Chapter 13 #2
"Nah," he said, stepping into my space. "You moving reckless behind my back while I'm trying to fix this shit the right way. And that's exactly the type of impulsive ass move that's gonna get us all locked up."
I wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him that I was just trying to do my part. But the way he was looking at me - like he was disappointed but not surprised - made me shut my mouth.
"I had to leave my wife," he said, and that hit different. "I had to leave my honeymoon to come check on my brother because you can't think for five minutes before you move. You understand what I'm saying to you?"
I did understand. But I didn't want to hear that shit right now.
"It's already handled," Kaseem continued.
"Zaire's coming home. I got a play that's gonna work. But if you out here moving reckless, killing niggas in the open, bringing attention to the family - how the fuck you think that looks? You can’t do shit like that when you know Zaire freedom is the main priority and no other attention needs to be on this family right now while I’m dealing with the DA and having sit downs with judges on our brother behalf.”
He stepped closer.
"While I'm setting up a meeting with a judge trying to get Zaire out, you out here doing some hot-headed ass shit that brings the feds down on all of us? You think that helps Zaire? You think that helps the family? I know if you would have found that nigga, you would have killed him without thinking first and that would have added more to what we have going on. You wouldn’t have cared about witnesses or none of that cause you ain’t thinking straight!
That would have made Zaire look bad because of his family actions then I’d be out here trying to make shit happen for the both of you. ”
I could feel my jaw tightening.
"Every move you make, somebody watching," Kaseem said. “And right now, they all waiting to see if the Carters slip up. They waiting to see if we move sloppy. And you about to give them exactly what they looking for."
He let that sit for a moment.
"When was the last time I didn't handle my business?" he asked me. Not angry. Just asking. "When was a time that you called me and I said I couldn't fix it? When? When is a time that I ain’t slump a nigga for crossing us? It’s all about timing right now Namier! You think I ain’t pissed off? I just know better than that back and forth shit at a time like this. What that nigga said to you on that call? Checkmate, huh? Well when I come for that nigga this time, the whole game is over and you know that!” Kaseem barked.
I didn't answer because we both knew the answer. Never had there been a time that my brother let me down. Kaseem had always been solid. Always came through and always made an example out of niggas.
"Exactly," he said. "So why you out here trying to do my job for me? Why you can't just trust that your big brother got this handled?"
I wanted to tell him it was about more than just Zaire. It was about proving something. About showing that I could move on my own for my family. About the rage eating me alive knowing that nigga was still breathing.
But I didn't say none of that. I just stood there quiet, letting this nigga say what he had to say.
"Mars wasn't snitching on you either," Kaseem said, reading my mind. "He was doing what a real soldier does - keeping me informed so I know what's happening with my family. That's loyalty and love. What you doing out here is just rage, and rage will have niggas dead or locked up."
I looked away from him. My blood was boiling at this point even though I knew he was right.
"Look at me," Kaseem said, and his voice had that edge that made you obey.
"I'm not mad at you Namier. I am disappointed tho.
There's a difference. You got heart. You always had heart.
But heart without strategy is just a suicide mission.
Everybody got somebody they answer to. Even me.
So I need you to trust and listen to me. "
He was right. I knew he was right.
"Here's what's about to happen," Kaseem said.
"You're going to stand the fuck down. You're going to let me handle the judge situation with Tatti in the morning.
She has a good ass plan to get what we need so we can get bro out.
And once Zaire walks out of that jail, then we move and handle them fuck niggas.
Strategic. And they ain't gonna see it coming because we ain't moving off emotion. "
"And if I don't stand down?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"Then you know what’s up with me. I hope you respect me enough as your big brother to not wanna be a nigga that cross me. You know when I feel crossed or disrespected, I don’t give a fuck who you are! It’s yo funeral nigga.” My brother spoke through clinched teeth, and I knew he meant every word.
I felt something crack inside my chest. The anger, the rage, the need for immediate revenge - it all deflated when I realized that Kaseem was right. If I moved now, it would fuck everything up. It would give everybody ammunition that was against us.
"Alright," I said quietly. "I'll stand down."
Kaseem nodded like he'd known that would be my answer all along.
"Zaire gone be praising yo ass for wanting to set some shit off behind him, but he also wouldn't want you locked up beside him. So you stay focused. You stay smart. And you let your big brother handle this.”
“Don’t stress too much lil brudda. I’ll give you the honor of pulling that trigger when the time comes. Nigga may not even have a full week to live. Let them enjoy it now.” Kaseem said as he prepared to leave.
He turned to walk away, then stopped.
