CHAPTER 14 – THE IMMERSION #3
I’m crying now, big ugly sobs, but I can’t stop. I feel everything all at once—love, rage, relief, terror.
I surface, gasping, hair plastered to my face.
Hunter is at the edge of the dock, arms out, desperate.
But I don’t need him to save me. Not anymore.
I float on my back, staring at the sky, and I remember everything.
Every single thing.
And it hurts, but it’s also the best feeling in the world.
I swim back to the dock, haul myself up, and collapse next to Hunter, shivering and laughing and crying all at once.
He wraps me in his coat, holds me tight, and I let him.
“I’m here,” he says, voice thick.
“I know,” I say, clinging to him.
Because for the first time in forever, I’m not lost.
I’m Tara Monroe.
And I’m alive.
We huddle together on the frozen boards, Hunter’s coat wrapped around both our shoulders.
My skin stings from the cold, but inside, something else is burning.
The lake is a black mirror behind us, swallowing every sound, every word I’ve ever screamed into the void.
My hair drips on his sleeve, and Hunter tries to brush it off but ends up smoothing my cheek instead, like I’m something precious.
We don’t speak for a while. Just breathe. The mist rising off the water catches the morning light and turns the whole world silver. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful or so sad.
Finally, I find the words.
“What if Daisy disappears?” I whisper, barely moving my lips. “What if she just goes away, and I’m stuck as this broken girl you used to know?”
Hunter goes rigid for a second, then cups my face in both hands. His thumbs are hot and rough against my jaw, the pressure grounding me.
“She’s not going anywhere,” he says, voice thick. “You’re still you. Daisy is you. Tara is you. They’re both here, at the same moment in time.” His eyes fill, and he shakes his head, frustrated. “They’re both perfect. I love all of you. Even the angry parts. Even the ones that hate me.”
My throat aches. “I do hate you,” I say, because it’s true.
He smiles, and the world tilts a little. “I can live with that.”
Something bubbles up between us, equal parts laughter and tears. For the first time since the crash, I feel like I can breathe all the way down to my toes.
I lean in and kiss him, hard, our teeth clacking together. He makes a sound, halfway between a groan and a sob, and pulls me tighter. The coat slips off, and the air stings my arms, but I don’t care. I’m alive, and I want to feel everything.
When we break apart, I look him in the eyes. “You know what happens now, right?”
He blinks, wary. “What?”
I stand, strip off what’s left of my wet clothes, and let them drop in soaked tangles around my ankles. I’m trembling, but not from cold. I face the lake, toes curling on the edge.
“I’m doing it again,” I say.
Hunter rises behind me, fast, grabbing for my wrist. “Tara, don’t, it’s freezing—”
But I’m already moving. I sprint the last steps and jump.
The water slams into me, ten times colder than before. It feels like dying and being born in the same instant. For a second, my body shuts down. Then every cell screams.
But this time, I don’t fight it. I let myself go under.
I let the cold gnaw at my bones, let the water fill my ears, my eyes, my mouth.
And the memories come—so sharp, so bright, they’re like lightning in my skull.
— I’m six, jumping off this same dock, screaming for my dad to watch me. He claps, arms wide, waiting for me to swim to him. I love him, even then, with a desperation I don’t understand.
— I’m twelve, furious and hormonal, slamming a door in my dad’s face because he just divorced my mom. I hate him. I love him. I want him to never leave.
— I’m sixteen, drunk on cheap vodka at a party, crying in pathetic sobs because some boy just told me I wasn’t pretty.
— I’m twenty, working at the Daisy Cafe, making up stories for customers and sneaking shots of espresso in the back. I call myself Daisy as a joke. My boss thinks I’m adorable. My best friend thinks I’m insane.
— I’m driving too fast, music up too loud, the world a smear of lights. The phone rings. Eliza’s voice, blabbering about her engagement, but I never get to answer. The crash is sudden, total. I wake up in darkness, and I don’t know my name.
The water is everywhere, pushing, pulling, biting.
But I fight to the surface, lungs burning, heart ready to explode.
I break through, gulp air, and see Hunter on the dock, pale and wild-eyed.
He’s yelling my name.
Not Daisy. Not “sweetheart.” My real name.
“Tara Monroe!”
I laugh, spit lake water, and swim to the ladder. My hands are numb, but I haul myself out. I stand on the dock, naked, shivering, but I’ve never felt stronger.
Hunter rushes to wrap me in his arms, his coat, whatever he can find. He’s shaking, too, but not from cold.
He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose. “Jesus, Tara. You scared the hell out of me.”
I laugh, snot running down my face. “Good. You deserve it.”
He looks at me like I’m the only person in the world.
“I remember,” I say in a grim voice. “All of it.”
His eyes go soft. “Does it hurt?”
I shake my head. “It’s perfect.”
We sit on the dock, wrapped in his coat, me on his lap, skin pressed to skin. The world is bright and sharp and so, so alive.
I turn, straddle him, and kiss him again. This time, it’s slow. He holds my hips, thumbs digging in just enough to sting. I slide my arms around his neck, tug his hair, grind against him. His cock is hard, hot even through the wet fabric.
“Are you sure?” he asks, voice raw. “It’s very cold, and you’re wet.”
I nod, and push him onto his back. “No, I’m hot, Hunter. Hot for you.”
I line him up, still slick from the lake, and take him inside me, inch by inch. The stretch is perfect, a sweet ache that fills every part of me. I ride him slow, watching his face contort, his hands roaming over my back, my ass, my thighs.
The dock creaks under us, and the mist swirls around, hiding us from the world.
He thrusts up into me, desperate, but I hold him down. “Not yet,” I whisper. “I want to remember this forever.”
He groans, hands fisting in my hair. “You’re killing me.”
I smile, lean down, and bite his lip.
“I know.”
I fuck him hard, grinding until the pressure builds and breaks. When I come, it’s like the whole lake shudders. Hunter follows, gasping my name, filling me with his heat.
We collapse together, tangled and breathless, the water lapping at the boards.
After, we lie side by side, watching the sun burn through the mist.
“You okay?” he asks, stroking my arm.
“I’m more than okay,” I say. “I’m finally home.”
He smiles, and this time it sticks.
We stay like that until our skin is dry and the cold creeps back in. We get dressed in silence, me in his big coat, him in a sweatshirt and sweat pants, our fingers always finding each other.
At the end of the dock, we pause. The city is far away, the future even farther. But for the first time, it doesn’t scare me.
We walk back to his car, his arm around my shoulders, my head on his chest.
I don’t know what happens next.
But whatever it is, I’m ready.
Because I am Tara Monroe.
And I am finally, completely, free.