Chapter 8
Willow
Maylee is crying so I trudge over to her room but stop just a few feet away from the entrance when I spot Brett holding her in his arms, close to his chest, whispering to her that she is a princess and he loves her very much. My hand comes nervously to my clavicle as I stare. My daughter’s little fingers touch his face. She shoves her fingers in his mouth and he is nibbling on them. She is so content. I wanted this for my baby. I dreamed of her having an attentive father and here he is, but is he going to stick around?
“Good morning,” I yawn and stretch as a way of announcing my presence.
“There’s your mama,” he whispers, and he passes her to me. She leans into me and my lips press against her warm cheeks. She pulls at my hair and buries her face in my neck. This is the life. When I was a kid, I wished for a normal family that did simple family things like eat breakfast together and not want to rip each other’s heads off. That wasn’t my family though since we always did things apart. Now Brett wants to spend the day with us. If we go to the fair the whole town will see us together and gossip. I shouldn’t care what they think. I should embrace this moment I always wanted for myself because I can give it to my daughter, but I’m terrified. I can’t fall for Brett, even though I already know my heart is on the line.
“I’ll go to the bathroom and get dressed,” he says. “Any thoughts on what we should do today?”
“I thought it would be nice to go to the winter fair. Get some fresh air but not for long because it’s cold. Then maybe we can have lunch at the diner,” I reply.
“That sounds perfect, Willow. Thank you.” He watches me with a warmness that feels new. It seems like he cares for me, but how can that be after such a short time? “I’ll go get ready and make us some breakfast.”
“You don’t have to,” I call out after him. He turns and comes back. “I want to. You didn’t ask me. I offered. I’ll probably be feeling like this for a very long time and it’s not only because you went through the pregnancy, delivery, and first months on your own. It’s because I like taking care of you. You seem to appreciate it.”
I snicker. “I’ve been apprehensive.” Can he not see that?
“I know,” he says, as if it was obvious. “But beneath that apprehension has been appreciation. Am I wrong?”
I want to huff but I am not a toddler, so I roll my eyes instead. “You seem to be right on.”
He winks. “Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I know how to press all your buttons. Now, I’m going to get ready because watching you breastfeed is giving me a semi.”
He takes off and me… I’m smiling like a damn fool.
* * *
After eating a hearty breakfast buffet that Brett made of yogurt and berries, which he argued was important for me because I needed to get enough calcium because I’m nursing. When I asked how he knew, he replied he’d read a book he bought on his Kindle about a baby’s first months and what a mom needs to do while breastfeeding. In addition to the buffet, he also made thick slices of French toast from a whole grain bread he bought at the supermarket and froze. That was topped off with fresh maple syrup. I have never been so spoiled in my life. Mom didn’t like cooking very much. For as long as I could remember we were on our own for breakfast and lunch. Dinners growing up were always something simple. Sometimes she would be petty and not make enough for Dad, who spent extra hours working outside on the farm. Then they’d fight. My brothers and I would run off to all the corners of our house just to get away, but there was no escaping the screaming and awful fights.
Now Brett is downright spoiling me. I don’t know what to make of it. We walk through the winter fair. Brett is wearing a big puffer coat and has a beanie on his head, and he looks downright drool-worthy pushing Maylee’s stroller. People are watching us and I guess the cat is out of the bag on who Maylee’s dad is. A part of me loves the idea of an us, walking with our daughter at the fair like a little family. Only I have to remind myself I barely know this man. I steamrolled into his life days ago and his response has been a dream. Brett is a champ, but I don’t know his layers. Does he go all in on something and lose interest? There is no way he is a keeper. I remember the night we were together. It was clear to both of us that we were a one-time gig.
“Should we check out the farm animals over there?” he asks. There are a bunch of sheep, goats, and llamas in a pen. He pulls me from the thoughts I can’t seem to stop.
“I don’t see why not.” I shrug. It’s a cold day but the fair is busy. It usually is every year.
We pass by some food stands, and we see Lev and Jacob, who are here selling cheese.
Brett shakes both their hands and then offers to man the stand if they need a break. Jacob takes one look at me and answers, “Thanks, bud, but you stay with the girls.”
Brett shakes his hand again and says thank you and we head over to the farm animals.
When we get to the animals, I take Maylee out of the stroller and lift her up so she can see them. I have her in a warm winter snowsuit and a fluffy hat that looks like it has floppy dog ears. She’s all bundled up.
“What is that?” I point to the animals, and she kicks out her feet.
“Turn to me. I’ll take a picture of you two,” Brett offers. I turn and smile for him. I don’t remember ever feeling this content. He snaps some shots and then he walks up to us. “Selfie time.” He turns his phone on us and gets in on the pictures. He smiles and makes some goofy faces, which makes me laugh out loud. I don’t know who this guy is but he isn’t the same man I had a one-night stand with. There is something lighter about him. He seems at peace. He mentioned having closure where his dad was concerned but that can’t explain this drastic change, can it?
