Chapter 45 Justin
Justin
‘What are you thinking about?’ I ask, skimming my fingertips across Lexi’s naked back.
She’s on her stomach, her hands wrapped under the pillow, her eyes in a haze, as sunlight drapes through the blinds and illuminates her dewy skin.
I’m weightless as I breathe her in, drag a piece of her hair out of the way, and kiss right below her ear.
‘How happy I am,’ she whispers.
Me, too.
Three weeks have passed since the night I showed up at her apartment.
And she’s slept at my house every night since then.
Of course, only after calling Marcus the next morning, giving him a PG-13 rated run down of events, and officially quitting as my security detail.
We seamlessly transitioned into a routine, which took us both by surprise.
Granted, we’d spent the last several months together, more than most live-in couples.
But this feels different. There are no firearms strapped to her body, no internal struggles thinking I’m misreading signs.
I love seeing her in this light. Relaxed, smiling, wearing pajamas and slippers, washing her face and brushing her teeth in my bathroom.
By day two, I told her I didn’t care if it made me sound like the most needy, codependent human on earth, but I didn’t want to spend a moment without her.
So, she joins me everywhere. She still scans rooms when entering, and her posture squares when people approach.
But I’m pretty confident after a while, she’ll relax.
We have resumed our nightly movie watching routine, but this time we snuggle under a blanket, my hands usually exploring her softness until she quivers.
We go on dates and walks and play basketball but spend an extraordinary amount of time in my bedroom.
And couch. And gym. And a couple of times in the kitchen.
I roll on my back, and she rests her warm cheek against my chest. ‘You hungry?’
‘Not yet.’ She kisses my chest. ‘I need five more minutes of cuddle time.’
The possibilities for us are endless. I found my love, the person I want to be with forever.
Everything about her brings me joy, from how a piece of hair falls from her ponytail and butterflies down her face to how her lips are so deeply pink when she first wakes up.
How we stay up late, talking about everything from her former marriage to me throwing up on a co-star during my first movie, to her random desire to hold an iguana.
I’ve never been more sure of anything before – I’ve found the one.
Last week Lexi told me she didn’t realize how much she’d missed physical touch all these years after her and Katey divorced, and sparring with Marcus didn’t count. Every moment she could, she hugs me, or holds my hand, or kisses me, and made me promise I’ll stop her if it ever became too much.
It will never be too much.
I will even take Zane’s side grins and whispers that they manifested Lexi and me getting together and planted rose quartz crystals all over my house that I apparently haven’t noticed.
Honestly, and I’ll never admit it to Zane, but I don’t care what helped get us together.
Crystals, Zane lighting candles, whatever. I’m so goddamn grateful.
She trails her fingertips over my arm with a sigh. ‘I don’t want to go back to work next week.’
Words I never thought I’d hear from her.
‘I’m so not ready for this honeymoon period to be over,’ she says, lifting her head to meet my gaze. ‘Although at some point, I’m gonna get sore.’
I chuckle at her devilish grin. God, those lips. A perfect combination of heaven and fire. Maybe if I stare at them long enough, I’ll forget she has to go back to work, too. Marcus was overly accommodating when Lexi requested time off. But still, it’s gone by too quick. ‘I wish you’d quit.’
‘I know you do,’ she says, wrapping her leg around me. ‘But I can’t quit my job. You know I can’t.’
I do know this. Lexi’s job is her life. At least for now.
But my gut tightens anytime I think of her in danger.
I keep this to myself for the most part, knowing she’d not be happy.
This past month, we’ve talked about our future, taking breaks, when she’ll officially break her lease and move in permanently.
But the conversation about her job is always a tad tense.
Thankfully, she switched her rotation so no more twelve-hour shifts.
Only weekends, high-profile conferences and executive meetings.
I kiss her hand and let the conversation drop, taking it as a win that the assignments she used to deem as too boring, she’s now okay with accepting.
‘Come on.’ I remove the covers. ‘Let’s get some breakfast.’
After showering and tossing on clothes, we move to the kitchen. I whisk the eggs and steal as many peeks at her grinning face as I can, still in a perpetual state of disbelief. Lexi’s here. With me.
After she injects her insulin, she moves behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. The heat of her body pressing into my back leaves the best, most delicious imprint. Her palms press against my chest, slide down my torso and lower, and before she even reaches me, I’m hard.
‘You’re gonna make me burn the eggs again, aren’t you?’ I flip off the stove, remove the pan and lift her onto the counter.
‘Can’t help myself.’ She drops her eyes to my mouth and licks her lips.
God that devilish look of hers does so many things to my insides.
I cup her face, drag my thumb across her lower lip and pull her in.
Her lips are so full, so delicious. I open her legs with my hips, slide between her thighs, and cup her ass to bring her closer.
She’s so perfect. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Her smart mouth, her brain, her body, the way her silky skin feels beneath me, the way she makes me laugh.
My body aches already, my need to be in her overwhelms my senses.
‘You’re so beautiful …’ I whisper as I drop my hands from her neck, hook my fingers around her underwear, and drag them down her legs.
She melts into my mouth, trails her tongue up my neck as I palm her breast, pulling and cupping the exact way she likes, savoring her whimpers as I rotate my hips against her.
I bring her to the edge of the counter, lowering myself to taste her.
Fingers thread in my hair, grip the back of my neck, her smell and taste and moans make me insatiable, euphoric, urgent.
Her thighs lock around me, and I know she’s close.
I use my fingers, tongue, my body, and keep going until she shakes, trembles and finally collapses against me with long, fulfilled breaths.
God, I could listen to her like this forever.
