Chapter 51
FIFTY-ONE
SILAS
It was strange when you sentenced yourself to a life of nothingness and all of a sudden you were given everything.
It was like receiving that coveted acquittal when you knew you deserved conviction.
A commuted sentence five days after you’d been condemned to death.
A stay of execution when you had earned every drop of poison they planned to drip into your veins.
My heart throbbed with the gift.
I was going to be sure I didn’t squander or waste it.
This chance that I’d been given for something good.
Brinley and I had shifted onto our sides so we were facing each other. Our breaths were discordant and rusty, both still disoriented from the sudden deviation in our lives.
I lifted her hand between us, threaded our fingers together, and gazed at her through the gauzy light that filtered in through the window.
Knowing she was my exoneration.
My liberation.
With our hands joined, I ran the pad of my thumb along the outside of hers, watched over at the dreamy euphoria swimming on her face.
My spirit clutched.
God, she looked sweet this way.
Sated and spent.
Different.
But I guess both of us were.
“How do you feel?” It was a deep tremor that fused with the sanctity that had settled like peace in the room.
Those eyes flitted over my face, her curls wild and a mess, so fucking pretty where she lay on the pillow curled up with me on my bed.
Her teeth raked her bottom lip before she quirked a tease. “Like I made a really good choice on who was going to be my man.”
A chuckle rolled, and my heart fucking swelled.
Joy pressed at the places I didn’t know existed.
“You’re satisfied with the performance, huh?” My words were soft. Riddled with affection as my thumb kept stroking the back of her hand.
“I’d say you exceeded expectations.”
I shifted our hands so I could run my knuckles along her jaw. “What I didn’t expect was you.”
“No, I think it’s safe to say neither of us expected this, but I’m so glad it was given.”
“Me, too.” Satisfaction rumbled with the words. “I’ve never felt like this before, Brinley. Nothing close to when I’m with you.”
A bit of that vulnerability seeped out of her. “What do you feel like?”
“Like I’m falling, and I’ll never hit the bottom because I’ll forever get deeper and deeper.”
Emotion fluttered all over her stunning face. Strikes of life. A never-ending flame. “I feel that way, too.”
She paused, hesitated, then her cheeks pinked with that coyness. She turned our hands so she could brush her fingertips over the tattoo she kept touching that covered my heart.
The one I’d gotten to remind myself how easy it was for your meaning to get twisted.
A smile tweaked up at the corner of her lush, sexy mouth as everything about her went playful. “So does this mean I’m your old lady now?”
I choked over a surprised laugh, and my pulse stampeded at the thought.
A slug of possession through my veins.
I snaked my arm around her slight waist and plastered her against me.
She smelled like apple pie and sex.
Suffice it to say it was more than appealing.
I burrowed my face in her neck so I could take a big drink, mouth a rumble at the sweat-tinged flesh. “Have every intention of putting a property patch on your back.”
She giggled, and I edged back so I could take in her expression.
She pushed up onto an elbow and arched a defiant brow. “Property patch?”
She was all challenge and sass. Feisty as hell. Just the way I liked her.
I sent her a smirk. “That’s right.” I gripped onto a handful of her hip and gave her a little jostle. “I told you that you’re mine now.”
“So that’s what that means, huh?” It was wry. No anger to it.
Light laughter filtered out of me. No chance she was into that kind of submission.
She’d been fighting me every step of the way, and I doubted that was going to change now.
I sobered as all the issues we were up against broke into our bubble, and I reached out and hooked my index finger under her chin.
Searching that hopeful face and wondering how the hell she trusted me with it.
“Nothing would make me happier than claiming you in front of everyone.”
A frown dented her strong brow, reading deeper into it, just like I knew she would. “But you can’t?”
My chest tightened, and I leaned up on my elbow so I could see her better. “Not yet, but I’ll find a way to. I’m breaking a thousand of my own rules by touching you. And not just the ones I made for myself that I have to go this life alone. The deal I made with your brother…”
I trailed off. Wanting to lay every single detail out for her on a silver platter.
But I couldn’t defy my crew that way. Not when what I was doing was already bad enough. Putting them in the position that I was.
Getting greedy.
“There’s a lot riding on this, Brinley…”
Everything.
“I have to make sure I don’t cause any distractions in the middle of it.”
Her frown cut with worry. “Is it…dangerous?”
God, what was I supposed to say?
“My life is by definition dangerous. What we do…”
Uncertainty swirled through her hypnotizing gaze. No question, her thoughts were back on the confession I’d made.
Not that she hadn’t had her suspicions. But there was no way she knew how grim it went.
I knew she wanted to ask exactly what I meant by that, so I brushed the back of my hand over her cheek and started to speak. “But this? It’s the most dangerous thing we’ve ever done. But it has to happen.”
Tears blurred. “I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.”
“It won’t.” The oath was out before I could think better of it. I had no right to make it. Not when I knew some of us wouldn’t be coming home.
Brinley blinked, horror thinning her voice. “And Dereck?”
I hesitated, at war with the truth that this thing could still go south. “My intention is he’s getting out with us.”
Her eyes flicked all over my face, searching before she pushed me the way she always did. “And what is this, Silas? What is it you’re involved in? This doesn’t seem like some beef with another motorcycle club.”
I couldn’t give that to her.
Not yet.
Not until after all this went down and I met with the club. In Church, I’d tell them the line I’d crossed and let them know I didn’t intend on ever turning back.
They were going to have no say in that.
My devotion to Brinley.
But giving her the inside on what Crimson Crows really did?
We’d vote if Brinley could fully be let in, going through the same channels that the rest were approved.
So I gave her what I could.
The bare, blatant truth.
The crux. The beginning. The mission I’d set out on long ago before it landed me here.
“With the help of your brother, I’m finally going to get revenge for my mother’s death.”