We move on and head over to an axe throwing booth.
“I’m staying away from there,” I protest.
“Just stand back there. I’m going to win you and Maylee that big brown teddy bear,” he says. The stuffed animal has a white belly and a red bow tie and is adorable, but he’d have to get the axe on the bull’s-eye and everyone around us is missing the mark. I realize that Brett is kind of like a big teddy bear himself.
“That’s a tough shot,” I tell him.
“Honey, did you just put a challenge in front of me?” he says playfully, sounding offended.
“Maybe.” I shrug with a smirk.
“Because you must know I’m a competitive man. I play a professional sport for a living.”
“Really?” I joke, as if I didn’t know.
“So let’s make a bet,” he announces, and I know I’m in trouble.
“Oh no, no way,” I protest.
“Come on, don’t tell me you’re scared of a little bet?” he goads, not knowing that I don’t back down from a challenge either.
“Fine, Brett. What are you thinking?”
“If I nail that bull’s-eye by the second throw, I get to sleep in your bed. Promise I’ll behave, but my back is killing me.”
I frown. Truth is, he has been nothing but kind since his arrival in Sugar Meadow. He’s also been a gentleman, other than the way he ate me on the bench of the truck last night, but I was no lady last night either. I felt feral for him.
“Okay, you got yourself a deal.” I extend my hand to shake his.
He shakes my hand and the second our hands connect I feel the attraction. That zap of chemistry I’ve never felt before. I pull my hand back because I need to keep my wits about me.
“I’ll just stand back here for safety reasons.” I swallow.
Holding Maylee in front of me I mutter, “I am in big trouble with that daddy of yours.”
She replies with a goo goo gaga sound and I feel like she gets me because she is clearly starry-eyed for him too.
Brett swings once and a crowd forms around him. The axe lands only a couple of inches from the bull’s-eye. Everyone around makes ooh and ah sounds. Bonnie walks up to Brett and rubs his arm, and he pulls his arm back.
I watch her smiling and trying to chat him up and his response to her is, “You’re going to want to move out of the way when I’m swinging.” He also says it with a harsh voice that makes Bonnie recoil. She is a beautiful woman. She was always beautiful with the perfect blond hair and body. Watching him brush her off gives me satisfaction after she stole my boyfriends in high school. It also makes me realize I’ve never been in a relationship I trust. A relationship I knew I could depend on. Even with my parents, things were very flighty. When we were young Dad worked a lot, Mom went into town to see friends. Even when I was sick, I’d sometimes find myself alone. My brothers were younger, so they weren’t much help. If anything, I had to step up and take care of them most of the time and as they got older, they had my back too.
I snap out of my daze as Brett swings for the second time. He nails the axe right in the bull’s-eye and the first thing he does is turn around, his eyes roam over the crowd until he lands on me with a flashing smile and glistening eyes. He waggles his eyebrows up and down and his excitement is contagious. I find myself laughing at his adorable response. The man passes him the teddy bear and the crowd around him cheers.
He walks over to Maylee and me, leaving Bonnie behind without a second glance.
“Look what Daddy won you,” he says, holding the teddy bear up to Maylee.
“You’re cocky,” I say to him.
“I’m confident,” he corrects. “I need to be and when I land my eyes on something I want, I do not get deterred.”
It feels like there is an underlying meaning to his words. My stomach flutters at the thought that he wants me and it scares me, because when did I turn into a schoolgirl with a crush?
“Looks like I’ll be having a good night’s sleep tonight,” he says.
“Oh dear.” If my hands were free, I’d be fanning myself. He takes Maylee from my arms and holds her above his head. He brings her down and pecks her cheek. “You proud of your Daddy?”
She obviously doesn’t answer but my baby looks happy.
“I was going to let you sleep in my bed anyway. I felt bad about you sleeping on that hard floor,” I confess.
“And you’d like my big strong body to keep you warm at night,” he adds, placing his arm over my shoulders while he holds Maylee on his side.
I’m smiling again because I like the way his arm rests across my shoulders in a claiming way.
“How about we get us some hot cocoa?” he asks.
“I could definitely use something warm to drink,” I confirm.
We head over to the cocoa stand and get some hot cocoa with marshmallows.
It hits the spot.
“I never saw myself living in a small town, but this is nice,” he says, looking around and nodding.
“It has it’s perks sometimes, I miss New York though.”
I don’t know why I confess that to him at this moment. Maybe it’s because I miss the city, my friends, and my life there.
