Chapter 29 TONI MENSAH
One month later…
Life with this new version of Kay’Lo had been some shit I could barely put into words, and that wasn’t even me tryna be dramatic.
It was just real life hittin’ me in a way I wasn’t used to before.
This past month felt like I had been livin’ inside somethin’ soft and warm, like everything that used to feel hard between us just eased up, and now all that was left was love, patience, and him showin’ me in real time that I was always worth doin’ things right for.
We was already married, already locked in and already knew what it was between us, but elopin’ how we did back then, it wasn’t about nobody else. It was just about us gettin’ it done and bein’ together without all the extra noise.
At the time, that was enough for me, ’cause I just wanted him, and I ain’t care how it looked as long as I had my man.
But now, with everything we done been through, especially with that trial hangin’ over our heads like that, it was like he woke up one day and decided he wanted to give me everything I never even asked for out loud.
Kay’Lo ain’t do a lot of talkin’ when he got in his feelins like that, but I had seen it in his actions before he ever really said it.
Soon as that case got dismissed and all that weight lifted off his shoulders, he looked at me different, like he was finally able to breathe again, and the first thing he did was start talkin’ about plannin’ a weddin’.
He wanted a real one. Not no quick “let’s just get it done” type shit, but somethin’ big, somethin’ beautiful and somethin’ where everybody that mattered could be there and see me as his wife the way he always saw me.
At first I ain’t even know how to take it, ’cause I wasn’t expectin’ all that, and I wasn’t about to sit here and act like I’d been dreamin’ about a big weddin’ my whole life, but the more we started gettin’ into it, the more I realized it wasn’t even about the weddin’ itself.
It was about him showin’ up for me in a way he couldn’t before, and once I understood that, I leaned into it.
Plannin’ a weddin’ wasn’t no small thing, and I learned that real quick. It wasn’t just pickin’ a dress and showin’ up lookin’ pretty. It was venues, dates, and guest lists, and food tastings, and flowers, and colors, and music, and all kinda shit I ain’t never even thought about before.
Every time I felt like I finally had somethin’ figured out, it was always somethin’ else to decide, and I ain’t gon’ lie, there was moments where I just sat there lookin’ at everything like, what the fuck did I get myself into.
But the crazy part was, I ain’t never feel overwhelmed the way I thought I would, and that was ’cause of my husband.
Kay’Lo had been right there through all of it, sittin’ next to me while I talked through ideas, noddin’ like he understood every detail even when I knew he ain’t care about half that shit, and just lettin’ me have my moment.
If I said I liked somethin’, he was already reachin’ for his card.
If I changed my mind, he ain’t complain.
He just told me to do whatever made me happy.
He ain’t rush me, and he ain’t question me.
He just was there, watchin’ me like he was proud or somethin’, and it made me feel good in a way I ain’t even know I needed.
And I hadn’t been goin’ through none of this alone either.
Aside from the older Mensah women comin’ through for me, Pluto and Sha’Nelle had been locked in with me heavy, showin’ up to every appointment they could, givin’ their opinions, laughin’ with me and hypin’ me up when I started second guessin’ myself.
It was a different kind of feelin’ havin’ women around you that really wanted to see you happy and not compete with you or make you feel like you had to dim yourself down.
The dress shop alone had become a whole experience.
I had tried on more dresses this past month than I ever thought I would in my life, and every time I stepped out that dressin’ room, it was like I was seein’ a different version of myself.
Some of the dresses was so detailed and soft, with lace and beadin’ and all that extra shit that caught the light when I moved, and I caught myself just standin’ there starin’ in the mirror a longer than I meant to.
Not even ’cause I was thinkin’ about the weddin’, but ’cause I was lookin’ at myself like, damn… this really me.
Then I had Pluto and Sha’Nelle behind me, talkin’ all at once, tellin’ me which one they liked, which one made me look the best, which one felt like “the one,” and I would just be standin’ there laughin’, tryna take it all in without gettin’ too caught up in it.
And through all of that, I still had my baby.
My’Love had turned five months, and it was crazy how much she had changed in such a short time.
She was more aware now, always lookin’ around like she was tryna figure everything out, her little eyes followin’ movement, her head turnin’ every time she heard a sound.
