CHAPTER 24
“W hat has gotten into you, man?” Evan asked, hands thrust onto his hips in frustration. “You’ve been acting weird all day, and all I’m trying to do is get our tuxedos.”
Beckett knew what was bothering him—or at least part of it—but he was not going to dissect his feelings now. Not when his best friend was standing in front of a three-way mirror while a tailor worked on his wedding day tux, the smile on his lips so infectious it could make the world’s biggest skeptic believe in love.
And that was the thing, Beckett did believe in love. He had for years, decades even. He believed as soon as he put that ring on Mallory’s finger in his grandparent’s farm. He believed the first time they kissed, all bumbling and awkward. He believed it when he took Mallory to the prom, felt her pulse racing as he held her hand and spun her around the dance floor. He believed at the beginning of the summer when she dropped her gossip magazines in the parking lot, her defense of the rags written all over her lovely face. He believed when she helped him clean up the farm house, her patient gaze never leaving his while he cried and cried for the parents that felt like strangers, for the life he wasn’t sure he wanted.
“I’m fine,” he said, not quite meeting Evan’s eye. “I just think that—”
“Think what?” Evan turned to snag his gaze, the tailor tsking as he stabbed Evan with a straight pin. “Ow.”
The tailor gave a long-suffering sigh and harrumphed. “Please try not to be so animated, sir.”
Beckett thought back to last night, watching CeCe fiddle with the ring, her admission that it wasn’t really her style but meant so much to Evan. He knew in his heart of hearts that if Evan suspected CeCe wasn’t in love with that ring he’d tear it from her finger and buy her the Hope Diamond. But he promised CeCe he wouldn’t betray her confidence, even though Mallory could benefit from the honesty.
“Foxy, you’re scaring me. What happened last night?”
Beckett toyed with the hem of his own jacket, suddenly very interested in the mother-of-pearl buttons. If only Evan knew how everything happened last night. Yet again, he’d hurt Mallory in his attempts to please his best friend, and he was sick to death of this merry-go-round. He wanted off the ride, he was tired of the games.
“Nothing but good food and friends happened last night.”
Evan didn’t look satisfied, but he did as the tailor asked and faced forward. Beckett thought he was out of the woods until Evan shimmied out of the tuxedo and handed it to the attendant, hands trembling slightly. As he pulled his T-shirt back on, he hesitated and gasped. Spinning on his heel, he stalked forward and shoved Beckett on the shoulder.
“What the hell, Lawless?” Beckett accused, shocked by the outburst. In their decades of friendship, Evan had never shown anything but a grin and easy-going nature.
Evan frowned, his blue eyes turning dark. “You don’t like CeCe.” The statement knocked Beckett back on his heels.
“What?”
“I saw you speaking in the pub, man. She looked a little upset, but later said it was just all the chaos of the day.”
Beckett’s head spun with a myriad of excuses, but he came up blank. “She was tired. There were like a million people there, and she showed up that other chef.”
Evan scoffed. “There were twenty people there, and she shows up other chefs all the time. You’re the only one she was upset with. What did you say?”
Beckett had to hand it to Evan. He’d never seen a man get this angry while still not wearing pants. Throw in the fact that Evan stalked the dressing room in his Spider-Man boxers and the scene was almost too much. He made a mental note to tell Mallory about it.
Mallory. Just thinking about her gave him the resolve to end the madness. True, it wasn’t his story to tell, but there were two distressed women in this situation, and he’d be damned if he didn’t say something.
“I don’t hate your fiancée, you idiot.”
Evan ran a hand through his hair, the blond waves landing haphazard across his forehead. Even on the sunny side of thirty, his buddy looked as young and vulnerable as their first day of school. “Then what the hell is going on?”
Beckett took a deep breath and readied himself for the wrath of Evan. “CeCe hates her engagement ring. Okay? I found her upset because it kept getting snagged on her dress.” The color drained from Evan’s face, leaving him as white as his undershirt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to say anything, because it’s between the two of you.” And him and Mallory if Beckett were being honest. He would do anything to see that ring on her finger, but first needed to be a good friend and clean up this mess.
Evan eased himself down on the nearest chair, his knees shaking. “She hates the ring?”
