31. Nova
Tara and Manto get married on the beach, just behind the inn. It’s beautiful, warm, but not too sunny. Like the universe picked this special day just for them.
It’s a bittersweet moment. Watching my childhood best friend marry the love of her life, but a happy one too. Manto’s a good man.
I know he’ll be a good husband.
It’s only my second time being a bridesmaid, but I think I do a good job. I stand there. I listen. I tear up when the pastor tells them they’re now man and wife. I even manage to not trip and fall on the way up the aisle, arm in arm with Manto’s cousin who walks entirely too fast for me.
I’ll admit. I’m a little jealous. Envious. Whatever you want to call it. The ceremony is beautiful and there’s not a doubt in my mind they love each other more than I thought possible for two people.
When the pastor talks about death’s parting and loving each other through it, I find myself drifting away, refusing to listen to this section. I’m over Jack’s death—well, as over it as one can be. I may have survived and for that, I’ll forever feel guilty, but he’s gone. No amount of begging will bring him back.
“What do you think the kid dancing with Katelyn is thinking?” Reid asks low in my ear. He’s holding me against him, slowly moving me around the dance floor at the reception in the midst of couples, kids, and people I don’t even know.
Carefully, I peek across the room to where a teen boy I think is Manto’s cousin is stumbling her through a dance, his eyes on his feet the entire time.
I giggle, turning away before they catch me staring. “Boobs. He’s definitely thinking about boobs.”
“I saw her and Crusty together. Are they . . .”
“Together?” He nods. “I guess so. She really likes him. He really likes her.”
I really like you, I want to say, but I stop myself. Allowing myself to speak it into existence with Katelyn is bad enough. Telling Reid I’ve fallen in love with him?
Worst idea ever.
In less than forty-eight hours, he’ll be boarding a plane to Alaska. I’ll be here, watching the skies like I’ll be able to see him flying away.
Because these are the consequences for my actions. There are no do-overs in life. I allowed myself to slip so far down, there’s no way to forget about it now.
I’m in love with Reid Morrison.
And he doesn’t love me back.
“I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been staring at yours for the past ten minutes.”
I snicker, unable to stop myself.
“You’re an ass.”
“And you’re beautiful.”
My heart stops. I should tell him to stop. Beg him to stop. It’ll only make it harder when he leaves.
But I don’t. I don’t because I don’t want to think about the future. What I’ll be doing. What life will be like.
Who I’ll be.
“How did you learn how to dance?” I ask quietly as the music gets lower. Slower.
He pauses for a moment before answering. “I spent a summer with an older couple down in Mississippi. They used to slow dance with each other, and I’d catch them. One night, the woman taught me.”
“Were they nice?”
“They were good people. They took care of me like I was their own.”
“I’m sorry,” I breathe. “It must have been hard to leave them.”
He shrugs, his throat bobbing. “I was too much for them to handle. Even if they wanted to, they couldn’t keep me. I was already drinking. Doing shit I wasn’t supposed to. I was sixteen, so I was almost aged out, anyway.”
It hurts, thinking about him how he used to be. Just a broken kid, missing his mother and the father that he used to have.
I can’t imagine going through life alone. Losing Jack probably would have killed me if it weren’t for my mother and father. Together they were my rock.
They always have been.
So he won’t see the tear leak out of the corner of my eye, I lay my head on his shoulder, letting him wrap me into him and slowly spin me around the floor.
Gently, as if he’s unsure, he presses a kiss to my temple.
And he doesn’t say another word.
“I feel like my honeymoon will just be me sleeping,” Tara complains as she pulls on her airport dress, as she calls it.
“Don’t worry, once you get to the island, all you’ll think about is how much you want to get railed,” Katelyn chimes from the other side of the room while I work to zip Tara into her dress.
“God, I don’t know if I could handle that right now. I feel like I’ve been carrying around a toddler on my back all day.”
“Better rest up on the plane ride,” Manto chimes from the doorway, joining us. “Got big plans when we get there.”
Tara’s eyes widen, Katelyn laughs, and I cringe because I don’t ever want to think about my best friend nailing another one of my best friends.
“Are you almost ready? We’ve got a plane to catch.”
“Yes,” she groans, rushing away from me to find her bag. “We’re just finishing packing up my stuff.”
“I’ll be right outside. Let me know when you’re ready and Reid and I can take the bags down.”
He steps out and beyond the door, I see Reid. He nods to me before stepping around the corner with Manto and out of sight.
“Reid,” Manto says, outside in the hallway while I finish cleaning up the makeup on the vanity. “Thanks for coming today.”
I busy myself with brushing Tara’s hair, no easy feat from the can of hairspray holding it together to combat the ocean winds and listen.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Reid chuckles.
The other girls rush around us, helping to get bags ready and get everything together so it can be loaded into the car, but it’s hard to hear what Reid and Manto are saying over the commotion. Still, I catch something I don’t think I was meant to hear that stops me in my tracks.
“Can’t wait to get out of here,” Reid says and just like that, the burn inside me is snuffed out like a candle falling into the ocean.
My hands feel slick, clammy with perspiration and a slight tremor moves through me.
Can’t wait to get out of here.
I’m an idiot.
I knew I was in too deep. I knew I would be holding on at the end of this.
I’m not cut out for casual dating. I’m not cut out for dating at all, it seems.
Or perhaps, I’m not cut out for Reid. The man that’s not in this for the long haul. The man who will leave in less than forty-eight hours. He’s got his whole life planned out. Unfortunately, I don’t fit into that plan.
Swallowing my pride and forcing the moisture that gathers in the corners of my eyes to hold off, just for a few minutes longer, I help Tara finish getting ready to leave. I do my duties because I made a promise to her and I’ll be damned if I fail her. This is her day.
I refuse to ruin it. Even if I feel like I’m going to vomit.
So, I plaster a fake smile on my face and walk her to the car, hugging her and telling her how proud of her I am, before moving to Manto and doing the same thing.
“You better take care of her,” I warn and he just chuckles.
“Always.”
Then, as the clock strikes nine, we watch them go, heading off on what will probably be the best honeymoon in Hawaii.
“And there they go,” Reid murmurs quietly, stopping beside me. I stiffen, but I refuse to break. Not yet. Not until I’m alone.
“And there they go.”
Before he can say anything else, I turn and start up the path toward the cottage.