15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Luna
I can’t help it. Ever since Rafe brought up the moment he asked me out, my mind has been wandering over the first date that ensued. And…the first kiss. I knew I was toast the second he looked over at me in his car and called me Pom Poms.
“This house?” Rafe asks, pointing out the window at the farmhouse on the hill just outside of Coldstone Creek.
“Yes. Don’t make fun of me,” I say. This has been the best first date of my life. Granted, I’m only a teenager, but now my mom’s favorite saying holds weight for me. She always says, ‘we don’t date for fun, Luna. We date for marriage.’ I never took her seriously…until now.
Two hours at Sweet and Salty with this boy, and I know I’m never going to want to be apart. He’s just so…different…than I anticipated. He’s not like his brothers. He’s more introverted, introspective, and he makes me feel heard. Seen. Like what I say to him matters.
Which is why we are sitting in the dirt driveway of an abandoned farmhouse.
“I’m not making fun of you. It’s a cool house.
I guess I just never noticed it up here all lonely.
” He pushes open his car door and steps out.
A lot of people like to vandalize it, and I can’t stand it.
It was beautiful once upon a time. I know because I’ve researched it and seen pictures of it in its glory days, and I know with some love and work, it could be that beautiful again someday.
“Please don’t throw rocks at it or anything,” I say, rushing toward him to defend the house.
Rafe tilts his head to the side and his brow furrows. “Why would I do that?”
I wave my hand toward the house. “People do it all the time. I don’t like seeing it suffer.”
When I look back at him, he’s stepped closer to me. “Hey,” he whispers, and I realize I’m actually crying over this silly house. What a way to end a first date. Tears and accusations against him for something he didn’t even do. I swipe the tears away and try to compose myself.
“This place really does mean a lot to you, doesn’t it?” he asks. I nod and cross my arms. “I’d never try to ruin something you love, Luna.”
Stupid tears stream over my cheeks again. “Ugh. Sorry. It’s so silly that I’m crying over a run-down house.”
“I don’t think it’s silly. It shows your kind heart.
” Rafe wipes a stray tear and I freeze. He freezes too, both of us staring at each other as something neither of us can understand passes between us.
We’re too young to understand this, too amateur at this dating thing for it to make sense.
But I feel it. A draw to him that makes me want to explore more than one date with him. I want another date. A hundred dates.
“Sorry,” he whispers.
“No, it’s…it’s fine. Thank you for caring.”
He shrugs. “Thank you for showing me your heart. And for listening to me ramble about the app most of our date. I probably talked too much.”
I smile, instantly feeling better. “I talked about history too. I had fun. We should do it again sometime.”
Rafe’s eyes light up and he grins. “Really? Soon, maybe?”
I bite my lip and pretend to have a difficult time considering his proposal. “I suppose so. Maybe tomorrow? Another conversation in the corner booth?”
“Yeah?” he asks, almost breathless. I nod and he releases a breath. “You know, part of me worried you only said yes because you felt bad for me.” He’s leading me back to the car now that we’ve inspected the home closer.
“What? I wouldn’t do that. I said yes because…Well, honestly, I was shocked and just said yes, but I don’t regret it. I’ve had a great time.”
Rafe opens the car door for me, ready to take me the rest of the way home. “I did too. Turned out to be the best day of my life.”
I pause at the door with his admission hanging over us.
I’m not sure what comes over me, truthfully, because until now, I have never kissed a boy in my life.
Something about Rafe is different. That whatever this thing is between us is not to be ignored or written off.
And I want this sweet, funny, passionate-about-life boy to be my first kiss.
I halfway turn so I can face him. He’s looking back at me like I am everything he’s wanted, that this truly was the best day of his life, so I lean in and kiss him.
For all of two seconds, he’s either disgusted or in shock, because he doesn’t move.
Not even one muscle, not a flinch. Just when I think I have really messed up, Rafe relaxes and encircles my waist with both arms.
First real meeting, first date, and first kiss all in the first day, and I never regretted a second of it.