"And Nyla?" he said, not even turning around. "She just called Tatti, pissed as hell before I left our suite. Man, call and apologize to that girl. I told yo bitch ass not to mess with that girl and fuck up what I got going on with mines. Now my wife looking upside my head.”
Before I could respond, he was back in his Escalade and pulling away, leaving me standing in the warehouse parking lot feeling like I'd just been schooled by the realest nigga I knew.
The way he was using that wife word, it was a side of this nigga that I wasn’t used to.
I needed this talk with him. He was right. About all of it.
And that pissed me off more than anything else, but I knew that for now, I had to stand down. I had to trust that Kaseem was gone handle shit and I had to respect his calls the same as I would my father’s. This shit was hard when the nigga went from being my brother to damn near being my boss.
—
I stood in that warehouse parking lot for a long time after Kaseem pulled away. The adrenaline was fading and what was left was guilt. Real guilt. Guilt from my brother feeling like I’d gone against what he’d said. The kind that sits in your chest heavy.
He was right about everything. About moving reckless. About putting the family at risk. About letting rage make decisions for me.
On top of all that, he was also right about Nyla.
I pulled out my phone and looked at her contact. My thumb hovered over the call button. I wasn’t the nigga to apologize even when I knew I was wrong. She deserved more than a weak ass sorry.
Nah. That wasn't gonna cut it.
I shook my head and got in the car instead. If I was gonna do this, I couldn’t be no lame ass nigga about it, like she said I was.
Her address was still in my GPS from when we left the bar. The drive to her house took about twenty minutes. The whole way there, I was running through what I was gonna say. How I'd approach it. What words would make her listen to what a nigga had to say.
Then I thought about it more and said fuck this shit. I was just gonna go with the flow and be on whatever time her ass was on.
I pulled up to her house and killed the engine. It was late as hell now, but her lights were still on. I could see the glow coming from what I thought was her bedroom window.
I got out of the car and walked up to her door. My heart was pounding and I ain’t never been a nervous nigga.
I rang the doorbell.
It took a minute but I heard her footsteps. Heard her checking the peephole. Then the door swung open and she was standing there in a silk robe, her hair still wet like she'd just gotten out of the shower. Her face went from confused to angry in about two seconds.
She folded her arms across her chest.
"What the fuck are you doing popping up at my house at this time of night, Namier?" she asked, her voice cold as hell.
I looked at her for a moment. Really looked at her.
Saw how beautiful she was even when she was mad at me.
Saw the hurt underneath the anger. I had talked to her bad as hell, all cause something I was dealing with in my personal life.
That shit was fucked up. The connection that we had from the first day that I saw her, that shit was real.
I begged for her number just to turn around and fuck the shit up.
"You called me a lame ass nigga," I said simply. "I came to see if you'd say that shit to my face."
She stepped down to where I was, leaned in close, her eyes narrowed, her jaw tight.
"Sure will," she said, her voice dripping with venom. "Lame ass nigga."
I didn't think about shit after that. I just moved.
I grabbed her face roughly, my hand squeezing her cheeks as I pulled her lips to mine. The kiss was hard and full of everything I couldn't say with words. She tried to pull back but I wasn't letting her go. Not this time.
She was fighting it, but I could feel her resistance melting. Her hands came up and grabbed my shirt, pulling me closer even though she was still pretending to push me away.
I forced my way into her house while still kissing her, kicking the door shut behind me with my foot. We were moving through her hallway, both of us undressing as we went. Her robe fell to the floor. My shirt came off. My pants were coming down as we stumbled toward her bedroom.
Even if it was just for tonight, she was mine.
When we hit her bed, it was rough and intense and real. This wasn't gentle. This was two people who had something to prove. I had hurt her and was trying to fix it the only way that mattered. By the time I was done with her ass tonight, she was gone forget that she was ever mad.
“Are you gonna be doing this shit all the time? Acting weird as hell then being sorry later? If so, let’s stop it here!
I like you, but I won’t be disrespected and disappointed by no nigga.
” She asked as I was getting between her legs to taste her.
I owed her ass since she thought I got some head from her and dipped the last time.
“Nah. That was never my intentions. I really like you Nyla. I just thought if I got too caught up, I’d lose focus and bad shit would happen.
Some fucked up shit went down last time I was here and I blamed myself for not being on my square.
I won’t let that happen again. Me disrespecting you, I mean.
” I told her ass the truth. She just looked at me a minute.
“Say you sorry, mean that shit and don’t ever play with me again! It ain’t no third chances around here.” She looked down at me.
I spread her legs, and planted kisses up her thighs.
“I’m sorry, Bae.”
I meant that shit, and I was about to spend the night showing her ass how sorry I was. Damn. I just hoped I didn’t turn into tender ass Kaseem.