“I wasn’t going to bring this up just yet, but I would love for you and Maylee to come live with me in New York. Once these two weeks are up, it’ll be hard for me to get back here often with New York being the team’s base. I’ve thought of retiring…” He pauses and I think it’s because I have a deer in the headlights look on my face.
“You want to retire because of Maylee?” I almost choke on my own saliva.
“You and Maylee come first. If I can’t be with you two, then I don’t want to play anymore. Besides, I only have a few years… tops, left in me.”
“Brett, you can’t retire because of us. That would be crazy,” I say, feeling like the axis of my world is tilting and I can’t find my bearings.
“I can retire at the end of this season if I want to, Willow. I won’t be an absent father. Not by choice,” he insists.
“I. . .you. . .”
“Okay, I’ve thrown you for a loop,” he says, and he takes Maylee and tucks her into her stroller and covers her with a blanket. Then he uses another blanket to cover the stroller and block the cold air. “Did you want to get back to your old job? You’re a physical therapist working at a gym, right?”
My mouth drops and I nod, feeling speechless. He would give up his whole career for me and Maylee. The thought isn’t processing.
“Willow, please say something because I am getting worried here. I don’t want to come across as pushy or aggressive,” he continues.
I don’t even know what happens next, but I lean forward and kiss him. My icy lips press to his cold lips and I kiss him. It takes a second for him to react and then he is wrapping me in his arms and groaning into my mouth.
“Kissing you is the best thing ever,” he states.
“I’m lost, Brett. I don’t know what is happening here. You can’t give everything up for us. People don’t do that kind of thing. I don’t want you to give everything up and then resent us.”
“Honey, I would never resent you or Maylee, I promise as long as I live. I’ve had a good career. I wasn’t going to play hockey forever. As it is I’ve slowed down somewhat from my early years.”
“I can’t come back to New York. I don’t have enough money. I gave up my apartment and we don’t know you all that well,” I mutter.
He gives me a small smile, his eyes creasing in the corners. It’s the second time he’s looking at me with an admiration that no one has ever shown me.
“I know we don’t know each other all that well, but I know enough. I know you are a great mom; you are kind and caring and worry about others. You take care of everyone but no one has taken care of you. I want to do that for you.”
My eyes fill with tears. I am trying so hard to hold back because we are surrounded by so many people.
He reaches up and his hand caresses my cheek, his thumb moves methodically, swiping beneath my eyes.
“Don’t be upset. Have I said all the wrong things?”
I shake my head. “You’re saying all the right things and that terrifies me.”
“I get it. I’m scared too. I’ve never been anyone’s dad. I’ve never tried to gain the trust of a woman because I want her like my next breath. This is all new to me. If you decide to come back to New York with me, know there aren’t any expectations where we are concerned. I have an extra bedroom; it’s a nice size and fully furnished because my sister used to come visit. I also have an office that is a bit smaller but can convert into a nursery easily. You don’t need money. I got plenty and before you argue, don’t, please. I should’ve been here for you, Willow, even with all the crazy that kept us apart. You can go back to work or stay home. We can get a babysitter for Maylee. Whatever you want, I’d be open to. I just don’t want to leave here in a week and a half and not see you guys until the season is over.”
I blow out a breath. “Whoa.”
“Is your head spinning?” he asks.
“Just a little,” I confess.
“You said you wanted to go back to New York. I’m offering you New York. It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, but I don’t want to pressure you. Take your time and don’t feel obligated. Like I said, I’ll retire if I have too.”
His offer and his words have my heart beating fast. I barely know him and yet my heart keeps falling just a little bit farther and it doesn’t make logical sense. Love isn’t logical, but it isn’t supposed to happen to me.
“How about we go grab some lunch, I’m starving,” he changes the subject.
“Are you always hungry?” I ask, laughing.
“Pretty much.” He nods.
Once again he wraps one arm around me and with his other hand he pushes the stroller. People from town watch us as we walk together. Some smile and some give us curious looks. I also feel like I am watching us as if I am an outsider because I don’t know what is happening here. It’s like we are somehow melding together without trying or with me fighting this feeling, whatever it is.
We get to the truck and Maylee is sleeping when Brett transfers her to the car seat. He’s so gentle and careful with her. It makes the organ in my chest feel like it’s growing just a little bit larger.
We get into the cab of the truck and drive in silence while I think of what living with Brett would look like. We can’t get together, yet I spontaneously kissed him out of nowhere. I wasn’t thinking, just acting, and I need to tamp that shit down because I won’t set myself up for heartbreak or for a relationship that will end in World War Three.
He side glances at me a couple of times, giving me a curious look, and I shift in my seat. I barely know him. This is all very crazy, but we do share a child. Brett has been an open book, but I am not like him. I can’t wear my emotions on my sleeve. I’ve learned to keep them guarded. I can’t let him tear down my walls. No. I won’t let him tear down my walls.