She smiled more too, them big gummy smiles that took over her whole face, and she drooled like she ain’t even care. She was just happy to be here.
She wasn’t walkin’ or talkin’ or nothin’ like that yet, but she had her own lil’ personality, and you could see it more every day.
She would grab at whatever she could reach, holdin’ on to fingers, clothes, and anything she could get her hands on, and when she got excited, she started kickin’ her legs like she was tryna go somewhere.
And she was attached to her daddy like I ain’t never seen before.
Soon as Kay’Lo walked in the room, it was like she felt it before she even saw him, and when she did lock eyes on him, she would lean forward so hard I had to grab her quick before she threw herself off the bed or the couch tryna get to him.
It would scare me and make me laugh at the same time, ’cause she ain’t have no fear when it came to him.
She reached for him, fussed for him, cried for him, and he ate that shit up every single time.
Kay’Lo ain’t even try to act hard about it either. He would pick her up, kiss all over her face, talk to her like she understood every word, and you could see it all over him that that was his baby girl for real.
Night time was the craziest part, ’cause she would not go to sleep unless she was on his chest. I had tried rockin’ her, feedin’ her, doin’ everything I was supposed to do, and she still would fuss until he took her.
Soon as he laid back with her on him, she would calm right down like that was exactly where she belonged.
At first I ain’t even know how to feel about it, ’cause I was her mama, and of course we had our own bond, but I had to accept that she was a daddy’s girl, and that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, it made me love him even more seein’ how he showed up for her without hesitation.
Life had been good for us…
It wasn’t perfect in that fake way, but real good in a way that felt earned.
We hadn’t been fightin’, goin’ to sleep with our backs turned or holdin’ on to no tension that ain’t need to be there.
After everything that trial put us through…
After all that stress, and all that fear of what could’ve happened, it was like we both just decided that we wasn’t wastin’ no more time on anything that wasn’t love.
Now, everything we did felt like it had purpose behind it.
We had been lovin’ on each other more, touchin’ more, checkin’ in with each other without it feelin’ forced, and that weddin’… it just felt like the right next step.
And in two months, we would be takin’ it.
For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t questionin’ nothin’.
I was just lettin’ myself be happy.
Days later…
It was Sunday and we was all chillin’ at Pluto’s and Pressure’s house, and for a minute it really felt like one of them days where everything was lined up right.
It was the type of energy where you ain’t think about nothin’ heavy, you just enjoyed yo’ people, good food, and the fact that everybody made it through what they had just been through.
Kay’Lo was in the other room with Pressure, Renza, and Kelli, posted up like they always did with the cards out, drinks somewhere close, laughin’ and talkin’ like life ain’t never tried to take nothin’ from them.
My’Love was laid out in the livin’ room in one of Kaylon’s old crib, knocked out. Every now and then I would peek in on her just to make sure she was straight before I came back out to everybody.
Me, Pluto, Sha’Nelle, and Reni was in the kitchen, standin’ around the island while the chef had everything set up like we was caterin’ an event instead of just eatin’ at home.
And when I say they had food, I mean it was real Trill-Land food that makes you stop talkin’ for a second just to look at it.
There was jerk lamb chops glazed down in that sticky sauce that had just enough heat to sit on your tongue, butter garlic lobster tails sittin’ open and drenched, grilled snapper seasoned so good you could smell it before you even got close, and big trays of seafood rice packed with shrimp, crab, and sausage.
They had baked mac and cheese thick with cheese that stretched when you scooped it, honey glazed plantains, curry chicken, pepper steak, roasted vegetables, and trays of wings tossed in different sauces.
Even the salads looked like somebody cared.
They was stacked up with grilled chicken, eggs, and all kinds of toppings.
I was leaned against the counter talkin’ about my weddin’, ’cause that had been takin’ up my whole life lately whether I wanted it to or not.
“I’m tellin’ y’all,” I said, shakin’ my head a lil’ “This shit way more than I thought it was gon’ be. Like I knew it was a lot, but damn.”
Sha’Nelle laughed, foldin’ her arms. “Girl, that’s how it go. You wanted a real weddin’, now you gettin’ all of it.”
Pluto smiled at me, soft like she always did, but I could tell she meant it. “I’m happy for you, Toni. For real. I’m glad y’all doing it right this time.”