Chapter Eleven
Vidal woke to the sound of Mercè sighing. He stretched one arm above his head, let the silk of the sheet slide down his chest, and considered the ceiling for a long moment before he remembered that he was supposed to be furious.
Mercè sighed again, more pointedly this time, and pawed once at the duvet in the region of his ribs. The message was unambiguous. Vidal swung his legs out of bed, reached for the robe thrown across the chaise, and knotted it at his waist as he crossed the room to let her out.
His bare foot came down on paper. A neat stack had been slid under the door during the night. Mercè, who had reached the door ahead of him, sniffed the top sheet and then looked up at him.
“One moment, mi amor.”
He bent and picked the papers up between his finger and thumb, the way one might pick up a suspicious envelope.
It was five pages long and at the top of the first page was a perfectly centred heading.
COHABITATION PROTOCOLS — INTERIM ARRANGEMENT
Residence: Mayfair, London W1
Parties: HSH Prince Vidal of Cardona / Major H. R. Beauchamp
Effective: 0700 hrs, date as above. Under review weekly.
Vidal carried the sheaf of papers back to the bed, arranged himself against the pillows and began to read.
1. GENERAL PRINCIPLES
1.1 The purpose of this document is to establish a framework of mutual respect and operational clarity for the duration of the undersigned’s joint occupancy of the above residence.
It is understood by both parties that the arrangement is temporary and that the usual separation between principal and seconded attaché cannot be maintained under current circumstances.
The undersigned are both of the view that, in the absence of that separation, a shared understanding of boundaries will contribute to the comfort and dignity of both.
Vidal almost laughed. The comfort and dignity of both. Beauchamp had written that sentence in the middle of the night in complete earnestness, and Vidal was going to have to have the page framed.
2. BEDROOMS
2.1 Each party’s bedroom shall be treated as private space and shall not be entered by the other party under any circumstances, save in the event of a medical emergency, a security incident, or fire.
2.2 In the unlikely event that entry is required for one of the reasons listed at 2.1, the entering party shall knock and identify themselves before crossing the threshold, save where the nature of the emergency precludes such notice.
Examples:
active bleeding
cardiac or respiratory distress
smoke ingress, and
credible indication of forced entry elsewhere in the residence.
2.3 Knocking shall be the default form of communication at bedroom thresholds at all times, in all circumstances, irrespective of whether the door is open or closed.
2.4 In the event that a bedroom door is found to be open, the non-resident party shall nonetheless knock on the doorframe and await acknowledgement before any verbal address is made.
Vidal read 2.4 twice because he couldn’t believe that a grown man, who had been to Sandhurst and who had presumably at some point been shot at by actual people, had got out of bed in the small hours to commit 2.
4 to paper. He pressed the back of his wrist against his mouth and tried, very seriously, to maintain his composure.
3. BATHROOM USAGE
3.1 The residence contains two bathrooms, one attached to each bedroom. Parties shall use their respective en-suite facilities exclusively, save in the event of mechanical failure.
3.2 In the event of mechanical failure affecting one party’s bathroom, the other party shall, upon request, vacate their own bathroom for a reasonable period to permit use. A reasonable period shall be understood as not less than twenty minutes nor more than forty.
3.3 Upon vacating the facility following any period of use permitted under 3.2, the party making use of the facility shall restore it to the condition in which it was found. For the avoidance of doubt, this shall include:
all surfaces (basin, cistern, and adjacent shelving) wiped down and left dry;
the toilet bowl left spotless, and the seat and lid returned to the closed position;
air-freshening provision: the reed diffuser reeds must be inverted to refresh the fragrance;
towels returned to their respective rails in the arrangement in which they were found;
the extractor fan left running for a period of not less than five minutes following use.
3.4 Movement between bedrooms and the shared corridor during any such period shall be undertaken in a state of dress not less modest than that which would be considered acceptable for broadcast on terrestrial television before the 2100 watershed.
Vidal’s shoulders began to shake in earnest. Mercè lifted her head, considered him, and put it down again.
