31. Chapter 31
He should’ve expected this ending. The what did I just do and where did I just do it he saw on her face.
Regret. It didn’t usually bother him.
But this was Lindsey, and regret was a complicated problem. Jase was tucking himself back into his pants when she came out of the stall with her shirt loosely tied and her skirt hitched down to a respectable level. She was looking past him at something on the wall.
“I guess I should add my name to the list,” she said.
“List?”
Jase turned and found it. The writing Penny had mentioned when Jase was barely listening.
Shit.
“Lindsey—”
She was already gone, and he was chasing her again, and it didn’t feel at all like it was about the money this time. He caught up with her in the parking lot.
“Lindsey, wait,” he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that was there.”
“No, actually, I’m glad,” she said, sounding anything but.
“I knew better, and I lied to myself anyway. You lied to me too, but I get it. Three million—six, or whatever—is a lot of money, and I probably would’ve done the same thing.
Everything else was just me kidding myself.
Pretending you weren’t exactly the man they told me you were. ”
“What kind of man is that?”
“The writing is literally on the wall, Jase,” she said. “I can always ask Jenny or Roxi or Stephanie or whoever else, if I’m not sure.”
“I’ve never lied about who I am.”
She turned and looked at him with the saddest eyes he’d ever seen. He wished like hell he was any other man.
“No, you haven’t,” she said. “Goodbye, Jase.”
“Jesus Christ, wait!” he yelled at her back. “You were right, okay? I did it for the money. Is that what you want to hear?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I think it does.”
“I’m not doing this.”
“Oh, we’re doing it. We’re hashing this out—whatever this is—because I can’t spend the next two weeks pussyfooting around you because you think I’m a giant asshole, and I don’t want you to leave.”
“You are a giant asshole. Better than being a total idiot, I guess. I’m the one who fell for”—she stumbled in those high heels—“it. I fell for it. And I keep falling for it, because apparently I like punishing myself.”
“You knew what you were doing wearing that outfit.”
“I wore this outfit to punish you. I wanted you to pay for what you did to me.”
“What I did to you? What I did… Okay, you want to know what I did?”
“Not really.”
“No, wait.” He spun her around by the shoulder.
“It was about the money. You asked me if I would’ve chased you down in Austin if it wasn’t for the money, and no, I wouldn’t have.
I was me and you were Graham’s ex-girlfriend, and we had a great night.
We didn’t owe each other anything. But six million dollars…
Come on, Lindsey. You don’t just let that drive away on a Greyhound bus. ”
She dropped her gaze and Jase stepped closer.
“I did everything I could to make sure you didn’t leave,” he said. “So, yes, I did it for the money. It’s not just six million bucks. It’s my dad’s whole legacy. Graham should’ve told you.”
Her eyes shot back up to him. “Don’t bring him into this.”
“You should’ve known from the minute we left Ohio what was at stake, and I’m sorry you didn’t. Any time I thought about telling you, I was afraid you’d leave, and I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk it, Lindsey. It was my dad’s life, or what was left of it. I did what I had to do to protect it.”
“Jase, do you think I would’ve taken it away from you?
I’m living in your house with you just so you don’t lose it.
I would’ve stayed for the money,” she said.
“The part that kills me, the part I can’t get over, is everything else.
If it’s about the money, that’s one thing. Why did you have to make it…”
She trailed off, turning away. Jase reached for her, and she spun on him, her unruly hair whipping across his cheek and her eyes threatening to peel the skin from his bones.
“Why did you make me want you? If it was all about the money—”
“It was about the money until it wasn’t,” he said. “I don’t know at what point it changed. But it did change. If it didn’t, I never would’ve spent an extra day on the road. With you.”
Jase closed the small gap between them until he towered over her.
“You wanted something I couldn’t give you,” he said. “Look at me, Lindsey. I’m barely getting through today. I can’t—I can’t—”
“I never asked you for anything,” Lindsey said. “Only more time.”
“Lindsey—”
“I’m not one of them, Jase.”
“Not one of who?”
“I don’t want to be just a name on the wall.”
“You’re not,” he admitted. “That’s why I don’t know what the hell to do with you.”
“I do.” She swallowed. “Let me go.”
The words sucked all the air out of his lungs and his life. She wasn’t supposed to give him an out.
Since she had a stranglehold on his senses, every muscle in his body iced over with dread that had become his constant companion ever since he watched his old man crumple, and Jase finally understood what the word gaunt meant and how it felt, and it felt like this, as if his skin was too tight and he couldn’t breathe and could he ever love this woman, because if he couldn’t then he needed to do what she said—he needed to let her go—but if he could, if he even thought he could, then he needed to do something to stop her from walking away.
“Sundress.”
He hadn’t called her Sundress in…a while. He liked it.
She must’ve liked it too, because she stopped.
He cleared his suddenly dry throat. “I should’ve taken you home.” She didn’t answer, didn’t even move. “I was going to ask you in Santa Cruz. I was going to ask if I could take you home.”
Lindsey slowly turned on those heels to face him. “On the bike?”
“On the bike. I wanted to drive you back to Ohio, then everything went sideways and you were just gone.”
“The airport. Helen told me you went to the airport.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“You want me to spell it out for you?”
“If it’s not too much trouble,” she said.
“I wanted you, all right?” he hollered. “I want you. Believe me, life would be a lot easier if I didn’t.”
“You are terrible at this.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
“I mean it. You’ve been a pain in my ass ever since you showed up at my apartment with the station wagon. You made me want you, then made me promise not to touch you. You ran away how many times, and you have the worst taste in men—”
She ran up and kissed him.
“You need to learn when to stop talking,” she said against his lips.
“I want you, Lindsey,” he said honestly. “It’s not about the money this time.”