Chapter 11 - Liv
There had to be something good to cling to here. There had to be something.
I paced back and forth as my heart continued thundering like a jackhammer. I could sense Drake’s rage through the mating bond, then surprise, then something that, though I couldn’t parse it initially, I realized with a jolt of dread had to be the rush of adrenaline before a fight.
I had felt it reverberate through my core, could feel the intensity and the burning determination and utter focus as Drake faced some sort of threat.
He was in danger. I had never before felt his emotions so acutely through the mating bond.
Every so often, I would get twinges one way or another when something in particular vexed him or shocked him.
However, most of the time, he could keep his feelings under control.
I supposed that I could sense them now because he couldn’t focus the same way.
He was too absorbed in the fight to do anything about the mating bond.
I groaned as I continued to pace, worry beginning to creep into my bones, permeating all of my thoughts.
There was another emotion beneath Drake’s furor and chaos: concern.
I came to a slow stop as I focused on that new sensation. It was a protective drive and worry. Not for himself, but for the town, for the people in it…and for me.
I couldn’t explain how, but I could feel that particular string through the mating bond, and it made my heart lurch and stutter.
He was concerned for me. More than that, Drake was more worried about what would happen to me if he couldn’t stop whatever the threat was, even more than what would happen to him or the rest of the town.
I didn’t know how I knew, but I could feel deep in my core that this was what was going on.
Drake was worried about me. He was fighting for me, not just the town.
My stomach twisted at the thought. Without the mating bond, I probably never would have believed it. But I couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist when I could feel it.
Through that fear and adrenaline, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt something else, something like a brief, soothing sensation, a gentle caress.
And I realized with a jolt through my entire body that what I was feeling was supposed to be comfort, something to calm me down.
Me, specifically. Drake had been able to sense my anxiety through the bond, and even during the chaos of whatever was happening, he was taking a moment to calm me down, to comfort me.
Idiot, I thought, even as my heart slowed at that calming sensation coming through the bond. Don’t focus on me. Focus on the damn fight.
I could have sworn I felt a twinge of amusement through the bond, something like a chuckle.
But it was gone a moment later. The soothing sensation continued to ripple through that bond.
I let it wrap around me like a warm blanket as I tried to keep my own emotions in check, to avoid distracting him too much, or at least stop them from going through the mating bond.
Even so, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the implications that he had taken this time for me during the middle of combat. He had tried to make sure I was okay.
Was there a chance he might truly care about me?
He probably just didn’t want you distracting him, a voice said. That’s all. It doesn’t mean he cares about you.
I shoved that thought aside. I didn’t need to think about that right now.
I didn’t need to think about our near kiss at the spring or how desperately I wanted him to come back home safe.
I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let myself fall for him again, that I wouldn’t let anything happen between us.
I had already messed that up by almost kissing him.
But that was as far as I could go. I couldn’t let myself get burned by him again. I had to protect myself.
But he was out there, protecting the town. And instead of worrying about himself or the town as a whole, he was worried about me.
For a moment, my thoughts toward him softened. There was more to him than I had thought, even if he only showed it in private when it was the two of us. There was something there, and he did care in his own way. At least, I thought he did.
He had his chance, a voice hissed in my ear.
I could tell myself that all I wanted. I was still on tenterhooks as I focused on that mating bond, waiting to feel if it snapped and I stopped feeling anything at all, or if the adrenaline and intensity and concern would ebb into calm as whatever danger passed and Drake remained okay.
Please let him be all right, I found myself praying.
I waited, and waited, with no idea how long it would last.
Eventually, though, the adrenaline did begin to subside, replaced with anger and all sorts of other emotions that I struggled to parse from one another. I let out a deep, shaking breath as I sank back into the couch, surprised at just how relieved I was. Drake was all right. He was okay.
That didn’t stop me from waiting anxiously for him. Every moment it took for him to get home was another moment of twisting anxiety. I waited, staring at the door.
Finally, the door creaked open. Drake stepped in, scraped and exhausted, but whole.
All the anxiety that had been plaguing my every thought dissipated.
It was like a massive weight had flown off my chest. I hadn’t realized until now that part of me had expected not to see Drake again.
That, despite all his reassurances and the fact that I could feel him through the bond, I had been certain I would never see him again.
“Thank God.” I flung my arms around him before I realized what I was doing, holding him tight and breathing in his scent. I could have stayed like that forever.
“Oof,” he grunted as he took a half step back when I barreled into him. After a moment of shock, he wrapped his arms around me, holding tight.
“I’m here,” he muttered, a little bit of awkwardness in the words, as if he wasn’t entirely certain how to provide comfort here. I held onto him, nestling against his chest without realizing it. I could have stayed in his arms forever.
