unable to defend myself.
“Am I some prized object you possess? Some artifact you've added to your collection?” She sniffled, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop rolling down her cheeks.
“What do you want me to say?” I finally found my voice, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose.
“The truth,” she said, breathing heavily. “I want to know the truth, Kostya, and do not lie to me.” Her tone was stern, hinting at the warning hidden in her words.
I thought deeply for a moment as her question finally opened my eyes to the truth I had been avoiding—the truth I couldn't bring myself to believe.
I let out a sigh, watching the beautiful woman in front of me, my heart filled with gratitude and pride. “You wanna know the truth?” I stepped forward, looking right into her eyes.
She nodded, blinking back her tears as her chest heaved with slow, labored breaths.
“The truth is, you, Madelyn, are the light in my dark,” I began, my voice dripping with sincerity, my expression soft. “You are the better half that completes me, the only woman who makes my world go round—the one who stole my stone-cold heart and softened it.” I halted inches away from her, holding her hands with an intense gaze. “You are my wife, the mother of my unborn child.” I cupped her face in my palms. “You're the one who taught me how to love. You showed me that there was more to life than guns and violence.”
Her face lit up at my words, her eyes widening. A spark ignited within them, and the deep creases on her forehead were slowly vanishing. The tension that had overwhelmed her was starting to fade, her stress easing.
“I'm in love with you, Madelyn,” I declared, watching her breath cease immediately. Her eyes bored into mine as if in search of something. It felt strange that I said that out loud. But it also was so refreshing, especially as her smile returned. I continued, “Why else can I not stop craving you all the time? Why else does your happiness matter so much to me?” I took a deep breath, savoring the joy flickering in her gaze. “You’re not a piece of property that I own, but I wanna keep you to myself. I wanna make you happy because seeing that smile on your face….”
She burst into an abrupt chuckle that mixed with her sobs in a beautiful blend.
“...always make me feel like I'm finally worthy of you—like I've earned the right to be loved by you,” I continued, watching her cheeks flush and her eyes crinkle at the corners. “I didn't realize how empty my life was until you came into it, and I do not intend to lose you. Ever.” I wiped her tears with my thumbs.
“I love you, too, Kostya,” she confessed, placing a palm on my face. “I've loved you since the very day we met, and it hurt me when I thought you didn't feel the same way. I felt like you were only using me, and I hated the fact that I craved you all the time.”
I smiled at her. “Do you still hate that you want me?”
She shook her head, sniffling, with a faint but genuine grin playing on her lips. “Not anymore.” Madelyn slipped into my arms, her once rapid breaths now steady.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her head. “You have nothing to worry about. I'm yours, and you're mine.”
She let out a heavy sigh of relief, melting further into my embrace.
My mind drifted back to the doctor's appointment, and I placed my hands on her belly. “Let’s go make sure you and the baby are okay.”
She let go and smiled widely, nodding her head. I extended my hand, and she took as we headed to the car, fingers intertwined.