26. The Rose
Chapter 26
The Rose
I looked at every face I passed in the hall and wondered if they’d be the death of me.
That page had not been removed by chance. Only someone with access to the Academy grounds could have done it. More than anything else, I wanted to know when they went into the library to accomplish it and how they knew it would be there. Did they know we’d find the sacrifice and come looking for it? Had they done it before the attack even took place? That book had been buried in one of the least frequented sections of the library and had taken over a week for us to find, so how did they get to it first?
It’d been four days since we found the diagram, and we’d found nothing else since. The constant nightmares that plagued me since reading the words told me their meaning was hidden somewhere in the blacked out corners of my mind. Yet each morning that I opened my eyes, I felt as lost as I had been the night before.
Poor Isaac had suffered through my tossing and turning without complaint, but I knew I’d kept him awake. The shadows under his eyes were indisputable proof my torment was taking its toll on him as well. At least his would end after tonight. I’d be moving into the Luna suite, though knowing Kenna she’d make us both help her pack.
“Bri!” Grayson came jogging across the quad with an uncharacteristically boyish grin without care for the attention he was attracting. He laid a heavy arm around my shoulder as he fell into step beside me.
I let him. For now.
“Hi,” he said, grinning down at me. The soft light of sunset somehow made the green of his eyes appear brighter. Though if there was a light he looked poorly in, I hadn’t found it yet.
“Hi,” I repeated.
Isaac and Marcus exited from the door leading to the main hall ahead of us. Isaac stared pointedly at Grayson’s arm and grinned whereas I suspected Marcus’ eyeballs might fall loose from his head if they grew just a fraction wider. It’d certainly make an interesting sight.
I felt more than saw Grayson lift his hand from my shoulder and wave them away. I stifled my smile at the outrage on Marcus’ face as Isaac pulled him in the other direction.
“So I was thinking,” Grayson started, “we should go somewhere.”
“We are somewhere. In fact, with every step, we’re somewhere different.”
“Hilarious,” he said in a way that assured me it was anything but. “I’m serious. Go somewhere with me.”
I was intrigued, but a rumble in my stomach reminded me of what I’d been doing when he found me.
“Right now?” I asked. “I was on my way to the dining hall, do you really want to take me somewhere before I’ve eaten?”
“I’m not nearly that brave.” I elbowed him in the side. He didn’t flinch. “I promise I’ll feed you if you’ll just come with me. Trust me.”
Like trust between us could be that simple.
“Whatever it is, I better like it.”
His grin was more his wolf’s than his own as he reached to grab my rucksack from my shoulder and hang it on his own.
“You’ll like it, I promise.”
Grayson was wrong. I didn’t like it. I loved it.
I’d been skeptical when he’d taken me down the path we’d taken for the pack run a few weeks ago—Kenna was not following in the trees this time, I checked—but he kept telling me to trust him. I’m glad I did.
We’d passed through the clearing when he slid behind me and covered my eyes with his hands. I stumbled when he drew me back against him to guide me but found my footing again quickly.
“Is this necessary?” I asked after nearly tripping on what felt like an upturned root.
“You’ll thank me in a minute when we get there.”
“I won’t if I break an ankle first,” I grumbled, then gasped when I was suddenly airborne.
Grayson had slid one hand to cover both my eyes and banded his other arm securely around my waist to lift me, my back securely pressed against his front.
“Better?” He asked the question so close to my ear I could feel his lips brush against it.
“Not really what I was thinking,” I answered shakily, “But I guess it does solve the problem.”
“It’s not much farther now.”
I’m not sure I’d have minded if it were. When we were together and he acted like this, I remembered why I would have followed him into a burning building before he left. The flames may not have harmed me, but still, it was the intention that counted. He’d been consistently thoughtful, and borderline attentive, since his apology in the hallway. Whatever doubts he’d been battling seemed to be put to rest.
I wanted to believe it would last. I wanted to believe it was real. But I’d believed he cared about me once before. All that had led to was pain and disappointment.
“Okay, keep your eyes closed,” he said as he set me back on my feet. “No peeking!”
“I never peek!”
“You always peek.”
It’s true. I did.
As a kid, I always tried to uncover the surprises before they were revealed. There was never a present I opened whose contents I didn’t already know. It drove both Grayson and his parents mad. Fenrir considered it to be a natural form of stealth training.
This time I resisted temptation and kept my eyes firmly shut. It was a near impossible task when I heard a crash followed by a soft curse and some rustling, but I didn’t give in.
“Okay,” he called, “Open your eyes.”
