Twenty-Eight - Mina
Twenty-Eight
Mina
???
I didn’t manage to see my brother alone on my first day back at the palace. After my conversation with Mama, I spent too long writing letters to a few men I considered friends after my years traveling around the kingdom. Once I finished the five letters intended for men who were technically eligible, but whom I had no interest in marrying, I had to arrange a meeting with Willow and Hayden to plan the scavenger hunt.
My sixth letter, the only one that truly mattered, loomed large in my mind the rest of the day. The next morning, I stared at the blank paper in front of me and wondered if the words I had spent hours failing to find would flow any easier after a conversation with Noel. I could speak more freely with him in private than with my parents in the room.
I had discussed my experiences in Skorsa with the entire family last night, but I had selected which details to share carefully. I wanted to tell Noel more, yet I dreaded the conversation, knowing that he would spot any secrets I tried to hide. I couldn’t even delay the inevitable. Noel and I had a long-standing tradition: the day after I returned from any of my travels, we always shared the noon meal together, just us .
A glance at the clock on the mantle of my sitting room informed me it was time to go. I tidied my writing desk and slid the five sealed letters stacked in the corner into my pocket. I didn’t know when I’d finish my final letter. Another meeting with Willow and Hayden and the visit from the modiste to go over fabric samples would eat up my afternoon. Better to send the invitations I had as soon as possible rather than waiting until I finished Alan’s.
I made my way out of my suite, careful not to get caught on the doorframe on my way out. Readjusting to wearing panniers always took a few days. Today I wore a gown that I considered part of my working wardrobe. It met all the requirements for court, but was slightly understated, with only a bit of beading around the neckline as ornamentation. More formal than the dress I had worn yesterday, it was still a long way off from my full court attire. I’d have to change before supper tonight.
I arrived at the royal nursery at the stroke of noon. Noel and I had taken over the unused room a few years earlier, bringing in a full-size table and chairs. Eating the noon meal together when I returned home was a ritual, but most other days when we were both in the palace, we did so out of habit, if nothing else. Today, as part of our ritual, the food was already on the table when I arrived; the servants gone. For the next hour, I could tell Noel all the things I had experienced in the last month and he could catch me up on the latest court gossip and machinations without anyone to overhear.
Noel looked up from the table when I came through the door. To my surprise, he rose as if this were a formal event or our father was looking over his shoulder, reminding him of proper manners. He met me halfway between the door and the table and took my hands in his, at which point I realized he had stood for just that reason.
Noel was a heart-reader. In the palace, everyone of the Devaoile bloodline could use the node to channel that mage-power, but it took conscious effort. To read someone, I needed to be touching the node, which was located in the throne room, or touching the person and actively pulling on my node-tie. It was different for Noel. He didn’t have to concentrate. He was a mage in his own right, and the emotions washed over him whether he wanted them to or not.
He must have sensed something from me last night to make him worry, and now he wanted to be certain he wouldn’t miss anything. If he didn’t actively pull on the node to augment his power, his reach was limited. He needed to be close—not actually touching, but he said that helped—to sense people’s emotions.
“Tell me about the blacksmith,” my brother said, not bothering to beat around the bush.
I sucked in a breath. I had told my family about Powell the evening before, explaining how he had used a charm to influence the whole village and take advantage of his stepson. Father had agreed to send a royal magistrate out to Skorsa, equipped with a magic-breaking charm just in case, to oversee how everything was handled.
“What about Powell?”
Noel slowly shook his head. “Not Powell. The other blacksmith. The one you carefully referred to as Powell’s stepson, or the true village smith. The one whose name you avoided saying during the entire story last night.”
“I did?” It hadn’t been a conscious decision, but thinking back on the conversation, I realized Noel was correct. I had never called Alan by name, because saying his name would have been too hard—or given away too much.
I slid my hands out of Noel’s grasp and sat at the table. “His name is Alan,” I said softly. And there it was, all the heartache and uncertainty I was feeling, betrayed by two little syllables.
Noel sat across from me, cocking his head to the side. “Are you sending one of your personal invitations to the ball to him?”
“If I can ever figure out what to write. Though I’m not sure why I am spending so much time agonizing over the words. He’ll probably toss it in the fire when he gets it.”
“Last night, you said he was intelligent. Why would he burn your letter? ”
“I didn’t tell him who I was until the day after midsummer. Despite having ample opportunity—and reason—to do so earlier, I waited until the worst possible moment to tell him I was using a charm to influence his thoughts.”
