Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Alvara was more than happy to wake up the next morning, her only escape from a land of dark dreams she had no desire to relive any time soon.
A few elves passed by her sleeping hide as she came to terms with facing another day, and she offered a wave, but her attempt at niceties was met with gasps and covered mouths.
Wonderful. She looked as awful as she felt.
A bath would at least clean away the sand that grated against her skin. But taking off her clothes, no weapons…No. Not today.
“You can tell him that I will bring her by as soon as she’s been healed.” Boden blocked the doorway, arms folded across his chest as he faced Sten. “If he has an issue with that decision, then he is more than welcome to speak with me.”
“Bring her soon.”
Alvara dragged a comb through her tangled hair and weaved it into two simple braids. She grimaced at her clothes. Another outfit ruined. At least she had learned not to invest in anything but the cheapest fabric available.
She tiptoed around the last few sleeping bodies in the hall and nudged Boden’s shoulder.
He lurched backward. “I miss you being able to speak. Are you hungry? I can—” Boden eyes traveled to her neck, and the floor of pounded earth beneath them shuddered. “Vitharen help me, I hope they suffered.”
And she hoped she never had to think about last night again.
She tapped her stomach and pointed outside before shoving him playfully out the door toward whatever bland breakfast awaited them.
Their food had gradually improved until the invasion, but now Alvara found herself tearing at yet another piece of stale dark bread.
She twisted the dry chunk between her fingers. Throat be damned, she had to at least try to apologize. If she waited any longer, the guilt would swallow her. “Me…” Alvara coughed. “Me is apologize,” she said in the human tongue, the words poking at her throat like shards of glass.
Boden’s narrowed his eyes. “Did you hit your head? You’re not speaking Elvish.”
Alvara ignored him and blasted through the words she had rehearsed with Oda over and over again while they worked. The young woman had been delighted when Alvara had requested her help in learning more of her language…until Alvara proved to be a rather inept student.
“Me was…idiot. Made vast mistake. Please forgives?”
“Vieru miker?” His lopsided grin pried at the flimsy boards Alvara had hammered around her heart.
“What?”
“How much? How much did you miss me?”
That was what he found important? Alvara would have laughed if she could have made the noise without inflicting more agony upon herself.
“More than I’d care to admit. It scared me, Boden.
When I heard you were injured.” Her voice grew quieter, rougher with each word.
She quickened her pace and tossed any plans for an elaborate speech out the window.
“King Einar has taken so much already. I can’t lose anyone else.
I was scared of that feeling, of knowing you meant something to me. ”
He swallowed and placed his pathetic breakfast back on his plate.
“It hurt. I won’t pretend otherwise. With everything we’ve been through, I thought I had begun to see glimpses of the real you.
And then to hear I was nothing more than a distraction…
I can confidently say I spent more time in the woods than in the town. ”
The intensity in Boden’s gaze made her stomach flutter.
“I see you, Alvara. You try to convince yourself you don’t care, but I see how you spend every bit of your energy making others comfortable.
Making my sister feel at home in Malva, giving Pyry a purpose, helping the demi-elves and humans.
You pour yourself into other people, whether you see it or not.
” He placed his hand on top of hers. “Those moments, those choices, they make you stronger, so much stronger than him.”
“I’m sorry,” she said with the last shreds of strength her voice possessed. To think he might’ve never returned from his bear form. Unless… “Can a shifter get stuck in their animal form?”
He removed his hand, and hers suddenly felt unbearably cold. “Of course not. Who told you that?”
Gods damn it. She was going to beat Rav to a pulp in sparring, one arm and all. “I bet he made Kielana up too.”
Boden shuddered. “Good gods, that name still makes my ears bleed. Unfortunately for me and anyone who has had the displeasure of encountering her, Kielana is in fact real.”
Who was she? Not that it mattered to Alvara, but she hated knowing anyone had hurt him enough to leave a scar.
Yet here she was, trying to undo that exact same thing.
She held up a finger and disappeared inside the hall to find the package she had intended to give to him today, albeit with less cuts and bruises.
She placed the crinkled bundle in his hands and immediately regretted it. It had been a silly idea, and there was no guarantee he would even like it.
