Chapter Eighteen
Audrey
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting behind the wheel since leaving the mansion.
I don’t even remember turning off the engine and headlights or pulling over to the side of the road. But I do know that my life is ruined.
While I sit here, falling apart, the rest of the world keeps moving like it always has.
Cars glide past beneath the orange glow of streetlights while strangers laugh, argue, kiss, and live their ordinary lives. Mine feels like it ended the moment Igor looked me in the eyes and told me to leave.
I should be driving.
Instead, I hold on tightly to my steering wheel, crying hard while his words ring loud and clear in my mind.
It’s over between us.
Get out of my house.
A bitter laugh slips through my lips despite my best efforts to stop it. It’s hollow. Bitter. The kind of laugh that only comes when crying hurts too much to continue.
I really did it.
I’ve lost the only man I’ve ever loved, and I have no one to blame but myself. I had countless opportunities to come clean. I could’ve told him the truth tonight.
Instead, I lied to him.
I lied because I was too afraid. I lied because I’m a coward and I thought I could figure out a way to protect both Igor and Matthew at the same time…and now I’ve failed both of them.
If I’d told Igor the truth earlier, he would have been furious.
But at least he would’ve been angry with the truth I told him instead of the lie I forced him to believe. Now he’ll spend the rest of his life convinced I betrayed him.
The realization settles over me like wet cement, heavy enough to make breathing difficult. I rest my forehead against the steering wheel and close my eyes, letting the silence swallow me whole.
“It’s better this way,” I whisper.
If I’d stayed with Igor, Serrano would’ve forced me to choose between Matthew’s life and Igor’s. One way or another, someone I loved would’ve paid for my mistakes. At least now all I have to do is find a way to rescue Matthew.
I need to come up with something. Something that can fool Serrano into letting Matthew go.
After several long minutes, I straighten in my seat, wipe the tears from my face with the heel of my hand, and start the engine, steering the car to the place that used to be my home.
I barely had time to grab anything before leaving the mansion.
I’ll probably send someone to bring my things over tomorrow, and then I’ll figure out a way to iron things out with Serrano.
I’ve spent the last few hours crying on an empty stomach, so I don’t have the energy to do anything else but sleep tonight.
When I pull over in front of my old apartment and get out of the car, I scan the area for any signs of Serrano. He mentioned something about coming over tonight to get the flash drive of information on Igor, but there’s nothing out of place here.
My stomach churns and I say a silent prayer, hoping he doesn’t show up until tomorrow. At least then I’ll have time to come up with something.
Rummaging through my purse, I pull out the key. My chest twists painfully when I walk inside and lock the door behind me. I’ve only been away for a few weeks, yet the apartment I lived in for years feels unfamiliar.
It’s small, but it used to be my cozy little home. Chloe and I would plop down on the L-shaped sofa on Friday night eating pizza and beer while we watched Avatar, our favorite show.
But that no longer feels like a routine I’d find comfort in.
Home for me now means lying on Igor’s chest and letting him wrap his arms around me. As I drift off to sleep, I imagine he’s lying beside me, holding me again.
***
I jerk awake with a sharp gasp, my heart hammering violently against my ribs before I even understand where I am.
Darkness greets me.
The apartment is pitch-black except for the pale glow of the digital clock on the microwave across the living room.
2:17 a.m.
For several long seconds, I sit perfectly still, trying to steady my breathing as I listen for whatever it is that woke me up. I’m sure I heard something, but the only thing I can hear now is the frantic pounding of my own heart.
I draw in a sharp breath, holding my head. It aches from all of the crying and thinking I did yesterday. My stomach rumbles, demanding food, but I don’t think I’d be able to hold anything down because of how nauseous I feel.
The fact that Matthew is still in Serrano’s hands weighs heavily on my conscience.
What if Serrano kills him?
What if—
I stop myself from ruminating on the same negative thoughts over and over again.
