Chapter 6
The drive to my destination took an hour and ten minutes.
The whole way there, Namier was twitching in the passenger seat next to me.
His leg was bouncing. His hands were balled up.
He kept looking out the window like he was trying to see through the dark.
His anxiety was through the roof and I could feel it heavy.
I had to keep calm, and keep a level head while I was driving in the dark.
But damn, this nigga was beside me making me nervous.
Tatti didn't say nothing. She just sat in the back with her hands folded in her lap, watching her new world that she’d been dragged into fall apart.
When we pulled up to the entrance, Tyree was already standing out front smoking a cigar like he'd been waiting.
This nigga must have flew like a bat out of hell to beat me here.
I was just glad that he knew I meant business and that when it came down to my brother, I needed him on top of shit and moving like his life depending on it, because it did.
The second he saw the truck, he threw the cigar down and walked toward us.
His face looked tired. Worn out. Like he'd been dealing with this shit longer than we had.
I knew that his secret being exposed to Tatti was weighing on him.
We got out and Tyree looked between all three of us. His eyes landed on Tatti and something shifted in his face. It softened. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something to her and after a few seconds, he got his courage up.
"Baby girl, I—" he started.
"Now is not the time for that," Tatti cut him off sharp. Her voice was cold as ice. "We're here for business. We're here to check on my husband's brother. That's it. You don’t need to talk to me about anything right now, father.”
Tyree looked at her like he wanted to push it, but I cut in.
"Save that for later or whenever she ready to actually talk to you," I said, my voice leaving no room for argument. "Right now we need to know what the fuck is going on with my brother."
Tyree nodded and turned toward the entrance. "Come on. Let's get inside."
We went through the doors and started the process.
Metal detectors. Forms. Security checks.
The whole time we went through this process, Namier was getting more and more agitated.
I could feel it radiating off him. That anger building like a volcano about to blow.
We needed answers and he was impatient like a muthafucka.
I couldn’t blame him. My nerves were bad as fuck at the thought of my brother being dead, but I had to be the one to keep my cool.
I had to remember I was in charge, and with that, I couldn’t fold.
When Tyree approached one of the officers asking for the warden, they told him the prison was on lockdown. There'd been a brawl earlier. A possible murder. They couldn't release any additional information yet.
That's when something in Namier snapped. I watched the exact moment that my brother broke. This shit was confirmation that we didn’t want to accept. Hearing those words cut him deep.
He punched the wall beside us so hard I heard the crack before I saw it.
Then he went at a chair, kicked it across the room.
He was destroying everything in sight. He was breaking and tearing these people shit up, breathing heavy and ragged like he was about to hyperventilate.
This nigga was really crashin, and I felt that shit in my soul.
This was a pain that I ain’t wish on my worst enemy.
I watched him in real time, but I was too stuck in my own head to move.
The word murder replayed in my head and it added up with the call Namier had gotten.
Eventually, I snapped back into reality because I didn’t need Namier in jail too.
Shit was already too fucked up as is. I had to figure out how I was about to break this shit to my parents.
Especially my momma. She loved Zaire more than she loved any of her boys.
They had a different bond and I knew this would kill her.
Especially after she told me not to go at them niggas, and to let her handle it.
She was about to blame me for all of this, and I knew it.
This shit had to be a dream man. My brother couldn’t be gone.
I’d just talked to him this morning. I was having an experience that I couldn’t really explain.
Although I was standing here and present, it felt as if I was outside of my body watching everything around me happen.
This shit was hurting bad. But, something inside of me wouldn’t allow me to believe this shit was true.
They would have to show me my brother’s dead body in order for me to believe any of this shit.
"Namier!" I grabbed him before he could do more damage. Wrapped my arms around him tight and pulled him close. "I got you. I got you. Calm down, man."
"Zaire's in there DEAD, nigga!" he screamed into my chest. "Our brother is in there and we need to see him. I gotta see him man.”
I held him tighter, letting him feel me there. My grip on him was solid. Present. Not going anywhere.
"I got you," I said again, and I meant that shit with everything in me. I turned to one of the guards who was headed over to possibly arrest Namier. The look in his face told me that he didn’t care what the fuck we had going on personally. He had a job to do, and he looked like he’d been waiting to make an example out of niggas.
“I'll cover any costs. Damage, whatever it is. Just excuse him. Our bother is back there and we hear someone might be dead. It’s a lot of emotions right now and my brother here lost his cool, but I got him now. Just tell me about my brother other brother Zaire Carter. Is it him?”
The guard had his face scrunched up, with his brows raised as he nodded about excusing Namier.
He held a scowl and ignored me while I asked for information.
Any other time, I’d fuck some shit up, but I knew that now wasn’t the time.
If I wanted any information, I needed to stay calm and keep a level head although I wanted to do way more damage in this bitch than Namier just did.
Tyree was already working the phone, calling people, using whatever connections he had.
That was the lawyer in him. The man who knew how to navigate systems.
Tatti sat down in one of the plastic chairs against the wall, her purse in her lap, watching everything happening around her like she was trying to understand this world I lived in.
I knew a girl like her had to be scared right now.
Although her father wasn’t shit, he raised her in a totally different way than I was raised.
She was sheltered, but was soon about to learn how dangerous the real world was over here.
After a few minutes, I looked at Namier. Looked at the way his whole body was shaking. I knew my brother better than anybody and I knew that if I didn’t calm him all the way down now, he was just a time bomb waiting to explode.
"Come on," I said quietly. "We need some air."
I took him outside into the night. The parking lot was empty except for our truck and a few others. The air was cool. Dark. Everything felt wrong. This was a feeling of darkness that just hovered over a nigga and wouldn’t let go. I couldn’t break down now though. I had to keep this shit together.
I grabbed his face with both my hands and made him look directly at me.
"Calm down!" I said, my voice firm but not mean. "Right now, this is when we gotta stay strong. We gotta get answers. We gotta think straight. If you ain’t never prayed a day in your life, nigga, now is the time. And I mean a real prayer, with everything you got! That’s all that’ll help us right now.
You can’t automatically jump to the worst conclusion just cause that bitch ass nigga called and said they killed Zaire.
You know our brother better than that. If he let these hoe ass niggas take him out like that, then I’m gone kill his ass again my damn self.
If the worst comes to worse, we'll be making niggas mommas cry behind this shit. But, as Carters, we can't move prematurely. You understand me? We need solid answers from these pigs first, then we’ll crash.” I spoke to my brother, calm but stern.
I was hurting just like he was hurting but we needed facts first, so I needed him to chill for a minute.
Namier's eyes were red and glossy with tears.
"Being a man ain't about reacting first and moving on impulse," I continued.
"That's how niggas die. That's how we lose.
Being a man is about keeping your head when everything around you is falling apart.
For Zaire. We do this for Zaire. We stay solid.
We stay together. We handle this the right way. "
Namier took a shaky breath and nodded. I could see him pulling himself together.
Putting that mask back on. The one all of us wore when shit got heavy.
My brother was too upset to speak and I respected that.
I already knew how he was. He didn’t play about his siblings.
He just needed to hear what I had to say without having all that extra noise around us.
Now, I had gotten him calm, and where I wanted him.
"Let's go back in," I said.
We walked back inside and Tatti was already on her feet with two cups of water. She handed one to me and one to Namier without saying anything. She just watched him as he took a sip.
Namier looked her in the eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "For how I acted back at the house. That shit wasn't cool."
Tatti shook her head. "It's good. I don't even know what you talking about." She lied, basically letting him know that all was forgiven and forgotten.
No judgment. No attitude. Just understanding that he was dealing with something heavy and it wasn't about her.