“You’re giving me a present?” Boden asked, his wide eyes and amazed tone reminding her of a youngling on one of their first Jolvals. He pulled at the paper and revealed a short, wide blade.
Alvara only produced a squeak instead of an explanation, so she chopped her right hand in her left palm and pointed to Boden.
“A knife for chopping?” He squinted at the blade, where Alvara had painstakingly engraved the symbol of Nyr: a bear formed from leaves and delicate swirls, a lush forest underneath its paws, and the symbol of Gosibik: a sword and crescent moon, with roaring waves lining the moon’s inside edge.
“You added the Nyrian crest and Gosibik’s too.
This is…” He paused and cleared his throat.
“Thank you. I almost don’t want to use it, it’s too perfect. ”
It wasn’t nearly enough to mend what she had broken, but it was a start.
The joy in Boden’s face faltered. “The chief would like to speak with you, but only if you’re comfortable doing so. I can always speak with him on your behalf if it feels like too much.”
Alvara tapped her chest and jutted her chin in the direction of the meeting hall. She would go. She needed to, for the safety of her people.
“Then I will bring you to the healer before we meet with him. And if you’d like to bathe or change clothes—not that you need to, you look wonderful—”
She pointed toward the chief’s meeting hall and tugged on his arm. The chief needed to see what his people had done.
“Are you sure? They can wait.”
She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes.
Boden wrapped his gift up and tucked it under his arm, then tipped his head toward the water jug. “Drink. Maybe you’ll be able to manage a few words by the time we arrive. Afterward, healer, tea, and rest. Please.”
Alvara guzzled a hefty dose of water and bowed her head. Honestly, his regimen for healing sounded like just what her sore body required, if not for the unnatural amount of tea he would likely force upon her. Maybe she could find one of those apple cakes to make it more palatable.
“I’ll see if I can find something sweet, maybe an apple cake?”
His words froze her feet in place, and her mouth hung open. She could try to explain through her hands now or her voice later, or…Alvara smiled. That morsel could be hers and hers alone. A pleasant memory to help balance the scales of her mind in favor of the bright spots among the darkness.
When they entered the chief’s meeting hall, every eye fixed on Alvara, and she fought the urge to tug her tunic over her injuries. There wasn’t enough cake in the world to make this experience palatable.
Guards flanked every wall, the only exception where Rav stood, glowering at everyone as he usually did. But when he made eye contact with Alvara, his face softened. She nodded, answering the question in his head tilt to let him know she was all right.
Boden wasted no time speaking directly to the chief with words sharp enough to draw blood. If Alvara had any energy left, she would have tried to pick out a few phrases here and there to keep up, but all she wanted was to lie down on the floor and sleep.
“Would you like to say anything?” Boden’s tone held none of its previous bite as he addressed Alvara.
Not particularly. But this wasn’t about her, not really.
“I was on the beach when they attacked.” Thank Vitharen the water that now pressed on her bladder had apparently done its job, though every word felt like nails raking down her throat.
“They tried to drown me.” The man’s grip on her neck, the sea forcing its way into her lungs. Salt filled her nose.
“They attacked me with weapons.” Her cuts and bruises twinged, and sharp steel flashed in her mind. The hall darkened. She could barely see beyond a small circle of light at the center of her vision.
“Then one of them strangled me.” The room swayed now, her lungs struggling for air even as the words spilled faster and faster out of her mouth. “They hurt me. They tried to kill me. They hurt me. They tried to kill me…” She slumped to the ground and drew her knees to her chest.
This was it. This was the end. She could feel it—her life force abandoning her body, her heart slowing its rhythm—
“You’re safe. Breathe. In and out.” Boden sat face to face with her, his chest rising and falling in a steady pattern.
He made breathing look so easy, yet she couldn’t spur her lungs into action. Alvara focused on his inhales and exhales until hers matched his.
“Are you able to tell me some of the things you see in the hall?”
A silly question, but she obliged. “Rav brooding in the corner. The chief’s irritating guard. You.” It oddly grounded her, reminding her she still lived to see another day.
“Good. Would you like to leave? Say the word and we’ll go this second.”
Of course she wanted to leave, run away from a night that would mar her mind for the rest of her days. But she wouldn’t run, not this time. “I’ll stay.”
