Chapter 5 #2
I thought the pain would eventually pass after a few hours, but it only got worse.
No amount of Tylenol, heating pads, or sleep would alleviate the pain that was ripping through my body.
Despite the fact that I was committing an act that was unfavorable to God, I never prayed as much as I did that day.
The pain was so bad, it had debilitated me and kept me confined to my bed.
After eleven agonizing hours, I realized I couldn’t withstand the pain alone.
I reached for my phone and dialed the only person I knew would drop anything for me aside from Ahkeem.
Priest made his way over immediately. I knew that just from the way my voice trembled, he knew something was terribly wrong.
He used the spare key I had given him in case of emergencies to let himself in.
When he found me, I was a shell of myself, drowning in my own tears and wailing in agony.
“Jazzlyn, what the fuck?!” His eyes widened as he stood at the foot of the bed, not sure what exactly was going on.
“It hurts so b-bad!” I cried.
Instantly, his older brother instincts kicked in. He freed himself of his coat and made his way over to sit at the side of the bed. “What hurts, Jaz?”
In too much pain to go into detail, I weakly pointed to the small bag I got from the clinic. They bagged up my pills in a nice little goodie bag, fooling me like this shit would have been easy. He reached for the bag before dumping the contents into his lap.
“Abortion? Jazzy, you fucking pregnant? What the fuck? We gotta call Ahk,” he rattled out all in one breath, on the verge of panicking.
It reminded me of how he was when Britain went into labor with Genesis.
My brother, the most calm, cool, and collected person I knew, damn near had a nervous fucking breakdown while his wife was in labor.
Seeing me in pain and coming to terms with all the details of what was really going on had his head spinning.
“No!” I clamored out as a wave of pain washed over me. “I didn’t tell him. PJ, please.”
His brows bumped together as he tried his best to make sense of what I was telling him.
Based off the look on his face, I could tell he was conflicted about what he should do.
On one hand, he knew there was no one else I wanted to hold and comfort me more than Ahkeem, while on the other hand, he knew I only called him because he was the only person I trusted to see me like this and keep this big of a secret from getting out.
“Fuck, Jazzlyn,” he stressed while running his hand down his face.
For the rest of the night, I laid my head on his lap just like I used to when I was younger, and he sat there comforting me through the pain.
It wasn’t much he could do besides just be present.
This was something nobody should’ve faced alone.
I was a fool for thinking I would get through it by myself and be back to acting like nothing happened after a day or two.
During the early afternoon the next day, the pain turned mild and bearable. I was able to get out bed with the help of Priest and got myself cleaned up. After my shower, we sat across each other in my living room. I was sipping on the soup he Doordashed while he kept his eyes glued on me.
“What?” I finally asked before sipping the soup again. It was the first thing I ate in 24 hours, so it was working wonders for me.
He leaned up in his seat. “Why? You know you ain’t have to do that shit, right?” Priest was trying his best not to judge; however, he was. He went from not wanting children due to his fear to absolutely adoring his son. Kids were a blessing, so he just wanted to know the reason behind my decision.
“I’m not ready. I can’t be a mother right now. I’m still figuring out life.”
“But you are so good with Saphir, and you’re a great aunt to Genesis and J’Ream.”
I sat the soup down before letting out a heavy sigh.
“They aren’t mine. I don’t know if I have it in me to dedicate my entire life to a child right now.
It may be selfish, but I’d rather do this than be a half-ass mother like ours to a child who didn’t ask to be here.
Everything is done. There’s no going back from what I just did. ”
“When you gonna tell him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but I will eventually.”
I never did tell Ahkeem what happened while he was on his business trip to Italy.
He came back, and by then, the bleeding had lightened up to a regular flow of a period, and the pain was manageable with over-the-counter meds.
I was a lot moodier as my body underwent all the changes from being pregnant one second to no longer being pregnant.
I just picked little arguments with him so it would look like I had a reason to be walking around with an attitude.
I got on birth control and lied to him that my doctor suggested it would help with my newfound menstrual cramps I conveniently started complaining about.
He never suspected a thing. I left him in the dark about terminating our child that I didn’t even have the decency to tell him about.
The more I thought about it, the more guilt weighed on me. Would Ahk ever forgive me for this?
He thrived at being a father to Saphir, and I knew it would’ve been no different with our baby had I kept it. I took that away from him, and I felt horrible. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t realize I was in tears until they streamed down the sides of my face.
I had to tell my husband… soon.