After she recovers, she slides off the counter and lowers herself to her knees. ‘My turn,’ she says with a smile.
And Christ … when she wraps her lips around me, my heart immediately thuds against my chest. I brace myself against the counter, hold her hair and sink into her mouth.
***
Later that morning, Lexi’s giving me one hell of a side-eye as she tugs on her workout clothes. ‘You sure you don’t want to jog with me?’
She has every right to be skeptical. Since we got together, neither one of us have jogged solo. And now with it being fall, the outside temperature with this slight cooler breeze is perfect.
But there’s something I need to do, something important, and I need to be alone.
‘Not today,’ I say kissing her forehead. ‘But we can have another workout later.’ I grab a solid handful of her perfect ass and thrust my hips like a jackhammer.
She rolls her eyes. ‘Don’t you ever get tired?’
‘Nope.’ I grin and kiss her before she leaves. When the door closes, my smile drops.
I’m determined to give me and Lexi the best possible chance of relationship survival. To do that, I need to cut ties with my past. Time to do what should’ve been done a long, long time ago. I sit at the kitchen island, exhale a shaky breath and grab my phone.
It only rings twice. ‘Justin! My sweet boy. I almost thought you were dead by now. Thank God I have the internet and can look you up to see what’s happening with you. Not that a mother should have to rely on the internet to find out about her children.’
My jaw tightens. I don’t want to do this. But also do. I’m done letting my past potentially infect my future. ‘How are you, Mom?’
‘I’m actually surprised to hear you ask that,’ she says with a huff. ‘I didn’t think you cared.’
I don’t even respond.
‘I’m not great,’ she says. ‘It’s been a long time, so I’ll get you up to speed. I’m in danger of losing the house.’
Of course she is. What’s next? Some mysterious disease and doctors who’ll only take cash. Some charity case that she’ll ‘funnel’ the money to on my behalf. I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘Again? What happened this time?’
‘Well, your father, God rest his soul, I just had no idea the level of debt he got himself into. Millions, Justin. Millions. I’m fielding calls left and right from so many people, and I’m exhausted.’
She’s exhausting. ‘Which people?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Who’s contacting you?’ I ask the question, already knowing the answer. ‘I’ll have my lawyer take care of it from here on out. I just need the names.’
A long silence follows. ‘I mean, there’s so many of them. I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not like I have that information sitting here. Who knows what kind of nefarious people these are. Just send the money and I’ll take care of it.’
I’m playing a game, and she most likely knows it.
My mother is a lot of things, but stupid is not one.
She’s absolutely reading through my words.
‘From here on out, I’ll take care of it,’ I say.
‘Forward me the emails, or the numbers, or the letters, whatever it is, and I’ll pay them directly, so you don’t need to worry. ’
‘Well … I … I mean, I don’t always know. They come from all over. Sometimes it’s really random and I don’t always have that information.’
I take a deep breath to keep from yelling. ‘Then how do you know where to send the money?’
‘What?’ she snaps.
My heart pounds in my ears. Anyone who says confrontation like this with a parent is easy is a liar. I hook my finger in my shirt collar and tug it away from my neck. ‘If you don’t have the information, how do you know where to send the money?’
Several moments pass with huffs coming from the other side. Then, silence for so many moments that I pull the phone away from my ear to check to see if the call dropped.
‘Listen here, you ungrateful shit. Do you have any idea of the sacrifices I made for you,’ she finally says. ‘I gave you everything. Cars, trips, toys, everything. How dare you question me now, after everything I’ve done!’
The words hurt, but not in the way I thought they would. More like a wound right before it bursts and then scabs over. ‘Whatever you think I owe you, I’ve paid. Multiple times over.’
‘What does it matter? You make millions and millions of dollars. This is nothing but change to you. The money is meaningless.’
She will never fucking get it. The control, the terror she put us through, the entitlement.
Nothing will ever change. She will never change, and I needed to confirm this.
‘The amount doesn’t matter. It’s this expectation.
You’ve always been this way and finally, finally, I refuse to let it affect me anymore. The money stops. Now. Completely.’
A breath hitches on the other side. ‘You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that. Are you really that heartless that you’d let your own mother starve in the streets before you’d help her?’
Don’t give in. ‘You will not starve. The money is done. That’s definite.
And don’t even think of contacting Mia.’ I tap my fingers against the phone.
‘But if you want to repair our relationship, you need to get counseling. And after you get some help, I’m willing to have a conversation with you to see if our relationship is salvageable. ’
A loud, heavy exhale sounds. ‘Are you serious about the money?’
‘One hundred percent,’ I say. ‘The money is done. Period.’
Another short moment passes. ‘Well then, fuck you.’
Then, silence.
Holy shit. That just happened. I stare at the screen to confirm she did, in fact, hang up.
A solid several minutes pass before I can process my emotions.
But soon, a heaviness lifts off my chest. Years of me holding in this anger, wishing my mom was someone different, feeling guilty that maybe I caused this, and it’s done.
I set the phone on the counter and exhale. A stillness overwhelms me, lifting the last of this weight that had been holding me down. I grab the phone and dial Lexi.
‘Hey,’ she says with a heavy breath. ‘You good?’
I’m more than good. I’m free.
‘Yeah. I changed my mind about not running with you,’ I say. ‘You want to head back here, and I’ll join you?’
‘Yep. On my way.’
When I hang up, I glance across the kitchen. Who knew when I walked into this room all those months ago and saw Lexi sitting on the same chair that I’m now sitting on, that my life would fundamentally change.
I rise from the chair and can’t contain my smile.
Time to start the rest of my life.