—Julian—
Igroaned. “What do you want from me, Autumn?”
I could see all the buildup in her eyes, days of anticipation, longing, and desire in her gaze as she hesitantly leaned forward, placing her hands on my chest. Slowly, she brought her lips to meet mine. It started off with just a peck until she opened her mouth, seeking out my tongue.
This was all her now, showing me everything I’d taught her.
I let it go on. Carelessly letting my walls and reserve come crumbling down.
I’d spent the last two weeks feeling like a dick, but I couldn’t continue with her.
Not after Christian warned me she was off limits again.
I remembered the first time he’d threatened me.
She had just turned fifteen. Even back then he’d suspected something might eventually occur between Autumn and me.
Her kiss had me on the verge of fucking losing myself, getting lost in the moment. Becoming lost in her. A man could only take so much, and I was at my breaking point.
I wanted her.
In every way possible.
And more…
I never stopped kissing her, hovering above her heady frame, causing her breathing to escalate when she realized she was getting to me.
“For fuck’s sake, what are you doing to me, Autumn?” I rested my forehead on hers, looking down at her swollen lips.
She was so beautiful.
So loving.
So fucking mine.
The way she was looking at me as if I was everything she’d ever wanted simply encouraged me to keep going.
I couldn’t help myself. I never could with her.
I kissed her more aggressively than before, crashing our lips together.
Chastising myself mentally the entire time as I continued to consume her mouth.
Her hands went to the back of my neck, pulling me closer, but not nearly close enough. The kiss turned urgent and demanding, as she met each and every pull I was delivering. It was full of emotion, mixed with pure lust and something else I’d never felt before.
My hands continued to roam over her body.
Knowing I was the only man to have ever touched her this way was doing all sorts of things to my cock, like it always did.
She tilted her head back, giving my lips more access to her flushed skin.
My mouth moved, kissing from her neck down to her collarbone, stopping just above her breasts that were rising and falling with every movement of my lips.
I ran my tongue along her nipple, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
Looking up at her through hooded eyes, I lightly blew her aroused flesh, watching her come undone in the way she always did.
My mouth kissed down her stomach, savoring the elevated heat of her body pressed against mine, getting hotter with each caress of my lips, touching her skin as I made my way to where I wanted to kiss her the most.
A moan escaped her lips.
And that was my undoing. Like a fucking atomic bomb dropping on my head, my mind took the control back from my cock, realizing what I was just about to do. Having sex with her wasn’t going to do anything other than lead us back to square one.
I jumped off the bed, leaving her there panting and exposed. Breathless and stirred. I tried to shake off all the emotions she’d triggered inside of me. Holding my head between my hands, I paced around the room. Knowing I’d just royally fucked up.
AGAIN.
I took a deep breath while grabbing my hoodie off the chair and tossed it at her. “Put some clothes on,” I snapped, mostly pissed at myself for letting it go this far.
The last thing I wanted to do was to lead her on more than I already had, and it was all I had done since day one. I walked out onto our patio, leaving the slider open behind me. Leaning over the railing, I needed to calm down. She stepped out shortly after, closing the slider behind her.
“Hey…” She grabbed my arm, turning me to face her. “What happened back there?”
“I can’t do this with you anymore. This is my fault.
I never should have kissed you, or crossed the line with you.
But throwing yourself at me isn’t the right answer either.
I stole all your firsts—it’s why you think you’re in love with me.
It’s an illusion. You’re young, and I should have known better.
I’m the adult here, and I took advantage of you.
I fuck, Autumn. I’m not your boyfriend—you’re just my best friend’s little sister.
” I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth, and she jerked back like I had slapped her in the face, and I guess in a way I had.
“Kid…” I reached for her, but she stepped back.
“Just your best friend’s little sister?” she repeated, hurt and dismayed.
She stood taller, eyeing me up and down.
“You’re not fooling anyone but yourself, Julian.
You’re a coward, a fucking pussy, who’s pushing me away because I’m getting too close to you.
You’re in love with me too! You can pretend and deny it all you want, but I know you.