Beckett grimaced. “ Hate is a strong word. I just think it isn’t her style, and she didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“She said she loved it,” Evan said to no one in particular. His sightless gaze roamed the dressing room until Beckett couldn’t stand it. He strode over to the stack of Evan’s clothes and handed him his jeans and sneakers.
“Get dressed. This conversation is best served over beer and greasy pizza. My place is only two blocks away.”
One hour, a six pack, and a pizza later, the two men were sprawled out on the couch, an old kung-fu movie playing on the TV. Evan hadn’t said much since they arrived, and Beckett couldn’t blame him. He tried his best to lighten the mood, asking stupid questions about the movie to get a rise out of Evan.
“Isn’t that Bruce Lee?” he asked, gesturing to the TV with his empty beer bottle. Not only was it clearly not the martial artist, but it wasn’t even a man. A woman in a yellow dress ran across the screen to hide from the bad guys, who were also clearly not the legend.
“Yeah,” Evan sighed, tossing a pizza crust onto the coffee table and missing the box completely.
Beckett groaned and turned off the TV, shoving the remote next to the pizza box. He’d clean up this mess later, but first he needed to get his buddy back. “Okay, listen up, Lawless.” He nudged him with his elbow. “We’re going to do what I absolutely hate.”
“Talk about feelings?”
Beckett brandished his empty beer bottle and rolled his eyes. “Correct. We’re going to talk about feelings. When CeCe gets off work, just go over and talk to her.”
Evan frowned. “She probably wants to call off the wedding.” Evan couldn’t have said something more outlandish if he tried. Hey, when I’m done dumping the woman I love, how about I take up chainsaw juggling?
“What?” Beckett was incredulous.
Evan jumped to his feet and paced into the kitchen, pulling out a beer and popping the top without offering one to Beckett. Taking a long pull, he downed half the bottle before he made it back to the couch.
“You know it’s rude to drink your friend’s last beer without even offering it to him.”
Evan flipped him the bird. “Yeah, I think I’m allowed to drown my sorrows because the woman I love hates me.”
“Okay.” Beckett made a show of checking his watch. “This pity party can last for another sixty seconds, and then I’m calling it. CeCe doesn’t hate you; she is just not a fan of your nana’s ring. Don’t you want her to be happy about the ring she’s supposed to wear for the rest of her life?”
Finally, Evan seemed to listen. He bobbed his head a couple of times before finishing the beer and letting out a belch that was better served for a college dorm room. “I’m so freaking confused.”
“You know how you can fix that?” Beckett teased, standing to collect their trash. He sensed a shift in his friend’s demeanor and hoped that meant he’d have his apartment to himself again. Evan was great, but his social battery was waning fast. “Go over and see CeCe. Doesn’t she get off work soon?”
Evan burped again, this time covering his mouth and grunting an apology. “I’m too drunk to drive,” he mused.
Beckett tossed the box in the trash and clattered the beer bottles into the recycling bin. The echo of broken glass echoed in his tiny apartment. During times like this, he missed the farm house with its cavernous rooms and homey vibes. He could have roamed the rows of apple trees for hours clearing his head. Instead, he might as well have been back in college cleaning up after frat brothers.
Jingling his keys, he tossed Evan his shoes and chuckled. “I’ll drive you over to CeCe’s, but you need to not be a big baby about this. I feel terrible that I blabbed, but you need to hear her out.”
Evan stumbled as he put his shoes back on, but he quickly corrected and ran his hands through his hair. “How do I look?”
Beckett took in his friend’s rumbled appearance, from the T-shirt with a pizza stain to the dark smudges under his startlingly blue eyes. Those were the same eyes he’d stared into for most of his life, always reflecting back acceptance and warmth. He owed Evan the truth, owed him the full story of him and Mallory. It was time.
Whether it was years of friendship or just dumb luck, Evan seemed to read his mind. “You know,” he said as he buckled into Beckett’s passenger seat. When the car turned on, he silenced the radio and faced Beckett. “You didn’t seem to hit it off with Julia. What happened?”
Beckett squeezed the steering wheel so tightly, he was surprised it didn’t crack in half. “She’s not my type.”
Evan snorted. “How come no girl I find you is your type? No matter who I bring around, she’s never good enough.”
That wasn’t true at all. If anything, Evan had brought perfection to his door and couldn’t match the excellence of Mallory. “I don’t know, Lawless. I’m just not as good with the ladies as you are.”
