Chapter 7
I stood in the hallway outside Zaire's room with my arms wrapped around myself. The way they rushed in this hospital and into that room, it had my nerves on edge. I wanted Kaseem to know that I was here for him, but I didn’t want to be in his way while something so serious was going on.
The security guard that was on watch for Zaire was posted across from me against the opposite wall, giving me space but not going anywhere.
I could hear movement in the room - Kaseem and Namier rushing to the bedside of their brother, their voices mixing with what sounded like Zaire's weak responses.
My heart was beating so hard I thought it might actually break through my ribs.
I'd never lost anyone before. Never stood in a hospital not knowing if someone I cared about was alive or dead.
And now I was standing here in this hallway, damn near married to a man whose brother might be gone or close to it, and I couldn't do anything but wait.
Couldn't help. Couldn't fix it. Just pray that when that door opened again, it would be with better news.
I was so wrapped up in my own head that I didn't notice my father walking up until he was already there, stopping a few feet away from me with his hands in his pockets.
"Baby girl, can we please talk," he said quietly.
I looked at him and something in my chest twisted. The way he said it - like we were still close. Like everything was still normal between us. Like it hadn't just been revealed that he was a murderer and had sold his own daughter to a crime family to keep his secrets buried.
"I'm not your baby girl and please don’t call me that again," I said, and my voice came out sharper than I expected. "From the looks of things, you got a toddler. That’s your baby girl. Not me.”
His whole face shifted. He looked like I'd physically hit him. My father wasn’t used to me speaking to him like this, but I also wasn’t used to knowing that he was a triflin ass liar either.
"Tatti, please don't do this," he said, and there was something in his voice that almost broke me. Almost. But I couldn't let it. Not right now. Not when I was standing here trying to hold myself together after he was the one who fuckin hurt me.
"Don't do what?" I asked him, stepping closer so the security guard wouldn't hear us. "Am I wrong? Do you not have a baby by your dead best friend's wife? By the man you murdered?"
The words came out and I watched them land. Watched him flinch with each one.
"Yes, the baby is mine. Her name is Tyriel," he said quietly, looking at the floor. "But it's not what you think. Let me explain, you know me, baby girl, you know I’m not a monster or a fucked up person.”
That nickname hit different now. It made me want to scream, and gouge his eyeballs out then rip his fuckin tongue out his mouth for still talking to me right now. Then this nigga had the nerve to tell me his child’s name, like I gave a fuck. Was he crazy?
My eyes started watering before I could stop them. All the hurt, all the betrayal, all the lies were just sitting right there on the surface, ready to spill over.
"I can't trust anything that comes out of your mouth," I said, my voice shaking. "Not one word. Not ever again. You say you aren’t a monster, but you could have fooled me. You need to be in jail if what the Carters have on you is true. You definitely don’t need to be walking around enjoying your double life. That’s sick!”
I walked closer to him, close enough that my nose was almost touching his so that he could see the tears starting to fall.
This man was my everything. My safe space.
The man that saved me from myself, and he didn’t even know it.
I loved my father and looked at him as my best friend in the world.
I looked up to him and learned so much from him.
When my mom gave up on me, even though my father couldn’t understand the shit, he stepped up and loved me enough for the both of them.
Now, this was my reality and I no longer had him either.
"I didn't want to believe that you would just give me away like you did," I continued, and I could feel my whole body shaking now.
"I kept thinking there had to be a reason. That maybe you were protecting me somehow. But to find out that you sold me off - literally sold your own daughter - just to keep your dirty secrets from being exposed. That's the sickest shit that could have ever happened to me. That shows me that I’m worth nothing to you.”
He tried to reach for my arm and I pulled away from him.
"If you value that fake life you're living with your wife at home, and that woman and that baby on the side, then you need to stay the hell away from me," I said.
"Don't call me. Don't try to see me. Don't act like you know me. Because the man I thought you were? He's dead to me. And I don't know who the fuck you are. Although you deserve the worst, you know that you don’t have to worry about me exposing you. But with me holding your secrets, I’m begging you to stay the hell away from me!”
I stepped back away from him and watched his face crumble. Watched him realize that he'd lost me. That there was no coming back from this. I’d never disrespected him in my life and I would have to pray for forgiveness on this one but he had really broken me to my core.
He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. He just stood there looking at me with disappointment and regret written all over his face. He knew better than to push it. He knew he'd already taken enough from me.
I turned away from him and looked back at Zaire's door.
The security guard was still standing there, giving us privacy but ready to move if I needed him to.
My husband was in that room with his brother, hopefully getting some good news.
And I was out here, standing in a hospital hallway, cutting my father out of my life.
That was my reality now.
That was what happened when you married into this world. You’d gain one thing, just to lose another.
The security had gone in the room and told them time was up. A minute later, my father yelled into the room telling them it was time to go.
When the door to Zaire's room opened and Kaseem stepped out, his eyes finding me immediately. It was like he thought I’d be gone or something. He looked at my face and I saw something shift in his expression. He knew something had happened. He could read it on me like a book.