Noel’s eyes went wide. Unlike Sam and Gemma, he didn’t immediately leap to my defense, which I appreciated, even as my eyes burned. I would not cry again. I had made a mistake, and now I had to live with it.
“Was he mad to learn you are the princess, or only that you also used a charm against him?” Noel understood. He saw the heart of the problem after only a few words.
I blinked back the tears. “I don’t know. He was so upset about the charm, I’m not sure he even cared about my identity.”
“How close were you before that? I mean, obviously you had feelings for him, but how did he see you? As just the person who saw past Powell’s charm? Or more?” Noel asked the question gently, and I gave him a wan smile.
“More, though I’m not sure how much more.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
Trust Noel not to shy away from that question. I gave a tiny shake of my head. “No, but only because I always pulled back, knowing I couldn’t cross that line without telling him the truth.” And because we were meeting outside, though I probably would have considered the willow private enough if I hadn’t been lying. But that was more than my brother needed to know.
He nodded. “Alan wasn’t only interested in the physical either, then?”
“No. We spent most of our time talking. Then Alan asked to come to Haiwella with me. That’s when I had to tell him the truth.”
My brother winced. “You weren’t kidding about telling him at the worst possible moment.”
“I know. I should have done it much earlier, but I wanted...”
“To know how he felt about you, not your rank,” Noel finished for me. “On the bright side, you can be certain his interest in you was genuine. If he was asking to come to Haiwella with you and then got upset that you actually have more influence and resources at your disposal than he expected, he wasn’t just trying to use you.”
“It isn’t very bright when those feelings might have also been shattered because of my deceit.”
“You said there were two charms, one affecting the villagers and one making Alan too pessimistic to challenge how things were, right?”
“We think so.”
“And the effects lingered, even after you broke the charms. If Alan has defaulted to expecting—and accepting—the worst for years, then maybe he just needs time. Affenala knows, even if he hadn’t been impacted by charms before, your secret would have been a lot to take in.” Noel drummed his fingers on the table. “I’ll deliver his invitation to the ball myself. I can judge his reaction that way.”
Noel would see Alan. He’d read his emotions. A tiny portion of the tension plaguing me eased. “Thank you. If you are riding to Skorsa, I’ll give you the invitation for Sam, too. He’ll be a good source of information on what has been going on in the village since I left.”
“Perfect. I am curious to meet him after your stories yesterday. Now, let’s finally eat and I’ll tell you what everyone at court has been up to in the past month.”
???
Formal suppers at court were not meals so much as battles. No, I thought as I took my place, I was being ungenerous. They weren’t quite that bad. More like skirmishes or reconnaissance missions. In any case, food was hardly the primary concern. The lords and ladies dining in the palace were too focused on vying for royal favors, discovering their adversaries’ secrets, and pretending they had no weaknesses themselves .
My second supper with the court since my return was far worse than the first. Noel had provided me with the knowledge I needed to parry verbal thrusts and shield myself, but such things had never come naturally to me. Not that I was usually the target of the courtiers. I had more to fear from false flattery than barbed jabs. So, it wasn’t the hushed conversations and dirty looks making the meal interminable.
It was the fact that Noel had ridden to Skorsa first thing this morning, and though he hadn’t returned before supper, the meal had dragged on long enough that he was almost certainly back by now.
I kept my composure through each of the five courses, but the moment the meal ended, I made my excuses and fled to the royal wing. I went directly to Noel’s room and knocked.
He threw open the door with a smirk. “I expected you a quarter of an hour ago, Mina.”
I glared and didn’t wait for an invitation to enter his room. “The Baron of Canterly was at supper tonight. You know how slowly he eats.”
Noel nodded as he closed the door and sat in the large leather chair near his currently cold fireplace. He pulled a supper tray into his lap and took a bite of roast potato.
I watched him chew. I watched him swallow and take a sip of wine. Then he picked up a knife and sliced off a bite of veal. He didn’t even look at me.
“Fine, I’ll ask.” I perched on the edge of the chair closest to Noel and leaned forward. “What did he say? How did he react?”
“Sam said he wouldn’t miss the ball for the world, and he is honored to get a room in the palace.”
“Noel!”
He took another sip of wine. “Yes?”
I spoke through clenched teeth. “What did Alan say?”
Noel set down his cup and didn’t reach for anything else. “He didn’t say much of anything. I told him what the letter contained, but he didn’t open it while I was there. He did not say one way or the other if he intended to accept the invitation, but he didn’t tear it up in front of me.”