4. KITCHEN USAGE
4.1 The kitchen is a shared space. Both parties are entitled to use it at any time, with the following structured windows reserved for the undersigned to ensure predictable access and avoid overlap:
4.2 This officer: 0600–0645 hrs (breakfast preparation); 1230–1300 hrs (lunch preparation, if taken at the residence); 1830–1915 hrs (dinner preparation).
4.3 Outside the windows at 4.2, the kitchen shall be considered available for the Principal’s use without restriction.
This officer shall endeavour, during the Principal’s use of the kitchen, to remain either in his bedroom, the study, or the adjacent corridor, and shall not loiter within the kitchen itself unless specifically invited by the Principal to do so.
4.4 Either party may, by mutual agreement, vary the windows above on any given day, provided that notice of the variation is given not less than thirty minutes in advance.
4.5 Shared provisions (milk, coffee, bread, olive oil) shall be replenished by whichever party first notes their depletion. A list shall be maintained on the refrigerator door for this purpose.
5. DRAWING ROOM AND COMMON SPACES
5.1 The drawing room is the principal shared space of the residence. Both parties are entitled to use it at any time without prior notice or permission.
5.2 Notwithstanding 5.1, this officer shall endeavour to remain out of the drawing room during periods when the Principal is occupying it for purposes of rest, reading, correspondence, telephone calls, or entertainment, save where a specific operational or security concern requires his presence.
5.3 Where this officer is required to pass through the drawing room in order to access another part of the residence, he shall do so at an unhurried but purposeful pace, and shall not engage the Principal in conversation unless the Principal addresses him first.
6. NOISE
6.1 Both parties shall endeavour to minimise noise during the hours of 2300–0600.
6.2 The playing of music in common spaces during the hours specified at 6.1 shall be avoided.
6.3 Telephone calls taken within the residence during the hours specified at 6.1 shall, where possible, be taken from the caller’s bedroom with the door closed.
7. GUESTS
7.1 The Principal is entitled to receive guests at the residence. This officer shall be informed of the expected arrival of any guest not less than one hour in advance, for the purpose of security clearance.
7.2 During the visit of a guest, this officer shall remain within the residence but shall absent himself from the drawing room and such other spaces as the Principal and his guest may occupy, save in the event of a security concern.
7.3 This officer shall not receive personal guests at the residence during the term of this arrangement.
Vidal stopped laughing.
He read 7.3 a second time, slowly, and then a third.
This officer shall not receive personal guests at the residence during the term of this arrangement.
The Major had written himself out of the possibility of a visitor entirely for the next five months.
He’d not drafted an exception for a sister, or an old Sandhurst friend, or a woman he might one day wish to bring home for a glass of wine.
He had simply closed the door on all of it, because he had decided that this was what the job required of him. That was Beauchamp through and through.
8. REVIEW
8.1 These protocols shall be reviewed weekly by both parties. Amendments may be proposed by either party at any time and shall come into effect upon the written agreement of both.
8.2 In the event that either party considers the arrangement to have become untenable, that party shall raise the matter at the earliest opportunity with the appropriate authority (in this officer’s case, his commanding officer; in the Principal’s case, Her Serene Highness Princess Anne of Cardona).
Signed: H. R. Beauchamp, Maj., Household Division
Countersignature required:
The final page had a single line ruled across the bottom for his signature.
Vidal laid the stack of papers down on the duvet beside Mercè. Beauchamp had stayed up to write this, and it made his chest do a delighted flip.
Vidal had been raised on theatre and spectacle, on aunts who threw wine glasses at husbands they adored, and uncles who ended arguments over correct barbecuing technique with fisticuffs.
The entire Cardonan sensibility held that if a thing mattered, you shouted about it.
Beauchamp had taken a thing that mattered, typed it out, and he had put a clause number on each carefully framed point.
It was, Vidal decided, the sweetest gesture of caretaking he had ever encountered in his life.
He slid out of bed and didn’t bother with slippers as he eased the door open, and stepped out into the corridor.
Vidal walked the length of the corridor in complete silence, stopped in front of the second bedroom’s door, and raised his knuckles.
Then he paused, glanced down at the document in his other hand, and allowed himself a private smile at what he was about to do.