Chapter One – Emma
PRESENT DAY – EMMA – AGE THIRTY-THREE
MY SECRET
The moment the plane touched down on the runway, I felt like I could breathe once again. I took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. Finding myself between two bookends, my past behind me and the unknown in front of me, I wasn’t sure if I should be excited or nervous. Maybe a bit of both.
I took another deep breath before letting it out. The woman next to me placed her hand on mine. She was an older woman, early sixties, maybe. Her silver hair was pulled up in a tight bun and she had kind, blue eyes.
“Do you not like flying, sweetheart?”
With a smile, I replied, “I don’t mind flying. It’s just that I’m leaving my old life behind and starting a new one. It’s a bit…scary.” I let out a halfhearted laugh at the last word.
Her eyes looked into mine and she gave me a knowing smile, as if we had something in common. As though she could peer into my soul and see my ugly past. Like she somehow knew I’d packed a single bag and left quickly before Ben could stop me. Left before he could cause me another ounce of pain. Emotionally or physically.
“I’m sure it is, but know this, God does not give us anything we can’t handle.”
I nodded. Oh, how I’ve heard that a time or two.
It might as well have been stitched onto my mother’s forehead. It was her mantra. The thing she would say to try to make herself, as well as me, feel better about the blows life had thrown.
“My mother would say that to me often.”
A sad expression moved over her face. “Have you lost your mother?”
That same weighted-down feeling in my chest hit me. “Six months ago.”
“I’m so sorry, dear.”
“Thank you.”
The seat belt signs went off when the plane came to a halt at our gate. Quickly standing, I reached for my small bag above and grabbed my purse. My eyes stayed focused on the line of people in front of me.
I felt a tap on my arm. When I turned to look back at the older woman, she handed me a card. Glancing down, I silently read it.
New Hope.
“New Hope?”
She nodded. “We work with a lot of women who are…starting over.”
A rush of panic washed over me. The familiar feeling when it felt like someone was getting too close to the truth. To the dirty little secret I’d worked so hard to hide. I was honestly exhausted from all the lies.
“You misunderstood me.” The line in front of me started to move. Handing her the card back, I smiled. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
Rushing to the baggage claim, I tried not to look around for the woman who’d been sitting next to me. In the last ten years, I’d kept the truth from everyone. Mostly out of fear and keeping my mother happy. One conversation with a stranger on a plane, and she’d somehow figured it out. Or thought she had.
It’s over. Done. Time to move on, Emma. Time to build a new life.
By the time I grabbed my suitcase and made my way to a cab, I felt like I could relax again. In fact, as I made my way out of the airport, I smiled. This is it. The beginning of a new story. I stood in line and waited for a taxi. When it was my turn, a driver pulled up, got out, and flashed me a bright smile. “Where to?”
I returned the smile as I handed him my one suitcase and replied, “The Honda dealership on Colfax. I need to buy a car.”
He looked surprised, but held the back door open for me to get in.
The traffic in Denver was insane. I silently thanked the heavens above I’d decided not to settle in the city.
“Here we go. The Honda dealership.”
I climbed out and exhaled a nervous breath as I waited for him to hand me my luggage.
Handing him a tip, I said, “Thank you so much.”
He looked nervous as he glanced around, then back to me. “You’re sure you don’t want me to stay for a bit? In case you don’t find what you want?”
I gave him a reassuring grin. “For once in my life, I know exactly what I want.”
He nodded as the corners of his mouth rose. “Good luck, then, ma’am.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
A salesman approached, looked at the luggage and then me. “Do you travel a lot or something? Looking for space for your suitcase?”
I laughed. “I only just arrived in Denver.”
His brows drew down in confusion. “Your first stop was a dealership?”
With a nod, I replied, “It was indeed. I need a Honda Pilot.”
“Just like that?” he stated with a laugh.
“Just like that,” I repeated. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a salesman who thought a woman didn’t know anything about cars. I’d researched SUVs and I knew what I wanted.
“Do you want to test drive it?”
I shook my head. “No, I already have back in Texas. I know what model I want as well, and I spoke with your sales manager, Nick, who assured me you had one on the lot.”
He drew his head back in surprise. “You spoke with Nick already?”
“I did. If you could let him know Emma Middleton is here, I would appreciate it.”
Rubbing at the back of his neck, looking bemused, he nodded, then motioned for me to follow him.
He took me inside and down a hall and knocked on the window of an office. A good-looking gentleman with brown hair and dark brown eyes glanced up.
“Nick, this is Emma Middleton. She said she spoke to you about a Honda Pilot?”
