Chapter 34 Lexi
Lexi
For two weeks, I never mention a word about that night, or Conner, or families, or feelings.
Nothing. But an undeniable shift occurs in the employee–employer power dynamic, combined with the protector–protected dynamic, and I don’t stop it.
Seeing Justin so vulnerable opened a piece of my heart.
This bond, kinship, something more … has only happened one other time in my life.
It’s stupid, definitely, and a bit terrifying. But also, kind of amazing.
When Justin opened up, it took all my strength not to pull him into me and tell him how incredible he is, what a gift he is to the world. I spent that night replaying every moment. The pain from his parents, the shame he feels from leaving his sister, him telling me I’m beautiful. Oof.
‘Lexi?’ Justin calls from the kitchen.
I never thought I’d love hearing my birth name coming from someone’s mouth as much as I do.
But two weeks after giving it to Justin, it creates a tingle every time.
‘Yeah?’ I call out and move to the kitchen where Justin is bouncing on his feet.
Literally. Not that I blame him. When Mia decided to do a quick, surprise trip and flew in two days ago – which just so happened to be my two days off from work? Justin text me with lines of emoji. Emojis. This man does not do emojis.
‘Ready?’ he says, handing me a granola bar.
I grin at the food, put it in my bag and glance at my watch.
We’re going to be super early, but I refuse to point this out.
He clearly wants to spend every last second with his sister and squeezed in a quick lunch before she flies back, so I could meet her.
Never before has a client ever wanted to introduce me to their family for any reason other than work. And I’m not calling it out because I have the distinct sense that this is not work related, and for now, I can’t let my heart go there.
‘I don’t understand why she didn’t stay at your house,’ I say as I strap in for the forty-five-minute ride. ‘You have like a million bedrooms.’
‘Mia’s just like that. Ultra-independent. One of the things that I both love and drives me insane about her.’ He snaps his seatbelt and shoots me a grin. ‘Or maybe I should accept the fact that she finds me too annoying to be around longer than quick visits.’
Oof. That grin. Those dimples get me every time.
Lately, it’s been striking me, stronger, directly to the chest. And that shirt he has on today isn’t helping.
Ninety percent of the time, Justin tears around the house in a white T-shirt and jeans or shorts.
But today, the tailored button-down seems to be dyed the exact jade and moss hue of his eyes swirling among the amber color, and its damn near impossible to look away.
At the hotel, I follow two steps behind Justin. While he searches the lobby for his sister, I scope the exits and scan the crowd of travelers, looking for potential security threats. Soon, Justin’s entire face lights up. He beelines to his sister and gives her a hug.
‘Doc, meet Mia,’ he says, waving between us, and I so appreciate that he keeps my personal name private. Mia is beautiful. Long dark hair, bright green eyes, nose ring, sleeve tattoos and carries the same dimples as Justin. I reach out to shake her hand, but she pulls me in for a hug instead.
I like her already.
‘I finally get to meet the person Justin has complained so much about,’ Mia says with a giggle.
‘Mia!’ Justin smacks his palms together. ‘Don’t you follow some sort of family code? You’re not supposed to tell her these things.’
I narrow my eyes at him, holding back a laugh. ‘You were complaining about me?’
‘My God,’ Mia says as she adjusts her backpack, ‘he wouldn’t shut up about – and I quote – what a pain in the ass you were.’
‘Justin!’ Thinking back at how much we used to fight is kind of embarrassing. I had no idea he’d end up being so … amazing. ‘In all fairness, I probably was a pain in the ass. But in my defense, I was doing my job.’
‘I’d never heard anyone complain so heavily, in so much boring, excruciating detail in my life,’ Mia continues. ‘And I loved every second of it. I wanted to meet you the second I had an opportunity.’
‘Okay, okay, we should get some food,’ Justin says as he grabs Mia’s backpack and we head inside the hotel restaurant. ‘Before my bodyguard quits for good.’
After we sit and order, we chat about Mia’s job at the coffee shop, a recent hiking trip she took on Mt Rainer, and that in a few weeks she’s going to start online business management courses.
‘So, you’re my brother’s bodyguard,’ she says as she twirls the pasta onto her fork and lets the steam release.
‘Someday, I’d love to hear all about what it’s like being a female bodyguard.
