Chapter 30
Dustin
I couldn’t stop smiling.
I wasn’t going to overanalyze it. But it was there, and it was real, and I was aware, in the same way that I knew it was going to cost me, like when my mom said, “Take Naya with you,” and I knew I may as well just hand over my wallet.
That kind of aware. The kind of happiness I didn’t trust because it didn’t last.
Dante took one look at me that morning when I walked into training, and groaned. His first words to me were “I don’t want to know.” His second sentence of the day was “Try not to screw this up too badly.”
I think he was referring to the fact that we were training without pads today.
That’s what I was telling myself. Training was a breeze.
We were gearing up for the spring game. A pad-free training session improved agility and also meant the defense was nowhere near us.
Everything felt loose and fast and clean.
Whittaker gave me a friendly wave as he jogged past to line up.
I took a second to watch him. He was good, but he wasn’t great.
Not yet. He needed work. My gaze went to Noah, who was in deep discussion with the outside linebacker.
It was funny that he didn’t know about leadership when he was very clearly the leader of the defense.
It’s what the middle linebacker was often called, the QB of the defense.
He’d walked into our practice squad at the beginning of last season and was on the first team within the week. I’d take Noah Matthews on my defense every day of the week.
I just hoped the program left us something worth drafting by the time we were done here.
A ball went sailing past me, narrowly missing taking my head off my shoulders. I turned to shout at someone, only to see Dante grinning at me from where he stood, and Coach Hembry reprimanding him, even though the QB coach was grinning.
“What did I do?” I demanded, jogging over to them. “Why are you aiming your balls at my head?”
Dante’s face screwed up. “Slater, I told you never to talk about that. What happens in the dorm room stays in the dorm room.”
Coach Hembry choked, looked between us, mumbled something about being on the sideline, and left us.
Dante laughed under his breath. “Great guy, terrified of not being politically correct, the NFL will eat him up.” Dante passed the ball between his hands. “So . . . You and . . .” He looked around. “Hadley?”
“Just a hookup,” I assured him. “A roll in the hay, as they say.” I considered it. “Has that always rhymed?”
Dante gave me a flat look. “The words hay and say. Yeah.” He stepped back, his arm pulled back farther than it had been, and he threw the ball downfield. The ball sailed in a perfect arc to the end zone.
“Nice,” I said with appreciation. “It’s better if there’s someone there to catch it.” I grinned at him when he grunted. “So, your shoulder’s better?”
He nodded, his fingers digging into the joint and swinging his arm. “Coach said to still do sessions with Doug, but it’s been amazing how many times he hasn’t been available for my PT sessions, so Hembry has me in with Diana.”
“She good?”
“Excellent,” he said with a smile. “No nonsense, no bullshit, in and out, job done.”
“He must be talking about you. Hey, Slater,” one of the tight ends said as he passed, “in and out and gone again.”
“Really?” I called after him. “That’s not what your girl said!”
He flipped me the finger, and I laughed when he got yelled at by Coach Sutherland for the gesture. I turned back and found Dante staring at me.
“Why are you giving me the sad baby blues?” I asked with a sigh.
“Does she know it’s just a hookup?”
“Have you met her?” I asked him. “Do you think my shit is going to fly with her? She knew what it was, she was fine with it.” And she was fine, mighty fine. But it was just a hookup.
She knew that. I knew that. Job done.
Dante gave a brisk nod. “Alright, then. We have two redshirts today, one’s a left guard.” He saw my look.
Redshirts — players who practiced with the team but hadn’t played in official games yet, preserving an extra year of eligibility. They showed up in spring training like hungry dogs trying to prove they deserved a spot.
“Just play your game — they fit, they fit. They don’t, whatever.”
“The other?”
Dante sighed. “Center.”
I eyed him. “You’re telling me to roll with it when we have a redshirt center handling the snaps? Damn. I knew this was going to be a good day.”
“I hate you,” he called out after me as I ran to the sidelines.
“I know you don’t!” I yelled over my shoulder.
Briar was at the back of the sideline, and I waved at her. She lifted her hand in return; it was the loosest wave I’ve ever seen. I motioned her over.
“You good?”
Her hair was down again, covering her face; she had a ballcap on today, a plaid shirt, black jeans, and I knew on her playlist there would be some emo rock.
“I’m fine,” she said with that soft voice of hers.
“Briar, can I ask you something?” I leaned on the bench as I spoke to her.
