Chapter 28
She sat straight up. It had to be midnight, or the early hours of the morning. She could hear his thrashing from across the hall. She paused, waiting to see if he’d settle. She still didn’t know what this was or how often it happened. She hadn’t brought it up to him. After she’d seen Bear come to his rescue that first night after she’d moved in, she didn’t feel it was necessary. But now…Bear was gone.
She assumed his nightmares had something to do with his trauma, stemming from the abuse and abandonment he’d experienced as a child. But he seemed so put together during the day. You wouldn’t even know he still suffered from it. Although, knowing to what extent his pain went was only equal to the amount of information he’d given her.
The movement stopped for a minute or two…until she heard the most blood curdling, painful scream rushing through her ears. Blythe ran across the hall and entered Justin’s room. It was dark, but she could see him shaking. His blankets were tossed to the side, and when she crawled onto his bed to lay next to him, she felt the beads of sweat that seemed to litter his entire body. His torso was bare, as usual, and his heart was racing fast.
“Shhh…” she whispered as she laid her hand on his chest. Justin immediately rolled to his side and pulled her to him completely. He was so strong, she had to adjust herself to avoid being crushed by his massive arms that were clinging to her as if his life depended on it.
“Don’t leave!” His voice was desperate, and she whispered promises that she would stay. They both finally drifted to sleep and eventually woke with the sun.
“Why are you in my bed, sugar?” Justin chuckled and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Blythe’s eyes fluttered open. When she looked up into those blue irises, she saw the realization dawn on him.
“Shit… I never wanted you to see me like that. I have things under control when I’m awake. I’ve gone to a lot of therapy, and I’ve worked through it all. But my subconscious hasn’t caught the fucking memo.”
“It’s okay, Justin, I’m here. It was probably worse because of what happened yesterday. Want to talk about it?”
“No. There’s nothing to talk about. It doesn’t happen often, maybe once or twice a month. But Bear always took care of it. I can’t promise what it’ll be like now that he’s not here.”
His tone was frustrated, bordering anger. She wanted to tell him she’d just sleep in his bed every night, but she knew she couldn’t do that. When you sleep with someone, that’s as intimate as it gets without taking your clothes off—and let’s be honest, her clothes would totally come off.
“Does white noise help? Or music?”
“Don’t know. Guess we could try. But I’ve got to get ready.”
She watched him get out of bed, start taking off his pajama bottoms, and pull on his clothes. His boxer briefs left little to the imagination. She’d heard a guy’s goods did that in the morning, but she’d never seen it. Her eyes were like saucers before she darted them toward the floor, instead.
“There was so much going on yesterday, did anyone say when his ashes would be ready to pick up? Oh, and the ceramic paw print?” Justin looked up from buttoning his jeans.
“Uh, yeah, next week,” Blythe stated matter-of-factly. She let him know she would check in with the canine crematory and confirm which day.
Justin went off to his appointments, after he shoved down what little his stomach could handle for breakfast. Blythe had the entire day to herself and planned on completing the paint on the apartment walls. When she finished, it was mid-afternoon. She locked everything up and headed back to the house.
She needed to tidy everything up in there, too—get some laundry started and make things extra calm so when he came home, Justin could feel the peace he was most definitely lacking since yesterday afternoon. She didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in, but she knew it was important she be in a chipper one when he saw her.
The front door opened and closed at five-thirty PM. When she heard his footsteps traveling toward the kitchen, she prepared herself. She straightened her shirt and put on her best smile. When he came into view, she ran up to give him a hug in greeting.
“How was your day?” She pulled back and then pecked him on the lips to gauge his reaction.
He gave her a soft smile and kissed her back, letting her know that his day had gone as good as it could’ve. He sat down at the table and ate his dinner. When he was finished, he rinsed his plate and walked toward the stairs, speaking to her at the same time. “I’m exhausted. Thank you for dinner—I’m headed to bed.”
What the hell was that?
He seemed more distant than she’d ever seen him. Actually, she’d never seen him distant at all. Shouldn’t he want comfort in a time like this? Blythe was about to follow after him but thought twice. He needed his space, and she was willing to respect that—for now.
The following days were similar in fashion, but every day he got further and further away from her. He’d stopped working on the apartment completely. There were still things to do in the bathroom and the kitchen, things Blythe couldn’t do herself. She was handy, but in a girl way—not a manly, wrench-and-power-drill type of way. When the weekend rolled around and he still wasn’t pulling out of it, she knew she had to intervene.