He looked past me at my father, who was standing there looking broken, and his jaw tightened.
But he didn't say anything. He just walked over to me, put his hand on the small of my back, and guided me away from Tyree without a word. That simple touch, that wordless understanding - it meant everything. He was being respectful while still showing me that he had my back at all times.
We walked toward the elevator and I felt the weight of the day finally hitting me. I was tired. I was hurt. I was scared. And I was starting to realize that the only person I could trust was the man walking beside me.
Even if I didn't fully understand him yet.
Just as we got in the elevator, I grabbed him into the biggest hug while standing on my toes and laying my head on his chest. He hesitated for a moment, then he held me back tight.
He had his chin resting on the top of my head.
No words needed to be exchanged, but we both needed this.
When we finally let go to walk off the elevator, Namier was smirking in our direction.
For some reason, he always acted as if us being kind to one another amused him now.
—
When we got to the truck, Kaseem opened the passenger door for me without saying a word.
He did it in a way that made it clear where everyone was sitting.
He made sure his brother knew that he’d be in the back, while I rode up front with him.
Namier got in the backseat without hesitation.
That was how things worked in this family.
Unspoken understanding. I was starting to like that.
I buckled up and looked at Kaseem as he pulled out of the parking lot.
His jaw was tight. His hands were gripping the steering wheel hard.
He wore a different type of focus like he was in deep thought.
The whole drive, he didn't say anything.
Just drove with one hand while the other rested on my thigh.
"Is everything okay with your brother?" I asked quietly.
He tightened his grip on my thigh, squeezing it gently. His hand was warm and solid against my leg.
"Yeah. Thankfully it is," he said, his voice steady but carrying weight underneath it.
I watched the side of his face, trying to understand what was going on in his head. He'd gone from being my husband and trying to show me love, to a man at war who’d kill and move mountains for his family in the span of a few hours.
"Why didn't you ever tell me your brother was in jail?" I asked, and I wasn't asking it mean or rude. I was asking it confused. Like I was trying to understand the man I'd married and why this part of his life had been private.
He was quiet for a moment, still driving, still staring at the road ahead.
"Some things don't need to be explained or spoke on," he said finally. "He'll be home soon. That's all you need to know right now."
He squeezed my hand and pulled it toward him, resting it on his leg. Then his whole demeanor shifted again. His mind was going a million miles an hour and I could see that. His grip tightened and I felt something dangerous move through him.
"That look on your face in that hospital hallway," he said, his voice getting colder. "The way your father was able to get to you like that, in just a few minutes of me being away from you. It made me want to fuck him up. Bad than a muthafucka. I had to force myself to walk off.”
I could hear the violence in his words. Could hear what he was holding back.
"But I'm trying to refrain right now," he continued.
"Because that nigga needs to look his best when he's in front of that judge these next few days.
After that though..." He didn't finish the sentence.
He didn't need to. The implication hung in the air between us. After Tyree wasn't needed anymore, after the legal system had done what Kaseem needed it to do, Tyree Taylor was a marked man if he didn’t stay away from me, and I knew that’s what Kaseem meant. "I'm not sure what I might do to him."
I didn't say anything. Just held his hand and let him feel me.
Kaseem's voice changed as he spoke into the backseat at his brother. It wasn't angry anymore. It was more of a big brother tone.
"Aye, Namier. You hit your girl up yet to let her know you good?"
There was a pause. A long one.
"Nah," Namier said, and his voice was different from before. Harder. Colder. "Right now I can't be distracted. That ain’t my girl either, and I can't afford to be off my game or slowed down by nobody. We at war, you think I’m worried about checking in with a muthafucka?”
He leaned forward closer to Kaseem’s ear.
"If my brother would have died while I was laid up with a bitch, I'd never forgive myself," he said. "Never. That shit would have haunted me for the rest of my life. So right now, I ain't got time for bullshit or no bad luck ass bitches getting in the way of what I gotta do."
The words hit different coming from him. Usually Namier was joking, laughing, keeping things light. But right now, sitting in this truck after seeing his brother fighting for his life, he wasn't joking about nothing. He was serious. He was angry. He was hurting.
I couldn't help but wonder if he was talking about Nyla. If that moment at the compound, that connection they had, was being pushed away because of guilt and fear. Because his brother almost died while he was with her, that would be fucked up and unfair. She’s really a good girl.
Kaseem didn't respond to Namier. Just kept driving, kept holding my hand, kept his eyes on the road ahead.
But I could feel the weight of it. The weight of brothers who loved each other so much that the thought of losing one of them was unbearable.
The weight of a man next to me who would burn the entire city down if anything happened to his blood.
The weight of a life I'd stepped into that was so much bigger and heavier than anything I'd ever known.
I squeezed Kaseem's hand and he squeezed back. No words. Just presence. Just letting each other know we were still here and more locked in than I could have imagined. Was I becoming this mean ass niggas peace and safe space?