Chapter 1 #2
She’d been trying for the last four months via sperm donors, and nothing had stuck. Her doctor told her not to worry, but she wasn’t sure how long she could keep doing this.
Allison stepped back from the baby clothes and surreptitiously wiped her eyes. Allison twisted her waist, trying to release the pressure in her lower back.
“Are you okay?” her mother asked as she perused holiday decor for sale.
“You know how my periods are.” They’d always been pretty bad. It was normal for her to miss days of work or school, nauseous from the pain.
“I had it so much worse,” her mother said as they wandered through the stalls. “I’d have to be in bed for days. You’re lucky you don’t have it that bad.”
Allison smiled through the pain radiating from her lower back. “Yup.”
“Your sister has it even worse. Poor thing. That’s probably why she couldn’t make it. She needed to take care of herself. Now, did you make a list of things that we’ll make on Christmas for the family?” her mother said, all in one breath.
Story of my life. Feel sorry for Molly and expect Allison to do the work.
“Yes, I did,” Allison said, trying to ignore her feelings. It would make her life easier if she kept her mother happy—which would keep her father happy—which meant he probably wouldn’t have a rage-y, emotional outburst on Christmas if she planned everything just right.
“I was thinking we could—”
“Oh, there are the Bunko ladies,” her mother said, waving to some older ladies across the square. Her mother started walking toward them.
“Or…we can talk about it later,” Allison muttered.
She’d make sure everything for the meal was all there. To smooth everything over. Keep everything running. Make everybody happy.
That was all she’d ever wanted.
A big, happy family.
A commotion of jingle bells and noise caught her attention as a man playing Santa walked into the market square.
He was incredibly tall and was decked out in the full Santa costume. Allison squinted, trying to see who they’d gotten this year for the role.
Is that Nash?
Little kids stopped in their tracks to wave. Santa waved back sweetly, and a horde of Girl Scouts surrounded him at knee level, chattering at him.
Twinges of jealousy ached in her chest. Lily is so lucky to have a husband who’ll be that good with kids. She was happy for her friend and boss at Bloom, but still. She wanted that for herself. A partner who made her swoon over how he’d treat their family.
A toddler insisted on being picked up, and after checking with the parents, Santa lifted him up and talked as if they were confidants.
The little boy smiled shyly, flopping his light-up sneakers.
Santa pulled a small stuffed teddy bear from his pocket, no bigger than a lollipop.
Allison realized it was because the boy was too little for hard candy.
Man, Nash is so good at this. She didn’t remember him doing it last year.
Olivia Maroo, Martha’s daughter and somehow angelic sister of the demon spawn Wells, appeared in the crowd, hand in hand with her boyfriend and his six-year-old, Annabelle. They made for a heart-achingly adorable family unit.
“Hey, you three,” Allison said with a bright smile. “All settled in after the move?”
Olivia wrapped Allison in a big hug. “Yes, and still sore. Thank you again for all your help.”
Allison absolutely loved that she had a friend group now. She’d lost her social network in the divorce four years ago, and keeping sweet people like Olivia in her life was her number one priority.
“Let me know if you need help unpacking,” Allison said, always wanting to be helpful. It was how she showed people she cared, and selfishly, she liked to be needed.
“It’s Santa,” Annabelle said, jumping with excitement. “Santa! Santa!”
Santa walked toward them, but then something impossible happened.
Nash and Lily rounded the corner.
How can Nash be in two places at once?
Allison looked closer at the man walking toward them, ho ho ho-ing with a convincing bowl-full-of-jelly laugh.
Wait.
The man with a charming twinkle in his eye, the perfect Santa who enchanted small children and their parents, was not her friend’s husband.
Horrified at her slip up, Allison whispered into Olivia’s ear, “Do you think it’s ethical for Santa to be played by an evil divorce lawyer?”
Olivia smiled as she whispered, “Behave yourself.”
She’d smashed cake in his face one time. One time!
But he’d so had it coming.
For dragging me through a stupidly unnecessary prolonged divorce and for… She gulped, remembering.
Other reasons.
“Who do we have here?” Wells/Santa said with a twinkling smile at Annabelle.
Annabelle hid behind her dad’s legs, suddenly shy.
“Annabelle, it’s okay,” Olivia said.
“No,” Wells said gently. “She doesn’t know me. It’s always okay to be shy with strangers.”
Had he gotten a personality transplant in the last forty-eight hours?