My first thought was he’d pulled stars from the sky and hung them in the air. We were in the same spot I’d played with his wolf, just a few yards from the lake. There were flecks of light floating through the air, winking in and out of sight around the plush blankets and furs arranged on the ground. Someone had built an overhang of branches around them and hung lanterns no larger than the palm of my hand along the top. And the food! A spread of sandwiches, cheeses, fruits, and little cakes was laid out on the blanket just waiting to be devoured.
“So?” Grayson asked cautiously, “What do you think?”
“You did all of this,” I asked, “For me?”
I could barely get the words out over the ball of emotion threading to rise in my throat. Don’t read into it, Briar. You know how he feels about you. Don’t make this more than the apology it was meant to be, but goddess it was hard not to.
“Of course,” he said, hands in his pockets and shrugged one shoulder, “I told you before: when it comes to you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do. I’d cut down any enemy in your path. If I’m willing to do that, what’s a picnic by comparison?”
Everything.
It was everything.
“How did you get the floating lights?” I asked hoarsely.
“There’s a cave just outside of campus,” he said, “It’s filled with glowing creatures at night. I relocated a few.”
“We’re not allowed to leave campus without permission,” I said.
“I was fast. Besides, it wasn’t a long journey.” His eyes searched my face. “You’re killing me here, Bri. I know I deserve some torment, but put me out of my misery and tell me what you think. Is it too much? Not enough?”
“No!” I said louder than I meant to. I lowered my voice and added, “I love it. Thank you for bringing me here.”
He inclined his head to the lantern-lit fort and took the crook of my elbow to guide me to a seat on the plushly covered ground.
“Should I be concerned that this food has been out for however long it took you to come back to campus and bring me back here?”
He laughed and shook his head no.
“I handled everything except actually setting out the food,” he admitted and ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “I had Pax run ahead and set out the food for us. He left a minute or two before we did.”
I poked at the bread topping one of the sandwiches then raised it to check underneath.
“So I don’t need to worry about bugs, just a bit of poison?” It was no secret Pax saw me as a nuisance despite my best efforts to limit our interactions by whatever means necessary. I didn’t care to be in the same room as the jaguar but being around Grayson often meant being around his Beta.
“It’s not poisoned.”
“Fine.” I shoved the sandwich in front of his face. “Take a bite and prove it then.”
I thought he’d take it from me. He didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his hand around my forearm and brought it closer until he could lean in to take a bite. I did not notice the way his lips grazed my fingers as he did, and I certainly didn’t get any pleasure at the contact.
“See?” he asked, “Not poisoned.”
“At least not with something fast-acting.” I took a bite from the other side. “But at least if I die, I’ll be taking you down with me.”
“There’s no way I’d rather go.”
I couldn’t think of a response to that, so I chose not to acknowledge it at all, and reached for a piece of fruit instead.
We ate without speaking. The only sounds permeating the air were the rustles of leaves from the forest and the slight whoosh of the breeze brushing over the lake and through the trees. He seemed more at ease with each minute we spent together. I, on the other hand, was stuck wondering if there’d been insects secretly living in my bloodstream who’d decided to finally stage a breakout through my skin. It wasn’t until I finished off the last of the cake that he ended the silence.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” He moved to half-lie on his side, the weight of his torso supported by his elbow and forearm along the ground. “Are you ready for the Rite?”
I reached for one of the soft cushions to place behind me as I leaned back against the structure and another to cradle to my chest.
“What?” I asked, only half-joking. “Is this your elaborate scheme to convince me to back out? I hate to tell you this, but it would take a lot more than pretty lights and a night under the stars to change what’ll happen tomorrow.”
“What would it take?” he asked softly, staring down at his hands.
“Are you serious?” Anger leaked into my voice, and shoved the cushion away to place my hands on the ground in front of me, “That’s really what this was? Goddess, Grayson you never stop, and I apparently never stop hoping you will.”
I pushed myself up to leave the makeshift fort. I should’ve known better. I did know better, yet there I was, again, feeling blindsided and betrayed by this male who never seemed to act sincerely. Was everything he did always just another tactic to get what he wanted?
“Briar, wait.” He reached for my arm, but I swatted him away and took a step away from him, taking another when he rose to his own feet to follow me, taking a step for each of mine. Unfortunately, his steps were longer than mine and he had the advantage of walking forward instead of backward. He closed the distance between us faster than I’d care to admit.
“I don’t know what makes you think you have the right to try manipulating me into doing whatever you want, but let me assure you, this is the absolute last?—”
His hands grasped either side of my face, moving until his fingers were threaded in my hair and his thumbs pressed lightly over my mouth.
“If you would stop talking for five seconds and listen instead of walking away from me every chance you get then half of our problems would be solved by now.” I tried to open my mouth to protest but he pressed harder and shook his head. “Uh-uh. I already know you’re going to say I walked away first and you know what? You’re right. I did. I’m sorry! I don’t know how many times you want me to say it, but I’ll keep saying it until you decide it’s been enough. I deserve that, and I know that too, but this? This thing where you act like I’ve spent a lifetime disappointing you? I don’t want to do that anymore. That, I did not earn and I do not deserve. Our history may not mean everything, but it should mean something.”
