Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
Tomorrow.
All of the preparation, the training, two weeks of rebuilding trust and working at all hours of the day and night—it had led to this.
Alvara watched as her friends filtered amongst the crowd in the chief’s meeting hall, confirming each of their assignments for the morning.
It wouldn’t be easy, letting them walk into battle, not knowing if she would ever see their faces again.
But each of them knew the stakes, and yet they had still agreed to give everything for what they believed in.
Aurilena’s honey-gold eyes found hers, and Alvara swallowed. They had barely exchanged three words since she broke the blood oath.
“You did well.” Rav’s comment startled her, as it always did when he seemingly appeared out of thin air.
“Are you giving me a compliment?”
“Don’t push it.”
Alvara elbowed him in the ribs. If she tried to hug him, she had no doubt it would be the last thing she did. “Thank you. For not killing me the first day you met me.”
The storm in his gray eyes receded. “I’m glad I didn’t.”
“Me too,” Kat said. “Even though I think I’ve aged more than a few years since meeting her.” She brushed a hand against Rav’s arm. “Can you give us a moment?”
He nodded and strode across the room toward where Boden leaned over the table, entrenched in the map that lay before him.
“I’m sorry,” Alvara said. She hadn’t had a moment to sit down with Kat or really any of them since discovering the barrier plant.
“I risked everything. Everything you, Boden, Rav, and Aurilena have worked for. I didn’t think about anyone other than myself in that moment, and you all deserve so much more.
” And they really did. Each one of them had found a place in her heart and helped to heal the wounds of her past. “You gave me chance after chance when I did nothing to earn it, and you’re truly the only reason I’m still standing.
I broke your trust for my own selfish reasons, and I can’t apologize enough for that. ”
Kat didn’t speak, wildly unusual for her, and the silence between them swelled the anxiety in Alvara’s chest. She couldn’t blame her friend if she never forgave her.
“Part of me,” Kat said, elongating each word, “a very large part, wants to toss you out the door on your ass, but I also know who you are under this mess.” She gestured to Alvara’s entire being with a wry smile.
“Love isn’t easy, Alvara. It can open up wounds we thought had healed years ago.
And you, my friend, have many, many wounds.
” That, Alvara could hardly disagree with.
“But pushing people away won’t make them love you any less, and it sure won’t make you love them any less.
It will only leave you alone and miserable, wishing you had opened yourself up to the people that gave you a chance.
Just…let us in. That’s all we’re asking. ”
Alvara found her friend’s hand and squeezed. “I thought I had lost my family. But you, all of you, make me feel like I may have found a new one.”
“I’ve tried to tell myself otherwise for the past few weeks, but I think we all need you as much as you need us.” Kat jutted her chin in Boden’s direction. “Especially that one. You’re both good for each other. Except when you almost murder someone in your free time—”
“All right, all right. Now go torture Rav with your enticing presence. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Her friend winked and trotted off, and Alvara stared at Boden.
Huddled over the table, he seemed to be locked in a wordy debate (mostly on his part) with Rav about their battle strategy.
The way his chestnut hair always fell on his forehead in an unruly mess no matter how many times he combed it, the animation that possessed him when he spoke passionately, the laugh—his laugh, which filled every corner of the room and fought off any looming darkness that tried to enter.
She wanted to memorize it all.
He caught her eye, and his hand paused in its frenzied movement over the map. His mouth stretched into a grin, tugging the right side of his lips higher than the left and dislodging a storm of flurries within Alvara that tickled her stomach.
That. That was what she wanted to memorize most of all.
Boden whispered something to Rav and approached her. “Interested in a walk?”
She knew what he hadn’t said. One last walk. It could be the final one they ever took together. “Always.”
The brisk night air cradled the delicate scent of flowering buds, and Alvara and Boden walked side by side, their hands close enough to touch if she only reached out.
She clasped hers together instead, the sheer enormity of all the things she wanted to say lodging in her throat. She didn’t even know where to start.
“What are you thinking about?” Boden asked.
They had neared the water, where the shadows of the men who had attacked her still lingered, but she wouldn’t give them that power over her. The beach hummed with preparations—elves, demi-elves, and humans doing what they could to control the many unknowns of battle.