The chief spoke, and Boden tensed beside her.
“What is it?” Alvara said.
“He’s asking who attacked first.” He shoved his rolled sleeves higher up his arms. “As if you enjoyed battling four men for your life.”
She had already explained all of this. “They did. I was standing in the water, and one of them tried to drown me. I stabbed him so he would let go, and then…the rest happened.”
Boden relayed her words to the chief, who lowered his head and studied her before answering. “Oh, for Vitharen’s sake,” Boden muttered. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. “He says you admitted to drawing first blood.”
He switched to the human language, and the words rattled off his tongue, his voice escalating to almost a yell.
“I swear if we didn’t need their protection…
” He shook his head. “The men who attacked you have been causing minor issues for other elves and no doubt blamed us after the invasion. It is clear,” he enunciated through gritted teeth, glaring at the chief, “that they desired to break the blood oath without risking their own guilt, so they did their best to attack without blades until you drew their blood first.”
Alvara blinked. “They don’t believe me?”
“No, apparently, they’re complete and utter fools.
But I believe you, Alvara.” He locked eyes with her and placed a warm hand on her knee.
“The chief maintains that they did nothing to directly break the blood oath, but knowing their history, he doesn’t doubt that they attacked you and provoked the use of your weapon.
He is willing to offer something on your terms within reason to settle the matter and maintain peace. ”
What did peace mean when it only covered up lies? “Guards for the sleeping halls, better supplies for the refugees, and a ship to visit the dwarves.”
Boden didn’t even rise to address the room, but his words weighed heavy with a finality that no sane person would challenge. A vein throbbed in the chief’s forehead as his eyes drilled into Boden’s unflinching face.
Chief Frigar offered a single word in response. Yes.
Alvara tipped her head back and breathed. At least they could try to meet with the dwarves and ask about Helvati’s dagger. And beg for any weapons they’d be willing to give. Though it would have been nice to earn the ship for the journey without surviving an attempted murder.
“The ship leaves tomorrow,” Boden said.
“Tomorrow?”
“It’s for your safety.” He scrutinized each human in the room as if he didn’t trust anyone at this point. “We can’t be sure if there are others who may want to harm you.”
Leaving Gosibik for a week or two, however long it took, sounded nice—a change of scenery with no bloodthirsty humans. Though she didn’t know who might join the crew.
“You’ll need someone who knows Dwarvish,” Rav said next to her, and she practically dove face-first onto the ground.
That male possessed the stealth of a snow leopard, and apparently the intelligence of one.
No one here knew Dwarvish. It was a mostly useless language, seeing as the dwarves were rarely known to forge weapons for anyone outside the gods who had created them for that very purpose.
Boden studied a small divot in the ground with surprising intensity.
“You speak Dwarvish?” Alvara squeaked, a sure sign she had moments before resorting to communicating with gestures. “Why in Dalviri’s name would you know Dwarvish?”
Boden frowned at Rav. “It’s possible I know a little. I’ve also seen maps in the Tasírath library of their capital, óbrotstin. But I know you’re more than capable of going alone.”
Rav coughed. “You’ll also need someone to communicate with the crew.”
“Don’t you have places to be? Small younglings you can scare?” Boden said.
“Unfortunately, I’ve already met my quota for the day.”
“Rav’s right.” Alvara ignored the exaggerated look of shock plastered on Rav’s face. “Come with me.” Beyond the Dwarvish, whatever that story was, Boden steadied her and brought her peace. The journey would be that much less harrowing with him by her side.
“And you’re positive you want to spend a week trapped on a small ship with me?”
“Always,” Alvara said with the last dregs of her voice’s strength.
She had been a fool to push him away. So many others had uttered their last goodbye to their loved ones without even realizing, and Alvara had chosen—chosen to cut herself off from someone who made her better and brightened up her life.
They all mattered to her: Kat, Rav, Lilja, even Aurilena, whom she knew so little.
Even that damn dog, and so many others. She didn’t want to lose a single one of them, no matter how much she tried to deny it.
But in the depths of her splintered soul, Alvara knew losing Boden would break her in a way she might not come back from.
She swore on Lojarem’s sacred branches, she would never let that happen.