Serrano won’t kill him. I’ll find a way to help Matthew, even if I have to return to Igor and beg him to forgive me.
I’ll just have to wait for his anger to pass, and then I’ll explain everything to him so he’ll see I didn’t betray him.
He’ll help me.
At least, I hope he will.
The pounding in my head grows even stronger.
I push up from the couch and make my way to the kitchen, running my hand over the counter to find the painkillers I usually keep there.
Groaning with relief when I find the bottle, I pop two pills in my mouth and push them down my throat with water from the tap.
A bang comes from the door. Air stalls in my lungs and my entire body freezes when I hear male voices outside. They’re not loud enough for me to make out what they’re saying, but I can hear enough to know they’re speaking Spanish.
Serrano’s men speak Spanish.
Ice floods my veins.
No, no, no...
My phone.
Where’s my phone?
Adrenaline slams into me. I scramble away from the counter and hurry to the living room, my eyes darting frantically around the apartment until I spot my purse lying beside the coffee table.
Another thud sounds on the door, rattling it.
A strangled breath catches in my throat as I dive for my bag, fumbling so badly the contents spill onto the floor. Lipstick. Keys. Receipts from the gas station.
Goddammit.
My fingers finally close around my phone, and I sigh with relief. I unlock the screen with shaking hands, already scrolling for Igor’s number, but before I can tap the dial icon, the front door explodes inward with such force that the entire apartment trembles.
The sound tears a scream from my throat.
Splintered wood scatters across the floor as four men dressed in black pour into the apartment like shadows, their boots pounding against the hardwood.
I recognize the two guys from the shipyard earlier. The one with the scar smiles like a maniac and points in my direction. “There she is.”
Terror detonates inside my chest.
I spin toward the bedroom, my phone still clutched in my hand, but I don’t make it three steps before one of the men grabs my hair.
Pain rips across my scalp as I’m yanked backward so hard my feet leave the floor and my phone flies from my hand, skidding across the apartment until another man crushes it beneath his boot and the screen shatters.
From the darkness behind the two other men, Serrano emerges, smiling like a psychopath as he stalks toward me, like he expects me to be happy he’s here.
The man grabbing my hair shoves me down on my knees before taking his hand off my hair. Pain explodes on top of my head, but I barely let myself feel it.
My entire body has gone rigid, every muscle wound so tightly I can hear my own pulse pounding in my ears.
Running isn’t an option anymore. Fighting certainly isn’t.
Four armed men stand between me and the only exit, and the man responsible for destroying my life watches me with the kind of satisfaction that makes my stomach churn.
Serrano takes his time walking toward me. He slips the black leather gloves off of his hands one finger at a time before tucking them into the pocket of his pants.
His lips curl with a smirk. “We meet again, darling.”
I glare at him with enough hate to rip a man apart, if only looks could kill. I swear he calls me that just to piss me off.
“I’ll make it quick. I’m here to collect whatever it is you have for me.”
My heart thrashes against my ribcage. The image of Matthew on that cold floor with his mouth gagged and his hands tied behind him flashes in my head. “I don’t have anything.”
The smile on Serrano’s face dissolves into a frown. “What do you mean you don’t have anything?” He looks around thoughtfully. “Were you kicked out?”
I nod. “But I’ll go back to him today. I’ll get what you need. Please don’t hurt Matthew. I just need some more time.”
“I expected you to come back with something useful,” he says, his voice carrying through the empty apartment with terrifying calmness. “Instead, you got yourself kicked out and came back empty-handed?”
None of that is my fault. If Serrano hadn’t forced me out of the mansion in the first place, then none of this would’ve happened. Igor wouldn’t hate me as much as he does now. But I don’t say that.
I don’t care what happens to me now, but I can’t throw Matthew’s life away. It’ll haunt me forever if anything happens to him. “Twenty-four hours. Please, just give me twenty-four hours.”