“Now it’s my turn to ask if you’re okay?” I don’t realize that I’ve been quiet for quite some time. We decided to make some coffee to go, and I’ve been watching him make it from the comfort of the kitchen table.
“I was thinking about our first kiss and how much I trusted you from day one. I’m not sure when or how that changed, and honestly, I think it’s more me than you.
” I swallow the lump in my throat and turn in the seat to face him.
“I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. I truly am, Rafe, because it’s not what I really think about what you do. I’m still so scared, though.”
Rafe frowns but sits across from me, sliding his hand across the table for me.
I accept it, and he squeezes. “People have disagreements all the time, and they work it out. I think we can have a disagreement and still love each other. I want to make this work, and that hasn’t changed.
I love you. I hope there is no questioning that at this point, but if you don’t feel the same, then now is the time to say so.
” He sits with his shoulders straight, ready to tackle this thing once and for all, nothing held back, not doubts or worries. This is critical mass.
“I do love you. I never stopped loving you. I want to marry you, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit there is something that keeps gnawing at me and holding me back from leaping into the abyss and making a decision about the future.”
He scrubs his hands over his face and down his neck before releasing a frustrated groan.
The naughty little monster inside me wants to say something about his reaction, to defend myself, but he has a right to be frustrated.
This back and forth isn’t good for either of us, but I can’t pin it down.
Can’t see what the hiccup is that keeps me on high alert.
“I can’t live this way, Luna. I can’t live half in and half out.” He makes eye contact with me. I was right. This is it. This is the moment when our entire future will be determined. There’s no going back once we take this step.
“I know. I can’t either, but I’m so afraid this closeness between us will all go away once we get back home and into the real world with real routines and commitments we both have.” I move closer to him because I do love him. I do care that this is tearing him up as much as it is me.
Rafe looks down at me and offers his other hand. I accept and he leads me to the sofa where he takes the corner seat and pulls me down beside him. Once I’m settled, he adjusts to better face me. He licks his lips and settles one arm on the back of the sofa, using his other to keep fast to my hand.
“Two weeks after you left for Chatswain City, I sold the app. The reason I was so distracted that last month we were together was because I was elbow-deep in trying to understand the ins and outs of the contract.”
“You sold the app? Like to a company?”
He chuckles a little. “Yeah, it goes live in about six months. The point is, now that I’ve sold one, I’m more marketable.
I have a lawyer, an official business license, and everything.
” He laughs again and shrugs. “I mean, I’m not sure what all of it means.
Dad handles that for me as my accountant, but yeah, I’m a legit app developer now. ”
“So, what does that mean then?”
“It means I work on the next game. The next app. Whatever I can find to fill a need with my skill set. The game I’m making with Veronica will help a lot of people, and I’m excited about it.
But I need you to understand that it’s my job, Luna.
It’s how I would provide for us, for our family. I can’t not do it.”
He sold the app. The thing he worked on so hard through high school and college, is in the hands of a legitimate company that intends to use it. For the first time, it seems real. He’s not merely sitting in his room coding all day for fun. It’s work. And he loves it.
“And you love it, clearly.”
He nods and purses his lips. “Yes, I do. just like you love your job enough to move to the city to chase it down.”
“Rafe, that’s not—”
“Hang on. Wait, I’m not trying to spark an argument again.
I’m not trying to stick it to you. I’m also not passing blame off on you.
” He releases my hand and points to himself.
“I should have told you how close I was to selling, but I wanted it to be a surprise. In hindsight, I can absolutely see why you felt abandoned and ignored. That’s on me, but Luna, it killed me when you sat in that car with me and didn’t ask my opinion about moving.
You told me what you planned to do as if it was already a done deal. Can you imagine how that hurt me?”
I close my eyes and try to put myself in his place.
My intention had been to elicit a reaction from him, something that told me I was important to him, that the idea of losing me made him crazy.
Not once did I stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t give him enough room to do that.
I had been firm, adamant that I was going, leaving absolutely no space for him to get a foot in the door, let alone have a meaningful discussion with me.
“That isn’t what I was trying to do,” I admit. “I was trying to get you to fight for me. It was stupid, in hindsight.”