Chapter 31
Between mouthfuls of wings and wiping off her sticky fingers, Jayna swiped through the online catalog. They picked out a large sectional, a coffee table, and matching end tables, along with chairs for the harvest table. It was an understatement to say that the house Derek was building had surprised her. She hadn’t expected to love it so much.
It was beautiful and homey. Her eyes had immediately traveled to the cathedral ceilings and exposed wood beams. The foyer led to an open concept space with wide plank oak flooring. It was devoid of furniture, but she had an immediate vision of how to furnish it. A floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace called for a very unique mantle. To define the living room, a large vintage area rug and an overstuffed sectional would be needed. She’d immediately pictured the Persian carpet that Jamie had bought at an estate sale.
An antique chandelier, which she was sure could be found in Jamie’s storage room, would hang from the wooden beam next to the large kitchen island, establishing the dining area. They had found a large harvest table at Jamie’s, too, that would fit the space perfectly.
The kitchen was a chef’s dream, expertly laid out with soft green cupboards, thinly veined marble, and a white shiplap backsplash. French doors led to a back deck that overlooked the valley below. The house was spectacular, but the view was jaw-dropping. He had chosen a piece of land that sat high and kept watch on his parents’ farm below. He hadn’t just built a house; he’d built a home.
She hadn’t expected to enjoy spending time with him, either. But then he went and ruined it. Opened his big, stupid mouth.
Why was she mad at him?
It had only been one of the most humiliating moments of her entire life. Because of him! And he sat there like he had no memory of it. Maybe he didn’t.
Being a self-absorbed asshole was a daily occurrence for Derek.
That one night, so long ago, had cost her so much. She’d lost herself for a while after it. Her self-worth had taken a hard hit, and she’d searched for it in all the wrong places. Like she could find it in a man’s approval. That had just devalued her more. Finally, she took control and stopped letting men use her. She used them instead.
“Sorry about that. I wasn’t a nice guy back then.” Was that all he had to say about that night?
The way he’d turned her down had been so cruel. But he’d been right to do it. He just shouldn’t have done it so carelessly.
She leaned back in her chair, staring at him. Was she being too hard on him? He’d been a teenager as well, trying to navigate those confusing, difficult years.
People make mistakes all the time. No one was perfect. However, for him to sit there and question why she was angry with him, like he had no clue, made her angry all over again. It made her want to make him pay, make him squirm.
“So, just what happened between you, Tommy, and Leighton?”
His jaw immediately clenched, and he shifted in his chair.
Mission accomplished.
“Nothing.”
“Right,” she snorted.
She’d been there during their teen years. She’d witnessed his obsession with Leighton. That’s what had broken her heart the most. It hadn’t been the replacement girl he’d shown up with the following weekend. No, that girl had meant nothing to him. But the way his eyes followed Leighton everywhere, the expression on his face when Leighton kissed Tommy—that had nearly destroyed her. She had offered Derek her heart, her virginity, and he had brushed it away like it was nothing. He preferred to pine over a girl he could never have rather than start a relationship with one who was pining over him.
Knowing Leighton’s side, Jayna was curious what Derek’s version would be. Would he even admit to it? Maybe he had conveniently forgotten about it as well.
He looked her straight in the eye. “I kissed Leighton at the harvest dance the night before Tommy went missing. Took what wasn’t mine to take.”
He simply stated it and continued to hold her stare. Her mouth dropped open, but words escaped her. She hadn’t expected such honesty from him.
“There is no name you can call me that I haven’t already called myself.” Something flashed through his eyes. If she hadn’t been staring so intently, she would have missed it. It had been a combination of shame and blame.
Her eyes narrowed. While he was being honest, she might as well keep pushing. “Do you still have feelings for Leighton?”
He smiled, a sad half-smile. “No, I don’t think my feelings were ever deeper than just an injured ego that she’d chosen Tommy over me.”
Well, now, that was a very honest answer that didn’t put him in the best light. Did the man even possess a heart?
“I’m really not a good guy, Jayna,” he continued, reading her mind again. “This bad boy, player act, isn’t an act. It’s who I am.”
