13. Vice Blackwell #2
Then it was like, every time she started talking about forever, I felt like I needed more time. More time to get my businesses where I wanted them. More time to handle family. More time to become whatever kind of man I thought a husband and father was supposed to be.
Eventually, Simone stopped waiting.
“You left,” I reminded her.
“After three years…”
“I didn’t tell you to.”
“No, you didn’t.” She gave me a sad smile. “You didn’t ask me to stay either.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that.
When Simone ended things, I let her. She told me she couldn’t keep waiting for me to decide whether I wanted the same life she wanted, and I respected it. I missed her afterward, but I never chased her.
At the time, I thought letting her go was the right thing to do.
Simone sat quietly for a moment, and I could tell there was something else on her mind. She looked down at her hands before bringing her eyes back to mine, and when she finally spoke, some of the confidence she’d walked into my office with was gone.
“Do you regret it?”
I slightly frowned. “Regret what?”
“Letting me leave.”
The question settled between us.
I stared at her, and for the first time since she’d walked into my office, I understood what she was really looking for.
Maybe she wanted me to say that I’d changed.
Maybe she needed to hear that losing her had hurt me as much as staying with me had eventually hurt her.
After three years together, I couldn’t blame her for wanting to know if there had ever been a moment when I wished I’d gotten off my ass and stopped her from walking away.
There had been moments when I missed her. Times when I almost called just to hear her voice or caught myself thinking about something she would’ve laughed at. Three years didn’t disappear simply because the relationship ended.
Still, missing somebody and wanting the relationship back weren’t the same thing.
Simone deserved the truth, even if it wasn’t what she’d come there hoping to hear.
“I regret hurting you.”
The hope I hadn’t realized was sitting in her eyes disappeared, and she looked away for a second. When she looked back at me, the hurt was there, even though she tried to cover it.
“That’s not what I asked.”
The second the words left her mouth, something about them irritated me, though I couldn’t explain why. Maybe because lately it felt like everybody around me kept asking questions they already knew the answers to.
“I know what you asked,” I said. “But I’m telling you what I can honestly give you.”
She looked away without saying anything.
“I cared about you, Simone. You know that.”
“I wanted you to love me enough to choose me, though.”
“I did choose you…”
“For three years, you chose me as long as I didn’t ask for anything to change.”
That one landed hard.
I didn’t respond immediately because arguing would’ve been bullshit. Simone hadn’t asked for anything crazy. She wanted to know the relationship was going somewhere, and I kept giving her everything except an answer.
“I wasn’t ready,” I finally said.
“I know.” She nodded slowly. “That was always the problem.”
My phone vibrated against the desk and both of us looked down. Milan’s name appeared across the screen.
Milan: Did you ask if I was working just to disappear?
I stared at the message a second longer than I should have.
When I looked up, Simone was watching me.
“That’s her, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer and my silence had her releasing a low laugh as she looked away. “Wow.”
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just…” She shook her head. “You’re sitting here telling me you barely know this woman, but your whole face changed when your phone lit up.”
“My face ain’t change.”
“Okay, Kaiden.”
Even with me telling her that, I still picked up my phone and typed back.
Me: Got busy.
Milan: Sure you did.
I smiled before I could stop myself.
When I looked up again, Simone was staring at me like I’d just proved every point she came here to make.
“Since when you start smiling at text messages.”
I put my phone down. “You keeping track on when and what I smile about now?”
“I was with you for three years. I don’t have to keep track, boo.”
I didn’t respond.
Simone stood and picked up her purse from the chair beside her. “I should go.”
“You just got here.”
“I got what I came for.”
“And what was that?”
She looked at me for a long while. “I think I wanted to know if seeing you again meant something.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means a part of me wondered if enough time had passed for us to try again.”
I sat up straighter, clearing my throat.
Simone smiled, but her eyes looked sad. “Don’t worry. I’m not about to ask.”
“Simone—”
“No. It’s okay.” She adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “I knew before I came here that there was a chance you’d tell me no. I just didn’t expect to realize I was too late before I even asked.”
“Who told you that you were too late? Ain’t shit even started with me and her.”
She looked at me. “Yeah, okay… You sure about that?”
I thought about Milan standing in her apartment three nights ago.
The way she looked at me…
The way she stayed still when I touched her face…
The way I’d been thinking about her ever since…
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
Simone nodded slowly. “That’s more than you ever gave me in the beginning.”
I frowned.
She walked toward the door but stopped with her hand on the handle. “For what it’s worth, I don’t hate her.”
“Why would you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because it would be easier.”
I leaned back in my chair. “Milan ain’t got nothing to do with what happened between us.”
“I know...” She looked over her shoulder. “That doesn’t mean watching you become ready for somebody else won’t hurt.”
The door closed behind her before I could answer.
I sat here for a while, staring at the empty chair across from me.
Simone had spent three years asking me for things I kept convincing myself I had more time to give. Milan, on the other hand, hadn’t asked me for shit.
Hell, half the time, she acted like she wanted me to leave her alone.
Maybe that was why this felt different.
There was no pressure. No expectation. No conversation about where anything was going because there wasn’t anything to define yet.
Still, Simone’s words stayed with me.
Watching you become ready for somebody else.
I didn’t know if I was ready for anything.
What I did know was that it had been three days since Milan stepped away from me, and instead of losing interest, I wanted to see her more.
My phone was already in my hand before I finished the thought.
Me: What you doing?
Her response came a minute later.
Milan: Nothing.
Me: I’m hungry… Wanna grab something to eat?
There was a longer pause this time before she texted back.
Milan: Am I too skinny or something? You’re always trying to take me to eat?
I laughed at her text before responding.
Me: If you just want me to come hang out at yo’ crib, all you had to sat was that.
Milan: Whatever… I’m off today so we can grab something.
Me: Cool… I’m coming to get you.
Milan: Okay!
Finally, her ass was going with the flow. No argument. No asking why. No telling me she could meet me somewhere… Just okay, and for some reason, that simple answer did something to me. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.