Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Risking It All
Chiara
I’m feeling buoyed by the messages from Raf and excited for the upcoming shoot in Texas where I literally get to work on set with the actors and actresses of one of the most popular shows on TV.
“What are you smiling about?” Marco asks, eyeing me suspiciously. He’s in the back seat with me while Avery is up front with the driver.
“Taking a ride with a sexy cowboy,” I tell him with a cheeky smile.
He cracks up. “Oh I remember your cowboy sex books very well. Thought the one with the hot tub scene was pretty good.”
“Just admit it; you loved my smutty audiobooks.” I laugh. “They taught you a thing or two, didn’t they?”
“They also made my eardrums bleed and traumatized me.” He huffs, adding, “I notice that Avery doesn’t have to sit through the same torture I did. Why is that?”
“I like Avery,” I joke.
“Very funny, you little shit!”
“So does Raf know about your plans to ride anyone other than him?” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “Surely there’s been some midnight hanky-panky while you’ve been living with him.”
“That really is none of your business, nosy Nelly,” I retort. “However, if you must know, that huge rollercoaster ride is well and truly closed, so what’s a girl to do? Stop going to the fun fair?”
He eyes me, worries his lip, then says, “Give him time. The fact that you’re still living in his house should tell you something. Just…” He hesitates. “Just don’t lie to him. You break his trust, there’s little chance of going back.”
His words sucker punch me, because I’m already keeping the biggest secret of all from him.
Alessandro tracked me down in New York and is determined to win me back.
With everything that happened that night and our quickie wedding, I buried it in the out of sight, out of mind basket because I just can’t bring myself to draw anyone else into my web of destruction.
I just need to figure out a plan for how to tell Alessandro that there is no going back to what we were or what we ever thought we were—but without the audience in the form of my personal bodyguard and/or cousins.
I know him well enough to know he won’t take kindly to that.
His possessiveness made me feel special once, but nothing has ever made me feel as wanted or lit up as being under the command of Raf’s lips, hands, body, and words.
I may have joked about hot cowboys, but I doubt they’d give me half the ride my grumpy lawyer with the marshmallow heart did.
“Have you figured out how you’re going to propose?” I ask, changing the subject.
“I sure have. Apparently, recovering from a gunshot wound means no sex and way too much time to think.”
“Well I guess we’re both in the same involuntary celibacy boat.” I laugh. “I’ve got some good audiobook recs if you need a hand for solo time.”
“Oh God.” He groans. “Of course you do. Audible needs to put you on retainer for marketing.”
He turns serious then.
“How are you after everything that happened with Julian Rizzo? Avery mentioned you were pretty shaken up. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m pissed at AJ. He shouldn’t have sprung that on you.”
“I was too, but I also understand why he did it. I just wish he didn’t keep me in the dark.
” Though the irony that I’m doing the exact same thing by not telling any of them—AJ, Raf, Marco, and Avery— that Alessandro cornered me, is not lost on me.
“He wants to know who did this to you,” I say, waving a hand in his direction.
“And it definitely cemented a few things for me.”
“Like what?” he asks.
“Well, first, making time for therapy might be a good idea. It may have been pointed out to me that the spiral-drinking is not really dealing with my feelings about what happened with my parents or the trauma associated with it triggered by the shooting and subsequent revelation.”
“Hey, if organizing the engagement is too much on top of all you’ve got going on—”
“No! It’s not too much. Do you know what it means to me to finally have people in my life who feel like true friends? I want to do it. Evie and Stella are going to help. We have it all under control,” I assure, flashing him a smile. “Do you think she has any idea?” I ask.
“I don’t think so. She’s been so hectic with work and looking after me that I don’t think she’s even thinking about it. Meanwhile, I’ve had her ring burning a hole in my underwear drawer since before the Law Gala. I just can’t wait to see it on her finger. Show the world she’s mine.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to go straight home instead of coming to the boxing ring with me?”
“Change of scenery will be good. And I miss being able to spar with the boys. Playing referee is at least the next best thing. Plus, I can help Evie coach you. I believe she’s under strict instructions from Raf,” he says, arching an eyebrow.
“He can be very bossy,” I say with a smirk.
“Certainly taking his fake-boyfriend-for-the-cameras part very seriously,” he says.
“Well, we have a wager going. If he doesn’t help me find a place of my own in the next few weeks, I get to be his plus-one for this important law dinner he’s got coming up.”
“That will be a hoot, I’m sure.”
“I’m hoping it spurs him on to actually do something about helping me find a place of my own. He’s refused every single one I’ve proposed.”
“He’s got good reason.”
“What?!”
“He can’t keep an eye on you if you’re not under his roof, and as much as he might deny it, I think he likes having you there.”
“Hmmm. Maybe therapy will help me understand why I fall for men who indulge in a taste but don’t love it enough to make me their favorite flavor. That would help immensely.”
“I think you’ll find it all starts with loving yourself enough first so that it doesn’t matter if you’re someone’s favorite flavor,” he says with a squeeze to my knee. “You’re enough as you are, Chi.”
I put my hand on top of his and squeeze back, not sure he understands how much it means to hear those words.