He leaned his elbows on the table, closing off the distance between them. “I’m the guy who betrayed his brother. His twin, no less.”
His voice was low and intense and sent a shiver up her spine.
“I betrayed Tommy. More than once. It started when I didn’t enlist too. When I sent him off to that hellhole all alone.”
He leaned even closer. She could smell whiskey and barbeque sauce on his breath. “Then I kissed his girl like I didn’t know she was his entire world. What did I care? I’m the reckless one. The one who doesn’t concern himself with consequences or feelings.”
Another shiver raced up her spine. “Why did you do it then, Derek?”
He cleared his throat, holding her stare. “I was jealous. She chose him over me. Just like everyone else always did. Our parents, our teachers, even our siblings. Tommy is just more likable. And it was easier not to try. Doesn’t matter what I do, I always seem to disappoint everyone. Why raise their expectations?”
She sucked in a breath. There he went, surprising her again. He was hurting and pretending that he wasn’t hurting. She knew exactly how he felt. It was the way she felt. Not good enough.
NOT enough.
Then he sat back, the bad boy grin replacing the sad smile. The moment was over.
“Your turn.” He slid the basket of wings in front of her.
She licked her lips and released the heaviness of emotion that had built in her chest. Forcing a smile, she picked up a wing and shoved it in her mouth.
Suicide sauce. Whoa. Hot.
At least she had something to blame the tears in her eyes on.
“Suicide,” she said as she sucked the meat off the bone and dropped the bone onto the plate. Sweat beaded on her upper lip, but she didn’t reach for the water.
“Your turn.” She pushed the basket back to him.
“Just how do we know who wins?” he asked, picking up a wing.
“Whoever wusses out first and reaches for the water.”
“Oh, that won’t be me. I never wuss out.”
She laughed, her eyes moving to the next table. Yet another shiver raced up her spine. Duncan, the busboy, was clearing off the table. He was staring directly at her with such intensity as he filled the white plastic bucket with dirty dishes. Goosebumps formed on her arms.
Duncan was harmless. She knew that. Someone should tell it to the tingle in her scalp, though. She was being silly. It was all the talk about Greta missing, along with the feeling that she was being watched. Jessica’s claim that she saw a face in Jayna’s bedroom window had unsettled her .
Without a second thought, she grabbed the front of Derek’s shirt and pulled him toward her, planting her lips against his. She felt his shock before he gave in to it. He leaned closer and his lips lifted for a moment before crashing down against her mouth in a toe-curling kiss.
This wasn’t the first kiss they’d shared. However, it was different. She’d instigated it, but he quickly took control. And wow, Derek could kiss. But he’d had a lot of practice. He’d definitely kissed more girls than she’d kissed boys. He was exceptionally good at it. He was so good that if she hadn’t been seated, her knees would have buckled.
He pulled her closer, his hand moving to the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. His lips pressed harder, and hers spread open.
This was a great kiss. Maybe one of the best she’d ever received. It was the kind of kiss that made a person forget their name. And it came from Dare Brennan. She lifted her hands and pulled her fingers through his hair, too. Then she realized that she was pulling her fingers through his hair as the kiss intensified. She was not only kissing Derek but enjoying it. Hell no!
She shoved backward.
“What was that for?” He blinked rapidly and then glanced all around. “I don’t see Lance Romance?”
She ran a thumb over her lips, which felt swollen, and tried to will her heart back into a regular rhythm.
Forcing a smile, she answered as casually as she could while feeling so breathless. “Just because you’re irresistible.” She poured on the sarcasm and shoved back her chair.
No way could she remain. He would see just how shaken she was. It was all too much. The last two weeks spent with him. Their conversation tonight. His admission about feeling unworthy. His house. Greta missing. Duncan leering. Her racing heart. It was just too much.
“Later Brennan.” She dropped a twenty on the table. If she paid her share, then this was not a date. Shaking off the ill ease and the mounting unwanted attraction from the kiss, she quickly left. She needed to start remembering that they were not really dating.