Alvara focused her eyes on the glassy calm of the sea instead, something steady ahead of the chaos that awaited them. “You.”
“Should I be scared? It is only fair you let me find a weapon before attacking.”
She gave him a light shove. “I’m thinking about how I may have never met you if I didn’t deliver that sword. How different my life might be. How much I would be missing, and I wouldn’t have even realized.”
He sat in the sand and motioned for her to do the same.
“I couldn’t have comprehended how much I needed someone like you until I had it.
Once I did, I couldn’t imagine what my world had been like before you.
” Boden smiled, looking her up and down.
“You’ve left a mark, Alvara Himren, whether you like it or not, that no weapon or magic, not even Helvati herself can remove if she tried.
And I will carry that mark with me into battle tomorrow and fade with it etched into my soul if it comes to that. And it will have been an honor.”
Alvara choked on her next breath. “Every time I think I’ve said something decent, you always have to go and outdo me.”
He chuckled and sidled closer. “We aren’t all able to wield weapons made of steel.”
“You least of all.”
“And here I thought I had made great progress since our first sparring match. You’re telling me now, the day before our possible fading, that I have room for improvement?”
The mention of the coming tide of blood, losing him, it was too much.
Hot tears ran down her face, dripping into the coarse sand beneath her.
She had become accustomed to them gushing out of her with ease since the day she broke the blood oath, and they had started to gradually release all the pressure that had built and expanded within her over the years.
Boden’s arm wrapped around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, not caring what the closeness might mean or the judgment of others. She just needed him. His presence, his light was as essential to her survival as the air in her lungs and the food in her stomach.
The ocean waves roared and sighed, and the moon charted its path across the night sky, weaving threads of silver light on the sea in front of them. A world that would continue to move on, whether they lived or faded.
“There’s something I’d like to give you,” Boden murmured into her hair, and she tipped her head back. He held a paperbound package at his side.
“You don’t need to give me anything. Just this—you—are more than enough. And you already got both Kat and I something for Elafestir. You’re going to find yourself out of money soon enough.”
His arm dropped away, and a cold, yearning space took its place. “I didn’t give Kat anything for the holiday, that was Rav. I’m still surprised. They might actually be progressing toward something this time, but Elamara knows I’ve said that countless times before.”
The dress. He had only gotten something for Alvara. It shouldn’t matter, but…it did. And of course, curiosity prodded her to open the gift, though it would likely welcome a new deluge of tears.
“What is it?” Alvara asked.
He dropped the package into her lap. “Open it.”
She pulled on the string and peeled back the crinkled paper. A book. Though the title had been written in the human tongue, so she had little idea what she truly held. Alvara could feel her father in the paper between her fingertips as she flipped through the leatherbound pages.
“It’s the story of Vitharen and Delmis. Your father’s favorite.”
Oh gods, here they come again. She fought against any threat of moisture, not wanting to sully the unbelievable beauty she held in her hands. “Thank you. I…” Nothing she could say would do it justice.
He tapped the title. “It’s in the human language, because as you can imagine, they don’t have many Elvish books here. I thought, maybe when all this is over, I could teach you how to read it.”
She blinked. He always managed to destroy her last shreds of composure in the best of ways.
“I would love that.” Alvara looked at Boden, her friend—such a pathetic word for what he truly meant—who had done so much for her.
Who had melted the cage of ice clinging to her heart and allowed her to start the back-breaking work of repairing the shattered pieces of her soul.
“You’re not allowed to fade. If you do, I’ll find you in Levahem and drag you back here whether you like it or not. ”
“I’ll miss you too, Alvara.” He paused and spoke again, this time in the human tongue. “Ek lanne thoch.”
“Do I even want to know what that means?”
He shook his head and laughed softly. “Most likely not. But don’t say it to just anyone, because then we might have a problem on our hands.”
Somehow, any problem big or small seemed surmountable with him nearby. She settled herself against him once again with the book clutched against her chest and relished the peace that washed over her.
This was what they fought for tomorrow. Freedom from fear. Paving the way for all of the beautifully imperfect and messy moments that made up a life worth living.
For that, Alvara would fight until her last breath.