I bet you have some incredible stories.’
‘Any time,’ I say as I stab my fork into the salad. ‘Truthfully though, a lot of it is more boring than what you may think.’
Justin coughs into his hand. ‘I’m going to go ahead and pretend I didn’t hear that.’
And some of those quiet times, at least with Justin, are my favorite.
‘But you have to put up with this guy for five days a week?’ Mia throws her thumbs toward Justin. ‘I feel for you, woman. We could swap stories. Did he tell you about our nicknames?’
I seriously love everything about this. ‘Ooh, no, he didn’t. I must know.’
Mia leans closer. ‘His was Scooter.’
‘Scooter?’ I ask, reaching for my lemon water.
‘Yep, and there’s a cute story behind it,’ Mia says. ‘Well, cute in an annoying big brother sort of way.’
Justin looks like he’s holding back a laugh. ‘Mia’s was Juicy. But she’d kill me if I told you how she got the name.’
‘Family secrets, Justin!’ Mia flicks his bicep.
‘He’s not wrong. I’d kill him. But for his, I’ll give you a sneak preview.
Justin had this obnoxious electric scooter.
With a bell. And tassels. Long, blue and green tassels that lit up.
Which is cute for an eight-year-old, but he had that thing until he left for college. ’
My mouth drops open before I giggle, and I swivel to face Justin. ‘No, you didn’t. Did you really?’
Justin shrugs with a grin that says, yes, he absolutely did. ‘Can I plead the fifth?’
‘He’d scoot all around the house, the yard, wearing this obnoxious helmet that also lit up.
He looked like a damn Christmas tree. And he was always ringing that stupid bell to get my attention.
He’d stand outside of my room until I’d finally give up and hang out with him.
’ She shakes her head with a chuckle and reaches for the pepper.
‘This guy. Never-ending pain in my ass.’
‘Okay, okay, enough going down memory lane,’ Justin says, waving his hands.
‘Ugh. No fun.’ Mia laughs, then glances at Justin. ‘Okay, since I can’t talk about that anymore, let’s talk work. What was up with that bullshit journalist question about the type of underwear your co-star wore in your last film?’
Justin slices into his chicken and rolls his eyes. ‘You saw that?’
I know exactly what Mia’s talking about. Last week during a press conference with him and a few co-stars from a movie he filmed last year that’s set to release soon, a journalist asked Justin’s co-star that question. I swear I could see his jaw muscle pop from across the room.
‘It’s such an awkward position to be in. I mean, not as awkward as for her, but still,’ he says. ‘I feel like a dick not saying anything. I want to jump in, but that’d look like she couldn’t handle it. But I also want to be an ally and stand up for her. I never know what to do.’
That’s totally understandable. ‘You did great,’ I say as I catch his gaze.
And something in the air shifts. I glance back at Mia whose eyes are scanning me and Justin, and a slow grin spreads. ‘So … tell me everything about your new film. Or at least the stuff you can without me signing an NDA.’
Justin shakes his head. ‘Nope. I know your deflecting techniques. You tell me all about this new woman you’re dating. Is she nice? Cute? Does she have all her toes?’
Mia’s eyes grow wide. ‘How did you—’
‘Please,’ he says with a laugh, and swirls his fingers toward her face. ‘You are the most obvious person alive.’
‘Whatever.’ She laughs and rolls her eyes ‘Yes, she has all her toes, you total freak …’
We spend the next hour chatting, and I melt at the clear love Justin and Mia have for each other.
Through finishing lunch, grabbing her luggage and then driving to the airport, our time together is seamless.
I don’t feel like an outsider or hired help.
I feel accepted, liked even, and I laugh because Mia is funny.
At the passenger drop-off, Mia brings me in and gives me a deep, warm hug. ‘Thank you for taking care of my brother,’ she whispers to me. ‘And I’m not just talking physically. I see so many changes in him since you came into his life, and it’s pretty fucking amazing.’
And now that warmth in my chest spreads through my body. I take a few steps away to give Justin and Mia time to themselves as they hug and she promises to visit more.
I bite back a smile.
***
When we step back into Justin’s place a few hours later, I toss my items onto the side table. ‘You’re gonna miss her, huh?’
‘Yeah.’ Justin unbuttons his shirt and tosses it on the side chair.
