Chapter 35 – Skylar
SKYLAR
“Oh my god, I can’t watch,” my patient’s mother shrieks as I start the procedure to suction the patient’s ET, or endotracheal tube.
My patient was working a little too hard to breathe, and when I listened with my stethoscope, I could hear the raspy, rattling of secretions, which isn’t uncommon with this size of ET tube.
We typically suction them every twelve hours, but this little one needed an extra go.
“Close your eyes or step out, Mom. I’ve got her. I promise.” This is why I hate it when parents insist on staying in the room for procedures. It’s not helpful for them or us.
“But she’s not hooked up to the vent.”
“I explained this to you before we started, and we’re doing everything by the book.
Michaela used the bag mask to help her body oxygenate, and her vitals are holding.
Rose is doing just fine.” Making sure the catheter is lined up to the correct number, I apply suction as I slowly pull the catheter back using the pill-rolling technique while keeping an eye on the patient and her vitals.
Once the suction catheter is out, we put the ambu bag back on the end of the ET tube and bag her up.
I give a listen with my stethoscope and nod to Michaela.
“She sounds clear. Let’s hook her back up to the vent. ”
Michaela removes the ambu bag and hooks her back up to the vent and turns it back on. I watch Rose for any signs of distress and keep an eye on her vitals.
“All looks good,” I announce, and the mom races around to hug me.
“Thank you. Oh my god, this is horrible.”
I hug her back. “I know. I know this is hard. But she’s responding very well to treatment, and the infection appears to be clearing.”
She had a spider bite on her leg that got infected, and before her parents knew what hit them or Rose, she went septic. Poor kiddo is only a year and a half old.
Michaela and I leave the room, and I blow out a breath. Sometimes pediatrics is the best, and sometimes it’s the worst. “Thanks for the help,” I tell her, sanitizing my hands with the station outside my room.
“No problem.” Before I can go back into the room, she stops me with, “Hey, question. Is everything okay with you and Aston? Rumor has it your marriage isn’t doing well and that you’re unhappy with him. But you didn’t say anything to me, and I know Aston is having issues in the OR and with orders?”
Before I can answer, the X-ray tech arrives.
“Hey, Skylar,” Dawson greets me. “I’m here to do the portable chest on your patient.”
“Great. I’ll be right in,” I say to him and turn back to her as Dawson heads into the patient room. “I have a lot to say about that, but the simple answer is, none of those rumors are true.”
She scrunches her brow at me. “I don’t know what you mean. He has had issues in the OR and has made medication order errors.”
I shake my head. “No. Someone is messing with him. They’re altering the orders and screwing with the equipment. It’s not Aston. In fact, I think we all know who it is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Josh has been trying to ruin him because he’s still trying to win me back.”
She blanches, suddenly looking sick. “That’s a hell of a thing to say.”
I shrug unrepentantly. “Aston never put in those wrong medication orders, and equipment only malfunctioning with Aston is suspect. Whether it’s Josh or someone else doing all of this, they’re putting patients’ lives at risk.”
She shifts her weight, looking incredulous. “You’re sure about that? You’re sure it’s not Aston messing up?”
“Positive. When I spoke to Aston earlier about it, he was a mess, and he’s mentioned before that it didn’t make sense what the orders were put in as. Someone had to have gone in and changed them. It has to be the same with the equipment.”
She runs her fingers through her hair and shifts her weight again. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. So… you and Aston…”
“Are really happy.”
She blinks at me. “Then I’m happy for you.”
I need to get back to my patient. “We’ll talk more later, but if you hear people gossiping about that, you can tell them I said it’s bullshit.”
She nods and goes back to her patient.
I head back to mine to help the tech get her ready, but once he’s good to image, I say, “I’ll step out.”
“You sure? I have an extra lead gown for you.”
“No, thanks. I’ll see you when you’re finished.”
He gives me a funny look, but I don’t care, and I’m certainly not telling him I’m pregnant. I step out and walk down the hall. The X-ray won’t take long.
“Hey, you’re on break in ten,” Suzanne tells me as she passes by.
I check my watch. Damn, this has been the slowest and longest shift ever. “Okay. Thanks for the reminder.”