“Yeah, right.” Evan punched his arm and leaned back in his seat. “I want you to be as happy with someone as I am with CeCe.”
Beckett’s throat tightened at his friend’s admission, his grip loosening to make a turn onto CeCe’s street. “I want that, too.” He let the truth out on an exhale, hoping Evan wouldn’t pick up on how tortured he sounded.
Just as Beckett put the car in park, Evan spun to face him, his gaze stern yet serious. “I want you to know something, Beckett.” The lack of his nickname brought his pulse skyrocketing.
“Um, yeah?” A bead of sweat rolled down his temple, and he regretted turning off the car. Not only was it stifling, but he felt he was about to make a quick exit.
“If you’re...” Evan’s words faltered as he flapped his hands between them. “What I mean is, if you’re...” Evan’s head fell back and he groaned. “Dammit, I’m really bad at this.”
“Uh, considering I don’t know what’s going on, I’d agree.” Beckett strived to keep his tone light, but he was petrified.
Muttering to himself, Evan finally caught Beckett’s eye and blurted, “It’s cool if you’re gay. I’ll stop throwing women at you. I just wish you would have told me, man.”
Beckett couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. It could have been the stress of the last few days or the general absurdity of Evan’s assumptions, but he couldn’t hold back his reaction if he tried. “What?” He coughed as his laughter subsided.
For his part, Evan was mortified and looked like he wanted to melt into the car’s upholstery. “That’s not the reaction I expected.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
Removing his glasses, Beckett dabbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, Lawless, it’s really nice of you to support me coming out. The only problem is, I’m not gay.”
Evan’s expression shifted to shock, his eyebrows reaching his hairline. “You’re not?”
“Not even a little bit.”
“Then why won’t you go out with any of these women?” Evan threw his arms in the air. “It’s almost like you’re trying to die alone.”
This is it , Beckett told himself. The moment he’d been waiting for. He needed to tell Evan the truth. “I don’t want to die alone,” he said, his voice steady despite his racing heart.
“Then why don’t you date more?”
Beckett slumped forward, his head resting on the steering wheel. He couldn’t look Evan in the eye with his confession, didn’t want to see the look of hurt and anger mare his affable face. “I’m in love with someone, and it hasn’t worked out.”
“Oh,” Evan said on a sigh. “Damn, Foxy, I’m sorry. Is it anyone I know?”
Just rip off the Band-Aid, Beckett!
Squeezing his eyes shut, Beckett savored the last moment of having Evan on his side, the last moment of being Foxy to his Lawless. “Yeah, you know her.”
“Who is it?” Evan leaned forward, and Beckett regretted spilling the beans in close quarters. All Evan had to do was reach out and he’d have Beckett in a head lock before he could blink.
“It’s Mallory.”
For a moment, Beckett didn’t think he’d said her name. The silence was overwhelming, threatening to choke him to death. Unable to bear it, he slowly turned his head until he could see Evan. His mouth was moving like he was speaking, but no words came.
“Can you please say something?” Beckett begged, hating the reaction and not knowing what it meant.
Evan licked his lips, his gaze still not reaching the other side of the car. “Mallory.” He said her name like it was a foreign word on this tongue. “Mallory.”
“Yes, it’s Mal.”
The use of her nickname woke Evan up, and he reached out and flicked Beckett square in the forehead. “You’re into my sister?”
“Well, yeah. But it’s more than that.”
Evan was incredulous. “More than that? What, is it because she helped after your accident? Dude, it’ll pass.”
“No, you’re not hearing me. It’s been years, this isn’t a new infatuation.”
His blue eyes turned to gray storm clouds at this. “Years? You’ve kept this secret from me for years?”
Beckett wanted the ground to open up and eat him whole. The look of disappointment, of devastation, was almost too much. “Yes, and I’ve hated lying about it.”
Evan fumbled for the door knob, bursting through the door and tripping on the curb. He corrected in the nick of time and whirled around, stomping toward Beckett. “You’ve been into my sister and lied to me for years?”
In record time, Evan rounded the car and had Beckett by the shoulders, shaking him like he wanted him to crumble apart. Little did he know it was already happening; little pieces of Beckett chipped away at the devastation in Evan’s gaze. “I didn’t know how to tell you,” Beckett said lamely, loathing that his explanation fell flat.
