Chapter Thirty-Four
Kei follows us to the Mess Hall to prepare the rice for dinner while Sue-Ellen and I work out the logistics of the swim.
“How long do you think it’s going to take?” I’m feeling less and less confident with my decision with every passing minute.
“A long time,” Sue-Ellen says unhelpfully. “How long do you think the canoe trip over was?”
“Probably an hour or so, a little more,” calls Kei from the kitchen.
“And that’s with two people paddling,” Sue-Ellen says.
“So would the swim take two hours?” I ask.
“Paddling is faster than swimming,” Kei says, scooping rice into a large stainless-steel pot. The bottom is scorched from being on the fire.
“So, what, three hours?”
“Maybe for me,” Sue-Ellen says, “if I were still in training shape, maybe three and half for me now. But for you—” she sucks in air through her teeth, appraising my total lack of muscle tone “—probably at least four hours, if not more.”
Four hours. Which sounds like not a long time at all. Four hours! That’s only four episodes of Love Island, that’s nothing. But also, four hours. The longest of my swims since I’ve been here has been maybe forty minutes, and I was wrecked afterward.
“We’ll take it slow,” Sue-Ellen says, as if she were reading my mind. “And I think I should set the pace.”
I look at Kei, hoping he’ll vouch for me, but he’s standing with both hands on the edge of the stove, his head bowed and his eyes closed.
“Kei?” I ask, starting to stand.
He opens his eyes and gives his head a little shake. “Yeah, sorry. Just got a little dizzy. What were you saying?”
I search his face to see if he’s actually okay, but he’s showing no signs of distress.
“Cleo was pouting because I said I should take the lead on the swim.”
“That’s a good idea,” Kei says quickly, before I have the chance to object. My ego bristles at the idea of ceding power to Sue-Ellen, but I know it’s probably for the best, so I agree. Begrudgingly.
“So, four hours probably means we’ll be tired and hungry when we get to the other side,” Sue-Ellen says.
“Right. So we should take some food.”
“But how?”
“You could use these,” Kei says, holding up a pair of plastic bags I remember seeing under the sink. “Tie them around your ankles with food and water inside.”
“That’ll work. What do we have for food?”
Kei opens the door to the storeroom and peers inside. “Not much. Rice, a few onions.”
“Onions for lunch,” I say, trying—and failing—to crack a joke.
“You can take a few of my granola bars,” Kei says. “I’ve got some to spare.”
“Are you sure?” An image of Kei weak from hunger and low blood sugar crowds my brain.
“I’m sure. There’ll be rescue boats here by tomorrow afternoon, right? I won’t even need them.” He gives me an encouraging smile.
“Okay, so granola bars and water. What else, clothes?”
Sue-Ellen shakes her head. “They’ll just get wet and weigh us down. We’ll have to go in our bathing suits.”
“But what about shoes? We can’t do the hike in our bare feet.”
“How do you suggest keeping your tennis shoes dry during the swim?”
I look at Kei. He shrugs. “She’s right. The hike is only an hour or so. Just take your time, you’ll be okay.”
“Fine.” I hate it when she’s right. “What time should we leave?”
“You should leave as early as possible,” Kei says, pouring a pitcher full of water into the pot. “Sunrise is six thirty. You should aim to go by seven.”
Sue-Ellen groans. “I think eight will be fine.”
I hate to agree, but I do. We’ll need to be well-rested.
“Okay, so we leave at eight, make it to the other side by noon. We’ll have granola bars and water on the other side, and a rest, and we’ll start our hike around one o’clock. Which means we should be back to the highway—”
“There’s a gravel road first, remember?” Kei says. He has abandoned the rice mission entirely and joined us at the table. “But I remember there were other vehicles on it, so you should be able to find help pretty quickly.”
“Right. So we’re on the gravel road by two o’clock, and help should be back here by, what, four or so?”
“Best-case scenario,” Sue-Ellen says. “I think you should plan on making dinner here,” she says to Kei, “and hope for rescue before sundown.”
Kei nods solemnly. “I’ll make sure the bonfire is burning bright.”
“Okay,” I say, putting my hands on the table, as if to settle it.
“Okay,” Sue-Ellen says.
“Okay.” Kei puts his hand on mine.
We follow him to the beach where we eat a sombre dinner of plain rice, and as soon as we’re done, Kei and I head back to the Bunkhouse. It’s early, but I’m anxious to get to bed. I’ll need every advantage I can get. And I want a few moments alone with Kei.
For the first time since the power went out, Kei climbs into the bottom bunk with me. We lie facing one another, our limbs entangled.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, brushing my hair away from my face. “You don’t have to. We can figure something else out. I—I’m not sure I could live with myself if something happened to you.” I can hear the anguish in his voice.
“I’m sure,” I tell him. And I mean it, as much as I possibly can. “Sue-Ellen will be a pain in my ass, but she truly is our best bet.”
He nods. He won’t look at me. This must be hard for him, too. He’s a helper, and to not be able to help me must be killing him. I tip his chin up with my thumb, forcing him to meet my eye. “It’s going to be okay,” I tell him. His eyes search mine. “It’s going to be okay.”
He gives a tight nod. “I just want you to know how sorry I am, for freezing you out. It’s just—I knew how I felt about you, and I thought you felt the same way, but you clearly weren’t going to let it happen, and I just felt like I couldn’t keep up with the bullshit anymore. I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head. “No, you were right. I wasn’t going to let it happen. I couldn’t let myself trust you. You’re so perfect. Way too good for me.”
He laughs, but there’s a bitterness there. “I’m nowhere near perfect,” he says. “I have so many faults and flaws. I hope—” He pauses, his eyes shining.
“What?” I breathe.
“I hope you get to see that side of me.”
I swallow, and nod. “I hope so, too. Because you’re kind of annoying like this.”
He laughs, the first genuine laugh he has given me in so long, and I am overwhelmed with happiness. He traces the line of my jaw with his fingers. His touch makes me shiver. Instinctively, I move my body closer to his, pressing myself against him. His breath catches in his throat.
He’s looking at my lips. He moves his head closer to mine, close enough that I can feel the warmth of his breath. I move my head closer, so close our lips are almost touching. It is excruciating and exquisite.
But then he puts me out of my misery. He tilts his head so our lips come together, tentatively at first, but then hungrily, like everything we had been through, all of the doubt and worry and fear, all of the hurt and anger and sadness, everything we’d been holding back—it’s all suddenly here in this kiss.
I wrap my leg around his hip, and he pulls me into him.
A moan escapes when I feel his hardness against me.
His hands run up my back, under my sweatshirt.
I roll over so I’m straddling him. I grind myself into him, showing him how much I want him.
He gasps, and the thrill of it shoots straight to my core.
His hands find their way up my shirt, cupping my breasts. I start to pull my shirt over my head—
But then the Bunkhouse door opens.
We both freeze, and I roll off him when I hear footsteps coming toward us—the other campers are turning in for the night.
He pulls the blanket up over us, and he hugs me in close.
His breath is ragged, and so is mine. The light of a flashlight passes quickly over us.
The door opens again, and more people start trickling in.
I look into Kei’s eyes. The moment is gone. Barely moving, he brings his lips to mine once again, this time so softly, so gently. We’re barely touching. It’s barely a kiss at all.
But it says so damn much.