I feel you. You can fight it all you want, but we’re connected in a way that even you can’t destroy.
We’re soulmates whether you want to be or not.
” She stepped toward me, getting right up in my face.
“If you didn’t love me, then you wouldn’t have chased away Daniel—you wouldn’t have been jealous!
You wouldn’t have dry fucked me on my birthday.
You claimed me. Making sure your lips, your hands, your fingers, your tongue and cock were all my firsts.
You made damn sure it was only your touch, your scent, your body that I’d remember. ”
“Autumn—”
“You want me to be yours, and that fucking scares you more than anything, because you’ve never wanted that from anyone else.
Not any of the women you’ve slept with. My brother will understand, and if he doesn’t, then I don’t fucking care!
This is my life, and I want you in it in every possible way. ”
I arched an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side.
“You think you got me all figured out? Well, here’s the truth, sweetheart.
I don’t love you. I’m not in love with you.
You’re not my girlfriend and I don’t want you to be.
I’m sorry I risked my friendship for you, but you’re not worth the sacrifice.
She shook her head, her eyes immediately watering with tears.
I spoke with conviction, even though it killed me inside. “The truth hurts, Autumn. You deserve better than me. Now take your ass back inside and leave my house. You don’t belong to me.”
Tears streamed down her beautiful face. I watched them pour out for a minute, unable to witness it any longer. “If you won’t leave, then I’ll do it for us.” I sidestepped her and left her there.
Her heart broken on my floor.
It wasn’t the last time I’d walk away from her, but it was the first time I wanted to stay. That realization alone sent me spiraling down a bottle of fucking whiskey. Losing the only family I ever had wasn’t an option, but staying in Autumn’s life wasn’t one either.
There was no one I could vent to, so I had to go through this alone. Which shouldn’t have been a shock to me, I had been abandoned from the moment I was born.
Before I knew it, I was sitting on a black leather couch, in a house we ended up at for Christian’s bachelor party. I was exhausted from the day and the never-ending plaguing emotions torturing me day in and out.
Christian had been watching me like a fucking hawk for most of the night. I had to prove to him I wasn’t fucking around with his little sister behind his back. There was no way out of it, and I needed to do what I had to.
End of story.
“What’s your name?” the luscious brunette enticed with her red, pouty dick-sucking lips. Wearing nothing but a tiny G-string and a bra that barely covered her tits.
“Don’t worry about it.”
The stripper laughed, swinging her long hair over her shoulder. I didn’t have to look over to know that Christian was staring at us. Waiting to see how I’d react and what I’d do. She took it upon herself to straddle my lap, grinding her pussy on my cock to the beat of the music.
“I want you,” she breathed out, leaning in to kiss me, but I turned, and she got the corner of my mouth.
From where Christian was sitting, it appeared like we were making out. I gripped onto her hair at the crook of her neck, tugging her head back, hard and making her whimper. Getting pussy had never been an issue for me, and she wasn’t any different.
I let go of her hair and slowly moved my hands from her neck to her ample tits, down to her narrow waist. She licked her lips, sucking in another breath when I suddenly gripped onto her hips.
I placed her on the table in front of me so Christian could get the show of a lifetime, feeling sick to my fucking stomach the entire time.
Autumn and I weren’t together. I wasn’t cheating on her, yet it still felt like I was betraying her in every way that mattered.
I stood, spreading her legs to stand in between them. Getting close to her face, I rasped, “If you go into the bedroom with me, I’ll pay you whatever you want to say I fucked you.”
She inhaled, holding her breath as my hand continued its descent, running along her smooth, heated skin and down to the seam of her panties.
“Say that you did?”
“Yes, I don’t need you to ride my dick.”
“What about suck it?”
“I don’t need you for anything other than a lie. Do you understand me?”
She nodded. Money was money, and it didn’t matter what she had to do for it. Carrying her up my torso, I wrapped her legs around my waist and walked us to one of the bedrooms. Kicking open the door, I shut it behind me.
Everyone at the party saw what had just gone down.
Especially Christian.
After all this time…
The ups and downs.
The heartache.
The betrayal.
It felt like I’d finally done something right.