Chapter 17 - Jasper
The sun felt unnaturally warm despite the chill. Jasper hurried along the path up to the house, a spring in his step that had been absent for quite some time. Everything seemed brighter. They had a lead. They had a plan. This nightmare would soon be over.
He wondered idly what would happen once this was all over. He and Nikki were still married, but it had been out of necessity. But things had changed between them over the last few months. Maybe they could keep going and see where things took them.
Easy, a voice in his head whispered. You still need to explain about Vincent.
The thought drew him up short, and he hesitated for a moment, unease crawling along his spine.
He knew he needed to tell her. He knew she would be furious.
For a moment, he considered not telling her.
It would make things easier. Then a moment later, the unease dissipated. He couldn’t keep it from her.
Gritting his teeth, he pushed open the door. “I’m home,” he said.
His eyes swept across the living room, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Nikki sitting on the couch. Her eyes were trained on him, something smoldering behind them. Her jaw clenched, and she got to her feet, marching over to him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she stopped in front of him and glared. He nearly recoiled, the rage pulsing off her nearly palpable.
“You asshole,” she spat.
He froze, the words taking a moment to sink in. He looked at her furious expression, the fire in her eyes. She folded her arms and glowered up at him.
“Sorry,” he said. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”
“You knew,” she said, her voice trembling with barely contained rage. He had never seen her eyes burn with this level of intensity before. “You knew there were people working with Lucas, and you didn’t tell me.”
The words washed over him, plunging him in ice-cold water. He gaped at her, the shock that she had found out temporarily paralyzing him. Eventually, though, he found his voice.
“How did you…?” He trailed off, then sighed and closed his eyes. “Cillian told you?”
“Does it matter?” she asked. “The point is, I found out. I found out, but not from you. Were you ever going to tell me?”
He hesitated, his hand opening and closing as if grasping for words. All around them, the world seemed to still. His stomach plummeted, and he wished that he were anywhere but here.
“I was going to tell you,” he began.
“Tell me what?” she snapped. “That there were pack members in league with Lucas, or that you knew about it and didn’t warn me?
” When Jasper didn’t respond immediately, she let out a harsh, angry laugh.
“That’s what I thought. You never planned on telling me in the first place.
If it weren’t for Vincent, you never would have. ”
He growled in frustration, rubbing his face.
“I didn’t want you to worry about nothing,” he said.
“I wanted you to feel comfortable wandering around your own pack. I didn’t want you feeling like you had to look over your shoulder any more than you already did.
I knew you were going to be unhappy, but I was trying to make your life easier. I swear.”
For a brief moment, that fiery wall of anger seemed to ebb. Nikki’s shoulders uncoiled for the briefest of seconds. But then she tilted her chin, her eyes burning with defiance and anger. She wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily.
“Why didn’t you at least apologize after the fact?” she asked.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said. “Look, I didn’t want you to find out this way. I planned on telling you tonight—”
“Well, you didn’t,” she snapped. “I don’t care what you were going to do. How long had you known?”
A long pause filled the air between them, weighing everything down. She waited, glaring.
“A couple of days before Vincent attacked.”
She shook her head in disgust, spinning on her heels, running her fingers through her hair.
“Unbelievable,” she muttered. “Unbelievable. You knew I would want to know. You deliberately kept it from me. I thought you were different. I thought you might have changed. But you kept that information from me because you didn’t think I would be able to handle it.
You didn’t allow me to make my own decisions about it. ”
Her eyes continued to burn as she whirled back to glare at him. His own indignation and frustration began to rise. Didn’t she understand yet that he only wanted to protect her?
“You don’t think I’m furious with myself?” he demanded, bristling. “You don’t think that I wish I could take it all back? I fucked up.”
“And you never apologized or told me,” she said. “I’m upset enough that you never bothered to tell me. I’m angrier that you didn’t admit to your mistake after the fact.”
“I was trying to protect you!”
“I don’t care. You can say that all you want. It’s not going to fly with me anymore.”
“What good would telling you have done?”
“I could have been on guard,” she said, a note of hysteria entering her voice. “Why wouldn’t you warn me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to worry,” he said. “And I knew that you’d just assume I was controlling you if I told you that you had to be careful around everyone in the pack.”
“Don’t turn this back around on me,” she spat. “You withheld information. You don’t see that as controlling? You made it so I couldn’t make my own decisions.”
“I was going to tell you,” he argued. “Once I figured out how—”
“Here’s how,” she said. “‘Hey, Nikki, just so you know, there are people in the pack who are working with the guy stalking you. Maybe be a bit careful until we find out more.’” It’s that fucking easy, Jasper.”
The silence that stretched between them seemed to last for an eternity.
Jasper tried to figure out what to say, to come up with some way of justifying his decision, even though, deep down, he knew there wasn’t a good answer.
He had fucked up. But he was trying to apologize.
He wanted to explain to her that everything he’d done, he’d done because he wanted to keep her safe.
He hadn’t wanted her to get hurt. He hadn’t wanted her to be more afraid than she already was.