“Twenty-four hours?” He snorts derisively. “How stupid do you think I am? If Igor kicked you out, it means he no longer trusts you.”
I shake my head. “He’s just angry right now.”
He chuckles sardonically and lowers himself until his face is directly across from mine. For a moment, I imagine moving closer and biting his lips off. I’ll probably be killed on the spot, and Matthew right after.
“Sometimes, I forget how young and na?ve you are,” he says, drawing a Glock from the back of his waistband. “Unfortunately for you, darling, you failed your mission, and I have no use for liabilities.”
A cold knot twists low in my stomach, growing tighter with every passing second as he presses the gun to my head, the cold metal biting into my skin.
So this is how it ends for me.
Fear digs its claws into me, and for a second, I consider begging, pleading for another chance to betray the man I realized too late I still love.
But I don’t.
I’m a Nazarov, and Nazarovs beg no one.
Especially not their enemies.
The only person I feel sorry for is Matthew, who got caught up in all of this because of me, but I’ve come to accept that no amount of begging I could do would change Serrano’s mind.
I think of Igor and wonder how he’ll react when he finds out I’m dead. I wonder if he’ll be sad, if he’ll blame himself or feel nothing at all.
And then my mother…my brother…it’ll shatter their hearts when they have to identify my body.
In my final moments, I’m thinking less about the gun pressed against my head and more about the people I’m leaving behind.
A painful lump rises in my throat.
If only I could tell Matthew how sorry I am. If only I could tell my mother and brother how much I miss them…and then Igor. If I had another chance I would tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for everything.
He’ll spend the rest of his life believing I betrayed him. He’ll never know how desperately I wanted to tell him the truth or how I convinced myself that if I could find something he could use against Serrano, then he wouldn’t hate me as much when I told him everything.
A tear slips down my face.
He’ll never know I loved him.
“I’m sorry.” I’m not sure if I’m apologizing to Matthew, Igor, or myself. But I know the sadness I feel is stronger than any fear I’ve ever felt.
“Goodbye, darling.”
I close my eyes, ready to accept my fate.
An explosion rips through the apartment so strongly that the floor shakes beneath my feet. Glass smashes into tiny pieces while someone yells something in Spanish.
Then there’s continuous gunfire in the room.
I flinch so hard I almost fall over.
More deafening gunshots ring out and smoke fills the air. I can’t even tell who Serrano’s men are, even though I can hear them yelling in Spanish.
“Muévanse!”
“Atrás!”
“Take them down!”
It’s near impossible to see through the fog of smoke in the air.
The smell of gunpowder and the adrenaline coursing through my veins make my head spin.
One of Serrano’s men drops beside me with blood pouring out from the hole in his head.
Another crashes into the wall before sliding lifelessly to the floor with his eyes wide open.
And then I spot them.
Sergei and Dimitri.
My heart skips a beat so sharply that it hurts. Sergei and Dimitri are here. Which means Igor…
I turn, frantically searching through the smoke for only one person. I don’t think he’d come. He must hate me after everything. Still, I search for him in the fog of smoke and dead bodies.
Another burst of gunfire lights up the apartment, and for the briefest second, I see him.
Igor.
He steps through the broken doorway with murder written across every inch of his face, his gun raised as if it’s an extension of his arm. His expression is colder than I’ve ever seen it.
Colder than it was when he told me to get out of his house only hours ago. His eyes lock onto one of Serrano’s men and he shoots him before the other man even notices he’s there.
For one impossible moment, everything feels unreal. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe this is just what my brain imagines before it shuts down forever.
Maybe I’m seeing him before I die because he’s the one person I want to see one more time.
The world begins to spin around me as my vision starts to blur and darken. The cursing in Spanish, the sound of gunshots, and everything else becomes muffled. Distant.
The last thing I see before darkness closes over my vision is Igor turning toward me, his expression changing the instant our eyes meet.
Whatever he yells never reaches me, because everything goes black before I hear a single word.