Eventually, though, he stepped back. I sucked in a breath as I took in his appearance. He had a deep slash over one eye and another on his cheek. He was covered in dirt and bruises. But his eyes were alert and darting all over me, as if I was the one who needed worrying over.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
I nearly burst into laughter. I might have, just to relieve the tension, if I hadn’t been so worried.
“Me? What about you?” Without realizing I was doing it, my hand reached out, and my thumb brushed against the cut running along his cheek. “I’m not the one who looks like they got thrown into a meat grinder.”
“Just about,” he grumbled.
“What happened?”
He told me about Azaret, his tone calm and slightly surly, the way it normally was. I listened with growing horror as the story continued.
“God,” I muttered when he was finished. “That’s awful.” I ran my fingers through my hand as I stepped back and ran my fingers through my hair. I let out a deep breath as I ran my hand across my face, still trying to process everything he had just said. “I’m so glad you’re all right.”
He gave a brusque nod, his eyes still scanning my body, searching me up and down as if looking for something unseen. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I mean that you’re pale as a sheet and you look like you’ve been going crazy since I left you.”
I willed the blush threatening to spill across my face to stop.
I didn’t want him to know how worried I’d been, because I didn’t want to have to admit how I’d been going out of my mind with worry.
This was Drake. I had told myself I would stop caring.
And yet, I’d done nothing the last however many hours but go out of my mind with worry.
I gave a smile and waved my hand dismissively. “Oh, it was nothing,” I said. “Everything was fine. I just hate not knowing what’s going on. Why don’t I fix you something to drink? Or get the first aid kit.”
I turned and started to walk away.
He caught my fingers, tugging me back around so I had to look at him. My heart turned into a jackhammer as I craned my neck up, took in that serious expression in his eyes, and all across his face.
“Liv, I can sense your emotions through the bond,” he said. “I’ve felt your fear and anxiety for the past hour. You don’t have to pretend.”
My mouth went dry, my skin burning where he held me. I looked up into his eyes and felt myself pinned by the intensity there. My breath caught for a moment.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, neither of us moving, both of us waiting for the other to say something. Drake waited, eyebrows raised.
“I was just being silly,” I muttered, suddenly self-conscious. “That’s all.”
He let out a long exhale as he stared down at me. At some point, his thumb had begun stroking my fingers as he stared down at me, his gaze seeming to drill into me.
“I like how bubbly and enthusiastic you are,” he said. “But you don’t have to be that way all the time. You can be honest with your emotions.”
That heat I had been willing to keep down flared up again, and this time I couldn’t stop it from spreading to my cheeks, scalding my skin.
“I don’t—”
“Come on, Liv.” He gave a smirk, eyes sparkling in a way that looked unfamiliar on his normally surly face. “It’s kind of hard to hide when I can feel them. Though I appreciated that you tried to block most of them while I was fighting. It was sweet of you to consider.”
He had noticed, then. I glanced away. It still took effort to admit the truth. I didn’t like admitting my fears or negative emotions. Except somehow, he already seemed to know. He knew me better than I thought.
I took a deep breath, hesitated, then finally said, “Okay, yeah, I was—I am afraid.”
Just saying it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like I could finally breathe again.
Drake gave a brusque nod as he contemplated me. He was still holding onto me. I might have been imagining it, but I could have sworn that I saw genuine concern and worry flickering across his face.
“It’s all right, you know,” he said. “Given what happened, I don’t know if anyone would blame you.”
Why did my heart have to choose right then to start stuttering?
Why did he have to elicit this sort of reaction in me?
Why did I want to step in and close that gap between us, to let him wrap his arms around me and pull me in close?
Why couldn’t I just keep hating him and wanting to keep my distance?
Why did things suddenly have to get too complicated?
I tugged my hand out of his, and he let my fingers slide away. They felt suddenly cold after.
“I’m going to get you something to drink,” I said, willing my voice to stay even. “Water? Something stronger?”
“Stronger,” he grunted, and that hard exterior around him began to form, making those few instances of gentleness easier to forget when he kept that stern expression.
I stepped out of the room, my heart still pounding, willing myself to get the rush of emotions rippling under control so that he couldn’t feel them through the bond. Because, no matter what he had said or promised, I didn’t want him to feel the ones currently flickering through me.
I took a deep breath as I ran my fingers through my hair, processing everything. There it was again, that softer side of him. It twisted my insides into a knot. Those bits that had made me fall for him in the first place had started flickering back to life, impossible to notice.
This was bad. Everything I had promised myself I wouldn’t let happen was coming to pass. I kept trying to fight it, but at this point, it felt impossible to ignore.
The truth was, I was falling for Drake again, and that scared me more than any demon.