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry,” he said, his words no longer filled with anger but sincerity.
Nikki noticed his change in demeanor. She swallowed hard, but her arms fell to her side instead of remaining folded in front of her.
“I really am,” Jasper continued. “I wanted to keep you safe. I’ve always wanted to keep you safe. It’s why I was there the night Lucas came after you.”
The second he said it, he knew he had fucked up again. Nikki stiffened, her eyes widening in shock, her lips parting. She stared up at him in disbelief, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“You made me think that was a coincidence,” she said slowly, her eyes narrowing into slits. Her fingers dug into her biceps as she glowered at him. “You were following me?”
He wanted to deny it. He wanted to tell her she was imagining things and that he would never do something like that. But Nikki was glaring at him, waiting for him to respond.
“Well?” she demanded.
“Yes,” he finally admitted. “I was keeping an eye on you.”
Her lips pursed, and he could see her quivering with barely contained rage.
“Was that the first time?” she asked, her voice shaking.
But instead of letting him answer, she let out a laugh and shook her head.
“No. Of course it wasn’t. My favorite tea, Marconi’s—all this time, you seemed to know what I liked without my having to say anything.
That wasn’t because of instinct. It was because you’ve been following me. ”
“Nikki …” he began, but the words wouldn’t come. He reached his hand out toward her, and she recoiled.
“Why?” she demanded. “Why the hell would you do something like that?”
He gritted his teeth. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted.
“But ever since I met you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.
I don’t know what it is about you, but it’s the truth.
It wasn’t because I was trying to stalk you or anything.
It was because the second I laid eyes on you, I had to protect you.
I don’t know why. All I know is that I couldn’t stand anything happening to you. ”
He took a step forward again. Once more, she stepped back. Her jaw was set, her eyes sparking with determination. She was more beautiful than he had ever seen her before. She took a deep breath, shoulders stiffening.
“I may not stand up for myself a whole lot,” she said. “But I’m done accepting ‘I was just trying to protect you’ as an excuse. At some point, that’s just code for ‘I want to control your life.’”
“That’s not true,” he said, indignant. “I was trying to help you. I was trying to stop anything bad from happening to you.”
“God, I’m not some delicate flower that you have to protect,” she shot back. “I’m a person. I’m not something a possession.”
“Possession?” Indignation began to simmer inside him again, and he glared at her.
Why couldn’t she understand he was just trying to protect her?
He wasn’t trying to add her to some personal collection.
“Nikki, I would never do something like that. I’m not Lucas.
Wanting to protect you isn’t the same thing as wanting to control your life. ”
Scoffing, she took a step back, shaking her head, clearly trying to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach.
“You know, I thought you were different,” she said. “For a brief moment, I thought you might actually care about me.”
“Of course I care about you!” Jasper shouted. “Why do you think I did all of that in the first place?”
“If you cared about me, you would have told me,” she said. “But no, you decided that I shouldn’t know. By controlling that information, you could keep me more under your thumb. God. I thought you were different, but you’re no better than your father or the men who kidnapped me.”
Jasper took a step back, feeling like he’d been slapped. His eyes narrowed.
“What did you say?” he asked, his voice low.
“You heard me,” she said, her voice trembling. “You may not think you want to control people, but you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have forced me into this mess in the first place.”
“Forced you into this mess? Lucas is the one who attacked you.”
“You forced me to marry you,” she said. “People don’t do that if they don’t want to control them. You’re just as bad as the father you claim to hate.”
A snarl escaped his throat. Nikki blinked, as if surprised, but she didn’t back down.
“You’re the one who keeps waltzing off into danger,” he snapped.
Her eyes flashed. “Excuse me?”
“You’re the one who insists on not being careful. One of us has to do something to help you, or Lucas would have snatched you up weeks ago.”
“That’s absurd, and you know it,” Nikki said.
“Do you realize how much I care about you?” he snapped. “Why do you think I’ve done all this?”
“You care about me the same way Lucas does,” she spat. “You care about controlling me, not about me as a person.”
He could see the moment in her eyes that she realized she had gone too far. They flashed with shock and alarm and what might have been guilt, but only for a moment. Then they hardened.
“Is that what you really think?” he asked, his voice dangerously even.
She jutted out her chin, defiant, those beautiful eyes blazing with determination.
“You want to control me,” she said. “You’ve made that perfectly clear.
And I still haven’t forgiven you for forcing me to marry you in the first place.
You might claim you did it with good intentions.
You might even believe that. But that doesn’t excuse any of what you’ve done.
You’re just as manipulative as all the other men I’ve known. ”
He let the words wash over him. The more they sank in, the more that anger lurking beneath the surface began to swell, growing to the point it felt nearly unbearable.
“Fine,” he snapped. “If that’s the way you feel. But I’m not going to stand here and take it, either. I’m leaving.”
“Great,” Nikki scoffed, her arms still folded.
Without another word, not trusting what might come out of his mouth in that moment, he spun on his heels and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.