Justin slept in later, as she expected. He never carried appointments on weekends, except for emergencies. So, she didn’t bother him right away. She hadn’t witnessed any more nightmares, and she hoped when he woke up he would be in a more pleasant and positive mood. She puttered around and did what chores she needed to, there was always the usual daily upkeep. She popped in her ear pods and made a phone call to Jenny.
“Bee! How’s everything going over there, girl?” Jenny was still just as sweet as she’d ever been. Blythe missed her and was so grateful for her friendship. They’d called since she left, every now and then, but it felt like both their lives were crazy.
“Things are going great! We’ve almost got the apartment above the shop finished, and I should be able to move in soon.”
Blythe told Jenny about what happened and how Justin wasn’t coping well. She told her friend all her worries, and Jenny let her spill it all. Finally, Blythe stopped for a breath and realized how she’d monopolized the last fifteen minutes of the call.
“Ugh, I am so sorry. Enough about me and my problems. Tell me everything I’ve missed with you.”
“Oh, girl, there’s never anything new with me, just the same old. Work is kicking my butt, but I tell ya—if you’re going to be a waitress in Chicago, this place is it. I could practically live off the tips alone, not even counting my hourly pay.” She laughed, and Blythe did, too.
“Don’t I know it, girl.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line.
“Um…so, Max stopped by the other day. I’ve been meaning to call you, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.” Jenny’s voice was timid, laced with mild concern.
“Why? What did he want?” The anger started to rise in her chest, and Blythe had to take a deep breath to calm down. What motive could he possibly have to go harass her friend?
“He said he left something here, and I told him he was a liar and to go pound sand because I wasn’t going to let him in.”
“Good! Did he leave?”
“Not right away. He stayed in the hall for a minute or two. I kept checking through the peephole. Then we saw him drive away in his fancy car. My new roommate, Tabatha, was freaked out. I’ve got to tell you, Bee—that guy is creepy as hell. How were you ever engaged to him? It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Ya think? Where was our creepy guy radar back then?”
“It was masked by his sexy cologne.” Both of them started laughing again.
Jenny could always brighten Blythe’s day, even when they were talking about idiots like Max.
All she knew was that she wasn’t ever going to make the same mistake again. She needed to know a guy longer. She needed to make sure that she was in it for all the right reasons. She had to make sure she was ready, and that she could trust her gut where men were concerned—even ones she knew were inherently good, like Justin.
Jenny had to run, but they promised to talk again soon. As Blythe hung up the phone, she saw something in her periphery.
“Hey!” She tried to sound as cheerful as she could. “How did you sleep?”
Justin came closer and wrapped his arms around her. His hug was warm. It wasn’t desperate, but it was tight and sincere.
“It was okay, I guess.” He didn’t let go. “Sorry I slept in so late. It’s almost nine AM. Were you talking to someone?”
Blythe nodded her head. “Yeah, my friend Jenny. We needed to catch up.” She conveniently left out certain parts, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to add to Justin’s emotional load. Max was still just trying to freak her out. There was no way he actually knew where she was.
“We’re going to have family dinner with Chris and the girls tomorrow, but today is free. We could go out to the apartment in a bit and finish up a few things, if you’re up to it?” She practically sang the words, hoping if she could make it sound fun, he’d buy into the lie and go out there with her.
“Yeah, I guess we could. Let me eat something really quick and then we can go out. Or, better yet—you can go out while I eat, and I’ll come as soon as I’m done.”
That sounded like a great idea. He seemed more upbeat this morning, and she didn’t want to rock the boat by hanging around and trying to make him talk or ask him questions.
She couldn’t help it.
When Justin got quiet and didn’t talk much, she was admittedly triggered. She’d started to spiral multiple times over the last couple of days, remembering how one minute Max had been the dream boat fiancé—and, with one conversation, morphed into the devil. She knew Justin wasn’t anything like that, but her betrayal trauma was there, nonetheless. That’s what Jenny called it. Apparently, she’d seen a therapist as a teenager, and it's a real thing that happens when someone breaks your trust beyond repair.
Blythe had purchased a small loveseat and recliner, some rugs, and a floor lamp at the furniture store in town. The delivery men brought it all up yesterday, and she was excited to rearrange it and get the apartment looking like home. She sat on the sofa for what seemed like hours… Still no Justin.