Except none of that history had been real. He was forgetting that key point, not that he knew I was aware I’d merely been another obligation to him.
“I didn’t bring you here to convince you not to enter the Pack Rite.” He swiped against my lips with his thumbs until they rested on my cheeks instead. I didn’t speak. I waited. “I’m allowed to wish you wouldn’t compete in a challenge that could injure or kill you. I’m allowed to be afraid of watching you die, and I am allowed to tell you that instead of pretending I’m alright when I’m not. I’m here with you. I’ll be there with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it. Okay? I am never going to like something that puts you in harm’s way, but that doesn’t mean I’m not on your side.”
I could still walk away. It would be smarter to walk away. Even if he was right, even if he wanted to be on my side, he never would be—never could be. Not really. If he knew the truth about me he’d walk away. All obligations to me would be absolved in seconds with one flick of my wrist to spark a flame.
If I gave in, If I went back with him and sat next to him on this beautiful night in this beautiful place, then I was putting not just my heart at risk, but my life. If I stuck close to him, there was little doubt in my mind I could fool him forever. He was too perceptive not to eventually ask questions I couldn’t answer. Right now it was just our roles as Beta and now Luna and Alpha that forced him to be in my proximity but there were walls between us.
Walls kept us—kept me—safe.
“You and I are both going to stop trying to work out everything ourselves and talk to each other from now on,” he said when my silence had gone on longer than his liking, “Do you think we can do that?”
If I was smart, I would walk away now and keep this distance between us. I’d thank him for betraying me the first day and reminding me of my place—I’d take advantage of it.
Sometimes I didn’t want to be smart.
“Fine,” I pulled my head back and he released me from his grip. “Let’s not talk about this anymore tonight. Let’s just enjoy the evening as it is.”
“You never answered my previous question,” he pointed out.
“Which one?” There’d technically been many.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?”
That may have been the hardest to answer.
“I’ll win.” And I would.
“That’s not what I asked.” Grayson took another step toward me until the toes of our boots were touching.
I sidestepped him and went back to the blanket-covered ground to take a seat. Small flowers were springing up between the blades of grass beside me. I smiled as I reached over to pluck them.
“Bri.” Grayson prowled toward me only to stop short at the edge of the shelter and turn his face up toward the sky when I continued to gather the flowers rather than speaking.
“Fine,” he said to himself. He sat beside me. There wasn’t an inch of space between us. I could have moved over. I didn’t. “What are you doing?”
My smile only grew. I finished tying the final flower in the crown and reached up to place it atop his head.
“Did you just put flowers in my hair?” He was less than impressed but didn’t remove them.
“I did,” I confirmed as I began fashioning one of my own, “I haven’t made one in ages.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you make one, even as a kid. Something in you decided now was the perfect moment to make one?”
“Yep,” I answered. “It’s as good a time as any.”
“And by as good a time as any you mean you don’t want to talk about the challenge tomorrow and therefore chose to focus on the surrounding flora instead?”
“Precisely.” Glad he was catching on. No good would come from our previous discussion, and I was just selfish enough to delay it from happening. I knew there could only be one outcome.
“So we’re pretending?” He reached for the second crown and placed it on my head, running his hands along my hair as he brought it down. Without the flowers to distract me, I had no choice but to look at his face. Curse him for being even more handsome in the starlight.
“I’ve never been the one pretending,” I whispered. Not when it came to him.
“Bri, what are you?—”
“Oh my goddess!” I stood and pointed to the sky through the gaps in the shelter, “Look!”
Streaks of light shot through the air, one stripe of white against the night sky appearing after another. I left the shelter to stand at the shoreline for a clearer view.
“The stars are falling.” I’d never seen anything like it. I heard Grayson walk over to join me but my attention was fully fixated on the sight above me.
“It happens every year.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me down to the bank beside him, guiding me to lie on my back for a better view. “I remember you telling me once you wanted to dance in a room full of stars. This is as close as I could get.”
I looked away from the lights to turn toward him, “I was just a kid when I said that. How do you remember that?”
He adjusted his grip on my hand until his fingers were interlaced with mine. The warmth in his eyes and the soft set of his mouth made it more tempting than I could say to believe his next words as he turned to prop himself up on his elbow until he nearly hovered over me.
“When it comes to you, I remember everything.” He leaned down slowly, slow enough for me to stop him if I wished. I didn’t.
Just for one night, one moment, as Grayson’s mouth moved over mine, I let myself forget it could never last.