He crouched at Annabelle’s eye level and gave her a warm smile. “My elves said you’ve been very good this year, Annabelle.”
Annabelle peeked out. “They did?”
“Mm-hmm. They said you were a good helper to your dad, and you didn’t mind that Olivia burned your Christmas cookies.”
“I didn’t know Santa was so judgy,” Olivia muttered, with an indulgent smile at her brother.
He laughed that deep, rumbling Santa laugh. “Will you come see me at the gazebo and tell me what you want for Christmas?”
Annabelle took a candy cane tied with red velvet ribbon from him and nodded her head hard.
“Good,” Wells said, bopping her pert nose with his white-gloved finger.
Allison’s heart involuntarily squeezed at Annabelle’s belly laugh.
It’s because Annabelle is adorable, obviously. That’s why. Nothing to do with the buttface in red velvet.
Wells stood to his full height, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
He offered a candy cane to Olivia. “I know you have been very good this year.” Wells handed one to Annabelle’s dad. “As have you.”
Wells finally turned to Allison, and his eyes lost their jolly kindness. “And you. Well…” Flinty eyes full of mischief stared back at her from behind his fake Santa spectacles.
Crap. She should have escaped by now.
Wells reached into his pocket and pulled out a lump of coal. “This is all you get for being number one on my naughty list.”
Allison narrowed her eyes but played along, given Annabelle was right there.
Allison yanked it out of his hand.
“Oh, Santa, thank you so much,” she said flatly, with a smile that hid her seething anger. “I can’t wait to throw this at someone specific later.”
Wells raised his eyebrows. “Guess you’ll have a permanent place on my naughty list.” Wells meandered on, being adored by all the children who saw him.
He probably loves that, all the adoration. He’s probably tricked everyone else in this whole town into thinking he’s actually a nice guy.
“Let’s get in line,” Annabelle said, pulling her dad over to Santa’s gold-and-red chair in the Christmas-light-covered gazebo.
“He doesn’t even live here, but he keeps popping up when my defenses are down,” Allison said to Olivia. “As soon as I think he’s gone, bam”—Allison held up the coal—“I get Maroo’d.”
She’d spent an unfortunate Thanksgiving dinner across the table from him after being assured by Martha that he wasn’t joining.
He always appeared where she least expected it—at Fox & Forrest for her morning chai latte, at Bookish as she browsed the thrillers.
She’d even ducked behind a tire display at the hardware store for ten minutes until he’d finally left.
“I think he misses it here. He’s been in Philly for so long, and now that my mom and Pop are married, and I’ve moved back, I think he’s having trouble staying away.”
Allison groaned. “And I wanted to buy a house here.”
Olivia laughed. “I’m sure this small town is big enough for the both of you.”
She was called away to join the family Christmas picture with Santa and Allison waved, staring after her.
Wells sat in the gazebo in full Santa mode. A little boy sat on his lap for photos and chattered at him.
Playing Santa is the perfect role for him. Empty promises, a costume that fools everyone, and in the end he risks nothing.
Allison was left alone at a table full of adorable Christmas baby clothes as she waited for her mother. The ache of disappointment at not getting pregnant reared its head. She’d tried to shove it away, burying herself in work.
But that was no match for little footie gingerbread pajamas, velvet Christmas dresses, and hand knitted booties. The soft material called to her as she ran a hand over it.
She wanted to be a mom so badly.
This evening had been full of too many happy families around her. Too much joy that she couldn’t share with someone. Too many twinkle lights and happy smiles and cups of cocoa with loved ones.
So many things she’d never have.
She needed to grab a piece of it for herself somehow.
Peering over her shoulder, seeing her mother still busy, Allison gave in to her impulse.
She grabbed a red velvet Christmas dress and a baby beanie with crocheted reindeer antlers and quickly paid.
She felt like she was breaking a rule, buying unnecessary clothes for a nonexistent baby in full view of a nosy small town.
Giddy happiness at holding them to her threatened to bubble out, and she pinched her lips together. She safely tucked the sweet clothes into her oversized purse.
For some day.
As she steeled herself to face her mother again for the car ride home, Allison tried to memorize the holiday sights in front of her.
The puffs of smoke-like heat from friends laughing over hot drinks in the cold. Children running around the big decorated tree at the center of town. Families clasping mittened hands, enjoying a night together in a perfect small town as colorful Christmas lights reflected onto their happy faces.
She couldn’t wait to come back next year.
Maybe by then, I’ll have a baby in a reindeer beanie with me.