A wide smile appeared as Nick stood. “Emma, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.” He turned to the salesman. “Thank you, Robert. I’ve got it from here.”
The salesman, Robert, still looked confused, but walked out of the office and shut the door behind him.
“Thank you so much for doing this, Nick.”
“It’s my pleasure. It’s not every day your grandmother calls you up and tells you to help out her neighbor who’s moving to Colorado and wants to buy a car sight unseen.”
I smiled. “Not really sight unseen. You sent me pictures.”
He tossed his head back and laughed. “I did. I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.”
“I decided it would be best to take care of it today and head on up to Estes Park.”
With a nod, he pulled out a file. “It’s all ready to go. If you have the cashier’s check, I’ll get the paperwork finished and you’ll be ready to drive on out of here.”
My hands shook slightly as I pulled out the envelope I’d gotten from the bank. Five years of tucking money away, plus the inheritance and sale of my mother’s house, and I had plenty of money to buy the car outright and still have some left over in case I wasn’t able to find a job right away. I never wanted to be in debt to anyone.
Never. Again.
He gave me a knowing look, and I wondered how much Elaine had told him about me. By the pity in his eyes, I would guess everything.
Nick glanced at the paperwork, then back up at me. “It’s none of my business, Emma…but my grandmother did tell me a little bit about your situation. Does your ex-husband know you’re in Colorado?”
I shook my head. “No. He doesn’t.”
“Is the cashier’s check a way to keep him from tracking you down?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded. “One reason. I also didn’t want to carry around that much money.”
“I can understand that.” He reached over and took his business card and handed it to me, lowering his voice. “If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. My father was abusive to my mother, and I grew up having to watch. I hate him to this day for the things he did to her and to our family. I guess what I’m saying is, if you need someone to talk to…”
His voice trailed off, and I fought to keep the tears at bay.
“Thank you, Nick.” I took the business card and slipped it into my purse.
“Ready to get your wheels and get on out of here?”
A light chuckle slipped free. “I am.”
“Let me make sure they have it ready to go. It should be, but I want to confirm you have a full tank of gas. Give me a few minutes and we’ll get this all wrapped up for you.”
I nodded. It didn’t take long after that to sign the paperwork. I couldn’t help but smile. I’d done this on my own. Something my mother would never have done.
He wouldn’t have approved of me paying cash for a car, but he no longer had any say in my life. I didn’t even tell him where I was going when I walked out of the courtroom, leaving behind the BMW he’d bought me, as well as a four-thousand-square-foot house.
Not even the only living family member I still spoke with, Aunt Mary, knew where I was going. The only thing she knew was that I was leaving Texas and never coming back. I’d told her once my divorce was final, I’d be gone. She was the only person on this earth who’d known what truly went on behind the closed doors of my home, and it was only a short five months ago that she’d found out.
As promised, the moment the court granted my divorce, I left.
Today. Today truly was the beginning of my new life. A chance to finally put the past behind me and move on.
As I slipped into the Pilot and turned it on, a memory hit and froze me in place.
“You driving an SUV? Right, Emma. You can hardly drive the small car you have. You’ll wreck it the first week you get it. Stop living in a fantasy, will you? You’ll drive the car I bought for you and that’s the end of it. Argue with me about it again and you won’t leave this house for a week.”
My eyes closed, I counted to ten, and then whispered, “Do not do this, Emma. It. Is. Over.”
I opened my eyes, pulled the address up for the cabin I’d booked in Estes Park, and put my brand-new SUV in drive.
The route was familiar. It warmed my heart as I thought about the few years my father had brought my mother and me up to Estes Park for our summer vacations. They were the only happy memories of my childhood that I could remember. Or had chosen to remember.
Everything changed, though, when my father found out I wasn’t his biological daughter. Apparently, my mother had confessed to having an affair and that I was the product of that. My life was turned upside down, and I went from a happy childhood to one where I watched my mother cry every single day, then drink until she passed out.
An hour and a half later, I saw the sign that welcomed me to Estes Park. Ten minutes after that, I pulled into the small cabin on Big Thompson River. The same cabin I’d stayed in as a child. I thought I would feel relief when I saw it. Instead, all I did was sit and stare out the windshield with a feeling of sadness. My life wasn’t supposed to be filled with such…loneliness.
I refused to cry. I was done shedding tears over my ex-husband, my father, and my mother. Done allowing them to have power over me one minute longer. Right now, and from here on out, this was about me living my life without the emotional baggage.
And I couldn’t wait.