“Did you get the impression he planned to tear it up as soon as you left?”
“No. But his emotions were such a mix I didn’t get a clear read on him at all. He’s still angry, but also hurt and thoughtful and confused.”
If Noel, who had sensed them directly, couldn’t make sense of Alan’s emotions, I didn’t stand a chance. But I had wanted more from my brother’s visit to Skorsa. I wanted to know if I could afford to hope, or if I should prepare myself for the worst. “What did Sam tell you about the last few days?”
“Sam told me lots. He is a very interesting fellow, and very talented at reading people. You should offer him a job as one of your advisors.”
“I know, and I already planned to make the offer after the ball. Now get to the point.”
“According to Sam, Alan is about as isolated now as when he was under the influence of the charms. The villagers are still struggling to adapt to the truth and aren’t going out of their way to change the situation, but Alan also seems to be actively avoiding everyone except a man named Cole.”
“At least he’s letting Cole in.”
“That’s what Sam said. He thought it was a good sign. He also wanted me to tell you that about a third of the village council is still acting like idiots, but Mistress Hervor threatened not to sell them any pie until they saw reason, so he holds out hope they’ll come around.”
I laughed. “I expect it is a very effective threat.”
Noel licked his lips. “Very. Her pie is delicious. Worth putting up with the daughter to get a slice.”
“Oh dear. What did Kayla do? ”
“Wouldn’t let me take so much as a bite of my meal without coming over to check on me. Her flirting is rather heavy-handed. It was hard to stay polite, since she refused to accept that I wasn’t interested. Worst of all, the more she flirted, the less Sam did.”
I snorted. “Sam did not flirt with you.”
“No, but he wanted to.”
“That I can believe, but he is never going to be the pursuer, Noel. He is so used to the way things are in Skorsa, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t realize you were trying to flirt with him.”
Noel smirked. “Oh, he realized.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds like you have no place to complain about Kayla then, if you were being just as heavy-handed.”
“Give me some credit. I can at least recognize if my attention is welcomed.” Noel took another sip of wine. “Be warned, Kayla made sure to mention that she’d be attending your ball. I think she is hoping a connection to you will earn her introductions to influential men.”
“Poor Jeff.”
Noel raised an eyebrow.
“He’s in love with her and hoped to win her over by bringing her to the ball.”
“Then she’s using him to gain access to bigger fish.”
“I’m not surprised.” It explained why she hadn’t bragged about attending the ball around the village. She was waiting to announce that she had caught someone. “Maybe Jeff will finally see her true self at the ball. He doesn’t want to hear it from his friends, and they don’t want to hurt him by forcing him to see the truth.”
“I’m not trying to insulate you from pain,” Noel said suddenly. “I truly don’t know what Alan might do.”
I blinked. Finally, I realized what had prompted the defensive statement. “I wasn’t accusing you of keeping the truth from me. You know better than to think it would protect me. Nor do I refuse to see the possibilities. I know there is a chance Alan won’t forgive me. Even if he forgives me, that doesn’t mean we can return to how things were.”
“But maybe you can move on to something even better. I may not be able to give you a clear answer about Alan, but I can tell you that you shouldn’t give up hope. I talked to several people while I was in Skorsa. If what I heard was true, I don’t think Alan’s feelings for you are the type to just fizzle out. In fact, it is probably the strength of his feelings that is causing the problem. His sense of betrayal wouldn’t be so strong if he had felt less.”
“Who told you he has feelings for me?”
“Apparently, you two caused quite a stir at the Midsummer Festival.”
“We did?” I knew people had noticed us, and Alan’s presence had caused a few whispers, but we had barely spoken to anyone except Sam, Gemma, Cole, Hannah, and Phillip. Though I knew better than to think the person at the center of gossip would be included in the conversations.
“From what I heard, when you went around telling people you had an announcement, they expected a betrothal, not to learn you were a princess.”
“Oh,” I whispered, trying not to betray how much Noel’s news pained me. Whatever emotion people had thought they had seen at the festival, I had done my best to erase it completely by lying to Alan.
Noel, of course, knew exactly what I was feeling. “Mina, this is a good sign. Like I said, feelings like that don’t disappear overnight.”
“You also pointed out that Alan’s sense of betrayal is probably in proportion to the strength of those feelings. And that, too, is a feeling that won’t disappear overnight.”
“Then it is a good thing that there are still a couple weeks before the ball and you have friends in Skorsa who will plead your case.”