“Of course.” She picked up her camera. “Do you want to see pictures?”
“No. Not at all.” I tried to soften the blow of my dismissal with a charming smile. I don’t think it worked. “I don’t get the impression you’re an . . . how do I say it? An outgoing person.”
“Um. Okay?”
“You don’t strike me as the type of person to enjoy social media.”
She picked up her camera and shook it gently from side to side. “I like taking pictures.” When she saw me waiting, she looked away. “You need to go outside to take pictures,” she added. “Outside means society.”
I nodded. “Alright.”
“Slater, leave her alone, she isn’t interested!” Coach Sutherland yelled across the field. “Media girl, do not be interested in anything he says!”
“Oh, fuck me,” I hissed. “Hey, B, I wasn’t . . .”
She smiled. “I know, D.” She gave me a sly grin, and I laughed. “So, do you want to see the pics I took today?”
“Yeah, absolutely.” I didn’t really, but being called out like that by Coach, both of us, I felt bad for her.
Briar pulled her phone out. “Here, I got this one of you and Dante, just now.”
He was rolling his eyes, and I was already grinning at whatever deadpan reply he was going to hit me with. “Yeah, that’s a good one.”
“Yeah, I thought so. It’s so hard because your team is never smiling. Why is everyone so sad? Didn’t you win?”
She showed me more, and I realized she was right. We looked like we’d just lost a game, not getting ready for the next one. I also noticed something I didn’t think she was consciously aware of. “Um, Briar?”
“Yeah?” She looked up, her smile shy.
“You’ve really got an eye for this,” I complimented her. “But girl, you are fixating on Matthews. Someone got a little crush on our star linebacker?” I teased.
Her eyes went wide, and I laughed.
“You’re too cute, look at you all embarrassed at being caught.”
Her eyes went to the space over my shoulder half a second before Noah spoke.
“Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m just standing right behind you?” Noah said dryly.
“Or that.” I turned around and grinned at him. “Hey, you need something?”
“Yes, you. We’re running drills.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a day that ends in a Y, and you pissed off Sutherland. Again.” His gaze flicked to Briar. “So now we’re all running drills.”
I looked past him to the glares of many of my teammates. “Huh. Shit. Briar, keep taking good shots!” I started to run back across the field and felt Noah pull alongside me.
“So Hadley’s done, and you’re on to the next one?”
“What? No. I was being nice to her . . . She has to improve my image. People don’t want to help you if they think you’re a dick.”
“You are a dick.”
“So?” I demanded, coming to a stop. “I’m trying to have a good day. Why are you and QB10 so fucking serious? Lighten up.” I slapped him across the chest. “Let’s play fucking football and enjoy it.”
I walked over to where everyone else was, and I noticed a number of dirty looks directed my way.
I looked at the coach and felt like punching someone.
“What the fuck is wrong with this team?” I asked them all.
“We won the national championship. Did you all forget? This field is a miserable fucking place to be right now. The spring game is coming up, so let’s remember that we’re here because we’re lucky enough bastards who get to play football every day and will one day get paid for it. ”
Coach Sutherland gave me a begrudging smile. “I don’t know what her name was,” he mumbled as he passed, “but you can see her again.” He clapped his hands together. “Okay, people, you heard your wide receiver, let’s remember why you’re on my field! Formations!”
I looked at Dante and Noah, both watching me, and I shrugged. “Just play football, let all the other shit go.”
I meant it. I meant it in a way I hadn’t in weeks.
It turned out to be a good practice despite the rough start.
We still ran drills, but the atmosphere was lighter.
Dante stepped up to my example and led the team like he always did, but he did crack more than one genuine smile.
Noah was dishing out shit with his defense, and I caught them laughing a few times.
When I caught Briar’s eye later as I walked off the field, she gave me a thumbs-up.
Even the locker room was lighter, and it almost felt normal. Nothing dark and serious hanging over our heads, even though it was. I didn’t feel guilty for not thinking about it for the last ninety minutes.
I even treated myself to a coffee from the coffee shop and a granola bar. My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket; my mood soured.
It was an unknown number, and it was a very clear shot of me with my dick in the face of a girl with long brown hair who was on her knees in front of me. You couldn’t tell it was Hadley, but you sure as fuck could see it was me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I tossed my coffee in the trash. “Fuck.” I looked around campus; there were a few stares, there always were. I clutched my backpack strap tighter and turned back the way I came.