“All set,” Dawson calls out to me, and I head back in to finish up with Rose and make sure she’s settled before I go out on break. I pull my phone out as I get near the elevator to text Aston to make sure he’s okay when a hand on my arm startles me.
“What do you want, Josh?” There is no hiding the aggravation in my voice.
“You stepped out.”
I cock an eyebrow at him as I step onto the elevator, shaking his grip in the process. “Yeah, hence me getting onto the elevator now. I’m on lunch break.”
“No. You stepped out of the room for the X-ray. I saw you. You never step out. You always stay. In all the years I’ve known you and worked with you, not once have you done that.”
Shit. I redirect as the elevator descends. “Have you been messing with Aston’s medication orders and equipment?”
The doors open at the lobby, and instead of answering, he grabs me by my elbow, his fingers digging in painfully, and he drags me out the front doors, down the street a bit, and into an alley.
“What are you doing?” I try to pull away, but his grip tightens. “Let go of me.”
He pushes me against the brick wall, pins me, and gets right up in my face.
“When you stepped out, it got me thinking. I looked a little harder at you. Thought more about some things I’ve noticed since you left me.
Are you pregnant?” he asks, his voice low but fierce in a way that makes my skin crawl.
Before I can answer, his other hand moves to my lower stomach, palming me.
I’m not showing much, but enough that he can feel the difference in my stomach.
I swat his hand away and push myself deeper into the building. “Don’t touch me.”
His eyes narrow, and something dark crosses his features. “You are, aren’t you? I can feel it. That’s why you married him so suddenly. That’s why you’ve been avoiding me.”
“My marriage has nothing to do with you,” I say firmly, though my heart is pounding against my ribs like a trapped bird desperate to break free.
“How far along are you?” he presses, leaning into me.
Shit. Fuck! This is not how I was going to do this. I knew we’d get here. I knew eventually he’d ask, and then I’d have to make a choice. Lie or tell him the truth. And I could lie. I could. But eventually, the truth would get out. It always does.
“Tell me!” he demands, bringing his hand up to my throat.
It’s his move. The one he’s done countless times that never fails to fill my heart with dread.
I used to think it was simply him being possessive, even as he spouted ugly things at me.
But then there were the times he’d squeeze, and the last was the final straw.
He squeezed hard enough that I was coughing and sputtering when he finally released me.
The next day, we had that in-service, and then I left him.
Thankfully, he doesn’t squeeze me now, but he holds my throat tightly, and when I still don’t answer, he shakes me, causing the back of my head to bang against the brick and a tear to slip from my eyes.
“Get off me.” I dig my nails into his hand and try to push him away, but to no avail.
His weight is pressing into me, and I have no room to move or maneuver.
His eyes are murderous, and they hold me in place as his nose presses in on mine, and his lips hover close enough that I can taste his breath.
“It’s mine, isn’t it?” He shakes me by my neck. “Answer me!”
“Fuck you!” I scrape my nails into his hand, but it’s as if he doesn’t even register it.
“You stupid fucking whore! You’re pregnant with my kid, and you married him! Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” He squeezes my throat, making me choke and my nails dig deeper, only to immediately relax his grip.
“This is why I didn’t want you to know!” I bark.
“Look at what you’re doing. You have me by the throat, pinned to a building.
You’re scaring the shit out of me, and you make me feel unsafe.
You treated me like shit and terrorized me for a year.
A fucking year!” I slam against him, but he presses harder.
“I never knew which way your moods were going to go, what to say to you because I was always afraid anything I did say would set you off. You’d throw things and call me every freaking horrible name you could think of, and you’d do this.
” I tap his hand. “You’d put your hand around my neck like a threat.
Like you could kill me at any moment, and sometimes I even thought you might.
You made me feel weak and powerless and ugly and fat and gross and stupid.
You made me feel like no one could ever love me but you because I was an awful person to love.
But it’s you who’s awful. You who’s weak.
I know what you did to Aston. I know,” I spit.
“I’m not going to let you hurt him the way you hurt me.
And I sure as hell won’t let you hurt my baby. ”