Twenty-Four - Mina
Twenty-Four
Mina
???
I forced the words out, Alan’s blank stare sending shards of ice through me. “I’ve been using a charm the entire time I’ve been in Skorsa to hide my identity.”
“You’re the princess,” he said slowly, taking a step back.
“I’m still the same person. You know me, Alan.”
“How can I know the crown princess?”
“A title doesn’t change who I am. Everything I’ve told you about my life has been true; I just left out a few minor details. I’m still the same person.”
“Being royalty isn’t a minor detail. And I’m not sure I do know you. The woman I thought I knew wouldn’t have used a charm against me.”
My vision blurred, but I didn’t cry. “I never intended for this. I used the charm because I wanted to experience life without my title getting in the way. I wanted to see how people treated Mina. I never expected to meet someone like you. To fa—”
“Don’t.” He cut me off with an angry slash of his hand. “Don’t you dare say that now. You manipulated me with magic, just like Powell. Nothing else matters.”
He pivoted, forcing his way through the boughs of the willow .
I tried to call out his name, but choked on the word, the tears now falling hard and fast.
???
It was full dark by the time I emerged from the willow’s embrace. I stumbled back to the village under the light of the quarter moon. It was only luck that prevented me from falling into the stream as I crossed over the stepping stones. Or, perhaps, the opposite of luck. Falling, the shock of water, might have broken me free of the numbness that had descended as my tears ran dry. A distant part of me knew that the numbness wasn’t good. It wasn’t safe or even comfortable.
Numbness was supposed to be a lack of sensation. But this was instead a freezing. And I was frozen in despair.
I had waited too long, hoping for the perfect moment. There never would have been a perfect moment, I admitted. I should have told Alan the truth when he first asked if my pendant was a charm. Or if not then, I should have admitted it that first evening under the willow, when I realized the attraction between us was more than physical. What had been the point of holding him at arm’s length?
My need to see how he responded to me without the weight of my title hanging over us seemed feeble now.
I moved past the houses on the outer edge of the village and realized I had lost hours beneath the willow tree. There were no lights shining through the windows. Everyone had already gone to bed. My path led me to the back door of the Wrisons’ home, another building with dark windows.
I entered through the kitchen and made my way slowly up the stairs. My intent wasn’t to sneak to my room—if anything, my lumbering only encouraged the wood to squeak more. I simply didn’t have the energy to move any faster. As I neared the end of the stairs, I noticed a light for the first time. A sliver of gold outlined Sam’s door where it stood ajar. His room faced the front of the house, so I hadn’t seen the glow of the candle from outside.
He must have been waiting for me, though he never had before. He opened the door fully and stepped halfway into the hall by the time I reached the top step. The smirk on his face slid into concern when he got a good look at me. “Mina? What’s wrong? What happened?”
He spoke softly, his eyes darting toward the end of the hall and his parents’ room.
I shook my head and tried to step past him. He blocked my way, and though I didn’t want to talk, I found myself letting him herd me into his room with its cozy warmth.
Sam settled me in a chair, but instead of moving away and finding a seat for himself, he stood in front of me, gripping my fingers. “Mina, what happened?”
“Alan asked to travel to Haiwella with me,” I said. My voice sounded distant to my own ears, like another person entirely was talking.
Sam gave me a searching look. “That’s bad?”
“I had to tell him who I am. He didn’t take the news well.”
Sam’s expression turned stony. “He’s mad because you are the princess? Damn it, just when I was starting to think better of him, he goes and proves he is a fool, after all.”
A sniffle escaped. “Don’t blame him. It is my fault. He wasn’t mad that I’m the princess.” I wasn’t even sure how he felt about that particular detail. “He’s mad because I lied to him.”
“Did you explain your reasoning?”
“I tried, but... I used a charm, Sam. I controlled his thoughts with magic. I know what Powell did to him and I still used a charm on him.”
Sam frowned. “Your charm is nothing like what Powell did to Alan. You had no ill-intent, the magic doesn’t linger, and it doesn’t change people. All it does is keep people from noticing the clues that you are more than a merchant’s daughter. ”
“It doesn’t matter. I messed up. Put yourself in Alan’s shoes. He’s been the victim of magical charms for years. Would you be able to trust someone who used a charm against you after that?”
“You weren’t using the charm against Alan. And if I were him, then I would still trust you . You aren’t just anyone, Mina. If Alan is too foolish to realize that, it is his failing, not yours.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, nor did I like that Sam cast Alan as in the wrong. Alan needed people to take his side. He deserved friends and support. Even if he forgave me, I left in two days.
Oh gods, two days. I knew Alan needed time. He had to come to terms with what I had done on his own. But I couldn’t wait for his emotions to settle. I wouldn’t be in Skorsa to beg for another chance to prove myself. I’d be back in Haiwella, preparing for the ball that marked the countdown to my wedding. The wedding I had always viewed as an inevitable duty, neither good nor bad.
But I couldn’t imagine it now with any sense of equanimity.
I was about to start sobbing again; I could feel it. Gently, I pulled my hands free of Sam’s grip and stood. “Go easy on him, Sam. He’s been through too much already.”
I didn’t wait for a response, leaving the golden candlelight behind me and crossing the hall to my dark bedroom. I lay on the bed and pressed my face into the pillow, letting the tears fall as I envisioned a future where Alan never forgave me.