Chapter 25
25
F leur was lying in the bath. She turned the tap on, and held her fingers under the stream of water, watching as it gushed out in a frothy stream of warmth. She could think about one thing and one thing only: the crazy idea she’d got into her head to propose to the man she loved. She’d even gone and bought a ring, though she wasn’t sure Patrick would wear it, but that was beside the point. As she adjusted the hot and cold taps, she wasn’t really sure what to think about anything at all. She’d cooked up and schemed something completely out of her comfort zone and totally out of character, and now here she was about to make it happen. No turning back now.
After telling Cassy, she’d decided not to tell anybody else until after the deed was done. Despite a lot of to-ing and fro-ing, she’d decided not to run the fact that she was going to propose to Patrick past Lucy but instead present it to Lucy as a fait accompli. Letting her legs float up and become weightless, she stared at the little white IKEA lantern with perforated stars on the top sitting on the bath caddy and watched as a small battery-powered tealight candle flickered away to itself. As she studied the faux candle and marvelled at how good and realistic it was, she pondered not telling Lucy about the plan for Patrick.
Part of her thought it would be best to tell Lucy what she was thinking about doing; another part decided it wasn’t any of Lucy’s business. At the end of the day, she was the one who wanted to marry Patrick, and to be honest, not that she would ever voice her thoughts, she was a little bit over everything always being about Lucy. However, on the other hand, Fleur getting married, if indeed Patrick agreed, was significant. It would be something that majorly affected Lucy, so Fleur had tried to consider that too. The question that gnawed at her now was whether to confide in Lucy before taking the plunge. On one hand, Lucy was her daughter, who had often been her confidante, the person she’d been through a lot with. Sharing the monumental decision with her seemed only natural to some extent. On the other hand, Fleur felt deep down it was a decision she needed to make independently. Her relationship with Patrick was personal, and she didn’t need anyone or anything to cloud her judgement. On top of that was the fact that if things didn’t go as planned, she would prefer to handle the fallout privately.
While Cassy’s support had been reassuring, it had also added a layer of pressure. Now, someone else knew about her intentions, and Fleur felt the weight of expectation. If she told Lucy, that pressure would intensify. What Fleur wanted to avoid was everybody knowing—like her sister, her daughter, and even her mum – and it becoming a massive thing. If she kept putting it off or indeed completely changed her mind altogether and everyone knew it would just turn into a big drama. Sighing, Fleur wiggled her legs under the water and imagined Lucy’s reaction: surprise, excitement, and then, if she knew Lucy, there would be a barrage of questions and what-ifs.
Mulling the whole thing over, she decided that an upcoming speakeasy night at the deli she and Patrick were attending seemed like the perfect setting for the proposal. The intimate atmosphere, soft jazz, casual setting, candlelight, and the two of them in the roundabout place they’d met felt right. But with the evening fast approaching, Fleur knew she had to make a decision about whether to involve Lucy or not.
As the water began to cool, Fleur made up her mind. She would keep her plans to herself. Once she had Patrick’s answer, she would share the news with Lucy. She let out a slow breath and dipped her fingers under the water, watching the ripples spread across the surface. She traced the patterns, feeling the weight of the day settle into her bones, the warmth easing the tension in her shoulders. As she reached for the soap on the wooden bath tray, she looked at the forever ring sitting right where her wedding ring had once been. The thought of her old wedding ring was suddenly in her face, a bit of a ghost of the past, a whisper of a different life. A memory drifted in, similar to the ones she’d had when she’d seen the picture of her with her dad.
How funny that back in the day she’d believed in the whole thing: the ceremony, the promises, the idea that she was in love and that it would be forever. And here she was doing it again with someone else. She could almost hear and see that day a blur of white and gold and the sense that she was doing the right thing and everything was exactly as it was meant to be, except, of course, it hadn’t been. It really, really hadn’t been.
Just as she was thinking about getting out of the bath, her arms draped over the edge, her phone buzzed on the stool next to her. The vibration rattled against the wooden surface and made her jolt slightly. Stretching an arm out, she lifted the phone and flipped it over to check the screen: Lucy. Fleur hesitated for a second. It was almost as if the universe had heard her thoughts and nudged Lucy to call her. She swiped to answer. ‘Hey, Luce.’
‘Hi, Mum.’ Lucy sounded bright and casual. ‘You okay? Are you in the bath? There’s an echo.’
Fleur lifted a leg and let it float for a second, watching as the water lapped around her skin. ‘I am.’
‘Nice. A bit of self-care. Love that for you.’
Fleur smiled. ‘Not sure it’s self-care as such, but warm water helps for me, as you know.’
‘What’s it helping with? Problems at work?’
Fleur’s heart gave a little kick. For a split second, she considered blurting out that she was planning to propose, that she had a ring, a plan, and a scheme, but she didn’t.
Lucy continued. ‘Anyway, I was just calling to say hi.’
‘What’s been going on at Dad’s?’
‘Not much. I’ve been at work mostly, so I haven’t really seen them.’
‘Right. How’s the baby?’
‘Fine, as far as I know. What’s going on with you?’
Fleur pictured Lucy’s face and how she might react if she told her what she was planning. She imagined that there would be surprise, then excitement, and then questions. ‘You know me, Luce. I’m just plodding along as usual.’
‘Alright then, I’ll leave you to your bath. Don’t make any major life decisions in there, okay?’
Fleur swallowed. Just a small life decision incoming. ‘No promises.’
‘I’ll see you at the weekend.’
‘Yep, looking forward to it. We’ll go for a nice lunch. How are you feeling? Any of your funny spells?’
‘Nothing. Not even a sniff of one.’
‘Good.’
‘Love you.’
‘Love you lots.’
As soon as Fleur hung up, she popped the phone down and stared at the ceiling. Lucy would find out soon enough. For now, the proposal was just for her.