Chapter 18 #2
“We both did.”
“Where are the boys?” I ask as I swivel my head left and right to locate them in the kitchen or hallway.
“They’re with Eleanor and the nanny at the store. They should be back in less than an hour. Hang on. I have to change Elizabeth and then we can talk.”
She hurries out of the kitchen, so I follow her up the stairs until she runs into the baby’s nursery and I head toward our bedroom.
I feel like such a fraud acting like today was any normal day at work when I spent most of my time fixating on how I’m going to get the woman I should have divorced years ago to sign papers so I can marry Ava in less than two weeks.
I really fucked up royally this time, and I wouldn’t blame Ava if she can’t forgive me if I come back after tomorrow’s meeting without the ability to marry her.
Lost in thought and beating myself up for my mistakes, I don’t hear her walk into the room. She startles me when she taps me on the shoulder, and I spin around to see her standing there looking utterly confused.
“Is everything okay? Did you have a bad day at work?” Ava asks as she plops down on the bed.
“No, it was fine. Elizabeth okay?” I ask, quickly pivoting from my lie.
Ava nods and waves away my concern. “Oh, yeah. She’s a good baby. Once we get her to sleep through the night all the time, I’ll upgrade her to great. You look stressed, Matthias. I think you need a vacation. Maybe you went back to work too soon after paternity leave.”
I sigh, blowing the air out of my lungs while I slip out of my suit coat and prepare to lie yet again to her. “Unfortunately, not only don’t I get a vacation but I get to go on a business trip tomorrow. It’ll only be for one day, but I still wish I didn’t have to leave you and the kids at all.”
“Oh.”
The disappointment in her voice is unmistakable. I haven’t been on a trip away for work since before Elizabeth was born, and in truth, I’ve pretty much tried to ensure I don’t have to for anything regarding King Industries. The problem is this trip tomorrow isn’t business related.
“I’m sorry. I’ll get back as soon as I can. Maybe I’ll even work from home for the next few weeks.”
Ava puts on a brave face, smiling even though I know she’s not happy. “I get it. You’re the big man on campus there. There are some meetings only you can handle. We’ll be fine.”
Jesus, I hate lying to her. That’s never been necessary with Ava. We tell each other the truth no matter what. I just can’t bring myself to do that about this issue, though.
“What do you say to us having a nice dinner so you can go on your trip with a full belly?” she asks, hopping up off the bed to go get our meal started.
I stop her, wrapping my arms around her waist to pull her to me. “I’d rather something else. You did say Theo and Matty would be gone for a while, didn’t you? Elizabeth’s in bed for at least a few hours, right?”
She looks up at me, and in her beautiful blue eyes I see she likes my idea. “Oh, that sounds nice! The one thing nobody thinks about when they have more than one kid is how little time alone you get. We might as well take advantage of it now.”
Leaning down, I press a kiss to her lips, loving how soft they feel against mine. “I’m going to miss you tomorrow.”
Ava smiles as she begins to unbutton my shirt. “Well, then I think I’d like to give you something to think about while you’re gone. You know, a little something special to make you smile while negotiations are going on and you wish you were anywhere but in that meeting.”
She tugs my shirt out of my pants and eases it off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor before turning to undoing my pants. I gently push her hands away, and a few seconds later, my pants are on top of my shirt in a pile next to the bed.
Still in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt stained with baby spit up, Ava begins to undress herself. I think about how we used to have this sexy thing when we took one another’s clothes off before sex, but we seem to have forgotten that lately. Three kids and my job take their toll, I guess.
I stop her like I stopped her with my pants, pointing to the bed. “You lie back. Let me undress you.”
Ava seems confused for a second or two but does as I want. “Okay. Was there something wrong with me taking my clothes off?”
Shaking my head, I smile as I push off my boxers. “No. I just thought it might be a little more seductive if I did it.”
That gets me a big smile that lights up her entire face. “Ooh, I like that!”
It doesn’t take me long to strip her out of her clothes and underwear.
I take a long look at her lying there in front of me naked, loving her body as much as when we first got together.
Yes, she’s given birth to our three children, but that hasn’t made her any less gorgeous or sexy to me.
If anything, I’m even more in love with her than I was before they came along.
I lower myself down onto the bed, hovering over her as she stares up at me with that same look in her eyes she had that first time we got together just a few rooms away from here. I adored her then as I adore her now.
“Are you okay, Matthias? You seem different tonight.”
Dipping my head to kiss her, I whisper against her lips, “I love you, Ava. I always have.”
She kisses me and replies, “I love you too, baby. I just worry about you.”
Clearly, I’m not doing a very good job of hiding my anxiety about tomorrow’s meeting. I don’t want her to have to deal with that, though, so I force a smile and shake my head.
“Not a thing. I’m right where I want to be with the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with.”
That satisfies her, and she closes her eyes as I pepper kisses down her body.
I could spend the rest of time doing that, but need for more rushes through me.
I don’t know if it’s guilt or something else, but my brain decides that maybe if I can give her pleasure, then I’m not a terrible man for what I’m about to do tomorrow.
I slide up her body as she moans softly, and when I nudge her knees apart, I find her wet and willing for me. Hard as a rock, my cock aches to be inside her.
One thrust and I’m nested entirely in her cunt.
I bury my head in her neck, needing to avoid her gaze because the guilt over lying to her is eating me up.
She meets each thrust with her own, and we fall into a rhythm that I’ve come to love.
It’s not fast or frantic. It’s slow and easy, like the two of us are with one another.
It doesn’t take long for me to get close, despite the fact that my brain won’t stop reminding me that this is only to make up for what I’m about to do in less than twenty-four hours. Ava comes first, arching her back and kissing me hard as her release sweeps over her.
At least I can give her that.
I come a few seconds later, and as much as I love it, I don’t want to look at her as I do. She might see the lie in my eyes. I don’t want that for her.
Collapsing onto the bed next to her, I breathe heavily after coming, exhausted physically and mentally for entirely different reasons. Ava snuggles up against my side and lays her head on my chest. Her warm breath against me skin reminds me of how I felt after that first time we made love.
“That was great,” she moans softly. “I was afraid I was going to scream at one point, which would have woken the baby. I’m glad I didn’t.”
I stroke her brown hair and kiss the top of her head. “It’s okay. I would have stayed up with her. I’ll sleep on the plane.”
“Is it a long trip? I know you hate those.”
Pulling her to me, I hug her and whisper, “I don’t want to talk about the trip. I don’t even want to think about it. All I want to think about is lying here with you.”
I cringe when I say the word lying, even if I meant it a different way. God, I can’t wait for this to be over so I can stop hating myself for being so stupid.
Ava sighs against me. “Same. After a long day with three kids, this is a wonderful way to end the day.”
We lie there silently, and all I can do is pray that Jillian will sign the divorce papers. If she won’t no matter what I offer her, I don’t know how I’m going to return home to face Ava.
I can’t bear the thought of having to break her heart if I have to tell her we can’t get married.