“I can’t believe you.” Evan shoved Beckett against the car and paced back and forth, his hands flexing at his side.
Beckett took his glasses off, folded them and placed them in his shirt pocket. He knew what was coming and really didn’t want to get new glasses. Closing his eyes, he waited for the punch. It didn’t take long.
Evan clocked him with a right hook to the face. The wind was out of Beckett before he hit the ground. Wheezing, he stayed on all-fours until he filled his lungs with air. “Get up,” Evan barked, looking like a feral stranger instead of his childhood best friend.
Footsteps grew loud around them, and CeCe appeared. “What the hell is going on?” she asked, a look of horror on her face. “Beckett, oh my God.” She rushed over to help him on his feet before turning to Evan. “Care to fill me in on this caveman routine?”
Evan thrust his finger in the air, pointing at Beckett and nearly foaming at the mouth. “He’s into Mallory.”
CeCe rolled her eyes. She muttered something under her breath before rallying. “Are you serious?”
Misunderstanding her reaction, Evan puffed out his chest in victory. “Yeah, and I’m going to kick his ass.”
CeCe stifled a laugh and stepped between the two men. “First of all, no one is kicking anything. Second, it’s about damn time.”
“Huh?”
Now it was CeCe’s turn, striding up to Evan and flicking him square in the forehead. “Babe, are you blind?”
“Ow.” Evan covered his forehead and bobbed to avoid another flick. “What are you talking about?”
“Um, the worst-kept secret in Buckeye Falls?” CeCe asked, her voice tinged with laughter. “I love you, but you’re blind as a bat if you haven’t seen it before.”
Evan shot a hurt look at Beckett, who felt it as acutely as the punch to the face. “Seen what?”
“They’re obviously into each other. My God, Ev. You didn’t see it at Beckett’s? Or at the engagement party?”
Evan’s gaze sharpened. “Have you kissed my sister?”
The telltale blush of guilt swirled up Beckett’s neck in record time, turning him into Burning Man. If Evan only knew what all they had done together, he’d be part of the pavement by now. “Um, yes?”
CeCe snickered and tugged on Evan’s arm when he stepped forward. “Whoa there, cowboy. Let’s all take a deep breath.” She sniffed the air. “Are you drunk?” She whirled around to face Beckett. “Why is my fiancé drunk in the middle of the day?”
Beckett held up his hands, he wasn’t getting punched twice today. “And this is my cue to exit.”
Evan leaned around CeCe, who had quickly become a human shield. “This isn’t over, man.”
CeCe huffed. “I think it is. Thanks for bringing him home.”
Beckett flashed a look he hoped conveyed sorry for spilling the beans on the engagement ring. Feel free to stop by and pummel me after dinner.
Beckett got behind the wheel and headed toward home—real home. His brain on auto-pilot, Beckett was back in the farm house in record time. He let himself inside and found an old bag of peas in the freezer. Shoving them over his swelling eye, he strode out to the orchards.
While still in their orderly rows, the trees were weighed down with fruit that needed harvesting. The air was heavy with the scent of apples, a bitter sweetness that stung his nostrils. Birds flitted overhead, a few of their nests nestled between clusters of branches. Last season, the fruit had rotted on the trees, but maybe it was time for some changes. Beckett didn’t want to lose this place, especially since he likely lost his best friend today.
This place was home, and no matter what happened with the Lawsons, Beckett knew in his bones he couldn’t sell it. No one else would love the land, the house, and the general splendor like he did. Like Mallory did...
But he shook that thought away. He couldn’t think about Mallory right now; it was almost as painful as the growing welt on his face. As his legs took him further into the trees, the wind picked up as the sun dipped lower in the horizon.
Go get your girl...
He would, he just didn’t know how. Everything he’d strived to keep perfect and together had crumbled at his feet. For all his efforts, Beckett now stood alone, the apple trees, a black eye, and a thawing bag of peas his only company.
Maybe this whole situation was headed for disaster all along. And maybe Gramps was an old romantic who couldn’t see it coming. When Beckett reached the top of the hill, the familiar view brought him the comfort he craved. The house sat below, nestled in the rolling hills, a beacon calling him back.
No matter what happened with Evan and Mallory, Beckett knew he wasn’t going anywhere. He couldn’t fathom living anywhere else. He might be alone, but at least Beckett had found his home again.