38. Chapter 38
“Wait, wait!”Helen tore her mouth away just as Graham’s thumbs grazed the underside of her breasts. “You can’t waltz back in here as if the last two years didn’t happen, or you don’t have a…a girlfriend here with you!”
“She’s not my girlfriend anymore. How can she—” He reached for her again. “Helen, it’s always been you.”
“Don’t say that to me!” She threw up her hands and stormed past him to the far side of the living room, putting as much space and furniture between them as possible. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at you? I’ve waited—”
She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.
“Why are you here?” she cried. “You’re with her, but you keep pulling me back in. Why?”
“Because—”
“Because you’re a selfish asshole?”
“You want me to say it?”
“I want you to tell me why you can’t just let me go.”
“Because I love you,” he choked out. Watching Helen fall apart snapped whatever cord still tethered his heart to his pride.
For the first time, being honest with her was more important than pointing fingers or being right.
They were both broken and the ones who did the breaking.
“I love you. I never stopped loving you. And I could never let you go.”
She crumpled, a star about to implode. He rushed up to her, sidestepping the chair beside the couch, and took her by the arms.
“No, Graham—”
“No one could ever hurt me the way you can. It was fucking terrifying. But I was wrong.” Graham released her arms and wiped his nose. “I knew it. I’ve known it. A couple months after you left, I finally realized I made a huge mistake, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried calling you.”
She narrowed her eyes as if thinking back. “No, you didn’t.”
“Every day,” Graham said. “I blocked my number so you wouldn’t know it was me, and I always hung up. I could never think of a fucking thing to say.”
“Th-that,” she stammered, “that was you?”
“Yeah.”
“At three a.m.?”
“Sometimes. All the time. Any time I couldn’t handle being alone with myself.”
“I almost changed my number.”
“And you’re right—I am a selfish asshole. Coming here tonight was probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in more ways than one. But I had to. I couldn’t be in Austin and not be right here.”
Her eyes were bright blue gems in wet pools of spindly red.
“I’m sorry, Helen. I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, because I’m not leaving here without you.”
She gasped at the meaning of his words.
“And I need to kiss you. Right now.”
Helen nodded and he took her waist in his hands. Their lips almost met when she whispered, “Graham, I can’t.”
“Why?”
“What about her?”