A white tank. Great.
‘Every time I see her like this, happy, healthy, it’s just … I don’t know. It’s like the old Mia’s back, but even better.’ He steps down into the sitting area. ‘Movie?’
I nod. We’ve so easily slipped back into our nightly routine – movie until Jack relieves me at midnight.
‘You better not give me shit for this one,’ he says. ‘But I know what we’re gonna watch.’
I arch an eyebrow. ‘I’m intrigued. Let me guess. Princess Bride? The Notebook? Rudy?’
‘Rudy? Are you serious?’ He slinks into the couch and grabs the remote off the side table. ‘No chance in hell I’m watching that in front of you.’
‘Really? Why not?’
He huffs. ‘I already had to swallow my … machismo … by having a female bodyguard.’
I glare.
‘What? It’s true. But no chance I’m crying in front of said bodyguard.’ His lips quirk into a playful grin. ‘My cold, dead heart chokes up every time at the ending.’
I squish into my spot on the couch. It’s our usual spot, but we’ve inched closer from when we first started watching movies.
At first, I wasn’t sure if I was doing it, or him, or we both subconsciously started closing the gap.
But now we’re only a few feet away. And I love it as much as I know I shouldn’t do it. ‘You cry during that movie?’
‘Don’t you?’
‘I don’t cry.’ I’m serious but crack a smile. The last time I cried was when I told Katey it was over, after what happened with the environmental CEO. ‘My heart is made of steel. No incredible sweeping story of grit and determination will shake me.’
I try to smile, to pass it off as a joke, but a flashback of the gunshot ringing out and learning the CEO was hit fills my mind.
I’m lucky – I was never diagnosed with PTSD like others who are in my situation.
I’m a disassociation master, the therapist had claimed, and was mentally cleared for duty in a relatively short amount of time.
But it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about it every day.
A warm hand touches my knee.
‘Hey, you okay?’ Justin asks.
Those eyes can read through me. Maybe someday I’ll tell him about what happened. I force a smile. ‘So, what’s the movie?’
A few moments stretch and I’m pretty sure he wants to ask more questions. But thankfully he just says, ‘Your night is about to be made.’
‘Oh yeah? Is Taylor Swift going back on tour?’
He chuckles. ‘No, next best thing. Tonight we’re going to watch … drum roll please …’ He slaps his palms on his knees. ‘Dirty Dancing.’
Why does his love of ’80s movies crack me up so much? ‘Good choice. I love that movie.’
He points the remote at the TV. ‘Let me know if you want to practice the end dance sequence.’
‘You’ve seen me dance,’ I say, readjusting the pillow behind my back. ‘We don’t need to see it again.’
He searches for the movie and shoots a side-eye glance at me. ‘You know, you were pretty okay on that dance floor.’
His tone shifts to warm, almost velvety, and the spark inside me ignites.
How can he say certain words, with that tone, and it get me right here?
This is the worst. I try, most days, to push aside his charm, the way he makes me laugh, the way he makes me melt.
I try not to look at those dimples, or those eyes, or those godforsaken forearms that I imagine holding me down while he does naughty, naughty things to me. But stuff like this is my kryptonite.
‘I really wanted you to stay longer that night,’ he says.
I hate his sudden change of tone, the way it makes goosebumps skitter across my arms. Love and hate.
It’s dangerous, and anytime the air in the room shifts like this, I internalize it, and my body and brain fight.
One begs for more, the other begs to stop.
I know he has feelings for me, and I’m sure he knows I have feelings for him.
These brushes of fingers, joking, the pheromones ricocheting …
But the line is already too blurry. When the job is over, we can talk.
But not until then. And with the stalker being extra quiet these last few weeks, it feels like the calm before the storm.
‘Justin …’ I don’t even finish what I’m saying. He knows, and I know, and his name lingers in the air.
I want to tell him why the need to stay focused is embedded into my soul.
To get off my chest what happened with the CEO, my worst fear, how my marriage crumbled, and how I was so sure I’d never love again.
I want to dive into how awful and devastating the situation was because I admired the CEO so fucking much.
But I didn’t have feelings for the CEO. If I did something and Justin – someone I care about so deeply – got hurt, I’d never forgive myself.
So, I’ll do what I know is right.
Bury my feelings as much as possible.